Murder On The Riviera

By Paul Cashin

Roxie and Luke were a couple until they split in their mid twenties. When Roxie gets kicked out of her parents house, she calls Joanna, her childhood friend, and Joanna tells Roxie that she can stay with her.

When Roxie arrives, she is stunned to realise that Luke is living in the apartment with Joanna, and he isnt well at all.

Roxie demands an explaination, and soon discovers that Luke has been selling himself to a rich woman, and that he is in desperate need of a Doctor.

None of them have any money, and together they hatch a plan to raise the money to get Luke to the hospital, by blackmailing the woman for as much as they can.

Their plan is a success, and after they make their escape to the Riviera with millions in the bank, the woman follows and begins to make trouble.

After Luke is out of the hospital, and all is looking well, he and Roxie get back together, and Joanna feels left out.

They begin making lots of money, and making lots of friends in their new home, a gated community known as the Lagoon.

The woman (Brenda) moves in a few doors down, and offers the people who live there a way to make alot of money, just to ruin Roxie, Luke and Joanna's new life. Then Brenda rips everyone off, and the whole of the Lagoon is in an uproar.

The morning after the party, two bodies are discovered, and it is Inspector Suza's job to find out who could have done it.

They all have motive, means and opportunity, and nobody saw a thing.

Murder, mystery, mayhem, bitchy one liners, comedy, drama, romance, jealousy, and greed run through this twisted tale of revenge, violence and murder.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Paul Cashin
• Release date: Aug 11, 2018
• ISBN: 9781386416128

Book preview

Day 1

Joanna lived on Allerton Road, above the pub she worked in. And after a few days of arguments with my parents, I called her and told her that they’d once again thrown me out on the street, and I was desperate for a place to go. We talked for a few minutes, and it became obvious that her life wasn’t everything she’d wanted it to be either. She told me that there was room in her flat for me, and as I’d already packed my things, I walked out of my parent’s house and left immediately for Jo’s.

I arrived about half an hour later to Joanna standing on the front step with her arms folded. I told her what had happened, and she told me that she was in more or less the same boat. She’d fallen out with her mother again, and her life had hit hard times too. She told me to come in, and the ice between us soon melted as she helped me carry my things up the stairs, telling me that Luke was there with her aswell.

I was a little shocked when she said this. I wondered what was going on, but was hesitant to ask why my friend was living with my old boyfriend. Apparently Luke had moved out of his mother’s house, and his little brother John had joined the army. Luke was now living above the pub too, and had been for some time. Joanna was paying the rent by washing dishes downstairs and collecting glasses a few nights a week, and they both looked a little worse for ware.

When we reached the top of the stairs, I saw Luke come out of the living room, saying, Hello.

He walked over and gave me a hug, and then helped me move my stuff into one of the spare rooms. It was just a bed, four walls and a little dusty window with a few dead flies tangled in a spider’s web. But it was nicer than a box on the street, and at least I would have the company of old friends.

It was a little nerve-wracking at first. The reason Joanna and I had fallen out years earlier, was down to the fact that we were very similar, and I was waiting for her to start something. I put my bags on the bed and started gearing myself up to put my things away, all the while trying to figure out why they were living together.

The tiny little chest of draws ended up packed tight as I put my things inside. And after ten minutes or so, we all ended up sat in the living room. I remember when Joanna had first moved into that flat. She was about nineteen, and I remember being jealous that she only had to go downstairs to get to work.

She ended up as the manager of that bar. I always thought that she’d had the most staying power out of the three of us, but when she’d left her job a few years earlier; deciding she wanted to do something new, things hadn’t gone to plan. She’d moved her things out of the apartment, and then only a couple of years later; had moved them back in again. She’d been washing dishes downstairs in the bar that she used to run, just to pay rent on the flat. And for some reason, my old boyfriend was now her flatmate.

I hadn’t seen Luke for years, and the first couple of minutes between us were a little awkward. But before long, things had started to relax again, and Luke and I had flopped out on the sofa as Joanna went to make me a cup of tea. As she milled around in the kitchen, Luke’s appearance prompted me to ask him how he’d been getting on. And in his usual silent laid-back way, he told me that things had been better, and that he had fallen out with his mother because all of her rantings and raving had mounted up to something that he just couldn't handle anymore.

Before long, he told me that unfortunately his only source of income at the time, was through something he hated doing. I could tell he was sick; he didn’t have to say it. He’d apparently been visiting someone who enjoyed paying for his company.

He’d met this woman through Joanna. She lived in a large house two or three miles away. She was very well off money wise, and had met Joanna in the bar downstairs. And whilst drinking my tea, the two of them started to tell me about what they’d been up to, and how they had been surviving all that time.

Even though none of us had a pretty story to tell, it seemed that the three of us being there together; gave each of us all a little more hope than we’d had before. We were always like that as children, and we’d always get up to mischief and come up with silly schemes to make money. And it wasn’t long before we were sick of the tea, and the cheap wine was opened. Then we all sat around listening to music and talking the way we used to.

It turned from day to night, and the wine was still flowing when we started trying to come up with an idea to make some money. We looked on the Internet and found the website of the company owned by the woman Luke had been visiting.

