Breaking Through Thick and Thin: Finding Myself to Be Beautiful, No Matter What

By Caroline Nicole Marceau

Breaking Through Thick and Thin is an inspirational story about how one can overcome addictions, no matter how bound they may be. It includes journal excerpts, poetry, short stories, and many inspirational words of encouragement. This book provides hope to the lost, and nourishment to the hungry with words that come straight from the mouth of God. Breaking through an alcohol addiction, eating disorder, and other agonizing addictions is simple with the help of loved ones, and of course our First Love Himself, Jesus Christ.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: May 11, 2011
• ISBN: 9781456761912

Caroline Nicole Marceau

Caroline Marceau is a young author who has a heart for her readers and holds nothing back in her writing. Overcoming addictions and battling through the many trials and tribulations of life is what gives Marceau the drive to tell her audience there is hope. She has a passion for the weak, and a dream to see them overcome whatever it may be that holds them back. After being saved by the words of her testimony and the blood of the Lamb, Marceau delights in telling just what God can do. Throughout Highschool and her freshman year at Winona State University, Marceau remembers nothing but trying to fit in. She struggled with an eating disorder for over 4 years, which eventually led to alcoholism. She went to Teen Challenge, in Brooklyn, New York, where she was delivered from her life of destruction. After being woken up in the city that never sleeps, she is now determined to see her readers do the same. She is now chasing after her dreams, pursuing the Media Culture and Arts program at The Kings College in New York City. She wishes to bring glory to God by using her gifts to speak and write wherever God may lead. She also wishes to become a Missionary someday, wherever God may call her. Determined to keep breaking through the thick and thin and find herself in Christ, Marceau shares her words of inspiration and genuine love, so that her audience may as well.

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© 2011 Caroline Nicole Marceau. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

First published by AuthorHouse 5/5/2011

ISBN: 978-1-4567-6190-5 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4567-6191-2 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2011907282

Printed in the United States of America

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

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Contents

Foreword

Introduction

Words from the author before you read…

I am Ready to go Back

Living To Love One

Scripts from Within

Written Upon My Heart:

Poems from the Depths Of Me

Peacefully Sound Revelation

Acknowledgements

About the Author

Foreword

Breaking Through Thick and Thin is the first book out of many that I hope to publish. My first attempt at showing the world my heart is dedicated to my King. He has given me the ability and gift to write from my heart, so this book is for Him. I know it is He who wishes to see all of His children free from a life of bondage, so it is Him to whom I owe all of the credit. He has saved me to send me, and I will go where He calls.

I believe that God is preparing hearts and making a way for His children to experience freedom, especially from eating disorders. Because of my FAITH in the freedom that Christ died in order for us to obtain, I will be setting aside a tenth of whatever profit Breaking Through Thick and Thin may bring forth. I will securely hold onto the proceeds and put the tithes towards my dreams in establishing a place where people can come to and be set free. I believe that we can overcome anything with the Blood of the Lamb and the words of our testimonies, and God will make a way. There will soon be a place with Christ as the cornerstone, where Eating Disorder victims will come to and be freed in the Holy and precious name of Jesus as they dive into their preordained destiny. I am confident that He who began a good creation in me will finish it to the day of completion. There will be an end to this self destruction and new beginnings for those who seek after the freedom found in Christ. There will be a day that we will all dive into the depths of His being, and until then- we will hold strong to the promise that we have in knowing He will never forsake us.

Introduction

Words from the author before you read…

My name is Caroline Marceau, I am twenty years old and I was saved from a life of destruction in January 2010. Though I am still a baby in this Christian walk, I have a testimony that I do believe God wants me to share. God has ever so gently placed upon my heart Eating Disorder victims and people who struggle with Alcoholism. There are so many out there suffering from Eating Disorders, and I just want to let you know that there is hope. Those who are suffering from alcoholism must know that God can offer long term comfort without any hangovers, guaranteed! No matter your addiction or disorder there is hope in the Father. This book is filled with little ‘clips’ from my mind, and scripts upon my heart that were written throughout my recovery process. I hope that one of my stories, poems, or even just a word of wisdom can help change your life. Though this book is filled with many different scripts, I hope that the main point gets across to all of my readers. God has saved me, so that I can help save you by showing you the same love He has shown me. Though I do not know all my readers, I do love you, and that is why I am publishing this book. Many attacks from the enemy have been flooding in since I decided to publish just what God can do. He who is in me is far greater than he who is in the world, so prove our Savior mighty and drink in my words of love from up above!

Throughout my life I have struggled with bulimia, anorexia, depression, self mutilation, codependency, promiscuity, drugs, and alcoholism. I started a chaotic lifestyle when I was a mere 15 years of age. It ended when I almost died due to malnutrition and alcoholism. I grew up knowing of God, but since I have been saved from destroying my life, now I spend my time getting to know God. I realize now that that truly is my only purpose. If I could help a few people out by telling my own story, how our Lord and Savior has saved my life and inspire you to let Him change yours, all of the destructive behavior in my past would have been worth it. You see, when you get to know God, nothing else truly matters besides Him and His Kingdom, (which is His body of believers, here on earth). It is a beautiful sense of freedom that I wish everyone could experience.

I know what it is like to want to constantly run, but you can not because the only one your trying to run from is yourself. I know how it feels to never feel good enough, thin enough, pretty enough, simply satisfied, or accepted. I know how agonizing it is to maintain, upkeep, and strive to measure up to the standards of this world; to just hate your self image and reflection in the end. I know what it is like to look in the mirror and want to scream at the person looking back at you. No matter your situation, I can identify if it has anything to do with self destruction. As you read my book please know that my heart goes out to you so deeply that I can not express with mere words. If you are struggling yourself, know that God is able and if you let go and let God, He will work wonders in your life. I did not even have to agree to changing before He completely consumed and changed my life. He simply does His thing if you just let Him in. He is begging you, waiting at your door, longing to show you His love again, so please I ask you as a sister in Christ, Go back to your first Love. Enjoy my words, written just for you.

