The Driving Force Behind Protection

By Andie Renee

Spiritually raised by the Lord, and inwardly disconnected from society, Sarai Hopewell is a U.S. Secret Service Special Agent trainee who physically moves forward full of hope and peace despite the fact her life has been a constant battle. She is a woman intricately raised and delicately seasoned through each and every one of her experiences, and she intimately knows that it is the limitless, all-encompassing Love of her Abba, so vibrantly alive, actively thriving, and profoundly nourishing, which diligently makes sure she is wholly attuned and obedient to Him. He wants more for her. He wants her to be able to experience the miraculous rest and recuperation from the constant battles she faces, and He wants her to know a strong, confident man’s physical comfort and healing touch in-between the harsh issues of reality. She privately knows Abba’s joy, and one day she will know a man’s happiness.

‘But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon Him; and with His stripes we are healed.’ Isaiah 53:5 is an intimate part of U.S. Secret Service Special Agent Slade Bausch, of the Counter Assault Team. (aka Stripes) But the depth of God’s love, richly revealed and all-encompassing, is something he has found can often times be taken for granted when he fails to be more aware of Jesus than anything else. And how in the world is he supposed to continue not allowing that to happen when the more he is aware of Jesus, the more he seems to become aware of a particularly delicate, spiritually intelligent woman everyone around him seems to be cattin’?!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Andie Renee
• Release date: Mar 30, 2018
• ISBN: 9781370806454

Andie Renee

Under King Jesus’ reign, our physical blood is fortified with His blood, our heart beats within His commanding Hands, and our ears are attuned only to His Truth, while our mouth is under our Savior’s authority, and our eyes ache to only see Him.As one of Abba’s daughters passionately declaring His Love, His Guidance, and His Protection, I’m only able to write as the Holy Spirit guides my fingers. May our novels give you a few hours of enjoyment as well as inspire you to have a deeper fellowship with King Jesus as you actively live in His presence, and He intimately Shepherds you.

Book preview

Chapter 1

Jesus, my Jesus. I am yours and you are mine.

The unbearable heaviness within her drove her towards Him, while all her mind could think about was her desperate need to feel lighter again.

As the Holy Spirit had taught her to do over the years, Sarai obediently shut down her mind and refused to allow the hurtful words, looks, and everything else about her encounter with her classmates earlier this morning, to be replayed in her mind. Hearing and witnessing them the one time was always more than enough.

And so with each negative comment and look still fiercely locked within a private vault within her mind, her feet physically guided her into the run while her private words of devotion drove out the physical world around her, and replaced it with her private existence in Jesus. I am yours and you are mine.

It wasn’t long before His healing warmth of peace began to flow through her, guiding her thoughts to spiritually rest on envisioning her head lying against His chest. Your way is the only way: your method and your technique, her heart swelled within her chest as His warmness settled directly in the center of it. You are so faithful, my Savior.

Thick warm, Sacrificial Blood encircled the new vault of issues and problems, and with it, all she could think about was the arrows being plucked off one by one. Almost before Sarai thought about the tiny pinprick holes left in their wake, they were healed and filled. Sarai’s heart obediently lifted up to her Abba. I fit into you, Lord. My Abba, it doesn’t matter what I go through because you specifically wanted me and created me.

I fit into you and your plans. And that is all that matters.

His Divine sustenance carried her deeper within, intensifying her awareness of Jesus and allowing her to momentarily leave the harsh environment of her physical world. And before her mind could even form the words questioning why, after all of this time, she could even be affected in this way, the Lord was already encouraging her that in time, she would understand what was happening.

Sarai’s smile inwardly lifted and her heart swelled with love, praise King Jesus.

No longer struggling for composure, Sarai rejoiced and was able to fully relish in this quiet, simple moment she had been gifted with. In this moment, I am whole and well.

Going around another corner, her body swayed in time with the beat of her feet, and as it had happened several times before, she was not shocked when the physical pavement she was running on actually turned into a spiritually, well-worn dirt path within her mind. Clear, with no pebbles nor stones, lest she hurt herself.

