Scoops: Three Indulgent Short Stories

By Yura Blessyn

When My Turn Rolls Around

Fiona Styles is a beautiful, educated woman with an excellent job. Her professional life is on point but her personal life is a train wreck. Unfortunately, the men she seeks to have relationships with have their own agenda and she did not get the memo. With the help of her younger sister Penny shes able to learn how to separate the trash from the treasures. An invitation by a suitor convinced her to try the party scene. Thats where she met big, tall, handsome and very distinguished Matt Raven. He knew the right songs to sing and the right steps to dance right into her heart.

Weather the Storm

Technically, slavery has long been over but the foul odor of racism still wafts heavily through the air of Clinton. A kind smile on your face and a lot of gossip behind your back, plenty of Lawd have mercy and Bless his heart, and a clearing of the throat washed down with a glass of sweet tea and ready to move on to the next victim. Working for the Murdocks was the only job Lilly knew. Even though she and the Mrs. often clashed, Mrs. Murdock wouldnt trade Lilly for anyone in the world but youll never hear that from her lips. Lilly was a kind and caring person, but her kindness never brought the right man to her door. Her grandmother knew the right man had already been chosen because it was written in the stars. Hes different nothing like the rest, she just has to receive him.

Darling Evil

If ever there were someone youd love to hate, KeeKee Shaw would be that person. Egotistical, self-centered, manipulative, arrogant, after meeting her, those would be a few of the words youd use to describe her. You may even say, downright nasty. Although, only a senior in high school, she is wise beyond her years. A pretty Trinidadian-American girl, a fashion queen with very expensive taste but the one characteristic that stands out most is her affinity to temp, lure, and conquer any man she sets her mind to regardless of age, race or relation. All good must come to an end. Unfortunately, in KeeKees case it was a tragic end.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Trafford Publishing
• Release date: Jul 16, 2014
• ISBN: 9781490739519

Yura Blessyn

I am originally from Brooklyn, New York but I’m currently residing in the south. I have taken my city girl flavor and added a southern twist. This combination has enabled me to express and create thoughts that are credible, captivating and enticing. “SCOOPS,” Three Indulgent Short Stories is a flavorful reward for your reading pleasure. Each story takes you to a reader’s paradise, a welcoming, gratifying ride in different directions and places in time. My first book “SKATE,” was a success. When asked, I simply say, “Skate is a page turning drama laced with romance a tad of humor and a twist of murder.” I am blessed to have three grown children that I refer to as my “beebies.” Currently, I am working on my third book.

Book preview

Scoops

THREE INDULGENT SHORT STORIES

YURA BLESSYN

© Copyright 2014 Yura Blessyn.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the written prior permission of the author.

ISBN:

978-1-4907-3950-2 (sc)

ISBN:

978-1-4907-3951-9 (e)

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

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and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Trafford rev. 07/15/2014

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CONTENTS

Acknowledgements

When My Turn Rolls Around

Chapter 1   Dark meat in the suburbs

Chapter 2   Liz in the house…

Chapter 3   I had to see for myself

Chapter 4   No time for annoyances

Chapter 5   Peace be still. Please…

Chapter 6   Neighborly duty

Chapter 7   Family secrets

Chapter 8   A Penny for your thoughts

Chapter 9   Mama’s Blues

Chapter 10   Strike one yrrrrrrr… out!

Chapter 11   You can’t choose your family

Chapter 12   He loves me, he loves me not…

Chapter 13   Too much mess

Chapter 14   I’ll have one of those. As a matter of fact make mine a double.

Chapter 15   Pinch me cause I must be dreaming.

Chapter 16   Jackpot!

Weather the Storm

Chapter 1   Clap for Chubb

Chapter 2   And Take Yah Dog With Yah!

Chapter 3   And the Thunder Roared

Chapter 4   If Yah Only Knew

Chapter 5   Is You Is Or Is You Ain’t

Chapter 6   Fish and Grits

Chapter 7   Money Talks

Chapter 8   Time Will Tell

Chapter 9   A Painted Picture

Chapter 10   A Ring of Truth

Chapter 11   Happy Birthday Reverend Aikens

Chapter 12   You Can’t Choose Your Family

Chapter 13   From the Heavens Came the Rain

Chapter 14   Heaven Bound

Darling Evil

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

A ll my blessings come from my Savior Jesus Christ. I thank Him for the spirit that compels me to express my thoughts in writing. This one blessing has allowed me to look beyond any and all negative and to continue pursuing my goal and lifelong passion.