From God and I..

I know what you’ve been through,

But child, there is no other one I have created quite like you.

Just keep pushing, there is light around the bend,

You’ve been wishing, hoping, and praying for a friend.

‘I am He,’ trust in the words I have and find out who you are,

Your desperate attempts at true life is in Me, you will not need to very search far.

Though I never really could tell you what was going to become of me,

you must know there are things you cannot see.

I do not belong to any scene here, nor will I try to-

I got lost in this world, and now I am back to help you.

It is now time for you to learn from my journey as you get to know yourself,

This is a book you may want to leave off of the shelf.

You see, I always wanted to be somebody else,

Though I wished that was not the way I constantly felt.

Truthfully I was simply desperate to be comfortable in my own skin,

Truly live, laugh, love, perhaps step out of me and let a few in.

Now that I have been revived by grace and am beaming in all His glory,

Quench your souls thirst by the words of my story.

Together again we can tell the world just how and where we met each other,

Emphasize on the fact that I love you like no other.

Trust my words through Thick and Thin;

It’s not our battle, but we will win.

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I am Ready to go Back

After consuming merely 25, maybe 30 calories of lettuce, I was off to the agonizing treadmill to work off everyone of those forsaken calories. Determined that none of them would turn to fat- I ran. I was good at that. I ran until I could no longer run. When I got dizzy, I felt good. I had certainly worked off every calorie I uncontrollably allowed myself to consume. Still feeling guilty for taking in all those calories- I had to do at least 100 crunches, or else my stomach would blow up. 97, 98, 99, no don’t stop, 102, 103. I somehow allowed my mind to talk my brittle body into doing nearly 300 crunches. Surely the lettuce was now worked off. Now that I had finished all of the food I would be allowed for the day, and had done my daily exercise routine, I pondered what to do next. It had to be beneficial- with some kind of reward as an outcome, it had to please someone. What could I do? ‘Dad may like to hear that I ran, but not far enough, so forget that,’ I thought to myself as I sought attention elsewhere. ‘Maybe mom would be impressed with a good English paper, yeah, thats what I will do.’ Desperately trying to come up with a good theme, problem, and solution that I wished I believed in, I worked myself up into a frantic frenzy. Not understanding why I felt so out of order, I continued striving to write the paper. Three hours later, right hand exhausted- I had finally completed my paper. Determined that someone would appreciate all of my effort; I sought a ‘well done.’ After sharing my desperate attempt for attention, I became disappointed to the response of my audience. Not good enough. I never was. ‘It must not have been good, I need to be better,’ I thought as I tormented myself for no sane reason. Frustrated, I put the paper down and looked for something else to channel my thoughts on. Certainly watching TV would calm my frantic brain. As I sat there I envied every girl I saw as I flipped through channels. ‘Her hair is so much better than mine, her body is perfect, any guy would would just love to be with her, her stomach is so flat, I am the fattest girl in the world!’ I thought as these perfected hollywood actresses did their thing on screen. I envied every hairstyle, every body type, every girl that had something I wanted. I became absolutely disgusted with myself as I watched the women on TV. I didn’t understand why I couldn’t look like them. Why couldn’t I be that thin, I rarely let myself eat and if I did it was only tiny morsels to keep me alive. Why couldn’t I be that pretty? I have drawers of make-up, even brand names, that I wore everyday without fail. I even had the smokey eye perfected, I could do it in my sleep. Though the women I saw in movies looked sexy, I tended to look like I got punched in the face. Why couldn’t I just look like them already? I simply could not understand why I could not be perfect like all of them. Filled with anger and self-pity, I looked for some comfort. I wanted comfort but I had to get it without making too much of a commotion. My aunt was into drugs and I saw the hell she had to go through, I wanted to steer clear of that scene. But what could comfort me? I already had the eating disorder on lock down, no one knew; it was my secret. But I needed a public sense of comfort. Then that would cause attention. Attention is what all those perfect women on TV constantly received, yep, that is exactly what I needed. Maybe if I had a boyfriend I would appear more beautiful. Even if he thought I was pretty then maybe I would feel better. After playing with this thought for a while, I realized that I had been on to something good here. A boyfriend would totally fix everything. He would think I was pretty, he could distract my anxious mind, my friends would be impressed and my family would love having a guy around. Having three girls gets to be a bit much. Convinced that I had the solution to all of my life’s’ problems, I was on to the next venture to try and fill my unknown void. After some desperate attempts to try and hangout with potential boyfriend candidates, my so-called solution was spotted. After catching the eye of my best friends crush- game over. I was determined. Not only was he cute, but he was taken, how dangerous. The forbidden always seemed to have gotten me high. I had to drown myself in this forbidden lust in order to receive all that I could out of him. Just two more innocent little glances into his eyes and I knew I had him. Easy enough, I thought, all I need to do is mark my territory. After convincing my best friend that he was not the one for her and secretly continuing to reel him in, he was mine. I was so right- he was a hit. My family loved him, my friends were impressed. Well, not all of them, but enough to make me satisfied. At this particular point, nothing other than my own satisfaction was personally sought after. He totally loved me too. He was a big distraction for sure. As if I didn’t have enough of a distorted view of reality, I became even more lost in my own world. My body was still not good enough, my hair obviously didn’t make the cut, and even my face covered with a mask of make-up was a poor excuse for beauty. He thought I was beautiful, so I must have been covering up my true self very well. After a while the thrill of having a boyfriend started dying down. I of course was not content without