The smoothness of the earth beneath her elevated feet had her gliding through the air, and silently reaching for whatever was in store for her. I am yours, and you are mine. I fit perfectly into you, I was created for you and I exist for you, Abba.

Sarai continued jogging, and it wasn’t long before the passing scenery of partial woods, buildings, and various parking lots gave way to soft white as Jesus was all around her, comforting her. She could actually feel the brush of His white robe against her chin as an autumn wind, in the flesh, picked up and collided with her spiritual awareness of Him.

He eradicated all uncertainties, pain, frustration, and sadness from her, allowing her to triumphantly feel as if she was on top of the world.

‘Jenny is well.’

Accompanied by the powerful impression was an image of Jenny smiling in a way Sarai had never seen her smile. Vitality, strength, and unyielding devotion were the three things racing through her mind while she was then given an impression of Jesus smiling.

‘Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fullness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.’

Psalm 16, verse 11. Her hand shakily covered her mouth, the scripture I woke up speaking.

Her legs grew weak, and miraculously, without breaking stride, the tears freely flowed down her face. Her heart could barely stand the rush of emotions and relief which flooded every one of her senses. Oh my Jesus. Oh my Abba!

Gratefulness poured out from the inner recesses of her heart, it has happened!

The descriptive look in Jenny’s face and her demeanor, oh my Jesus, it says it all!

Giving no thought as to where she was, Sarai’s hands lifted high in the air in sweet abandonment. You have shared it with me before I could even ask you about it again. As her feet shifted from running to dancing, Sarai smiled and twirled around. Thank you!

Her smile widened as her feet stopped and her body wavered, yes, my Jesus. Yes, your Jenny is indeed well because she has you in every moment of the day.

Heavily sighing, Sarai closed her eyes. And she now knows it.

Nothing could be more perfect than that!

Her hands fell to her waist and she began to slowly walk towards the main building, steadying her heartrate and easing her muscles. Stretching her hands above her head, she inwardly smiled, and for me to even find out in this way is absolute perfection, Abba. Thank you.

Entering the backside of the building, Sarai headed directly to the locker room while her stomach muscles tightened and her mind rebelled at the thought of facing more hours here. Although aware of its existence, that was where her awareness of it stopped because her body’s negative response to training was now, finally irrelevant.

Feelings and emotions? Sarai humorously shook her head, unable to forget the several, in-depth instructions she had been brought through as the Lord had vigilantly worked at releasing the hold they had once had on her.

Feelings and emotions sure could create havoc and they did most definitely have their place while telling their own story. However, in this situation they had no part to play in what needed to be done.

Opening up her locker, Sarai quietly nodded, at least not anymore.

A new area, a new victory.

After a quick shower, Sarai was already back outside and placing her half eaten lunch back in her bag before she remembered their lunch break had been a little later than normal today because of the two long tests they had taken this morning.

Praise Jesus. Enjoying the bright sunlight beaming down on her, Sarai closed her eyes and sighed. Today really is almost over.

Her thoughts fell to Jenny. And each day brings me closer to seeing her again.

With the sound of a small, revving engine, Sarai’s eyes flew open and what she saw was something she definitely had never expected. What is a small, impressively high-tech remote control police car doing directly in front of me? Her eyes narrowed while she got the distinct impression that it was waiting for her.

She watched as it eased its way towards her and then immediately stopped when it was very slightly touching her.

How in the world?! Seeing no one around, her eyes widened when suddenly its flashing lights turned on and effectively drew her attention to the note folded in the shape of a Christian fish symbol stuck under the bar of lights. Hesitating at first, Sarai looked around but when still no one appeared, she reached over and took it out. Almost immediately the cop car went racing off.

Giggling, Sarai opened up the note. Her heart dropped and melted as she read: Hi Beautiful. Are you having a good day? I want you to have a good evening, too. ‘I will both lay me down in peace, and sleep: for thou, Lord, only makest me dwell in safety. Psalm 4:8’

Sarai smiled, Amen. He certainly does.