We knew that we needed to get the hell out of there, so we started brainstorming. We began focusing on this woman because she had money! She thought she was untouchable, and that nobody would cross her. Luke was sick, and he’d already talked about a Doctor overseas that could help him. But it was incredibly expensive, and money wasn’t something we could easily get our hands on. There was however, one way I could think of that might work. So I asked Joanna if she had a video camera or a videophone, or something that would record what was going on.

We all fell silent and smiled at each other, and less that a second later they both started to laugh, and it was like we’d never been apart. We’d always known what each other were thinking, and things hadn’t changed at all.

And although I was hesitant to ask what the treatment was for, I knew that he would tell me in his own time.

Joanna said, I think there’s something downstairs behind the bar, hold on.

She got up and ran laughing out of the room, and unfortunately came back empty handed. But that didn’t dull the excitement or the conversation. This woman was married and well respected. She also apparently carried huge sums of money around in her bag, just because she could. We all hated her. Even me, and I hadn’t even met her yet. The more wine we drank, the more in depth we talked, and the more we drank, the better the idea seemed to be. And after another couple of bottles, we decided to teach the bitch a lesson.

I asked Luke to call her, and tell her that he wanted to meet. The plan was to film what she was doing to him, and then blackmail her for a boatload of money. So they made the call, and before long we were arranging to go to her house and meet her.

Luke told me that it wasn’t unusual for her to have someone else in the room as it went on! Apparently she liked to be watched. He greased the wheels for me, and then passed me the phone. Then I spoke to her for a few minutes, telling her that I wanted to watch before I would consider doing anything, and she agreed.

She told me she liked to be watched, and after a few minutes of trying to flirt down the phone, we hung up and started to plan what we were going to do.

I wanted to get the hell out of Liverpool, and we were going to have to go abroad to see the Doctor anyway. Then I told them that my passport was still in my parent’s house, and that if we were going to do this, we were going to have to go get it.

It was then or never! None of us wanted to try and fail, because we might never have gotten out of there. Luke said that his passport was at his mother’s house too, so we decided to use the last of our money to get a taxi to both places so we could get them back.

Joanna started getting nervous about what we were planning to do, and reminded us numerous times that the money she was earning in the pub below; was the only thing feeding anyone.

This is my home! And she’s a customer, what happens if this screws up? She said.

Then we’re dooooomed, I said.

Luke smiled and told her to call a cab, and when we reached my house, I jumped out and ran to the front door; still half cut from the wine we’d had. I knocked and waited patiently for someone to answer. My mother opened the door first, and soon after, my father came out aswell. They started asking me why I would need my passport when I had no money, and we got into yet another argument on the doorstep.

After a few minutes of bickering, eventually the passport was thrown in my face, and then the door slammed and I was on my own again. I ran across the garden and jumped back in to the taxi, telling the driver where to go next. I still remembered Luke’s address, and when he heard me tell it to the driver, he gave me the look that he’d given me years ago when we were together.

We went to Luke’s house and pulled up outside, and his mother opened the front door before he’d even got out of the cab. I was having flash backs of our childhood, and I remembered the noises coming out of that house as Joanna and I waited outside on our bikes.

He got out and walked slowly towards his mother. The look she gave him made my blood run cold, and I remembered how much I had always hated her. He pushed past her and walked into the house without so much as looking her in the eye.

Waiting for him to come out of that house had always made me nervous because his mother had always been a little unhinged. He’d had a bad time of it, and his fanatical mother had gotten worse after her husband had left, so our visit was short and sweet.

I looked through the window as he pushed past his mother and ran upstairs. She looked back out of the door and saw me drunk in the back of the taxi. I waved at her, bobbing my head to the side and trying to irritate her. And I could see that there wasn’t any carpet on the floors anymore, and the wallpaper had been ripped and not replaced.

There was never anything ornate of comfortable in his house, even back when we were young. All the chairs were wooden, and all the walls were bare; except for a crucifix. Everything in that house looked stern and strict, just as his mother was. It was a wonder he hadn’t cracked before. A few seconds after he’d gone inside, with her screaming for him to get out, he bolted back down the stairs, pushed past his mother again, and came running back out to the taxi. Even though he was trying to make out that he wasn’t bothered and pretending to laugh, I felt really sorry for him because I could tell he was scared, and that he was hurting badly.

I don’t know if he was worried that the plan we’d come up with; was just another harebrained scheme like the ones we’d think up as children. I hadn’t yet realised that this was life or death for him, but I knew there was something going on, and I didn’t know what to say to make him feel better about it.

The look on his face told me that he was frightened. Always being the quiet one, I’d never seen him like that before, and it strengthened my resolve to try and find a way to help him, whatever it took.

The idea wasn’t a bad one. It was risky, but what choice did we have? We raced as fast as we could, telling the driver to hurry as we went back to the pub. When we got there, Joanna was just getting out of the shower, and we in turn jumped in and out and started getting ourselves together, ready to go and meet this woman.

Luke had run out of his mother’s house with a bag in his hands, and inside the bag was his passport, a few more clothes, and an old DVD handycam with stickers all over it. I remembered it from parties when we were younger, and it brought back a lot of happy childhood memories.

