Holden's Regrets

By Diane Zparkki

Ever since they were kids, Shannon has been in love with her best friend's older brother, Holden. She once hoped that Holden would come to his senses and accept that they are meant to be together.
Holden, on the other hand, only ever saw Shannon as his kid sister's best friend, and a royal pain with her crush. That was, until one night in college when his sister and Shannon visited him. That was when Holden saw Shannon for the beautiful, vibrant young woman she had grown into.
When he returned home from college, he planned to declare his feelings to her; to tell her that he realized what he had been denying all these years and to give them a chance. However, he was too late. Shannon had finally taken the hint and moved on, dating another man, one she agreed to marry. The only place left for Holden was in the friend zone.
In a turn of fate, circumstances change and Shannon feels like she has no choice but to leave town with a secret of her own. Holden, meanwhile, will do anything to mend their friendship and hopefully build it into something more.
Will Holden be able to handle the surprises that are coming his way and continue to love Shannon the way he really wants to? Can Shannon trust the man who drove her out of her home and hurt her yet again?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Diane Zparkki
• Release date: Mar 26, 2018
• ISBN: 9781370503865

Diane Zparkki

Diane Zparkki——lives in the greater Toronto area. She is a working mom, and with her husband, she has raised three great kids. She is a thrill seeker who usually drags her family along with her.She was never a big reader or writer in her youth—Coles Notes were her best friend throughout college. Her enthusiasm for reading came later in life when she joined a book club. She loved those books, but she wanted raw, simple, and happily ever after with a bit of get down and dirty. That was when her love for bad boys on a Harley was set in motion—it helped that her husband rides, too.After reading so many books, her mind started to create her first story, and she needed to get it out.Fixing Sydney of the Branson’s Kind of Love trilogy is her first book, and she hopes you enjoy it as much she enjoyed having these characters running around in her head.

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Branson’s Kind of Love Trilogy

Written by Diane Zparkki

Published by Diane Zparkki at Smashwords.

Copyright 2018 Diane Zparkki

This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance of characters to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. The Author holds exclusive rights to this work. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited.

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for the recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Editing by C&D Editing

Cover created by: Ravenne Designs

This is a work of fiction. All names, characters, places and events portrayed in this book either are from the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, establishments, events, or location is purely coincidental and not intended by the author. Please do not take offence to the content as it is fiction.

Trademarks: This book identifies product names and services known to be trademarks, registered trademarks, or service marks of their respective holders. The authors acknowledge the trademarked status in this work of fiction. The publication and use of these trademarks is not authorized, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owners.

This book contains mature content not suitable for readers under the age of 18. This book contains content with strong language, violence, and sexual situations. All parties portrayed in sexual situations are over the age of 18.

Table of Contents

Title Page

Copyright

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Chapter 29

Chapter 30

Chapter 31

Epilogue

Playlist

Acknowledgements

About the Author

Chapter One

Shannon

Hello?"

Hey, Liz. It’s me, I greeted over the phone with my best happy voice.

Hey, girl! Just give me a minute to go inside so I can hear you better.

I waited patiently, listening to the swoosh of the breeze and the chatter and laughter of friends as Liz removed herself from the group, hopefully finding a quiet spot to protect my whereabouts, which I begged her to keep. My heart clenched at knowing they were probably sitting out back by the crackling fire, sharing their day’s events under the stars.

Okay, I’m here. I can hear you better now. How have you been? She asked each time I called to check in.

Just peachy, I thought sarcastically.

I’m good. Just getting ready to settle in for the night, watching a little television before turning in. I shared my basic uneventful night, minus my nausea—my usual every night since I moved two hours away from my home and friends. I missed them terribly, and the man who had broken my heart.

Hey, Shannon, I know you don’t want to talk about this … but you really need to give Sydney a call. She’s going batshit crazy. She’s worried about you. When she didn’t hear from you for a month, she called the university. The student registration office told her you’re not registered there. Now she’s flipping out.

I had told everyone back in May that I was switching universities to finish my master’s program in psychology and was moving at the end of June.

I can’t do it, not with everything I am going through right now, I told her, knowing she was the only one who knew the real reasons I had left town, besides the guilt.

Shannon … Sydney would understand. She would be happy to be there for you. She said so herself not ten minutes ago.

I silently listened to Liz’s pleas as tears slowly trickled down my face. Sydney would come looking eventually, but I wasn’t ready to see her, never mind having the conversation she would demand. I had a colossus amount of guilt for the torment I had caused Sydney over the last few years.