How sweet. Wait a minute, scrambling to her feet, Sarai quickly looked around the corner towards the direction the car had left in, but still no one was present. She couldn’t even see, nor hear the car anymore.

Her eyebrows drew together in consternation and she looked back to the note she was carrying. This is so sweet.

Thank you Jesus for allowing me to experience this, and thank you to whomever sent it to me. Bending to pick up her bag, Sarai stuffed the note inside and couldn’t help but look around again for whomever it could have been from.

It wasn’t until she was opening up the thick glass doors of the building when the first part of the note finally dawned on her. Beautiful? A delightful shudder raced through her, oh Jesus, I certainly needed to hear that today.

Each breath is a new moment in time. She thought on the note now hidden in her bag. A few moments ago, I didn’t even know it existed, and now... Her breath stilled, it does.

Seeing so many different things all at once, Sarai continued to take her place in the classroom as His teachings rolled through her mind. Setting her bag down before her, she couldn’t help but feel her worn-out running shoes beneath her hands.

When I run with you, in those moments I am not even aware of the restrictions of time but instead, I am locked into a small world with you. Very similar to how I am within this body, your living temple, Abba.

Her thoughts continued to veer towards the times when she runs, and how it unites her physical world with the spiritual one. One manifests the other. It is an environment you control.

Without thought, or even knowledge, and for as long as I can remember, I have always given you complete control over that specific activity. In the past, you have even used that to show me your reigning victory. And now... She got out her folder and pen, along with her protection book. Well, that now speaks volumes to me. An image of her worn-out running shoes rose in her mind. We have been through so many difficult times together, my Lord. And our experiences together, in and of themselves, is a manifestation of its own safeguard.

A safeguard, which refuses to allow her the ability to question or doubt anything the Lord and her have been through together.

Praise King Jesus. Sarai’s heart lifted to Jesus, I am yours and you are mine.

Opening up her folder, Sarai went to lift out her notes when her stomach sickeningly dropped. They’re gone! Swallowing against the rising panic, she quickly scanned through her papers but they were nowhere to be found.

And with another test tomorrow?! Wiping the sweat from her brow, Sarai tried to remember where she had last looked at them.

Hey.

Confused, Sarai looked up and was very surprised when her eyes collided with the woman who sat in front of her, Elizabeth. Did you, uh, ask me something?

Elizabeth rolled her eyes, Yes. I was wondering what you were desperately searching for.

Clearing her throat, Sarai shrugged, Uh, just my latest notes. They were in this folder, well, at least I thought they were. But now, they’re not.

Elizabeth stared at her a moment without any expression on her face. Maybe you misplaced them.

Sarai’s eyebrows drew together, No, I wouldn’t have. I mean, I always keep them right here. Her finger pointed to the slot, but whispered, They are always attached to the worksheets like my other ones are.

"So what are you trying to say? That one of us would have stolen them? Her eyes angrily narrowed, You are thinking it, aren’t you?"

No, of course not. Completely befuddled, Sarai shook her head. I’m just trying to figure out what I could have done with them.

Having already had enough small talk with her, Elizabeth held up her hand to block her vision of the aggravating Sarai. "Yeah right, whatever! Clearly, I hear and see something completely different."

Not missing any of Elizabeth’s amusing conversations, Denny nodded and chuckled from across the room, "What’s up Elizabeth? Are you two at it again?"

More than amused herself, Elizabeth grinned and sweetly responded. "Yes. I guess we are. Sarai, here, her finger pointed to the annoying woman who always sat behind her, thinks that one of us has stolen her notes. And so, I very happily set her straight."

What?! Sarai’s eyes narrowed and her mouth dropped open in shock. No I didn’t.

Whipping around, Elizabeth looked at Sarai with her eyebrows raised, Are you calling me a liar?

Ladies!

Sarai visibly swallowed and looked up in time to see Agent Franks standing directly beside them.

What seems to be the problem this time?