He’d told me that Joanna had a few blank DVD’s somewhere, and we’d decided that this was it, no going back. This was how we were going to get him to the hospital and make a better life for us all.

They’d both had a nose around her house a couple of times when they’d been there before, and they knew where she kept her loose cash. As we got ourselves ready to go, we talked and planned out exactly what we were going to do, and how we were going to do it.

When Luke told me what he had been doing to get by, I was so upset with him. But rather than make him feel any worse about something I knew he hated, I tried to focus on what was going to happen when the plan came off, and we were free.

On the phone, I’d already told her that I wanted to film everything, and that seemed to spark her interest, so I knew we were ready to roll. I would film what she was up to, while Luke kept her distracted. And Joanna was to go around the house and try to find the loose cash. Then we were going to beat the crap out of her and make a run for it! It sounds awful, but the reason that Luke’s mother had kicked him out; according to Joanna, was because he was sick. And he was sick because of this woman. Luke had more or less hinted towards that earlier on, but I didn’t want to go to deeply into it incase the plan failed. And when Joanna told me that this woman had done it on purpose, I knew that whatever we did to her, she deserved!

After an hour or so, another taxi pulled up and waited out front as we got our things together. It took less than five minutes to get there. And when we arrived, I looked out of the car window and saw the house, and I could see why Luke looked so nervous. It was a huge house, and I knew we were going to have to move fast. Then I looked at Luke and told him that everything was going to be alright.

What if it doesn’t work? He said.

Then were dooooomed! I said again.

I told him not to worry, and whispered that it was going to work out fine. Joanna had already jumped out of the cab, and had run up to the front door to get the money for the driver. I turned to Luke before we got out, and we sort of nodded to one another, signalling that we were ready. We waited nervously for Joanna to pay the fare, then got out and walked slowly up the driveway to the house.

As I walked to the door, I caught sight of the woman we were there to visit, and she was only about five foot tall. Her hair was thinning a little, and her figure was that of someone who was used to eating well. You could smell the money in the air. The house was wonderful. Just what you’d expect from someone who wanted everyone to know how well off she was. The gardens were well manicured, and you just knew that she paid the people who looked after her house, much less than they deserved. Her glasses hung from the centre of her nose as she stood at the door with her chin level to the ground, trying to stick her chest out a little more than was nessassery.

She was darting her eyes back and forth to the sides, looking to see if anyone could see us walking in, and I could tell that she was eager for us to hurry. I could also tell that Luke knew the drill, because he started slightly pushing against my lower back to usher me inside the front door so she could close it. I wasted no time waiting for the door to lock, and walked into the house after saying hello and air kissing with her as I went past. She introduced herself to me as Brenda. And looked at the two of us as though she was inspecting for lice or something.

She was a stout woman, and I couldn't imagine her with Luke at all! He was one of the tallest people I’d ever met, and she looked like a beer keg. I didn’t like the way she looked at him either, and I detested it even more when I heard her enquire about Luke’s health. The look on Luke’s face told me that this wasn’t unusual, and I got the feeling that the bitch liked the fact that she was in control. I despised Brenda immediately, and she knew it. But we kept our opinions to ourselves and said nothing.

After the door closed, the four of us went into the lounge. We ended up sat in this huge and grand room, while the pompous cow offered me a Brandy. A Brandy in a Whiskey glass though, probably to see what I would say, or to see if I knew the difference.

I asked her for a Brandy glass, nicely of course. And then asked sarcastically, if she had a holder and a candle to heat it with. Her attitude then changed abruptly, and it was clear to me that she didn’t like to be challenged at all. I had her number, and I knew how to handle her from then on.

She told me that she didn’t have a candle, and gave me a Brandy in a highball glass, telling me that I should be grateful it wasn’t water, while pouring herself a drink in a traditional Brandy glass.

And as I took my drink from her, she said, One hundred each! That’s it. You can buy all the candles you want then can’t you.

I took a swig from the highball glass, keeping eye contact with her the whole time and nodding my head, agreeing to her terms. She gave me a huffy laugh under her Brandy breath, then quickly put her head up and swung back around away from me. She told us that she was going to go upstairs and get everything ready, telling us that she wouldn’t be too long. And as she walked out of the grand beige living room, she had the nerve to tell us not to steal anything, saying, I know you’re probably not used to this kind of thing, but try and keep your hands in your pockets and out of my stuff.

I have to say that any reservations we’d had before, suddenly melted away. And we were going to take her for every penny she had!

Luke got the camera out of his bag quickly as she left the room. The blank disc was already inside and was ready to go, and I’d already been told by both of them that the room they’d go to; only had a little light in it because apparently Brenda wanted it that way.

Why the hell did you agree to come here in the first place? Look at her! How could you get it up for that, she looks like a bollard! I said.

Luke tried not to laugh out loud as I asked him whether or not there would be enough light in the room to capture everything, and then he told me that there was more than enough to catch her face, and what she liked to do to people. I told him to pass me the camera and said, Jesus Christ, I wonder how much she spent on this place.

He had turned on the camera and quickly showed me how it worked before I took it from him and began filming around the living room, making sure I got the photographs with her fat face in them on film. Joanna opened a cupboard and told me to point the camera at what was inside, and as I looked at the image on the screen, I saw that the cupboard was filled with money. All in bundles of thousands piled one on top of the other. As I realised what I was looking at, I heard a squeaky voice from upstairs shouting, I know how much cash is in this house, so don’t try it, alright.