I am thankful my mother Rev. Dr. Carrol Baxter-Whitfield for listening when I needed an ear, for encouraging when I needed encouragement, for being a nurturer when my spirit needed nurturing and for always being a mother not a mother figure. Her enthusiasm is always shown no matter what my choice in life is. I am like my mother in so many ways but I have yet to reach her Godly achievements. I can only pray to be the blessed and caring person she is.

I am thankful my father Charles E. Whitfield for always being there for me, offering his generosity, knowledge and wisdom. His special way of showing pride for my accomplishments without saying a word to me but to everyone else, it was endless praise. Even now in his waning years my dad’s humor and wit are still on point. As he would say, The old man is still kickin’ just not so high.

I thank my sister Veda who has a heart of gold for always being the engine that kept me going. I knew I could never fail when she was behind me. She’s always available with useful suggestions and alternative remedies that could get the job done. She’s known for her sewing, knitting, crocheting, baking skills, crafting and so much more. My sister is kindhearted, thoughtful and giving. Even though she’s retired she’s still working, go figure but no matter what she always finds time for me. She’s the type of big sister everyone wished they had but she’s mine and I love her.

God has given me countless blessings, three that are highly favored. They are my children Anikqua pronounced A-nee-kwa, Gregory and Jerrell. The joy my children have given me cannot be expressed in words. They are truly my gifts from God. My daughter Anikqua, aka Neek-Neek or as I like to call her my, Sweetie Girl, has my outgoing, vivacious, quirky sense of humor, free spirited way topped off with the gift of gab and a lot of it. She’s a no nonsense kind of gal with a warm giving heart and an award winning gapped smile guaranteed to charm and captivate. Neek’s sense of humor sometimes mirrors my own, a mini-me if you will. We laugh and get each other’s jokes when no one else does. She’s a trend setting fashionista by every sense of the word. She taught me how to, make it pop and I’ve been popping ever since. If you’re willing to ditch the flower-power shirt, over-sized jeans, fanny pack and that, OMG…, that will never do hairdo, she’ll help you make it pop too. If you’re watching your weight stay clear of Neek-Neek, she likes to, do lunch and…, dinner and…, brunch and…, snacks and…, tastings, lots of tastings. Gregory, my scholar, my studious child, my daredevil and recently the master of photography (check his facebook page) has taken from me the process of thinking before speaking. Analyzing situations is his thing and it works very well for him. He is responsible, level headed, kind and considerate. Perfect attendance, dean’s lists and various awards are just a few of his attributes. Gregory is a quiet, very modest baller shot-caller with a bashful boyish smile that could melt any hard-heart. If you have particular questions or concerns and you want the correct answer Gregory’s your guy. While he’s analyzing the situation just keep telling yourself, Rome wasn’t built in a day, Rome wasn’t built in a day, Rome wasn’t built in a day… Jerrell, my youngest child took from me my zany sense of humor, my love of Looney Tunes, patience and the ability to get his point across. From a very young age Jerrell has empowered the skill of communication. He is articulate and well spoken, genuine and thoughtful. Jerrell is very knowledgeable in the field of arts but cartooning, animation and filming is his passion and lifelong goal. His knowledge of the arts out dates me and probably my parents as well. After a conversation with him you’re liable to walk away scratching your head saying, Hmm…, I didn’t know that. His big bright smile can light up any room. Jerrell is definitely a people person and with his communication skills I see nothing but good things for him in his future. Just know when to stop him. He’ll lure you in with a simple, Did you see so and so’s latest movie? Then before you know it he starts talking about clay animation, the difference between 2D and 3D, freeze frames, Walt Disney’s birthday, stop action, digital whoo-zee-what-zees and theatrical thing-a-ma-jigs. He’s so… intense, how can you not lend an ear.

I LOVE MY KIDS. THEY ARE THE GREATEST!

Every good woman deserves a good man. My Boo Bee, is that very special someone to me. He keeps me grounded and focused on my goal. He’s my own private, personal comedian that can make me laugh when laughing is the furthest thing from my mind. When I’m on that emotional roller coaster with extra rides I didn’t ask for, he’s there to slow it down so I can jump off. Without his help I would not have been able to reach the accomplishments I have in my writing. He’s my protector and my provider. When he says, I’ll do anything in the world I can for you, my whole heart believes him that’s why he’s a keeper. That’s my Boo Bee!