Denny smirked, "Sarai is accusing us of doing another disservice to her. Only, this time, she apparently thinks that we have stolen her latest notes. As if implying we can’t take it upon ourselves to take our own notes. Disgusted, he shook his head, She really does need help."

Blatantly ignoring the last of his comment, Agent Franks frowned and looked back at her. Ms. Hopewell? Is what they are telling me, true?

More confused than ever, Sarai shook her head. No. I mean, yes, I can’t find my notes. But I didn’t accuse anyone. She shrugged, I was just looking for them and,

Denny dramatically threw his hands up in the air, "And now, just like that, she’s calling me a liar!"

As with all of his other antics, the whole classroom exploded with laughter at Denny’s remark and subsequent behavior of tiredly shaking his head and tiredly adding, I give up!

Shakily, Sarai sat there in yet another recurrent nightmare. Again? Oh Jesus, what just happened?

Her eyes fluttered close while her mind strived to make sense of what could only be classified as another rapidly firing, chaotic mess. Inwardly, Sarai remained completely immersed in Jesus, whom she was anchored to, rather than the lashing storm battling for attention.

After finally quieting down the class, Agent Franks disapprovingly pointed at Sarai, Ms. Hopewell, this has got to stop.

You’re telling me. Sarai could barely breathe while all she wanted to do was crawl into a tiny hole and remain there. Respectfully nodding, Sarai softly spoke, Yes. But ma’am, I didn’t accuse anyone. I really didn’t.

Agent Franks quickly held up her hand to stop any more words coming from Sarai, and instead, sadly shook her head, Come on Ms. Hopewell, just apologize and move on.

Apologize?! What could I possibly have to apologize for? More confused than ever, Sarai’s eyebrows drew together, But I didn’t...

Exasperated, Agent Franks stared at her in shock. "Ms. Hopewell. I said, apologize and move on. It is as easy as that."

Visibly swallowing, Sarai felt like the world was crashing down all around her. What in the world just happened?

Sadly, it didn’t take Sarai long to realize there was no other way out of it. So, while privately sobbing within to Jesus, Sarai gracefully stood and glanced around the classroom. But before her mouth opened, her spirit violently shook, apologizing, what for? All for the sake of a false impression of peace?!

Her mind disgustingly rebelled, and without further thought, Sarai spoke, I’m sorry, but I didn’t accuse anyone.

Expressionlessly, she calmly turned and sat back down, for all intents and purposes looking like she was ready for class to begin. But within, she was a red hot mess! She inwardly flinched waiting for something major to happen, like Agent Franks loudly kicking her out, or something else along those lines.

But instead, was slightly amazed when nothing more than a few smirks and endless rolling of the eyes from both Elizabeth and Denny surfaced.

Sarai’s world remained super small as the intensifying pressure all around her continued to build to new deafening heights. And doing nothing other than staring directly at the white board in front of her, Sarai found herself concentrating on only one thing, the large round Counter Assault Team emblem as Jesus purposefully began to heal the latest stinging arrows.

Jesus, I so feel like that huge cat right now! I want to leap forward and slash everything in my path! I want to scream and gnash my teeth at the injustice of it all!!

Sarai’s teeth painfully ground together when her mind desperately screamed, Jesus! Help me!!! Her eyes narrowed, coat me, my Savior. Coat me with your thick precious Sacrificial Blood. Focusing only on what that image now gave her, Sarai found herself rapidly calming down and within a few short moments later, she asked, teach me Holy Spirit. Why am I always misinterpreted? What do I need to change? Have I wrongly opened myself up to it? I just don’t understand. It is like grade school and high school all over again.

Her fingers tightened around her pen. But aren’t we grown, didn’t I grow up?

I live on my own, I provide for myself. She looked to her hands that spoke of being older, but yet, the same issues, the same problems flank me. Feeling the increasing intensity of the pressuring pain, Sarai automatically shifted her focus and put a stop to the questions.