Suddenly the hall lights dimmed and we were called from downstairs to go up. Apparently this little routine was the usual practice. Brenda liked to make a scene.

Rolling his eyes, Luke said, So while I’m keeping her busy, make sure you get plenty of close ups.

He then told me that I was free to join in when I felt comfortable, jokingly of course.

That’s not funny, I said, I’d rather eat a dog’s arse.

It was all I could do not to smash him over the head with the handycam; when I realised what kind of life he had been living. But we were there to make money, and we had to stick to the plan. And when Luke and I went upstairs and got in to the darkened room, Joanna was to wait outside, and wait to make her move when we got started. I was going to have it out with her over this, because this all seemed too awful for words.

It was like she was a pimp or something. But I had to try and put all that aside, because the plan was that Joanna would go in search of the other tapes and the money; while I was filming what was going on in the room.

Brenda must have trusted Joanna for some reason, which made me think that maybe she wasn’t the person I once knew. I looked at Luke, wondering why he’d agreed to this, but I could tell that he wasn’t in the mood to explain himself.

And as we walked into the sleaziest looking room in the house, it wasn’t long before she started to get down to business, and the arrogant bitch insisted that I made sure to watch as she removed his clothing.

It must have been obvious that Luke and I were together once upon a time, and I got the distinct impression that Brenda loved torturing me by making me watch. I kept my eye on the screen. It was less scary that way. I couldn't have looked at him for real without crying. She unbuttoned his shirt and made me watch as she unveiled the drag marks up his arm. It was like she was trying to broadcast that he was scum or something. It was horrible to see him being belittled and demeaned like that. I had adored him when we were together, and he was my first love.

She was all over him like a rash. And in true pervert style, it wasn’t long before she demanded a nice close up on film. That was the only thing that made it worthwhile... the end result. After seeing the size of the house, and finding out her net worth on the internet, I spent ages trying to think of a reason why someone would treat another person like this.

I hated seeing the look on Luke’s face as that fat little pig lady put her filthy perverted hands all over his chest. He looked so thin, and it was almost too unbearable to see how much she was enjoying the fact that he hated it.

After a few minutes, and just as the worst was about to start happening, Joanna poked her head around the door and told me that she’d found the other discs. She showed me a carry-all bag filled with the money she’d pointed out to me downstairs, and on top of the pile of cash, there was the bundle of DVD’s all held together with elastic bands, next to a couple of little white boxes. I looked up at her and she mouthed to me that the front door was unlocked, and I was to tell Luke to run for it as soon as I heard it open.

I caught Luke’s eye and made sure he knew to run on cue. I could see that he was getting uncomfortable on the bed, listening to the awful and sickening little noises she was making, and my heart was beginning to race as I heard Joanna’s footsteps on the parquet floor downstairs. I heard the latch on the door and then the sounds of traffic outside, so I looked at Luke and gave him the signal. Then we both jumped up and tried to make a run for it. Luke pushed Brenda off of him, and he got up off the bed as fast as he could and scrambled to get himself dressed again. Brenda was trying to get herself up off the floor, telling him to be quiet and to calm down. He pulled his trousers and underpants back up, and the look on his face was that of someone who felt violated. I could tell that he’d hated this for a long time, and I began to get angry.

I ran to the side of the bed and began to struggle with Brenda. I knocked her to the floor again, and kicked her in the head as I passed him his shirt. Eventually we ran down the stairs, shouting back up to her that we had all of her tapes, and we knew who to tell, and exactly how to use them. If she tried anything, we were going to use the tapes to send her to prison and plaster her face all over the front pages of the newspapers.

Call the police and you’ll never live it down you little bitch! We got your home videos! I said.

It was obvious to her as she got herself up from the floor, that calling the police was the worst thing she could’ve done. She didn’t have a leg to stand on.

We ran for our lives! Darting down the stairs as fast as we could. It’d already become too much for me, and Luke had realised that the plan was going to work, and had begun to break down. Tears started streaming down his face as he fled the house of the woman who’d made him so miserable all that time. I’d never felt so sorry for him. And I’d never wanted answers from anyone, more than I wanted them from Joanna.

We ran down the garden path, and down the street as fast as we could, trying desperately to flag a cab. I could see Joanna at the end of the road ahead of us, looking back and laughing at what had just happened. But Luke looked as though he wanted to push her into the road, and I wasn’t feeling much better either.

A few minutes later, we were in a taxi and on our way back to the flat. I told Joanna; who was laughing hysterically, to ring Brenda up and give me the phone. She knew from the look on my face that I wanted words with her, and soon lost the smile and started rolling her eyes. She got the phone from her bag and handed it to me. Brenda’s number was on the screen, and I called her as I held Luke’s hand.

Brenda sounded out of breath as she picked up the other end.

I told her, I’m going to the fucking bank and you’re gonna give us everything we want. Otherwise these tapes will end up making their way to your husband, and to the press! Not to mention the police!

She agreed, but then told me that she didn’t have a husband; she had a wife.