Sydney was the sister I never had, and I loved her with all my heart. I wished so many times her mother, Sara, was mine. I had hoped that one day my own relationship with my mother would look like theirs, yet it remained a far cry from the mother/daughter relationship we actually shared.

I can’t, Liz. I tried hard to sound put together and strong. I’d had a lot of practice faking it over the last couple years. I had learned from the best—my parents. Not to mention a fiancé who had claimed to devote his love to me and wanted to marry me. However, the truth of the matter was, I was falling apart day by day. I tried to stay positive, but I missed everyone. I have to go. I’ll call you in a couple days, okay?

Okay, hon, take care of yourself. I’ll try to make it out there next weekend. Bye.

As I listened for the silence that let me know the call had ended, I thought about the night of Danny and my engagement dinner, the night I found out he had been my best friend Sydney’s stalker. I felt like such a fool for not realizing he had been pining over Sydney for all that time and using me to gain access to her life.

Danny had asked Sydney out in my senior year, but she had turned him down. He wasn’t Sydney’s type. When Danny had then asked me out a few weeks later, I’d asked Sydney if she was okay with us dating. She had been fine; held no grudge. She was actually happy for me. Therefore, Danny and I started dating our senior year of high school, and then the years rolled into the next and the next.

Sydney had always been involved in school sports and socials to keep her busy. She had gone on the occasional date, but nothing serious until she had met Steve her senior year. Sydney was a year younger than me. Logan, who was Sydney’s brother, Danny, and I were the same age.

There was nothing I wouldn’t do for Sydney. It had killed me when she had shut me out—shut us all out—for years after her attack. I had felt lost without her, so I’d turned to the one I thought I was building a future with—Danny.

Every family gathering or private conversation Sydney and I had shared, I had then shared with Danny, thinking he was the supportive boyfriend. In hindsight, that was why Danny had become so enraged when Jaxon, Logan’s friend, had come to town and started showing interest in Sydney—I had been sharing their budding relationship secrets, along with my own thoughts and hopes for Sydney.

Logan had brought Jaxon home with him after their final tour in Afghanistan. I had thought nothing of it. The Branson family always had a welcoming open-door policy to all their children’s friends. There was always a place at their dinner table for one more, or a place to stay if needed, which was a far cry from the home I had grown up in—one where company was planned and became a showcase event.

With Sydney and Jaxon, all you had to do was watch them to know it was only a matter of time before they got together. You couldn’t miss the connection, the glances between them, the subtle brush of arms, and the blush Sydney wore whenever she saw him. Their attraction was undeniable, yet Sydney had been too anxious to act on it; gun-shy because of what had happened to her. It had taken her a long time to share her feelings with me about Jaxon, and I had betrayed her by sharing it all with Danny.

When I looked back, I realized that there had been signs along the way, yet I had refused to acknowledge them as anything but a concerned friend. Danny would ask for Sydney’s school and work schedule, the code to the loft, and who her new boyfriends were, which hadn’t been often. I had taken pride that he had wanted to watch out for my best friend like the rest of us had. It had been one of the reasons I thought I had loved him.

However, the secrecy around Danny’s job had always nagged at me. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but it had always left a knotted feeling in my stomach. I had never known what his job was, just that he had worked in sales and it had taken him out of town a couple times a month. When I had asked about them, he had redirected the conversation or got angry at me, which had ended up with him storming off, muttering something about trust in a relationship. I had learned not to ask anymore, simply because I never got any kind of straight answer.

After Danny had been captured with the help of the Dragons MC, more information had come to light about who Danny Vang had really been. He had manipulated his parents into giving him his full trust fund and had been living off it for the last year. He had held down a sales job for a brief time, but after taking too much time off, he’d been fired. That was when his stalking habits had become more pronounced.

When he had told me he was on sales jobs, he had really been creating his carbon copy of Sydney’s loft out in the woods somewhere far away from prying eyes, where he had been planning to keep her captive. I hadn’t seen the cabin myself, but when Logan had come back the night they had rescued Sydney, he had told Liz and me all about it. It churned my stomach just thinking about it.

It especially freaked me out that I had spent close to three years with the man yet had no idea who he had really been. At the time, whenever I had thought about it, shame and despair overcame me, and I would throw up. I had thought it was the guilt that had me running for the toilet. It was morning sickness.

My parents, Douglas and Britney O’Donnell, were horrified by the glares and gossip that had swirled around town regarding Sydney’s kidnapping, all at the hands of their beloved future son-in-law. They had put him on a pedestal to be adored and bragged about to anyone who would listen.