I don’t understand, but you do, and that is all that matters. I look to you, and above all, you love me more than anyone else ever could. In the moment thereof, you strengthen me. If I do anything wrong, you stop me. If my thoughts are wrong, you stop me, just like you just did. You encourage me. Holy Spirit, you have made me sensitive to the change in the environments around me, and I trust in my Shepherd over all things while He leads me through this earth’s journey. She thought on her running shoes, we have been through way too much together for my trust to even shift a tiny bit.

It can’t. Nothing will ever move my feet because they are Divinely buried and rooted in Jesus. Slowly, as she continued to stare at the clawing panther, she felt her mind actually being opened up as she began to internally see the missing pages of her notes. Almost immediately, her hand replicated them on the paper before her. Praise you, Jesus, for leading me to read my notes every single evening and for currently gifting me with what I lack.

It doesn’t matter that I do not want to be here right now, you sustain me. All because I want your will over mine. With ease, her fingers flowed and in no time she was turning the page over, and that was when she saw it.

As clear as day, right before her eyes, sat the evidence of her notes having been hastily ripped out of her folder.

Her heart sickeningly plummeted and her eyes slowly closed while a scripture filled her thoughts.

‘The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.’ (John 10:10)

Amen, Jesus. Instantly, Sarai saw so many different things flashing through her mind at once and she lovingly added, ‘For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.’ (Ephesians 6:12)

Softly breathing, she endearingly smiled to her Shepherd, while physically looking at the whiteboard, reenergized and strengthened. I am obediently here simply because my Abba wants me to be and that is more than alright with me.

Chapter 2

Praise Jesus, I can finally see it! Setting down her glass of sweetened iced tea, Sarai continued to look at the diagram in her notebook.

After turning her paper around and looking at it as if she were actually standing at the entrance and looking towards the building, Sarai could finally understand why this particular protective procedure was often used. As a whole, site agents would have a better view of the coming and going of various guests while at the same time are able to maintain a safe and highly effective escape route should the protectee have need of it.

Especially with the rise in technology standards and often misplaced...

Excuse me?

Immediately looking up, Sarai strategically held her folder against her lap. Yes?

Are you using this chair? If not, could we use it?

Oh no, I’m not using it. Go right ahead.

Okay, great. Thank you.

Sure. Sarai found herself admiring the way the man saw to his date’s needs before even his own. Her eyes emotionally looked to her folder, she would love to have a man do that for her.

Her thoughts immediately rested on the remote control police car earlier today, still shocked by the note’s contents.

Uh, excuse me again?

Her eyes lifted, Yes?

I didn’t want to bother you, but are you here alone? And if so, would you mind if we use half of your booth as an overflow from our table? It seems to be the only extra seats left in this place and a few more decided to join us.

Oh, I hadn’t realized. Quickly looking around the crowded restaurant, Sarai nodded. Sure, no problem. I’m almost done anyway. Placing her folder and pen back in her bag, she moved her plate and glass, and then scooted over to the far edge of the small rounded booth.

Another man came up beside her and smiled, Hey, don’t rush. In fact, you can join us. Purposefully sitting down and scooting over to sit beside her, the man held out his hand, Hi. My name is Lee. What is yours?

Finding herself somewhat flustered by his overly bright blue eyes and forthright manner, Sarai shook his hand. Uh, Sarai.

Lee smiled, Well nice to meet you. His eyes looked directly into hers, So, I have got to ask this… Why is a beautiful woman like you here, all alone? He comically looked all around and then even looked under the table, Or am I missing something?

Unsure what to say or do, Sarai blushed while a woman, now sitting across from her, laughed and leaned over to smack him. Honey, just forget Lee, he is a continuous flirt. The woman rolled her eyes, Trust me.

Sarai nodded, but giggled when Lee leaned into her and added, "No. Trust me and ignore her."

Admiring his handsomeness and jovial demeanor, Sarai wasn’t at all surprised when her nerves tingled with awareness, nor when her mind followed suit in wondering if this man could be someone she would get to know. But one thing she didn’t expect was Jenny’s voice rising in her mind from their college days together: enjoy yourself, Sarai! Come on, say yes to dates. Live a little!