Brenda said, Fine, just don’t do anything stupid!

I told her to get all the money together that she could, within the next couple of hours, and that we would be in touch soon. I put the phone down and handed it back to Joanna. She was about to get snotty with me, the way she always used to. But before a fight broke out, we all tried to come up with a plan, agreeing that Brenda was to walk into the bar and give it to one of the barmaids, and say that one of us had left it at her house. Then the barmaid was to call upstairs, and one of us would go down.

Give me that phone back now! I said.

Joanna handed me the phone quickly, and then tried to comfort Luke who was crying. I called Brenda back and told her what she was to do, and reluctantly she agreed again.

And just as I was putting the phone down, I told her, Try anything funny, and I’ll fucking destroy you!

The excitement of what had just happened was rushing through me like wildfire. Our hearts were pounding in the back of the taxi as I grabbed the bag from Jo, and we all peered inside. The bag was filled with money! And thankfully that put a smile back on Luke’s face. It was more than enough to get into the private Clinic, and as we pulled up outside the pub again, I could see him gathering himself and beginning to smile. So I leant over and gave him a kiss, telling him that it was going to be alright.

Not to worry, come on. Let’s go in and count, I said.

I quickly pulled a ten-pound note from the bag I was carrying, and gave it to the driver before we all clambered out of the cab and ran through the door to go up the stairs. We hurried into the living room and turned off the lights as we watched the taxi drive off. I half expected the police to arrive at any time, but after five minutes of silence, it was clear that we’d worked ourselves up into a panic over nothing, and we needed to calm down.

I asked Jo to go and get us a bottle of wine, and told Luke to switch on the lights as I closed the drapes. When the lights were on and the wine was getting opened, Luke watched as I unzipped the bag and emptied the contents all over the floor of the living room.

I had never seen anything like it. Luke started to cry as soon as he saw it. I’d never seen him cry properly before. It broke my heart to think what he must have gone through. Joanna was laughing her head off as usual, and not giving a shit how anyone else felt as she started pouring the wine, while I tried to comfort Luke.

It’s alright. Come on. What’s that on your arm? I asked.

But it was clear that he didn’t want to say anything about it. I could only imagine what had been happening to him. And I couldn't believe that Jo had turned into such an evil bitch! She seemed to have no emotion about it at all. He had clearly been suffering, and she apparently had been watching it happen all that time.

I told her, Stop laughing you evil little cow! Why didn’t you call me? How long has this been happening? And what's in those boxes?

We looked down at the wads of cash and DVD’s all over the floor, and then at the little white boxes. Joanna didn’t say anything about them at first, but Luke’s face told me everything I needed to know. He clutched the drag marks on his arm and then grabbed hold of a plastic bag from the side, and put the little white boxes inside it. He said he never wanted to see them again. He frantically searched around the floor and picked up one of the loose bottles, and wiped the tears from his face, before he stuffed it in the bag along with the rest. Things were becoming clear, and I asked Joanna what was in the boxes.

She said, Pain killers. They made him drowsy, OK!

Luke left the room in tears after stuffing the plastic bag into the holdall. And as she said this, I gave her the slap she’d had coming since high school, then followed Luke to his room. I closed the door as I went inside, and asked him, Tell me what the hell’s been going on!

I grabbed hold of his arm and rolled his sleeve up.

What's going on? I said.

He stood silent for a few seconds. I knew that to push him wasn’t going to get me anywhere, because it never had before. I put my hands on his face and asked him to tell me what was wrong, then leant in and gave him a kiss.

Before the kiss was over though, he pulled away and told me to stop. Then he started to cry even more, telling me, Stop. I’m sorry I should have called you. She used to inject me to keep me drowsy. I’ve got HIV.

I was dumbstruck. I was in total shock and had no idea what to say.

Does Jo know? I asked.

When I saw him nod his head, the rage and fury inside me started to build up so much that my head went dizzy and I almost blacked out. I sat down on the edge of his bed, and tried to get my breath as he knelt infront of me with his hands on my knees, apologizing and crying his eyes out.

I said, Stop crying and don’t say you’re sorry, it’s not your fault.

I wrapped my arms around him and knew that he needed me to be strong for him. He’d already looked up a Doctor in the south of France who specialised in stem cell treatments, and it was one of the only places on earth that had managed to successfully get rid of HIV with a radical new form of P.E.P’s; not legal in the U.K.

We can fix it, we can fit it, it’s gonna be alright, everything’s going to be alright! I said.

He nodded again, still looking at the floor as I tried to make him face me. He ended up laying his head on my shoulder with my arms wrapped around him. We stayed there for nearly half an hour, listening to Jo in the living room; partying by her self. Finally though, he stopped crying and I told him that it made no difference to me at all.

People still live long and healthy lives with H.I.V don’t they? But you won’t need to, because we’ll get the money to make sure there'll never be anything wrong with any of us again, I promise, I said.

I gave him one more kiss and told him to go and dry his eyes.

We’re loaded now! So let’s go celebrate, and take this beer keg bitch for everything she’s got! I said.

He wiped the tears from his eyes and asked me what I thought we should do.

And I told him, We’ll get a load more cash from her, and then do what we said we were gonna do, and move to the Riviera together and start over! How bout it?