My parents were the definition of keeping up with the Jones, or these days, the Kardashians. Until this unfortunate turn of events shattered their perfect picture world, they’d had decent paying jobs, took extravagant vacations—without me—flaunted their designer clothing, drove expensive cars, and threw great shindigs that were talked about for days afterward.

They were high rollers with no cash in their pockets—they lived on credit. One credit card paid the other one off. I had gone to public school only because private school would have dipped into their play money, which had turned out fine. Otherwise, I would never have met my best friend.

The house I had grown up in was nothing extravagant, yet it had been paid in full by my grandfather after a lawsuit my mother had encouraged him to file, which had no merit. The court had given their verdict, and my grandfather had been rewarded a large settlement. My parents had swindled the bulk of the settlement, paying off the rest of their mortgage within days of reaching foreclosure and leaving my grandfather with less than a quarter. He had lived one town over, but now he lived in a retirement community in Florida. He refused to have anything to do with my parents or me—guilty by association. I missed him.

My parents couldn’t hack the pressure that surrounded the nightmare that had tarnished their gold-plated crowns. Their swindled glass house cracking and tumbling, they had decided to relocate far away to rebuild their façade. Therefore, within a month of Danny being charged, both my parents had put in job transfers across the country in Arizona. By the middle of June, they had been packed and ready to hit the road, claiming the pressure of town wasn’t healthy for them, so they were heading out early to reclaim their health before starting their new jobs.

They hadn’t included me in their relocation, especially once I’d dropped the bomb that I was pregnant. However, they had the courtesy to rent me a small U-Haul and had told me they had a small storage unit that they would continue to pay for if I needed it. Next thing I knew, they stood in the driveway, cars packed, hugging me as though their journey was just a road trip.

My mother had then stood beside my father, handed me an envelope with a wad of money in it, patted my hands that were unconsciously laying flat across my belly, and said, "Use the money to take care of your problem, honey," and then they had left. No I love you, come with us, we can help you out—nothing. They had simply driven away, following the moving trucks without even a backward glance.

I had stood there in shock, devastated that my parents had abandoned me without a thought. The only child they had hadn’t made the cut. They had cast me aside. I no longer met their standards.

I had rubbed my belly, knowing I wasn’t going to let this baby feel any of the feelings my parents had scarred me with.

As my parents had driven away, I had heard the rumbling motorcycle heading down the street toward Sydney’s parents’ house. He, too, hadn’t paid attention to me as I stood in the driveway, mortified.

Even now, weeks later, I felt so alone sitting in my small, furnished apartment in an old 1970s three-story triplex, wondering what my future held, besides the baby growing inside me.

Chapter Two

Holden

My head was banging like the devil himself was trying to get out. I struggled to open my eyes, but I just couldn’t do it, so I lay there, feeling the room spin, only wearing my boxers. I knew one of the boys from the Dragons MC had dropped my drunk-ass off at home again, and I cringed at the thought that I hadn’t taken my clothes off by myself. My baby sister and my brother’s girlfriend had probably undressed me and taken care of me throughout the night. Without opening an eye, I could guarantee there would be a plastic trash bin by the bedside, which I had never used, and a glass of water with pain relievers on the side table. This was becoming a habit I wasn’t proud of, but one that couldn’t be helped. It was the only thing that dulled my pain.

I woke up a few hours later feeling no better. I sat with my feet off the side of the bed and reached for the pills, not even having to look, knowing they would be there. Then I staggered over to my bathroom, held myself up on either side of the sink, and slowly looked at myself in the mirror, disgusted at who I had become in the last few months.

I had a full-grown beard, which was unkempt, and my hair was long and shaggy. The bags under my eyes told their own story of alcohol-filled nights and hangovers.

Fuck you, I told my reflection as I connected my fist with the mirror.

I let the shattered shards of glass fall around me, my reflection now cracked, depicting how I felt.

Moving into the shower, I let the warm water run down my neck and back. Looking down, I watched as the blood from my fist streamed down the drain. I felt numb. Not even the throbbing in my hand did anything for me.

When I was done with the shower, I dressed and wrapped my hand in a towel before heading downstairs to get some caffeine in my system, hoping it would soothe my pounding head. I also made myself some toast to settle my stomach.

I could see Liz, Logan, and Jaxon out on the deck, having an intense conversation. Logan and Liz had their backs to me while Jaxon faced them. It seemed odd that their conversation held them so captive that they didn’t see me moving around the kitchen.