But I am already fully living. As she had done several times before, Sarai automatically corrected the statement. But at the same time, and for the first time, Sarai finally began to see a new depth of what Jenny had been trying to tell her. Oh Jenny, I can see it.

She tenderly smiled deep within, I can finally see it, Jesus. And I can also see how you have been strategically preparing me to see it.

It is okay to say yes to dates. To say yes to spending time with someone, or passing a little time with them. To enjoy new adventures, and… For the first time in a long time, Sarai mentally accepted the challenge of saying yes to someone, to finally sharing her number and going out on a date. If he asks, that is.

After finishing her meal in silence, Sarai grabbed the check and began to leave.

Oh wait. Lee quickly shook his head and then lowered his voice, Hold on there beautiful, I have a quick question. He leaned forward in an attempt to block out his friends who were sitting across from them. In all seriousness, I do not see any ring on your finger, nor any boyfriend around. Does that mean you are single?

Sarai slowly nodded. Yes, I am.

Great. Taking out his phone, he tilted his head and whispered, Can I have your number?

No. The words were out before she could even think about it!

Her eyes widened in surprise while she clearly heard one of his friends laughing and saying, "Burn!"

No, no wait. Still shocked by her own quick no, Sarai wanted only to reassure him. And by the look on his reddened face, he sure needed it. Lee, I didn’t mean for that to be rude. I didn’t mean it like that. I, uh, I just don’t give my number out.

Blatantly ignoring his unhelpful friends, Lee finally smiled, Okay. Thanks for clarifying. Then there is really only one thing I can do. Quickly taking a napkin and pulling out a pen, he proceeded to write his own name and number down.

Sliding it over to her, he smiled. Here you go. His eyes playfully narrowed, I can only suspect you are some type of secret agent girl, and that is why you will not give me yours.

Visibly swallowing, Sarai quickly grabbed the napkin, stuffed it into her bag and bit back a laugh. If you only knew, Lee. If you only knew!

Bye, Sarai. I look forward to your call.

Getting out of the booth, Sarai nodded, Bye Lee. Nice to meet you.

But Sarai soon found herself cringing when she clearly heard him call after her, "Bye secret agent girl! Remember, call me."

Did he really have to yell that? Standing in line at the counter to pay her bill, Sarai couldn’t help but think, wow, another person calling me beautiful today? I haven’t had that happen in months, and now twice in one day? Stepping up as the people in front of her left, Sarai placed down her check and as she got out her wallet, she couldn’t help but sneak a peek back over to where Lee was.

An unusual shakiness ran through her when she saw him leaning over with his phone and obviously inputting something the adorable and giggling waitress was privately telling him. Their body language explained it like no other words could.

‘How easily they turn.’

Stunned, Sarai turned back to the hostess and paid her bill, while feeling deflated in more ways than she cared to admit.

After thanking the hostess, she put her wallet back in her bag and at the same time grabbed the napkin and threw it away.

Walking out of the restaurant, Sarai sadly looked forward. You are so right. How quickly things change, Jesus. Just moments before, there was the possibility of getting to know someone, and then, just like that… It is gone.

That is a prime example of why I never got into the dating scene, Jenny. My emotions and feelings don’t change that quickly, and I most definitely wouldn’t be able to keep up!

Her breath stilled within her and she suddenly remembered something the Lord had brought her through. Her mouth fell open and she whispered, "And I don’t want to keep up. To keep up would be an unhealthy step for me."

Sarai began to recall what Abba had once explained to her about herself, and how she was able to actually feel a piece of herself leaving and going with those she had interacted with. And it was fine and acceptable, often not even thought twice about with friends, acquaintances and people the Lord has led her to encourage, or help out, but when it came to men and in regards to a mutual relationship with them?

That’s way more private. Her heart delicately fluttered at the thought, and that is definitely something else entirely different from casual interactions.

She heavily sighed, at least for me. The Holy Spirit had taught her that it was a uniqueness within her, and it was a trait which had led her to have a strong urgency and need to protect and preserve it all for the man, whom the Lord would lead into her life.