He leant over and hugged me, telling me that he wanted to get the hell out of England for a fresh start.

I said, Then that’s what we’ll do. What's the name of the hospital that can make you better? Let’s go and get the computer and find out.

We stood up from the bedroom floor and kissed a little more as he told me that he’d missed me, and I said the same thing to him. I shouted to Joanna to go and get a bottle of Champagne from downstairs, and Luke and I walked from the bedroom through to the living room.

We sat down on the couch together and he reached down the side of it to pick up the computer.

I told Luke, What's the name of the Doctor? Is he in the south of France? We can get enough off her to get somewhere to live aswell.

Thankfully that seemed to cheer him up, and he began searching for the Doctor online, as Joanna came back in popping the cork from the Champagne bottle.

What's the plan then? She said.

Luke was too busy typing to answer her, and I was too pissed off to respond. She knew she was on thin ice with me, so she went through to the little kitchen and filled three champagne flutes to the brim and put a strawberry in each one, before coming back into the living room to make a peace offering.

Ok fine, I should have called you, alright! She said.

It would have sufficed if it weren’t for the fact that he was sick. I didn’t say anything about it, I just took the glasses from her and passed Luke his drink.

We’re moving to the south of France, and you’re gonna make it happen. Get on the phone with your friend and tell her that I want to talk to her NOW, and tell her to get over here with the first instalment. Then tell her that we’ll call her back in the morning for the rest. And she’d better give us what we want, or else we go to the press and the police! And you won’t be getting away with it either Jo, I said.

Joanna quickly put her glass down and started dialling. I could tell it was a game to her, and I was getting more pissed off with her by the minute. But Luke was starting to gain his confidence back as he found what he was looking for, so I was beginning to feel a little better.

Look, it says that it can be treated and cured! He said.

I smiled at him as Joanna waited for Brenda to pick up the phone, and I told Luke again, Everything’s going to be fine.

Then I turned to Jo and told her, Give me fucking phone.

I grabbed it from her, and within a few seconds Brenda had answered, and Luke began to laugh as they both listened to what I had to tell her.

Look bitch, bring everything you can to the pub now, and then we’ll be in touch tomorrow morning, and you’re gonna give us everything we want. Because if you don’t; you’re gonna be on the front pages of every newspaper. On the way back from your house, we dropped your home movies off with a friend. So don’t try anything stupid. All we want is a clean break, and you’re gonna give it to us. You have one hour to get here! I said.

Then I put the phone down and we decided to toast to our success. Before long, we were ploughing through our second bottle of Champagne and ending our love affair with cocaine with a few celebratory lines before moving out of the country for good. We’d made a pact that once we were gone, that was it. And I felt better knowing that I was moving away with people who would hold me up, instead of talking down to me.

Soon after the party began, we saw that Brenda’s car was pulling up outside. We were stood at the window watching her fat little leg step out of the car and her stubby little foot touch down on the tarmac. She pulled herself out of the car and fixed her blouse before opening the back door and pulling out another large black bag. We watched as she started on her way to the entrance, locking the car with her key ring as she went. Joanna ran downstairs and opened the door to the flat, and then she walked outside to meet Brenda. She grabbed the bag out of her hands, and Luke watched as I shouted from the window, Don’t try anything funny dear.

Then Luke and I laughed, and Joanna said a sarcastic, Thank you!

Then she told her that we would be calling her in the morning. Then Brenda gave the mother of dirty looks to Joanna, and Jo told her, Mind your manners bitch, we’ll see you tomorrow.

Then she turned and walked away from her, slamming the door of the apartment behind her as she ran back inside. Brenda looked up at the window, and I waved my Champagne flute at her and mouthed, I know how much you’re worth! How many others have you done it to?

Her eyes widened, and as a barmaid came out of the bar asking if there was anything wrong, she quickly ran back to her car and drove off as fast as she could. Luke had picked up his phone and sent a text to Brenda, telling her to be ready first thing in the morning, and that she’d better make sure we got what we wanted.

Still laughing, we climbed down from the windowsill and sat on the floor around the money we’d taken earlier. And when Jo came back into the living room with the bag, we emptied it out on to the pile and quickly started to count. There must have been another two hundred thousand pounds by looking at it, and we knew from the Internet how much Brenda had in the bank. We decided that after we’d counted it and finished off the wine; we were going to call her back. It took about an hour to count it all, and after it was all put back in the bag, I told Luke to get his phone out and call her again.

He dialled her number and she answered immediately, and Luke told her that I had something I wanted to tell her, and then passed the phone to me.

We know how much there is, and we’re not leaving until we’re millionaires! All of us! I said.

Luke had plucked up the courage to shout down the phone that we were going to leave the country, and if she didn’t want to see us again, then she would give us what we wanted, otherwise she was going to jail. We huddled around the phone as it went silent, then jumped out of our skin when she screamed, FINE! and then hung up the phone.

Falling backwards and feeling like we were on top of the world, we were laid out on the floor surrounded by Champagne bottles, money and cocaine, trying to decide how much we wanted. We started at three million each, aswell as a further million to buy a house between us, and a few hundred thousand to be able to pay for all of our surgeries at the hospital.