WHEN MY TURN

ROLLS AROUND

By

Yura Blessyn

CHAPTER 1

Dark meat in the suburbs

F rom time to time I spazz out, just drifting off into my own world. Usually my office door is closed but Julius the young man from the mail room was so busy getting into everyone’s business he forgot to close it back. I was too lazy to get up so I decided the next person to enter my domain would do me the honor.

From a distance I heard Anita Furbey’s annoying laugh. There were other people giggling as well but her high pitched squeal goes right through me like an ice pick, enough to make me get up and close my own door. When I peeked out I noticed at least four other women and Dwayne Cummings. Dwayne is a young man that is very proud of his sexuality and is not ashamed to exhibit it to anyone that will give him the undivided attention he desires. Hidden in the center of this shameless pack was a tall, unfamiliar man who seemed very uncomfortable with the attention he was getting.

Just as I was closing my door the mystery man walked past headed towards the elevator. Um…, he looks good. He looks damn good I thought to myself. I need to keep my door open more often. I’m not sure what exactly caught my eye although he did have a cute little walk, kind of a bowlegged thing going on. He also had very noticeable broad shoulders. I like broad shoulders. I only saw the back of his head but from what I could tell he did have a full head of hair, no missing patches and his hairline didn’t appear to be escaping to the back of his neck. I give props to men who accept the fact their hair is gone and not coming back, they do the right thing by cutting it all off, just save the pictures of the fro to reflect on.

I didn’t realize Liz my super snoop secretary was checking me check out Mr. Bowlegs. She is so in tune to me she should have been my man.

You’d like to swim in his ocean. It’s all in your face. She said sarcastically as she eased her chair closer to my desk or as I like to call it her rolling news mobile.

Oh please Liz you need to stop your mess.

I’ll stop mine if you stop yours. Keep trying to be Miss Prim and Proper and that big fish will get away. That big fish didn’t have any shackles on the finger that counts.

How could you tell the man was at least 50 feet away, never mind I don’t need to know how you operate?

Don’t worry I wasn’t gonna tell you anyway but you might want to know Mr. Look-So- Fine is Rob Fowler’s replacement.

Rob down in security?

The one and only.

So they finally fired him. He was one shady character I guess he thought he was invincible. I wonder if they checked his locker before he left. You know thieves get sloppy after a while.

If you weren’t trying to hush me up so much you’d know a lot more.

Della you know I’m not into the gossip scene.

So does that mean you don’t want to know his name?

Who’s name?

Mr. Look-So-Fine, don’t try to play me Sister Sally, you know who I’m talking about.

Okay Liz tell me because you look like you’re gonna bust. Actually, it was the other way around but I couldn’t let Liz know.

Corbin Chambers, Corbin Chambers, sounds so nice I had to say it twice. We both laughed probably for different reasons but who cares.

You want to know what else I know?

No Liz right now what I want is the Hanley report so I can review it and send it out in today’s mail. Liz jumped up, left her chair running, stepped out of my office and was back in a matter of seconds.

Here. Here’s the Hanley report all typed and ready to go.

With a quick glance I saw all the necessary corrections were made. The overnight mailer was addressed. All that was needed was my signature. I didn’t dare look up at her because I knew she’d have a smug, damn I’m so efficient look on her face. The truth is she is efficient, very efficient.

I hired Liz out of desperation. Ordinarily, a street-wise, slick talking, eye rolling, teeth sucking secretary would not have been my choice. Hilary Metz was my last secretary, and the best I ever had. Unfortunately, she waited until she was 39 years old to decide to get pregnant and become a stay at home mom. She didn’t even have the decency to tell me anything until her fourth month when she started to show. I was so pissed I didn’t even participate in the office baby shower. I contributed ten bucks, and my attitude clearly showed I wasn’t giving a dime more. In fact the day of the baby shower I made a point of staying out of the office all day. There was definitely a strain on our working relationship. By the beginning of her sixth month I was ready for her to go and I got my wish. We said our farewells and I wished her good luck and I was sincere but that didn’t change how I felt about the way she went about things. After that I was bombarded with temps that didn’t meet my standards or visa-versa.

