Mishaps, Mayhem, & Menopause: Letters to Shirley

By Carolyn Hendricks Wood

Before the advent of e-mail and cell phones, there was the art of letter writing to communicate with one another. In Mishaps, Mayhem, and Menopause, author Carolyn Hendricks Wood shares a series of personal letters written to her sister Shirley during a seventeen-year-period, from 1980 to 1997. Separated by eight hundred miles, Wood kept Shirley updated with stories about special friends and family through her letters.

Humorous and insightful, the letters recall events from childhood, confess embarrassing moments, bemoan the passing of youth and memory, and make growing old seem almost fun. Mishaps, Mayhem, and Menopause takes a lighthearted look at aging, menopause, and family life as Carolyn shares her experiences, observances, and thoughts.

While musing over the consequences of growing older, this collection of heartfelt letters provides reassurance to women everywhere that they are not alone in their battles against both the physical and mental effects of aging and menopause.

• Language: English
• Publisher: iUniverse
• Release date: Mar 23, 2011
• ISBN: 9781462000968

Carolyn Hendricks Wood

Carolyn Hendricks Wood has written six children’s books and numerous Christian works. She resides in Suffolk, Virginia, with her husband, Jerry, of forty-five years. They have six grandchildren. Visit her online at www.letters2shirley.com.

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February 1980

missing image file ear Shirley,

I hope this finds you andjim doing well and staying active. None of us are getting any younger and they say we need to stay active into old age. So, since you’re pushing forty, you’d probably best get to it. Tee, hee.

It is hard to believe thatjerry will be breaking ground for his garden soon. The months go by so quickly, don’t they? Did I tell you how I put up corn last year? I blanched it in the dishwasher. Have you ever heard of doing that? I had heard about it some time ago so I tried it but it cooked the corn too much. Guess I should not have let it run a full cycle. Anyhow, I’m thinking if you can blanch corn in the dishwasher, why can’t you wash greens in the washing machine? Kale or collards I do ok with. They are not a bother to wash. But mustard and turnip greens are a pain so why can’t I wash them in the washing machine? Hmm…

Sorry I haven’t written lately, but so much has been going on. Wait a minute!! Why am I apologizing to you??? You never write to me!! Anyhow, I am barely over something that happened recently so if this letter has acidic overtones, you’ll understand why as you read.

You know that since childhood I have had hearing problems, and now that I am older it is getting more pronounced. Since modern medicine has come so far I decided it was time to see if anything could be done. Recalling that Marietta had recently gone to an ear specialist I called her (mistake number one) to see who the doctor was and if she liked him. Unfortunately, I awakened her from her afternoon nap and we both know she doesn’t need sleep to make her foggy. She gave me the doctor’s name and I looked him up in the white pages of the phone book since I dislike looking physicians up in the yellow pages (mistake number two). After making the appointment I asked if the doctor would need my records and the receptionist assured me he would not. I was certainly relieved because my doctor died a hundred years ago and I didn’t know who had my records. I thanked her and proceeded to call our sister-in-law for a ride since my armis still in a cast and I cannot drive yet.

The day of the appointment was one of those soaking, rainy days when your windshield wipers can’t go fast enough and you feel like the rain is literally coming down in buckets. When we got out of the car I ducked my head down (mistake number three) and ran into the building. When I was done with the new patient information sheet the nurse called me into the examining room and told me to slip off my shoes and hose.

Let me stop here and preface what happened next with my disdain of undressing forjust any doctor. I mean, one comes to grips with shyness after having a baby, and yearly checkups with the same gynecologist or M.D. But, Sis, I once went to a neurologist for a problem I was having in my neck and he had me strip to my waist for an examination!! I even had to take off my shoes and hose!

Then, after I broke my arm and it wasn’t healing right, the orthopedic doctor decided he’d have to operate so he had me strip for a pre-op examination!! So there I was, stripping for yet another doctor who was not my GYN. And now, this ear specialist wanted me to remove my panty-hose??? Well Sis, I decided enough was enough so I challenged the order and asked, rather icily, For my ears???!!! For a minute the nurse just stared at me. Then she grinned and said, Your ears? You came to have your ears examined? Now it was my turn to stare. She began to laugh hysterically and bending double, she cried, But he’s a podiatrist!! I couldn’t say anything. I stood there dumbfounded as she ran from the room unable to contain herself.

I was too embarrassed to leave the room just then. I certainly know the difference between a Podiatrist and an ENT doctor but the white pages only list names, not professions, and what with all the rain as we entered the building…

I looked for another way out, but there was none. I wanted to stay until the cleaning lady came that night; or the next. Finally, Ijust picked up my purse and walked to the checkout counter and asked if there would be a charge. Standing right behind the receptionist was the good doctor and nurse Giggle Puss, smiling. Linda certainly looked puzzled, but she did not ask any questions and merely followed me out to the car. Bless her.

Marietta has done some drifty things in her life, but this time it involved me and I was undone! Had I not been dependent on Linda for a ride, I would have gone straight over to Marietta’s and pummeled her with my cast. As soon as I got home I called her. Nap or no nap she had some explaining to do. Oh yeah, she said, I went to two doctors about the same time. One was Dr. T______, a podiatrist, and the other was Dr. T______, an ear specialist. And she laughed. She laughed!

What is it about Marietta? Did I ever tell you what happened while she was in the hospital before Christy was born? She had been in there for a full week because of her nerves, and although the baby was due, there had been no signs of her coming. Anyway, I went to see her straight from the beauty parlor, so suffice it to say I looked about as good as I could. Also, you will recall that Marietta is two years older than me.

When I arrived she told me there was a chance they were going to have to do a Cesarean section. Sure enough, a perky, young nurse, tray in hands, soon pranced into the room and announced she was going to prep Marietta for surgery. Thinking the curtain would offer enough privacy, but wanting to be courteous, I asked, Should I step out? To which the perky young nurse replied, Oh, um, are you the Mother? This was doubtless the first time Marietta had laughed in weeks. It used to be such fun when, as teenagers, I was mistaken for the older one. We’re not teenagers anymore, and it’s not fun anymore.

When I said I had broken my arm, it was actually my wrist. It happened when I went with Bubba’s class to the skating rink. Bubba skated; I skated. Bubba fell; I fell. Bubba got right back up and skated off. I got right back up and was rushed to the Emergency Room. The doctor put me in an L-shaped cast. A few days later I was standing at the front door looking out, when my neighbor, Martha, waved at me from across the street. She waved three times. I guess she thought I hadn’t seen her because my arm was still up.

I went bargain hunting the other day. Sales are everywhere and I do love sales! Have you ever thought about why the merchants price their goods for say, $1.99 instead of $2.00? Whoever started this was a marketing genius. Names are not important here, but I just bet it was a woman. I mean, $1.99 is $2.00 any way you look at it but the strategy works, doesn’t it? A few weeks ago, I bought two lamps that were regularly $69.99 but were on sale for