Her thoughts automatically veered to Jenny and how she had loved going from one thing to another, and had often enjoyed every aspect of every opportunity to its fullest. Jenny had specifically thrived in that type of physical environment, which had been great for her.

However, at the same time, Sarai had grown to realize there were specific physical environments for each one of Abba’s children to thrive in. And Jenny’s hadn’t been hers.

And similar to how the seasons change, so could those types of physical environments and the need for them change within our lives.

You can go from needing them, to outgrowing them and needing to let them go. And currently, Abba, you are developing within me the ability and desire to let go of the Secret Service life. Her heart warmed at the thought of how diligent and accurately precise Abba was within every one of His beloveds’ lives.

Praise Jesus, only my Creator truly knows what I need. She no longer questioned any changes that happened to her. But instead, always held tight to Jesus while allowing Him to lead her wherever He needed to, however He needed to, and whenever He needed to.

Gazing up into the sky, Sarai again thought about how He was making sure she was aware of the growing changes happening within her, as well as the changes in regards to the Secret Service.

Instead of embracing her as it once had, the career was now pressuring her out.

Her smile sweetly lifted to Jesus, I would be more than ecstatic if the new changes included being more actively able to help Jenny, Lord. But at the same time, I do humbly recognize only you truly know what I need and am able to do. Her gaze traveled back to the pavement before her, I really do miss Jenny, my Lord. I miss the sharing, the connection.

Deep within her, Sarai wanted nothing more than to just get on a plane and fly to her friend’s side, and if there wasn’t the slightest risk of having a protective order placed against her, she would. Without any further thought, or question, I would be there, right at her side, Jesus.

Her heart sadly squeezed within her chest, but only in your timing, Abba. And until I am able to see her? Well, I will enjoy every single memory with Jenny, as you feed them to me.

‘Overflowing vessel.’

Everything within her stilled, along with a desire she had been unable to fully accept until right now, in this moment. Oh my Jesus. I do want more. I want to experience a private sharing with someone, a building of a relationship that can only be experienced between a man and a woman.

Her mind was led back to this morning and the dream she had woken up from, along with the accompanying scripture 2 Kings 4:1-7.

It had been so real, she had even been sweating over her labors in trying to gather every single pot, pan, bowl, and anything else that would hold the precious, priceless oil from the Lord. The last thing I remember is you guiding me to sit down and finally eat, saying, ‘Healing is the children’s bread.’

She quickly saw another aspect of her experience and inwardly raised her hands up in worship. Amen. I am no longer a closed vessel, but you intimately and powerfully flow within me, causing all good measure to overflow. Where I am weak, you are strong, and we are united. We are one.

Sarai delicately smiled to her Savior, deep within. A private relationship with someone in the flesh... Mutually sharing our thoughts, dreams, and even uncertainties. Oh Jesus, and physically leaning on each other, and mutually stepping forward as you lead us to. What a beautiful time that will be.

For a moment that is all her mind could focus on until she became almost overwhelmed by it. Oh my.

That is what I truly want, isn’t it, Jesus? I want someone I can pour myself into, and he can pour himself into me. I want to matter to someone. I want my sadness to matter to someone. I want my happiness to matter to someone. I want my struggles to matter to someone. I want...

She amusingly smiled deep within. Yes, the list can go on. However, it is also things I know I already have with you. But in this moment, I can truly see how in the flesh, to have such a thing, would also further manifest the richness of Abba’s glory. Sealing so many things both physically and spiritually.

Not ready to go back to her suite yet and at the same time, instinctively knowing there was something the Lord was still wanting to show her, Sarai veered off the normal path and chose to walk in-between the two brick buildings facing the suites. The moment she cleared the building, she took off into a jog and headed directly over to her favorite, secluded spot within a park.

As she jogged, her mind remained fixed on Jesus. Oh my Lord, I have intimately learned that all of those things do matter to you. I am yours, and you are mine while the Holy Spirit intimately breathes for me. Abba, you love me beyond anything I could ever truly understand.

