Secrets of Shiksa Appeal: Eight Steps to Attract Your Shul-Mate

By Avi Roseman

Any nice Jewish girl who follows Ms. Avis advice can catch the Jewish stallion (or near-sighted miniature horse) of her dreams and have a (matzoh) ball doing it. This is a must read for Jewish single gals.

Lori Uscher-Pines, PhD,, author of the Get Your Man to Marry You Plan Secrets of Shiksa Appeal is the sultry, no-holds barred guide to Jewish dating in a post-shtetl society. Ms. Avi, the ultimate yenta, will show her naughty tactics to attract your shul-mate before that chick with no knowledge of a kugel gets him first.

This sassy guide reveals the secrets to:

Dressing like the girl his mother never wanted him to date

Piquing the interest of Jewish men in any setting

Challenging him more than World of Warcraft

Choosing the perfect shiksa gift

Keeping him hooked after a good shtup

Letting him think he controls the relationship, even though he doesnt

Using her no-BS approach, Ms. Avi provides techniques you can use to coerce Jewish men to date within their kind. Discover the dirty secrets to what Jewish men really want...hell never crave Christmas ham again.

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• Language: English
• Publisher: iUniverse
• Release date: Aug 11, 2011
• ISBN: 9781450290005

Avi Roseman

Avi Roseman grew up in Manhattan and attended the Fieldston School. A graduate of the Johns Hopkins University, she spent three years in IT consulting and is a part-time yenta and Jewish singles columnist for Northern Virginia.

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Contents

Acknowledgements:

Introduction

Why Write About Them?

Some Basic Truths:

What You Will Learn: The 8-Step Method:

Have Faith in Our Kind:

Chapter 1-

Shiksify Your Look:

Be Yourself, Just Better

You Are Sexy!

That’s Nice, Ms. Avi, But…

A Grand List of What Men Find Attractive About Women:

Shiksas Don’t Wear Schmatas!

Look Cute in Unsuspecting Places:

What to Wear on a Date:

Chapter 2-

Playing Hard to Get,

Shiksa Style

You’re Jewish Too? Great, I’m Gonna Throw Myself at You:

Study Her:

Don’t Chase—Let Them Come After You:

Learn to Receive—Ask Not What You Can Do for Your Man…

Your Feminine Voice:

You’re Not Outback Steakhouse—Don’t Accept Last-Minute Reservations:

Chapter 3-

Where to Meet a Mensch and Other Awkward Party Situations

A Glossary Before We Go Hunting:

Jewish Events:

Mensch-Friendly Non-Specifically Jewish Events:

A Word on Numbers:

Be the New Girl in Town—Even if You’ve Been Here Five Years:

Work on Your Jew-dar:

Chapter 4-

Online, Speed-Dating, and Set-Ups:

Toto, We’re Not in the Old

Country Anymore

Date Like a Shiksa in Cyberspace:

On Which Sites Can You Buy Kosher Beef?

The Perfect Pictures that Get You Free Meals:

Ms. Avi’s Honorary Fifth Passover Question:

Let’s Write a Bunch of Lies, Shall We?:

Reading, Responding, and the Shiksa Shabbat:

First Encounters of the Jewish Male Kind:

Facebook, LinkedIn, and Other Stalking Mechanisms:

Speed-Dating 101:

What to Wear to Speed-Dating:

Hire a Wing-Jew for the Night:

After the Awkwardness Ends:

Set-ups—The Other White Mitzvah:

How to Be Set Up:

Step-by-Step Instructions on How to Perform a Set-Up:

Chapter 5-

Date Like a Shiksa

How to Handle the Where Should We Meet? Dilemma:

Wait, When, Where: You’re Picking Me Up Saturday at 6:00, Right?

Acting Like a Shiksa:

Leave the JAP at Home:

Play the Dumb Blonde Card…Smartly:

The Shiksa Compliment:

Let the Insecure Jewish Boy Shine:

Positive and Happy, Even if You’re Not:

And When the Check Comes …

Leave Him Wanting More:

"Are You Going to Call Me? Please?"

Lanny, and Tommy, and Brett, Oh My!

WTF Are We?

No Answer Is Your Answer:

Chapter 6-

Let Him Define the Relationship (Or at Least Let Him Believe That)

Pace the Relationship Like a Shiksa:

Men May Love Bitches, But Eventually He’ll Want to See Your Nurturing Side:

Jewish Friendography and How to Not Be a Clinger:

No Need to Buy His Affection—The Shiksa Gift:

Mishpucha and the Two Jewish Mothers:

Dude…You’re So Whipped:

How Much Crap Should I Leave at His Place?:

Moving in and Hosting Shabbat Dinner Every Friday Night Together:

Chapter 7-

Be the Preacher’s Daughter:

Sex, Sin, and Recognizing the Kosher Player

A Change in Definition:

Hold Off as Long as You Can:

The Green Signal:

Sexy Time Kosher Style Q&A:

Chapter 8-

Evaluate Like the Shiksa: Is He Actually your Prince Mensching?

Ms. Avi’s List of Factors That Matter:

Time to Part Like the Red Sea?

Your Eggs, Wasting Time, and Vasectomies:

If He Calls It Quits:

If You De-Mensched:

Concluding Thoughts

Selected Bibliography and Recommended Reading

Acknowledgements:

An especially big thank-you to Jodi, my editor, for helping me turn this rough around the edges guide into a semi-legit book that sometimes uses English grammar. Thank you to Lori who provided me with the initial guidance and confidence that I could make this work.