It was a Wednesday about 9:40AM. I was preparing for a 10:00 o’clock meeting with my boss. We have these meetings once a month you’d think I’d be used to them by now. Mr. Freir my boss who is a pig-face, sweaty hand, freaky little pervert who hasn’t got a clue that I loathe him. Who has always made remarks to me laced with sexual overtones but I act like I don’t pick up on them. He insists we have these meetings so he can stay abreast on what is happening in my area. It’s more like so he can stare at my breasts but I play along he gets his perverted little jollies and I continue making the big bucks.

He’s a married man with six daughters and a black girlfriend that he thinks is a well kept secret but it’s not. I know because I’ve seen them together several times. The first time was at a little sidewalk café. I didn’t think anything of it. I actually started to go over and speak thinking that he saw me first. By the time I paid my bill and looked again they were gone.

The second time confirmed it for me and ruined my weekend getaway. I went to a ski resort with a broke-ass male friend of mine out of desperation. As me and Broke-Ass walked to the elevator I thought I heard Mr. Freir’s raspy voice. I laughed to myself until I saw him and the tall dark-skinned woman from the café checking in at the front desk.

When Omar, aka Broke-Ass told me half way through our three hour ride he didn’t have any available cash on him I stared at him for a good sixty seconds. Here we are at a gas station I’m filling up his tank, while he’s sucking down a Pepsi and munching on some Hot Cheetos and doesn’t have any available cash on him. What the hell…, at that very moment I lost all respect for him. I was ready to say take me home but my attitude wasn’t cool enough to talk to him calmly so I didn’t say a word. I ain’t no fool; if he wanted to he could leave my ass right out here in God’s country USA. Truthfully, I would have had more respect for him if he had mentioned it before we got on the road. Hell, we could have postponed the trip until a better time, at least give me the option. Then to top it off I see Mr. Freir with his chocolate bunny.

Omar thought he was the man because I chose to stay in our room the whole weekend even after I mentioned seeing my boss. His broke ass can’t even buy a clue. While he massaged me thoroughly and sucked my toes I laid there thinking, that’s all he’s good for. His ass never has any money and when I do allow him to spend the night with me (when I’m stressed, need a good massage and my toes sucked) he brings his laundry and leaves with leftovers. Now that I think about it I need to go to his apartment and collect all my Tupperware. His apartment huh, now that’s a joke. Where he lives isn’t fit to be called an apartment, more like an all-in-one. One medium sized everything room and a skinny person’s bathroom. His kitchenette consists of a dorm style refrigerator sitting on the counter, a half sink, the smallest four burner stove I have ever seen, an out dated Mr. Coffee machine, a pretty nice looking microwave and a set of three cabinets two with doors and one without and they all are barely hanging on the wall. The living room slash bedroom slash dining room consists of a pullout couch that has seen better days, a raggedy chair, a three-legged end table propped up with eight telephone books, a portable radio/CD player that has some strange hook up to it and a floor lamp minus the shade. This is the kicker, Omar has the audacity to have a 52 inch flat screen TV attached to the wall some kind of way. Watching his TV is like sitting in the front row of the movie theater and he thinks he’s living large. This wasted weekend just gave me enough time to figure out what I needed to do and that’s kick Omar’s broke ass to the curb. Nicely though, good toe suckers are hard to find.

The next time I saw my boss and his chocolate treat was at a new upscale housing development. At the time I didn’t know how upscale until I saw the figures on the brochure that was handed to me as I walked in. My sister Penny suggested I check this place out. Since she couldn’t afford it she thought it would be great for me and she’d just come up on the weekends. I put an end to her plans right away but I still drove the thirty five miles to see what Diamond Hills had to offer.

The scenery was beautiful. Diamond Hills had everything that was pleasing to me. It was like a town in itself. Grocery store, dry cleaners, florist, two restaurants and sandwich shop, a General store, a bakery, a hardware store, post office, nail salon and a park with a walking trail. I was sold. I began praising Penny’s name. I even convinced myself $1,500 a month wasn’t too much for what was being offered, especially for a two bedroom condo.

