Uncle John's Facts to Go Sports Shorts
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About this ebook
Uncle John’s Sports Shorts lets you relive the sporting world’s most incredible moments! From ancient stick-and-ball games to modern-day sports deals and the physics of football, it’s all in here: great finishes, embarrassing losses, inside secrets, bizarre pastimes, and disastrous “Dumb Jocks” quotes—including this bewildering gem from the NFL’s Erik Ainge about Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez: “He’s stupid while being stupid. You have to be smart while being stupid, and he’s dumb while being dumb.” Don’t even try to comprehend that, just read about what else you’ll find in Sports Shorts:
• Bowling for humans
• Reasons you should never mix hipsters, kickball, and alcohol
• The hidden power of Olympic swimming champion Mark Spitz’s mustache
• The origins of surfing, instant replay, ESPN, March Madness, cricket, stock car racing, and more
• How the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders changed the way America watches sports
• The biggest conspiracy theories in pro sports, the most shocking uses and abuses of the Stanley Cup, and the most hellish holes in golf
• Baseball records that will never be broken
• When soccer moms go ballistic
And much, much more!
Bathroom Readers' Institute
The Bathroom Readers' Institute is a tight-knit group of loyal and skilled writers, researchers, and editors who have been working as a team for years. The BRI understands the habits of a very special market—Throne Sitters—and devotes itself to providing amazing facts and conversation pieces.
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Uncle John's Facts to Go Sports Shorts - Bathroom Readers' Institute
SPACED-OUT SPORTS
There’s a fine line between stupid and surreal. The opening story of this e-book has crossed that line, but was then called for a 15-yard encroachment penalty and had to swim back to second base until the goalie scored three free throws.
I dunno. I never smoked any Astroturf.
—MLB pitcher Tug McGraw, when asked whether he preferred
grass or Astroturf
Sandro’s holding his face. You can tell from that it’s a knee injury.
—Soccer commentator Dion Dublin
I am the most loyal player money can buy.
—Don Sutton, pitcher for the L.A. Dodgers, Houston Astros,
Milwaukee Brewers, Oakland A’s, and California Angels
In his interviews, [David] Beckham manages to sit on the fence very well and keeps both ears on the ground.
—Irish soccer manager Brian Kerr
There is one word in America that says it all, and that word is, ‘You never know.’
—MLB pitcher Joaquín Andújar
Cardiff’s owner is a billionaire. He’s worth about £850 million.
—English cricket player Ronnie Irani
I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids to copulate me.
—Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson, on being a role model
You guys line up alphabetically by height.
—Florida State University football coach Bill Peterson
He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings.
—University of Houston receiver Torrin Polk, on his coach,
John Jenkins
I don’t care what the tape says. I didn’t say it.
—NFL coach Ray Malavasi
I didn’t know big guys had groins. I’m finding out today that I actually have one.
—Giants defensive tackle Norman Hand, after straining his groin
He’s stupid while being stupid. You have to be smart while being stupid, and he’s dumb while being dumb.
—Quarterback Erik Ainge, on former New York Jets teammate
Mark Sanchez
My sister’s expecting a baby, and I don’t know if I’m going to be an uncle or an aunt.
—North Carolina State basketball player Chuck Nevitt, explaining
to coach Jim Valvano why he was nervous at practice
Sure, there have been injuries and deaths in boxing—but none of them serious.
—World middleweight champion boxer Alan Minter
Winfield goes back to the wall. He hits his head on the wall—and it rolls off! It’s rolling all the way to second base! This is a terrible thing for the Padres.
—San Diego Padres radio announcer Jerry Coleman, describing a
fly ball hit by the opposing team
Heads up! Greeks and Romans used the heads of criminals and enemies as balls.
PEEWEE MOMS GO WILD!
Have you ever seen moms get way too fired up for their kid’s game? Little League coach Vinny Roberto laments, Parents go bananas…climbing on the fences and yelling at umpires.
Here are some times when shin guards weren’t enough—bodyguards were needed to fend off these attack moms.
CHIP OFF THE OL’ BLOCK
No one expected the drama that unfolded at one soccer game for kids under age 16 in Orange County, New York. When a player was disqualified for rough play, he ripped off his jersey and threw it in the referee’s face. After the game, his parents, still upset about the call, stalked the referee through the parking lot and confronted him. The mom was the worst offender; she yelled, swung at the ref, and pushed him as other families watched in disbelief. Fortuitously, a police car drove by, ending her tirade. She fled on foot. Town president Jay Anthony, who witnessed the event, said, I’ve seen players do that, but never a parent. It was quite embarrassing.
None of the family members were named in news reports. The son was suspended from the league for two years.
TOTAL SHUTOUT
A mother of three in British Columbia annoyed so many people that a judge issued an unusual restraining order against her in 2014. It prevented her from contacting any third parties involved in her sons’ care (such as doctors or coaches), as well as officials of the NHL, the regional Western Hockey League, and a local hockey team. Why? Her 15- and 17-year-old sons are youth hockey stars, and the elder son had drawn the interest of the Vancouver Giants junior team—but the coaches told his dad that they couldn’t sign him because of his overbearing mom. She had sent hundreds of e-mails to hockey officials, lambasted Detroit Red Wings coach Mike Babcock for visiting one of her sons in the hospital, started disturbances at youth games, and even assaulted a coach. According to one coach, her e-mails and the anxiety that they cause…are just too much to manage. I feel very unsafe and worried at the rink as we are not sure if [she] will show up and cause a problem.
The dad has sole custody of the kids and now handles their hockey schedules himself.
GEE, THANKS, MOM
In Ontario, Canada, a 2007 tournament soccer game turned sour when 39-year-old mother Sandra Gutierrez went ballistic on the referee for making a call she disagreed with. Bad: the game was for boys under age 8. Even worse: the ref was a 14-year-old girl. Gutierrez flew at the teenager, shouting like crazy, and when the teen’s dad tried to intervene, she punched him in the face. An off-duty police officer tried to break up the fight, but the wildcat mom actually scratched him. As the officer tried to arrest Gutierrez, her husband, Sergio Vazquez-Lopez, dragged the officer away. Finally both parents were arrested and charged with assault. The kicker? Their kid’s team had been winning the game, and did win 3–1, but due to the incident, the team withdrew from the tournament.
LITTLE LEAGUE, LARGE DILEMMA
After baseball practice one day in 2006, two mothers in Tenafly, New Jersey, got into an altercation. Apparently, Ellen Reichenberg was upset that her