To all of the people I got to bug with questions on a regular basis: Miriam, Stacy (my PR rep), Julie, Melissa (my go-to shiksa), Vicki, Ivan, Barry, John, Rachel, S. Party, Karen, Jennifer, Jillian, Heather, and Laura. Cousin Jordy, I know you tried to read it, but were in Russia, but you mentioned me in your bat-mitzvah speech, so I figured I’d mention you here.

This book was inspired by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider, best-selling authors of The Rules. If you have not read their book, I would highly recommend it. Ellen and Sherrie also gave me the advice to not ever dare mention to my boyfriend that I was writing a dating book. Let’s see how that works out…

Thank you to Samuel Kanner for the hand-drawn cover design that happens to not resemble me in the slightest. She is a looker though…

To my parents and sister, thanks for hopefully speaking with me again after this gets published. I’ve printed out a special copy just for you that doesn’t include Chapter 7.

To all of you who have purchased this book, criticized it, recommended it to friends, and liked it on Facebook, I appreciate it.

Introduction

I once drove a boyfriend into the arms of a shiksa. The following pages are my attempt to make up for that:

His name was Adam. He cared about his faith and wanted to pass on more about Judaism than just bagels to his future unborn-lawyer offspring. Unfortunately I tried to change the way he dressed, was a bit of a clinger, and left him with a sour taste in his mouth for Jewish women. The next year, I learned the hard way—through Facebook—that he had a new girlfriend named Catherine O’Malley. With the shiksiest of all shiksa names, it was highly doubtful that she was a tribesmate. Not that I had anything against her; I’m sure she came from a lovely family. But I couldn’t stop my pretty little finger from clicking through their twenty Facebook pictures together—it was like not being able to look away from a train wreck. There was the evidence before me—one photo of them at the beach, one of them sipping eggnog at her family Christmas party, and one of them making out on New Year’s Eve. I would not have been jealous if he were dating a Rebecca or a Shira, but a Catherine? According to a Talmudic saying, when you save a life, you save the whole world. Should I be held responsible for the destruction of the Jewish tradition because I treated an ex-boyfriend poorly and drove a former Hebrew School all-star into the arms of a Catholic girl?

There’s a lot I would have done differently had I known then what I know now about shiksa appeal and attracting quality Jewish men. Some naïve Jewish women solely blame shiksas for our men straying and ask, How do we counteract them? And more importantly, how do we remove their profiles from JDate? We can either bitch about shiksas stealing our men or we can learn from them and prevent them from doing that in the first place! We Jewish women have so many admirable qualities, but there is room for improvement. In this book, we’ll delve into the looks and behaviors that most Jewish men are looking for in a woman. We’ll also reveal what makes shiksas so attractive to Jewish men, and how you, too, can emulate them without losing your unique identity.

Why Write About Them?

In case you are not familiar with the term, shiksa, a Yiddish word meaning blemish, describes a non-Jewish woman. The context is usually derogatory, because only a little more than half of American Jews marry within the faith. Of those who intermarry, only one-third end up raising their children Jewish. Some Orthodox Jews go so far as to call intermarriage the Silent Holocaust. But are our men entirely to blame? If you were a slightly socially awkward Jewish male, wouldn’t that All-American girl-next door in your biochem class tempt you? Wouldn’t you want her touching your matzo balls, too?

Believe it or not, shiksas have existed just as long as Jews have—yet we still overcame for all this time! First they were multi-god-worshipping Pagans. Then they morphed into cute blonde Catholic girls, and now they’re also petite Asian girls in med school. But so far, the Jews have survived and procreated anyway.

Our challenges today differ from those of the past. We can no longer rely on the insular shtetl life or alienation from the rest of society to ensure Jewish procreation. We no longer wear yellow stars, nor are we all living in the densely populated Lower East Side of Manhattan. Despite the hardships of tenement life, it was significantly easier to find your kosher beef when your neighbors and classmates were all Jewish!

When our great-grandparents walked off that one-star cruise ship from Eastern Europe, their goal was to be American—and some lost their Judaism along the way. Today we are accepted members of society, without the shtetls, ghettos, or the Pale of Settlement that kept us separated from (yet intertwined with) the outside world. The price we pay for religious freedom in America is that:

1. Our children are surrounded by and befriended by non-Jews in school and in their communities.

2. We no longer impose strict consequences (such as ex-communication from a family) by dating or marrying outside the faith. Back in the old country (and still among religious circles), families sit shiva for a child who marries a goy. Today, intermarriage is such a common occurrence that secular Jewish mothers embrace their Gentile daughters-in-law or they risk driving their children away from the family.

Furthermore, our multicultural society encourages diversity and intermingling among races and discourages different sections of society from remaining separated. I’m not going to lie; as much as I love my fried rice, I realize that enjoying fattening Chinese foods comes at a price, not only for my midline but also because it lessens family pressure to marry within the faith. Our cushy lifestyle, filled with diversity and other big words, has unfortunately relieved the pressure to marry into bagels and lox. Jewish education (for the majority of American Reform and Conservative Jews) ends at age thirteen once the bar-mitzvah checks are cashed. Because of this, many young Jews do not stay connected to the community. It’s pretty obvious why almost half of American Jews don’t marry under the Chuppah.

A mother’s best defense against her nice Jewish son going for the Lucy Liu look-alike is to raise her son with a strong Jewish education, a love of their heritage and culture, and strong Jewish values. Studies have shown that the more years of religious education a Jewish child receives, the less likely he/she will be to