Advice for Life from the Mouths of Elders: One Hundred Ways to Grow Old Gracefully

By Mark Elliott Miller

There is great wisdom in the hearts and minds of our elders. Too often, this wisdom is lost as time passes. What a tragedy! In writing this book, elder rights advocate and author Mark Elliott Miller emailed, mailed, and hand-delivered surveys to over 100 independent and assisted living eldercare communities in all 50 states. He asked activity directors, administrators, and other staff at these facilities to identify one or two residents "who have healthy attitudes towards life." Once identified, these elders answered questionnaires in their own words. Elders in 18 states participated by sharing timeless pearls of wisdom for all to enjoy!

COMMENTS FROM READERS

"Ordinary wisdom from extraordinary people." -Diane Persson, Ph.D., Director, Long-Term Care Ombudsman Program, Center on Aging, University of Texas Health Science Center at Houston

"Gems of common sense from those who have lived long enough to understand what life is about." -Les Prebilsky, Writer/Editor, Houston, TX

"It is never too late to have a happy childhood." -Sherrie Knigge, RN

• Language: English
• Publisher: iUniverse
• Release date: May 7, 2003
• ISBN: 9781491724088

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All Rights Reserved © 2003 by Mark Elliott Miller

No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping, or by any information storage retrieval system, without the written permission of the publisher.

Authors Choice Press an imprint of iUniverse, Inc.

For information address:

iUniverse, Inc.

2021 Pine Lake Road, Suite 100

Lincoln, NE 68512

www.iuniverse.com

Mark Elliott Miller, MPH

3700 Wakeforest, #16

Houston, Texas 77098

713-526-7949

[e-mail]

ISBN: 0-595-27716-0

ISBN: 978-1-4917-2408-8 (ebook)

Contents

Dedication

Preface

1 The Best Advice Ever

2 Secrets Of Long Lives

3 Lessons For Future Generations

4 Fond Memories To Share

5 Relationships With God

6 Photo Gallery

7 Living Through Pain

8 Finding Joy In Life

9 Keeping A Healthy Body And Mind

10 Looking Into The Future

11 Final Thoughts On Life

12 One Hundred Ways To Grow Old Gracefully

Acknowledgements

ADVICE FOR LIFE FROM THE MOUTHS OF ELDERS

One Hundred Ways To Grow Old Gracefully

DEDICATION

To my wife, Robyn, and all our friends in the past, present, and future. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and lighting the way. I hope the words captured here will guide and inspire readers to make a difference in their corner of the world.

Lola Brooks, an elder in Houston, Texas, offers this tribute from an unknown poet.

"I would rather have a little rose from the

garden of a friend,

Than flowers strewn around my casket when

my days on Earth must end.

I would rather have a living smile from one

I know is true,

Than tears shed ‘round my casket when this

world I bid adieu,

Bring me all the flowers today whether

pink or white or red,

I would rather have one blossom now than

a truckload when I’m dead."

Mark Elliott Miller, MPH

Houston9 Texas

PREFACE

Why do we fear growing old? As each of us reaches a milestone of age 21, 40, 50 and beyond, we consciously or unconsciously bid farewell to our youth. Friends may dignify our rite of passage with Over the Hill balloons or a cake decorated with black icing, tombstones, or other morbid paraphernalia. My maternal grandmother, Ceil Halpern Greenberg, frequently reminded those who were fearful of growing older that age is only a number. It does not define who we are, what we are capable of doing today, and what we can do in the future. Granted that illness or injury may make us feel our age, our state of mind at any age can give us control over our lives.

I believe the proverbial fountain of youth is within us all. While the unexpected tragedy of dementia and its resultant Alzheimer’s Disease may take away our mind over matter self-control, research has proven that the large majority of us can grow old as we wish, remaining in control of our faculties, and charting our later and final years according to a plan.

My wife Robyn’s paternal grandmother, Mabel Carr Porter, proved in her 104-1/2 years that life and death are, to a great degree, within an individual’s control. This remarkable widowed mother of three, grandmother, great-grandmother, and great-great grandmother lived independently in an assisted living community in Alliance, Nebraska. One week prior to her death in August 2002, she bid farewell to all who loved her. Her hospice nurse described it as opening the door. She stopped eating, closed her eyes, and waited for her time to move spiritually through the door one final time. Mabel was slight in stature, but a great force in quietly bringing her two sons and only daughter back to their childhood hometown at happy times over the years and during her final days.

It has been said that there is no greater pain than seeing your own child die. Sadly, my grandmother watched her only daughter, my mother, die from cancer. Mabel learned, a short time before her death, that her eldest son, Bob, my father-in-law, was hospitalized for cancer surgery. Bob, like his mother, had a zest for family life and a truly kind heart. He told his mother the doctor got all the cancer, despite his surgeon’s pronouncement that the condition would be terminal and the chemotherapy would only be palliative (for comfort), not curative. The treatments could add months to his 77 years. He wanted to spare his beloved mother from the pain of losing a son.

Denial and little white lies can be gifts. I think Mabel, as much of her generation thought, heard the C word-CANCER-and believed it was synonymous with death. As a spiritual person with a well-read bible at her bedside at all times, Mabel likely wanted to greet her son in his final heavenly home. It was her love for family and friends that gave Mabel over 100 good years. When she was memorialized on August 19, 2002, the funeral home chapel was standing room only. At this writing, Bob is still receiving chemotherapy, his cancer has not spread, and he is in the process of remodeling his kitchen. Mabel and Bob were the inspiration for this book.

I believe there is great wisdom in the hearts and minds of our elders. Too often, this wisdom is lost as time passes. What a tragedy! In writing this book, I emailed, mailed, and hand-delivered surveys to over 100 independent and assisted living eldercare communities in all 50 states. I asked activity directors, administrators, and other staff at these facilities to identify one or two residents who have healthy attitudes towards life. Once identified, these elders answered questionnaires in their own words. Some enclosed photos capturing their passion for life. Elders in 18 states chose to participate in this project.

This treasure chest of pearls of wisdom is now permanently open for today’s and future generations’ enrichment. Read on, and share!

1

THE BEST ADVICE EVER

In most of our lives, our parents and grandparents are our mentors and our teachers. Do