Before sitting down with Leland Hamlet, the over-tanned, high strung development representative, I went to the restroom to collect myself and empty my bladder. While washing my hands I glanced out the window taking in the sites. In the distance there was a breath taking man-made waterfall cascading down into a deep pool of tantalizing blueness. I continued surveying as much of Diamond Hills I could see from the small bathroom window. I was more than impressed until I looked up. Way over to the left was an elevated strip of land about twenty yards away, getting out of his bright red Acura was Mr. Freir and Big Chocolate. I rubbed my eyes hoping my eyeballs were deceiving me. I waited to see where they were going. My question was answered when he pulled out a key and opened the door to a fabulous two story condo. DAMN! There go any plans I had of living at Diamond Hills. If I were a mean person I’d drop a dime and give Sarah Freir some information about her husband and his fictitious business trips, late night meetings and the secret bank account. If I were a real mean person I’d direct her to her husband’s little love nest. That’s only if I were a mean person. Now that I think about it sometimes I can pretty mean when I wanna be.

CHAPTER 2

Liz in the house…

T hrough my chaotic state of preparation I sensed someone’s presence. A quick glance over my shoulder revealed a powerful dreadlocks wearing sister looming in my doorway.

May I help you? I asked as I continued to look for my eighty-five dollar Execumate fountain pen.

I’m Liz Blake. I understand you’re looking for a secretary. It just so happens I’m looking for a job. With a quick glance at my calendar I noticed only two appointments were scheduled, my 10:00 o’clock meeting and my 3:00 o’clock exercise class that I’m probably going to find an excuse to cancel.

What cologne are you wearing it smells really nice? I asked as I continued tearing my desk apart.

Its perfumed oil called Surrender. All I wear is oil it lasts longer.

While inhaling Surrender and looking for my pen I over looked my large latte with extra cream and cinnamon. Before I could prevent the catastrophe my large latte fell into my lap. I’m not usually fluent in cussing but I was this particular morning.

Dammit, shit, son of a bitch look at this mess. Right away Liz came to my rescue snatching up a towel that was hanging on the side of my gym bag. It helped a lot but not enough to make the stain in my skirt disappear.

You know shit like this really pisses me off, I said as I looked down at my favorite Lauren skirt.

Don’t stress it could be a lot worse. I see you have a 10:00 o’clock meeting. Without paying any attention to this tall stranger who waltzed into my office, smelling like heaven and reminding me about my meeting, I absentmindedly responded with, Yeah, but I can’t go like this.

C’mon, stand up, what size do you wear?

What?

What size do you wear?

A 9/10.

Yeah right you look every bit of an 11/12 to me. Here try this on.

Before I knew it Liz was sliding out of her navy blue Blass skirt. I don’t know where my sense was this particular day but if Mrs. Stiles (my mother) was here I would have gotten a tongue lashing for sure for wearing someone else’s clothing. I hate to admit it but Liz’s 11/12 felt comfy and it looked good too. By 11:30 I was back. To my surprise I walked into a neat clean office and an organized desk.

I hope you don’t mind but I had to turn your AC down, my behind got cold prancing around in here in this half slip. That was the first of many more laughs to come with Liz and that was three years ago.

Hanley report, corrections, overnight mail, signature and Corbin Chambers lives twenty minutes from you.

Liz please…, I can find my own men.

Sure you can. Why don’t you find another like Frank, Jeff, Kurt or how about Nkosi or that broke ass Omar.

I thought you promised never to mention Nkosi again?

I did but sometimes just hearing his name is like a jolt of reality.

That’s what I get for sharing intimate details of my life with you.

"Well who else are you gonna tell Cassie? Excuse me, self-centered, it’s all about me, could you move you’re blocking my view, is my skirt short enough, let me slow down so they can get a better look, you should be honored to be in my presence, I’m loving my hair today, actually I love it every day, when are they going to name a street after me, Cassandra Lane. It has a certain ring to it don’t you think?"

Liz why do you insist on going through this, I know you’ve always been there for me. Saying that still didn’t stop her from making her point.

Wait, wait, wait how about your sister Lovey. She’d love to hear about what’s going on with you in between changing pissy sheets, combing hair, cooking and trying to be the perfect wife to according to you the most difficult man in the world.

For the record Cassie does listen to me. I couldn’t comment on anything else she said because it was all true, right down to the pissy sheets. My nephew Calvin has a little problem with getting up at night.

Okay fine as long as we agree on one thing, that girl is as fake as a sixty two dollar bill.

I’ll be the first one to admit Cassie has issues but she is my friend so let’s leave it at that.