Within the hour, Jo was on the phone to the Clinic because she wasn’t as drunk as we were. And after a few minutes, she looked at the two of us and gave the thumbs up; signalling that Luke was in, and everything was going to work the way we wanted it to.

I turned to look at Luke who was lying on his back, and I watched as his eyes started to redden. But in his usual way, he took a deep breath and tried to push his emotions aside. I knew not to push. I just patted him on the forehead and tried to make light of it, and he looked at me and laughed before the whole thing was brushed under the carpet again. I knew he was glad; he didn’t have to say it. And a couple of hours later, I called Brenda again and told her about the figure we had arrived at.

She was flabbergasted, but knew she wasn’t in a position to bargain. The other two were shocked that I’d actually asked for that much. I explained to her that we were going to put our money in time release trust funds in the south of France, and then we wouldn’t run out, and we wouldn’t ever want for anything for the rest of our lives. But then she started to put up a fight. And then the price went up immediately, from three, to five each!

Shocked, the other two laughed as they heard her frantically trying to apologise, but it was too late. We agreed on fifteen between us, and a further three million for a house. While I was negotiating, Jo and Luke were laughing hysterically at me asking Brenda for another two million for all the surgery we wanted at the hospital.

And I want a private fucking Jet! Screamed Joanna.

And to my surprise, Brenda agreed, and then told me to call her in the morning. I told her we had a deal, and then I put the phone down and the celebrations continued. We partied through the night and set an alarm for the following day. Joanna went to bed, and Luke and I fell asleep side-by-side on the couch. It was nice to have someone who didn’t judge, and I had two of them.

Day 2

The following morning , we all woke up excited and raring to go, hung-over but buzzing with anticipation. The stench of stale alcohol was ripe in the apartment, and dozens of cigarettes had made the atmosphere dense and thick. Our heads were pounding as we struggled to get up from the couch to open the windows as we geared ourselves up for the big day ahead.

It was about half past eight when Joanna rang the bank down the road, and started making enquiries about renouncing citizenship and moving abroad. She asked if we could have an appointment with the bank manager later that day, and told them that she would ring them back after she had made a phone call. And then Luke and I watched as Jo put the phone down and began to panic.

What do we do first then? She said.

We looked at each other then back at Jo, before I said, Can’t you tell the bank that someone’s giving us some money, and we need to know how to renounce citizenship before we get it. So we don’t have to pay to leave? Or better still, tell Brenda to get it sorted out.

I put down the tea that Luke had made me, and told them both I was going to go and try to find something to wear to the bank. My head was spinning, and although the couch had been lumpy and uncomfortable, I hadn’t been as relaxed in years. I’d forgotten how much I’d missed going to sleep next to him. But rather than say anything or get sentimental, I got up and went to my room to start rifling through the pitiful few nice outfits I still had to my name.

Just as I’d finished dressing and was trying to fix my knotted hair, Luke walked in telling me that Joanna had arranged an appointment with a financial advisor she knew from the bar downstairs. He looked smart, and I could tell that the weight had lifted. He was as ready as I was to make a clean break and get away from everything that’d been holding us back.

Over the next half hour, the three of us got ourselves looking presentable and called a cab to take us to the bank. It only took fifteen minutes of nervous silent travel until we got there. We were holding the hundreds of thousands of pounds in a conspicuous looking holdall bag, and we couldn't wait to figure out what we were going to do with it. Luke gave the driver a twenty, and told him to keep the change as he pulled over. And as we got out of the car, I asked Jo for her phone and called Brenda from outside.

I told Brenda that she was going to have to buy or rent us a little place so we could get an address overseas, and she quickly agreed. Apparently she was as keen for us to go as we were, so we didn’t think it would be a problem.

Jo and Luke were watching the call take place as we stood outside the bank, and Jo started mouthing, What are you doing?

To which I responded, Shut up stupid bitch, do you want everyone to know that we’re up to no good?

I told Brenda that we needed an address in France to get citizenship, and then she was going do exactly what we said, after we’d figured out what was going to happen. Little did I know that behind the corner, leaning against the outer wall of the bank, was the person we were there to meet, Andrew.

He stepped out from behind the wall and started raising his eyebrows at Jo as I began to panic telling Brenda that I would call her right back. I put the phone down and waited to see how Andrew was going to react, but thankfully he started to laugh as he flicked his cigarette butt on the floor and invited us all inside.

We sat in a small office towards the back of the bank with Andrew opposite. As he sat down and fixed his tie, he laughed and said, What's going on then? What are you up to now?

The other two looked at each other, and I simply said, There's a bastard who gave him H.I.V, and we’re blackmailing her so we can to go to the hospital in France to get him cured, so we need you to work fast, understood?

The smile disappeared from his face and he said, Right, ok I can do that, erm...tell me what you need.

I told him what had happened the night before, and that we wanted a company in France after obtaining citizenship there, so we could sell the company to Brenda.

I also want her to pay off our bank debts so we can leave without hassle, and we won’t make the money till we get there, so any tax stuff we can sort out after we get out of the hospital, I said.

Andrew nodded, and I said, Good, then can you get us out of here because we have to get to the hospital now, do you understand?

