If It’S Broken, Fix It: Building Stronger Marriages and Families for a Stronger Community

By Larry A. McMillan

If Its Broken Fix It, his third book, represents another step in his quest to build
stronger marriages and families for a stronger community. Th e book seeks to take
couples on a journey that motivates, inspires, and challenges them to take a faith
walk through a valley that leads to a successful and joyful marriage. He explains to
couples the limitations that they may experience and the obstacles they may have
already conquered.
Th is book will allow broken marriages to be transformed into fruitful marriages.
Marriages that have been experiencing mediocrity will be resurrected to the glory
of God. Rev. McMillan demonstrates his teaching skills that he learned in the
educational arena over the course of thirty-nine years (during his training sessions).
He removes and destroys all hurdles as he teaches strategies that help couples discover
the sparks and heights in their marriage.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: May 31, 2012
• ISBN: 9781468573367

Larry A. McMillan

Larry McMillan attended St. Marys Seminary and University in Baltimore, Maryland, and he has served Gods ministry for over twenty-five years. He has pastored at three churches, and during that time he was also a foundation member of the New Shiloh Baptist Church in Baltimore. Rev. Dr. McMillan wrote The Next Gen Church while traveling from coast to coast and to many parts of the world, and he thanks his wife and editor, Marilyn McMillan, for her patience and assistance.

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© 2009, 2012 by Larry A. McMillan. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 05/16/2012

ISBN: 978-1-4685-7335-0 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4685-7336-7 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2012905855

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

CONTENTS

Foreword

Preface

Acknowledgments

Introduction

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Bibliography

Testimonies

Appendix

To Marguerite McMillan and the late James McMillan, mother and daddy, whose sanctified marriage has left an imprint on the writer and allowed him to complete this book.

Foreword

It was Al Green who sang the famous words, Love and Happiness, that shined a light on marriage, and it is Larry A. McMillan’s, words in "If it is Broken Fix It, that provides solutions and the tool kit to create what Al Green sang about. If you want Love and Happiness in your marriage and life then this book is for you.

This book is filled with pivotal secrets for aspiring, new, intermediate, and mature married couples. With the mentorship of some of the world’s most admired leaders: Jesse Jackson who mentored him as a minister; Dr. Eugene Peterson who provided insight on scriptures; T. D. Jakes influences on the study of the plight of marriages; and Gardner C. Taylor’s communications coaching, this book has been referred to as the ‘Laws of Marriage.’ Couples, audiences and peers in his industry refer to him as the Marriage Doctor.

This book has been written at a time when marriages face a great number of threats which provides strategies of how to sustain a long-term loving marriage. He takes you on a journey and explores the ingredients that define a successful marriage: commitment, shared identity, faithfulness, unreserved love, mutual submission, sexual fulfillment, open communication, and spiritual companionship. Did I say sexual fulfillment? That’s right, sexual fulfillment! Larry McMillan drops it like it’s hot and leaves nothing uncovered and creatively covers all of the critical areas for a successful marriage including the bedroom!

Many experts focus only on marriage failure points and what’s wrong with marriages, which is an easy way to avoid providing solutions to deal with change, but this book right away focuses the solutions to having a successful marriage. The solutions contained within are practical and biblically sound solutions that every couple can implement. They have been applied and used by thousands of couples through his lectures, coaching sessions, workshops, seminars, and conferences around the world!

In this book you will also find the results of candid interviews with a diverse collection exploring what makes couples live in a state of, ‘Love and Happiness versus Depression and Sadness.’ Simply put, If it’s Broken, Fix it: offers a positive, scriptural, and upbeat approach to living a romantic happy marriage no matter what state your relationship may be, this book is for you!

In your hands you have the secrets to develop, grow and nurture a relationship that can endure the test of time. I would encourage you to read this book in a spirit of self and mutual introspection and watch it change your life! Share it with your colleagues, friends and family. The impact of applying the principles in this book has the ability to improve not only your marriage but also your spiritual, financial, health, family and career facets of life.

Many scholars have asked for decades the provocative question, How can you reduce the divorce rate in America and the world? Larry’s answer is simple, If it is Broken, Fix it! When the strategies contained in this book are implemented, divorce, domestic violence, crime and murder rates will decline because people will be living according to the Laws of Marriage and the result will be a society of people living in Love and Happiness!

This book no doubt gives you the blueprint for building a successful marriage on God’s principles.

If you want a great marriage buy this book and use the wisdom and practical marital blueprint. Trust me it will change your life. How do I know? It changed mine forever.

Robert C. McMillan—Author,

Life Coach and Motivational Speaker

Preface

Our mission is to strengthen, educate, and encourage married couples in the art of creating a successful marriage.

Acknowledgments

This book is a collective endeavor and a mandate from the couples I married. I owe a profound thanks to my first married couple, Robert C. and Yolanda McMillan. The late Dr. Olin P. Moyd, my homiletical professor at St. Mary’s Seminary and University, (Baltimore, Maryland; 1991) encouraged me in this work. Later, Dr. Eugene Peterson of the same university provided many rich moments of dialogue and mental stimulation as I studied the book of Revelation at the university. The Rev. Dr. Harold A. Carter, Sr. and Rev. Dr. Harold Carter, Jr. of the New Shiloh Baptist Church (Baltimore, Maryland), helped to create an environment in which this material could be tested.

Today’s Family Ministries was totally supportive of my endeavors. Marilyn McMillan, my wife and secretary of the church, provided strategic services as a proofreader and coworker.

Finally, I am grateful to God, who brought this work to fruition.

Introduction

And the Lord God said, it is not good that the man should be alone, I will make a help meet for him.