I leaned against the counter closest to the screen door, trying to listen to what they were saying, their voices competing with the pounding in my head.

You have to talk to her. Get her to agree to see Sydney. She’s worried enough that she asked Titus to find her, Jaxon told Liz.

I know your frustration, and I’ve tried, but Shannon isn’t ready yet. I can only guess she’s afraid of Sydney’s reaction. I’m going to see her this weekend. I’ll try to at least get her to give Sydney a call. That might be a compromise for them both for the time being, Liz suggested.

What the fuck? I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Liz knew where Shannon was?

It had been over a month since Shannon picked up and disappeared, saying she was going to transfer to another university. Nobody had heard from her since. Her parents had moved out in June, and then Shannon had left a few weeks after them—I guessed the apple didn’t fall far from the tree.

I didn’t give a shit where she had gone. She had caused my sister the worst kind of pain a person could endure. But apparently, Sydney was ready to forgive her friend and was missing her.

My own ego was bruised. I had carried a torch for Shannon for so long in hopes that she would wake up, see clearly, and come to me. She had come to me all right, for a shoulder to lean on, a compassionate ear when she needed to vent about Danny. That torch had burned me badly when she had agreed to marry that piece of shit. And then we had all found out he was Sydney’s stalker. All the while, Shannon had been dating and falling all over him like a love-sick puppy.

Hey, man, you have a cup of java for me? Tiny asked as he came around the corner.

Holy shit, man. I didn’t see you there. I had been so distracted that I hadn’t noticed we had a squatter on the couch. Yeah, sure. Were you my ride last night? I asked, already knowing the answer since he had spent the night.

Sure was. As per usual, Titus had me carry your sorry ass home.

I handed Tiny his cup of coffee. Thanks, was all my shamed voice could get out.

I glanced over at the door to see the conversation outside had come to a halt.

Hey, Holden, how are you feeling today? Liz asked as she came in to refill their mugs.

Shitty. Thanks for the pain meds, I grumbled with a bite, knowing she was lying to Sydney.

No problem.

Curious as to what Liz would tell me, I asked, What do you and Logan have planned for the next few days of freedom?

It was Friday morning, and we had finished our last renovation job yesterday. I had been running my own company for the past three years, trying to establish my name. However, in the last few months, I hadn’t been the productive business owner. I was grateful to Jaxon and Logan for holding it together for me so I wouldn’t lose my company. I had told Logan and Jaxon to take Friday off, and we would start up our next project on Monday.

Without a blink of an eye, as I helped her carry the coffee mugs back out to the deck, Liz quickly told me her plans for the weekend. Not one word of her visiting Shannon.

Where’s Sydney? I asked Jaxon.

She had plans to go into town and meet up with Sofia this morning.

Sydney was still talking to Dr. Sofia Thore, her therapist. They were taking a more casual approach now that we had found out Sofia was married to Roc, a member of the Dragons MC. Sofia was also my stepmom Sara’s friend. They had lost touch over the years but had reestablished their friendship in recent months. Sydney was still working through some issues, but because of the affiliation, Sofia couldn’t see Sydney professionally. Their association had grown into a friendship. I was happy for my sister that she was moving on. I couldn’t say the same.

As we sat around the table, absorbing the morning sun, we heard a truck pull up. Actually, it was my truck, and from it, out popped Lily in her jean shorts that could probably pass as underwear and a tank top that had obviously been purchased in the children’s section of a department store.

Shit, I said to myself.

Good morning, everyone. Hope you all slept well.

Logan leaned over to me and semi-whispered, I hope you’re wrapping that shit up, because that has seen more rides than Route 66.

Shut up, man. Where do you pick this shit up? I asked, knowing he was probably right.

"Where else? TV. Gotta love Sons of Anarchy, but don’t tell Titus. He hates that show," he answered honestly.

I brought your truck back, Holden. Thought you might need it for work today, Lily said with her raspy, Friday night voice.

Christ, what was I doing with this girl? I knew I hadn’t had sex with her. Well, at least I thought I hadn’t. I couldn’t remember some nights when the boys at the clubhouse had given me a room to crash in, yet I did remember waking up a few too many mornings with this girl draped over me. Fuck, she just wouldn’t give up.

Thanks for bringing back the truck, Lil, but you didn’t need to. We have the next couple days off. I would’ve picked it up later.

She looked at me with suggestive eyes as she stood in front of me, dangling my keys over me. I did not need this shit.