I turned to look at the other two, and Luke’s head was down again and I thought he was going to breakdown. I could tell that he hadn’t said it out loud before, and my heart went out to him. I looked at Joanna, still angry with her, and told her, You better get this sorted out, because if you don’t, H.I.V will look like a new haircut compared to what I’ll do to you!

Andrew interrupted my threats to Jo by saying that he could sort it all out for us, and then he got up and told us he would be right back. Joanna was furious that I’d embarrassed her, and after Andrew had left the room, she started trying to make out that I was the one in the wrong. I nearly got up and belted her across the face, but Luke told me to leave it. And after a few minutes, Andrew came back into the room and asked me if we had a place to go. I then remembered that I’d seen a house online that I wanted, and asked if we could use the cash to put a deposit down on it.

I watched him looking at Luke, and then heard him telling us that he could sort anything out. I saw the look on Luke’s face, and asked him if he was sure he wanted to leave with me.

He told me, Yeah, I can’t stand it here another day! I want a place that I don’t have to say thank you for.

And for a second I wondered what he meant, until I saw Joanna rolling her eyes at him and pursing her lips at Andrew.

Don’t start all that, I took you in, she said.

And then I got it, and I asked Andrew what our options were while holding Luke’s hand.

He told us, Well, if you were to relocate and then set up a company with one share each, then basically you could sell the company once you were there, and nobody would be the wiser.

It all sounded incredibly complicated, but really exciting at the same time. I was psyching myself up to meet Brenda, and it wasn’t long until we had agreed on a plan, and Andrew had started to put it into action.

The money that each of us owed the banks; was paid off from the holdall cash, and I had shown him the house on the Internet that I wanted to buy, and he made every effort to try and help us enjoy the experience as much as possible, and got everything in place.

Joanna was still half drunk though, and had started to resent the way I was looking at her, even though she had no right to. Luke had lifted his head and was beginning to pull himself together again, and the tension in the room was like nothing I’d ever felt. At any moment, I feared Luke was going to rip her head off! So I told Jo to call Brenda again, and then to give me the phone.

The phone was ringing in my hand, and after a couple of tries, she finally picked up and I told her, We’re at the bank now, and we need you to get down here. How long are you gonna be? I just told Andrew here everything, say hello Andrew! I just told Andrew what you did, and we’re going to the police if you don’t get down here now!

Luke started to laugh as he watched me trying to scare her on the phone, but his smile soon left his face when he heard Brenda beginning to fight back again, and telling me we weren’t getting anything because she couldn't afford it. Luke started to tear up again, and Joanna said, Told you it wouldn’t work, you idiot!

I stood up looking at Luke, and I could see that it was all getting too much for him.

Jo, if you talk to anyone else like that again, I’m gonna kick your fucking head in! I said.

I then walked over to her chair and grabbed her by the back of the head, much to Andrew’s dismay. He stood up telling me to stop, but I kept on ragging her head backwards and telling her, You open your mouth again, and you’re dead! We could easily call the police about you aswell remember! After what you put him through. Talk to him or me like that again, and you won’t live long enough to regret it.

I let got of her hair, and Andrew took a deep breath to calm his nerves as Luke got hold of my hand and sat me back down.

Brenda, you still there you fat cow? The price just went up! I’m gonna put Andrew on, and he’s gonna tell you what we can do with the taped evidence we took from your house! I said.

But before I could pass him the phone, Brenda had started shouting, OK, OK, I won’t be long.

And before she could put the phone down, I told her that we were selling a company for fifty million euros!

I know how much you’re worth, we looked you up you little bitch. And there’re a couple of other little things that we’re going to need help with aswell. You’ve got ten minutes to get here. Hurry up, I said.

I told Andrew to get on the phone with the bank in France, and then said, The house I want, could you get Brenda to buy it for us, but in our name? I don’t want her to buy it and then give it to us, I want it in our names and for her to pay it off in full instead of faffing around.

Andrew nodded, and quickly began sorting the through his computer to find out exactly what he needed to do. He got on the phone with the bank and they began helping him to get everything in place. And after ten minutes, and after having made everything close to ready, Brenda walked through the doors of his office and said, This is outrageous!

I got up from my seat and belted her across the face. She soon calmed down and started doing as she was told. I told her to sit down, and as she moved to my seat, I saw Luke getting up sharpish as she gave him the same disgusting look she’d given him the night before.

Are you ready to buy them a house? Said Andrew.

He’d called in a favour from someone he knew, and had wangled everything to be pushed through quickly. He told Brenda that he knew what she’d done, and said that he was going to help us go to the police if she didn’t do as he said.

He told her, There's a house that they want, and a company for you to buy. Actually you can just do it now. Are you ready?

He then looked at the bag, as did Brenda. The look on her face said it all, and she soon lost her sarcastic psycho expression and began to fidget again as she knew she had been found out.

Fine! She said.

This made Luke laugh. Her squeaky irritating voice had lowered, and it became clear that she put most of her odd behaviour on for show.

I told her, "You’re pathetic. You have to make yourself even weirder so when people talk about you, you can make out that it’s because that’s the way you want it! It’s easier than admitting that you’re a freak, and everyone thinks you’re a freak anyway. You don’t need to put it on love. Or is that the