That’s cool I didn’t want to talk about her fake ass anyway. Let’s talk about Corbin Chambers, Corbin Chambers.

How about we just call him CC that way no one else will know who we’re talking about.

"That’s fine with me I kind of like CC. I got one more little tidbit of information. CC is having lunch today with Mr. Moyers at 12:30 at Sharkey’s. If you happen to be there say…, 12:15 you’ll be able to get your flirt on and try out that check out my butt walk I taught you."

I laughed so hard I had to do my makeup all over. Since I know Liz has my best interest at heart I took her advice and practiced my walk in the mirror before I strolled over to Sharkey’s. I‘ve always known I had a funky walk. A lean forward speed walking kind of thing but seeing Liz imitate me convinced me to practice even harder. It’s no surprise I’ve heard it so many times before. My mother always said I walk like I’m pulling a plow behind me.

I walked the three blocks to Sharkey’s proudly practicing my new walk. Unfortunately, I hadn’t noticed anyone checking me out. Once inside I looked around it was very impressive. I know the food is good even though we’ve only ordered take-out from them.

The hostess greeted me with a fake professional smile and I returned the favor. I spotted CC just as the hostess was about to seat me on the opposite side of the restaurant. I quickly spoke up and made my request. I couldn’t let all my practice go to waste. I would have been here a lot sooner but that hip-swaying, slow-motion walk takes time.

As I followed the hostess I prepared myself for another Liz Special. Slowly walking to my table I eased off one of my gold bracelets and held it in my hand. At the most opportune moment, just as I reached CC’s table I dropped it. Seconds later as I had hoped I heard a deep sexy voice.

Excuse me Miss you dropped this. I kept walking. I didn’t do all that practicing for nothing. He was gonna look at my butt if it killed him. As I turned slightly I noticed him approaching me. By now he was inches away from me.

Excuse me Miss I believe you dropped this. He dangled my bracelet between his two well manicured fingers.

Oh I did, thank you so much. This is one of my favorite bracelets. I would have been very upset if I had lost it.

You’re quite welcome, maybe you should have that clasp looked at.

I think you’re right next time I might not be so lucky

Enjoy your lunch.

Thanks, you do the same. I ordered a salad and couldn’t even eat it. All I could think about was getting back to the office and telling Liz how well everything went. When I got to the office she wasn’t even there. That prolonged the agony.

When Liz finally came back she wasn’t alone, Dwayne was trailing behind her. I surely wasn’t in the mood to hear about his cramps, tender breasts or his bad hair day.

Hey Miss FiFi how you doing today, girl you are working that Picone and those pumps but I suppose you know that. I’d love to stay and chat but I gotta run downstairs to the drug store and get me some kind of pain pill cause I am cramping like a mother.

Okay Dwayne you take care I hope you feel better, I said sarcastically rolling my eyes in my head. When he stepped out I gave Liz such a look. She knows how much Dwayne irritates me with that foolish female talk, like he really knows the deal. Real women don’t constantly complain like that only the ditsy ones.

I remember the time he came to work with a nice shepherd’s top. I even complimented him on it. When he walked away I had to look twice. That fool had a magazine booty on. One of those fake butts you order from the back of a magazine, or call 1-800-BIG-BUTT. "If you order now the first 100 people will get a second BUTT free, but that’s not all if you order now we’ll even throw in a plastic BUTT COVER all for just $19.95 plus shipping and handling."

From that day I’ve had very little tolerance for him. Now that I think about it that was the second time I decided I couldn’t tolerate him. The first time was when he caught his lover with another. Of course only a select few were privileged to hear the gory details and I happen to be one of them.

It’s been a while but if memory serves me correctly I believe his lover was at a club, got drunk and picked up a tender young thang. I think the little fellow was eighteen. It didn’t stop at the club. That romp lasted a couple of months before Dwayne found out. The whole escapade just boosted Leon’s ego. Leon is Dwayne’s lover who has to be close to forty. Not that forty is old but to be messing with an eighteen year old is just ridiculous.

Instead of seeing his young trainee at the usual $25.00 for 4 hours motel he invited him to Dwayne’s apartment. On that particular day Dwayne had rushed home on his lunch break to go to the bathroom and to get the receipt for an outfit he had worn to a party and now wanted to return. He said he looked good in the outfit but he had his eye on a pair of red leather pants with slits cut out all over so the outfit had to go back.