As the awkward silence crept between us, Tiny gave me a quick look, implying he understood. Then he stood up, stretched out his arms, and wrapped one around Lily’s shoulders. Come on, sweet thing; I’ll give you a ride back to your place. He escorted her to his truck, shouting back to the rest of us, It’s been fun, folks. Thanks for the beers and a place to crash.

I watched as Lily hitched herself up into Tiny’s truck. Whether he was planning it or not, he was going to get laid.

I leaned back in my chair and thought about how I got here, how my life had become a mess in the last few months, all because of a girl. I sure as hell didn’t need another.

The only good thing that came out of this whole disaster with my sister was that we found out Titus was Sydney’s biological uncle, owner of the Open Cork and president of the Dragons MC. He was married to Gina, who also happened to be best friends with my mom Sara and Dr. Sofia Thore. We also discovered that Gina and Titus had adopted a boy when he was five years old. His mother had been a hang-around at the club and had overdosed. Any of the Dragons’ members could possibly be his father. They had raised him as their own son. Techie was also a member of the Dragons, and quite the hacker.

Techie and I were close in age. He had brought me into the club one night after we had bumped into each other at the liquor store. He was a wizard on the computer and had shown me different ways to improve my company. That was, when I had been sober enough to comprehend anything. He’d had my back many times when I was drunk and intolerable at the club. Even though we had no blood ties at all, I considered him family. He found me amusing.

I had become a staple around the club with Techie and the rest of the members. I had also picked up two habits in the last few months. One was smoking, which I had never done, and the other was drinking, which I was doing a lot.

Liz collected the mugs and headed inside to get ready for work. My gut was turning, not just because of last night’s drinking, but also from thinking my brother and his girlfriend were being sneaky, lying to me and Sydney. I wanted to know why they were holding back on Shannon’s whereabouts.

What are you and Liz doing for the next few days? I wondered what Logan’s reply would be since he hadn’t heard me ask Liz earlier.

Not too much. Liz is working today, and tomorrow is her day off, but she is heading down to Goose Creek to help out at the clinic.

Goose Creek? That’s, like, two hours away. How long is her shift there? I wanted to know how my brother was going to get out of this one.

She’s heading out early Saturday morning and may stay with a friend if they can connect. A friend? Yeah, right.

As Logan continued to spin his story, I couldn’t believe how easily the lie rolled off his tongue.

I didn’t realize Liz had any friends that way. I needed to see my brother stumble.

Yeah, she has a nurse friend out there, Brenda, who helped her out during nursing school. She keeps in touch with her. The clinic is where she met her. It’s Liz’s way of giving back to the community.

Shit, that was way too detailed for him to be lying.

Done with the conversation, I pushed my chair back in frustration and headed back inside, straight back to bed.

The ringing of my cell woke me up later that afternoon. I slid my hand over to my side table to grab it without opening my eyes.

Yeah? I groggily answered, turning over onto my back.

Holden, are you sleeping? It’s me, Mom. More accurately, it was my stepmom, Sara. However, she was the only mother I had known. My biological mother had passed away a few hours after Logan had been born. If you’re not busy, will you come on by this afternoon and give me a hand in the garage? I need to take some things down.

Yeah, I’ll be there in an hour, I grumbled, though I just wanted to be left alone.

Great. Then I’ll feed you dinner.

Dinner! I looked over at my alarm clock that was flashing three thirty in the afternoon. I had slept most of the day away. Sounds good, Mom.

***

I wasn’t sure what my mother’s purpose was today, but all I did was move boxes from one side of the garage to the other. She had boxes she wanted brought down and boxes to be put up. Amidst it all, she would start rummaging through each box, having no idea what she was looking for.

She paused for a few minutes while looking through a box labelled "stuff," and then walked away into the house, not saying a word.

Curious as to what could send her away, I climbed off the ladder to find a box filled with knickknacks and photos. I started pushing through some of the stuff, finding it filled with tokens from family trips we had taken over the years, mostly when we were kids. Our Mickey Mouse ears with our names written on them, a set of maracas from Mexico, and a huge seashell from Myrtle Beach.

As I dug deeper, I found a small photo album. Fanning through it at first, I then started back at the beginning. Each page had a picture of the family with a quote or a wish for the person in the picture. There was one of the three of us in the backyard with a tire swing, a photo we all had, and under it was written: "My dream come true."

I continued to go through the album when a photo caught my eye. It was a picture of Shannon and me on the beach when we were kids. We had taken