(Genesis 2:18)

This book shows everyone Christians, skeptics, unmarried couples, married couples, and pre-martial couples the vision of what marriage should be according to the bible. It is written for the express purpose of Building Stronger Marriages and Families for a Stronger Community.

Modern culture would have you to believe that marriage is not sacred; that having a soul mate to romance is the most important aspect of marriage, that marriage does not mean until death due you part, and that you can get married as often as you like. All these assumptions are absolutely incorrect.

Using the bible as the foundation, it is God’s intention that married couples will have a greater relationship with Him as they mature and follow His precepts outlined in the bible. If trouble comes into the marriage, God has given you His blueprint.

This book like a tree has deep roots to stabilize your marriage. This is my forty third year of marriage to my high school sweetheart, Marilyn. She proofread this book and made great efforts to keep this book balanced on the realities of the scriptures.

Earlier in our marriage we found that we shared golden threads that bind marriages together as one. I caution readers about the way contemporary culture defines marriage as being a love relationship tailored for a Hollywood movie. Nevertheless, we spent time searching the scriptures, surveying couples, attending seminars, workshops, and obtaining degrees from higher institutions and realized that we found the answer. Marilyn, a graduate of Notre Dame University, spent years studying the plight of marriages. I spent years at Saint Mary’s Seminary and University studying the theology of marriage. Together, we have combined experience and education in marriage.

Like most young couples, we found that marriage was much harder than we expected. We marched out of our wedding saying, Guide Me Oh Thou Great Jehovah. Little did we know that the lines of this song would be the arduous and painful work needed to build a strong marriage? Having three boys to raise in the midst of building our marriage made the task more problematic. But, those day-by-day challenges helped formulate the literal truth and the wisdom and understanding to share it with our readers.

A second source of this book is a long pastoral ministry in Baltimore, Maryland and in Churchville, Maryland. In the twenty five years in ministry, there have been hundreds of couples needing assistance, and I was able to help every one of them. We organized the Today’s Family, Inc. in 1981, and devoted this ministry to care, pair, and share for marriages brought to our attention. In this ministry, I have seen marriages crushed, women and men oppressed, marriages stifled, ill-fitted marriages, and complicated love affairs. This book serves to change all of those negative marital experiences into positive marital experiences.

Each year during the traditional season of marriage (June through July), I preach revivals on If It’s Broken, Fix It. These sermons are well received, so much so that many couples inspired me to write this book. I have read a host of books on marriage, and most of them were written to help married couples by sharing their personal stories. This book covers over six thousand years of marriage experiences and gives on site prescriptions to whatever problems a couple may be experiencing. Also, I teach couples the content of the book.

There is a third source of material in this book. It is the foundational material in which all knowledge is encased. Even though this book is filled with personal experience, educational training, and years of marital experiences, it is grounded in the Old and New Testaments. The bible demonstrates that three institutions are paramount if society does not collapse. The family, the church, and community must abide by the truth of the scriptures. The bible has an outline wherein family, church and community can flourish and be productive. God paints marriage as being established for the welfare and happiness of human beings. The Genesis account clearly established that God brought a woman and a man together to unite them in Holy Matrimony. The bible starts with the wedding of Adam and Eve. It ends in the book of Revelation with a wedding of Christ and the Church. Marriage is God’s brainchild. What God says about the design of marriage is crucial. Marriage is instituted by God. It has its focal point in that couples must be regulated by His commandments, and it is blessed by Jesus, the Christ. God invented marriage and those that enter into it should make every concerted effort to understand His methodology and submit to His teachings. To refuse to follow God’s manual is to court disaster and failure. I urge you to give this book a try.

The world in which we live offers few—if any—truthful answers that would allow us to reverse the trends of marital unhappiness. Nevertheless, there are answers. We find them in the most-published and best-selling book in history: the Holy Bible. This book is written to summarize what the Bible says about marriage. This is your road map to your deserved happiness. Couples following the many examples set forth in this book will find that their love will be renewed and sustained.

♦

Chapter One

What Some People are Saying

Many people are saying and proclaiming what society has taught them over the decades. Truly, I do not want the couples that I marry (and have married) to have to say any of those things. It is my desire that couples be taught the divine truths about marriage. What are some people saying about their marriage?

When the honeymoon is over, many husbands and wives find themselves thinking and saying words they never expected to say. For example:

• "I’m getting out. This isn’t the person I thought I was marrying. Life is too short for all of this pain. We’re no longer good for one another."

• "We’ve tried everything. Nothing seems to work. He just insists on having everything his own way. It’s hopeless. The only thing to do is bail out."

• "Marriage doesn’t mean what it used to. You try it and, if it doesn’t work, you leave it. It’s nothing to get moralistic about."

• "It is either my way or the highway. Get out—and I mean now!"

There is an old adage that most people think is true. People believe that a woman is supposed to fulfill a man’s needs. The woman is said to have the power to rescue the man from his lonely world. Do you think this is true?

The woman was brought to the man to fulfill him—to rescue him from his aloneness.

This is not the purpose of a woman in a marriage. Still, if a woman does not convince the man that she can bring joy to the man, she is deemed unsuccessful. The couple concludes that the marriage is not working. Remember what your pastor says, though: There is another way—a better way. Even if you are ready to call a lawyer. Even if reconciliation seems hopeless, you can go to someone who understands your heart and your troubles. God made marriage in the first place; He alone can offer you the inner strength you need to take the first step to reconcile the marriage. Really, God should have been involved in your marriage before the thought came into your mind.

Chapter Two

It All Began with God

The first marriage was made in heaven. It all began in paradise. God saw that man’s aloneness was not good, so He