Dwayne has a way of making himself comfortable when he’s telling a story and most times I just go along with it as in this case. He was over the edge so me and Liz obliged him and gave him the audience he needed. He started off sitting in the chair by the window I guess he wanted the background affect. He crossed his legs, held his head down just for a second, took a deep breath and jumped up. He was in full drama mode now. We had to keep our eyes on him because he was prancing around my office like he was on stage.

Chile…, when I came through the door I sensed something wasn’t right because I smelled men’s cologne. Leon never wears cologne because he has allergies. That was the first red flag. I forgot about dropping that load even though my stomach was boiling like a volcano. I tip-toed through my apartment looking around, I peeked in the kitchen and there was the empty plastic wrap from my Boar’s Head BEEF bologna. Someone had scrambled some eggs and left the dirty frying pan in the sink. They also left the potato bread open on the counter and the lid off the grape jelly. A peek in the refrigerator sealed the deal. Some greedy ass drank up all the blueberry-pomegranate-orange-banana-berry fusion drink. First things first, Leon doesn’t eat bologna, Boar’s Head, goat’s head, horse head it doesn’t matter. No scrambled eggs for him either, it’s poached or nothing and regarding bread, huh…, I wish you would try to give Leon something other than multigrain and you better have apple jelly. So right there I smelled a rat. As I tip-toed back into the living room headed toward my bedroom I heard a terrible groaning grunting noise, then ‘oh…, Leeeeoooonnnn.’ Ah huh, it was on then. I wanted to kick the door in but I thought about my $900.00 security deposit so I turned the knob easy then I pushed the door open real hard. I could do that without putting a hole in the wall because of the door stop. I stood in the doorway holding my heart and blinking my eyes in disbelief. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Oh my gawd, it was a naked, skinny, sweaty, long-haired, freckled-face Howdy-Doody looking mother fucker attached to Leon. CHECK PLEASE! Let me tell you, I was fit to be tied. Do you hear me?

As Dwayne told his story I summoned every bit of control I could muster. It was probably the most difficult thing I ever had to do. Ordinarily, I could have listened to a story like this without much concern or emotion but Dwayne had a way of dramatizing every word, fanning himself and closing his eyes when he spoke. I just sat and listened shaking my head. Not about his story because I believe it did happen but how he portrayed himself as the victim. Every time the urge to laugh hit me I took a long sip of ice water to cool myself down. Dwayne reached for my glass and I waved to him.

No honey you need more than a sip, and I got up and got him his own glass filled to the rim. I don’t know where his mouth has been but I know it won’t be slurping out of my glass.

Thank you Miss FiFi, you’re so thoughtful. I waved him on and he continued.

Do you know when I busted in the room that little red boy looked up at me like, can you come back in five minutes. I was pissed but I was cool. I walked around the room picking up the little red boy’s belongings at the same time I was talking to them very calmly.

I know you couldn’t have been that calm Dwayne, I know you. Liz just had to add fuel to the fire.

I was cool at first then I asked Leon how long has he been cheating on me. That’s when the fury started to build up. I asked a question I really didn’t want an answer to. I said you both know you’re wrong. You, I pointed at Leon, are wrong for having this piece of baby shit in my apartment, in my room, in my mother-fuckin’ bed. And you, I pointed at the little red boy, I told him I was gonna whip his spotted little ass because he needed to be taught a lesson. That little red boy had the gall to tell me proudly flinging his stringy sweaty hair, ‘My name is Ethan and me and Lee have been seeing each other for five months, two weeks and six days.’ Ethan had the nerve to get salty with me. I guess he thought Leon had his back. Too bad he didn’t know Leon can’t fight his way out of a paper bag. When Leon couldn’t look me in the eye that’s when I went off.

Wait, wait, wait…, I need a refill. Liz ran over to the table filled her glass up and reached in the drawer and pulled out a roll of Town House crackers. She offered me but my expression said no and a couple of other things. Dwayne took the opportunity to down his water and pour more.

Okay, where was I. Oh yeah, everything I picked up belonging to Ethan went over the balcony. When he realized he wasn’t fast enough to retrieve any of his clothes he cursed at me. The little shit had the nerve to call me a ‘flaming freak.’ Here goes Leon, ‘Ethan that’s not necessary.’ I turned around and looked at Leon with such a disgusted look on my face because he really did disgust me at this point. All I could say to him was shut the fuck up and he did. When Ethan grabbed my satin sheets off the bed to cover himself, I said, ‘Oh hell no you don’t.’ There was a black studded leather belt on the floor. It wasn’t mine, I have a brown one and it was too small to be Leon’s. I picked it up and Ethan tried to grab it yelling, ‘that’s mine give it to me.’ So I did. I swung it at the hand that was reaching. It was a good swipe too because he pulled back looking at the red stripes going across his hand and arm. I caught him on the thigh. WHACK! Two good swipes across his back WHACK! WHACK! He let out a holler and tried to grab the belt but I yanked it so hard the studs tore through his hand. Leon tried to keep his distance but I jumped on the bed and swung the belt like Zorro catching him on the neck and shoulder. He got it worse because he kept trying to grab the belt. Meanwhile, every time Ethan tried to make a dash for the door I would catch him with a few good lashes. I yelled at him, ‘who’s the flaming freak now I bet your ass is on fire.’ He tried to grab the phone and call for help. That cost him a very painful lash that drew blood. Looking at Leon’s sorry ass gave me super strength and I began swinging that belt at both of them leaving deep whelps all over their bodies. Then I thought about my Boar’s Head bologna and swung that belt at Ethan catching him under the chin and across his chest. He tried to grab the belt again actually they both attempted notice how I said attempted. Bad, bad mistake that earned them a few more swipes. I told Ethan to call me a flaming freak again. At this point all I heard from him was whimpering he didn’t have much to say now that I whipped his ass. I picked up a pair of Leon’s funky drawers that were on the floor and tossed them at Ethan. I told him he had a half a second to put those drawers on and get the hell out of my apartment and never come back. Stupid ass turned around to put the drawers on showing me his pale pink striped ass. Oh my gawd…, didn’t he have fuzzy red hair all up and down the crack of his ass. I think he showed me his ass on purpose, like a target so what did I do, gave him a farewell swipe tearing that ass up. He screamed like a b-yotch.

Liz almost fell out of her chair laughing. I have to admit just thinking about Dwayne swinging that belt like Zorro was funny.

What happened to Leon?

I gave him fifteen minutes to get all of his shit and get the fuck out. I even let him have my shopping cart to carry his shit. Don’t think I didn’t take thirty dollars out of his wallet to replace it.

For two weeks Dwayne wept and moaned over Leon. Then one day he came in to work all happy and peppy, showering us with donuts, muffins and coffee. Right away I knew what was up. Leon was back. Against my better judgment I asked just to satisfy my curiosity.

I pulled Dwayne aside and whispered in his ear, Mr. Big is back huh? Why did I say that? I ignited drama deep within his soul.

"Chile…, you just don’t know. The first week I was fine because I was still pissed, but come the second week I started to miss my boo. I guess he missed me too because he left a long message on my machine telling me how sorry he was and he wanted another chance. He said he misses his little cookie dough. That’s his little pet name for me. Goodness knows I missed my baby but I had to play tough to show him I mean business. I mean hey, how dare you bring some little snot-nose, juvenile offender up in our bedroom like that? My big black stallion knows just what buttons to push. Yesterday when I was leaving who was standing outside with a beautiful three dozen rose bouquet. Oh yes he was. You know those b-yotches in the phone room were checking my boo out but they don’t know he don’t eat fish. Oh, excuse me darling, you know what I mean. Anyway, he took me to Dante’s for dinner and we had a long talk. Needless to say Mr. Leon Kendricks will not be straying any more. So yes to answer your question, Mr. Big is back!"

That was the first time I knew Dwayne had issues that didn’t sit too well with me. His gayness isn’t the problem it’s the drama and the hand movements that go along with it. But I have to admit he does tell a very exciting story.

After Dwayne left Liz avoided eye contact. She knows full well his love story exceeded its time limit and I was just being polite lending an ear. I was done when he mentioned his cramps. Before she had a chance to defend him I brought up my meeting with CC. When I finished with all the details she stood up and slapped me five.

Didn’t I tell you Liz’s fool-proof, catch-a-man plan works every time. So when are you gonna hook up again?

Dag Liz things like this take time, he doesn’t even know we work at the same company yet.

He will when you go to security to get coded for your new interlock badge.

I don’t even use that thing.

"My point exactly, damn you’re slow. You may not use it but you