Again she thought about the restaurant and what her mind had said she would do and what she had actually done.

Amusingly, it was two very different things. Her smile lifted, in each and every moment, you protect me in ways I really do not even realize, don’t you Abba?

Only in your timing will it happen. And only under your reign.

Praise Jesus, I am truly locked in freedom.

It wasn’t long before she was bending down and finding her seat, right up against the huge rock boulder and looking out across a beautiful small pond. From her vantage point she could see the big, picturesque pond and the jogging path around it, and yet, at the same time, remain almost unseen by anybody who happened by.

Sarai closed her eyes, and patiently waited for the Lord to lead her into a deeper understanding of what He was bringing her through, as her thoughts rejoiced in Him. I follow where you lead. I will not go where you are not.

We are united together, your cleansing, Sacrificial Blood continuously coats me.

Abba watches over me, and His Holy Spirit breathes for me as you intimately reign in this living temple of Abba’s.

A softness stole across her heart and a weight she hadn’t even known was upon her, suddenly lifted bringing with it a reminder of a very precious verse to her, Psalm 139:1-13. Immediately she recalled the small slip of paper hidden inside her pillowcase.

I was born knowing this verse.

Smiling, Sarai softly recited it, "‘O Lord, thou has searched me, and known me. Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising, thou understandest my thought afar off. Thou compassest my path and my lying down, and art acquainted with all my ways. For there is not a word in my tongue, but, lo, O Lord, thou knowest it altogether. Thou has beset me behind and before, and laid thine hand upon me.’"

Her voice chokingly stopped, and almost instantaneously a profound warmth entered from the center of her body, and began to spread into every single part of her being while an image of Jesus’ arms encompassing her rose, along with a command for her to continue.

"‘Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain unto it. Whither shall I go from thy Spirit? or whither shall I flee thy presence? I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there. If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea; Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me. If I say, Surely the darkness shall cover me; even the night shall be light about me. Yea, the darkness hideth not from thee; but the night shineth as the day: the darkness and the light are both alike to thee. For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother’s womb.’"

As always happened when she recited the last part, Sarai felt an unexplainable unity with her mother, whom she had never met before. And with the bittersweet memory, her tears rolled softly and silently down her face, cleansing her in ways only they could. Finding herself unable to dislodge the image of the tiny, well-worn piece of paper, the only physical link she had with her mother, hidden securely within her pillow, Sarai spiritually looked to Jesus.

My mom loved me and prayed for me, even as she carried me in her womb. And when she died shortly after my birth, you secured that prayer in a way only you could.

Sarai’s eyes widened when almost instantly she realized that for the first time in her life, her mother’s prayer had been fully manifested in the flesh for her. Praise Jesus, it has come to pass!

You love me, Abba. And I intimately know I never fall without you catching me.

It is the limitless, all-encompassing Love of you that is so vibrantly alive, actively thriving, and profoundly nourishing which diligently makes sure I am wholly attuned to you. You specifically made sure that tiny, well-worn piece of paper has continued to survive.

And even after I had fully memorized it, it still is in existence.

While soaking up His glory, the Holy Spirit cleared her vision and widened her range of view causing her mouth to again, drop open in awe.

Her thoughts began to recall what her mind was finally accepting and seeing: a tiny, barely there, slip of paper had not only survived, but throughout the years had accompanied Sarai while moving and relocating in and out of several foster homes, along with being adopted, and then un-adopted.

Her physical environment had continuously changed, but His ever-constant, faithful Hand never had, nor will.

Baffled by the miracle, Sarai’s hands raised up high as she instantly began to consciously allow every tiny fiber within her body and mind to send forth her love and praises to her Abba, thanking Him for the amazing insight into being able to actually see what she knew was just a small part of the limitless, safeguarding magnitude of His love!

After all this time! I knew of it, but now… I truly KNOW it!

Praise King Jesus, hallelujah!

Chapter 3

I should have stayed at the park.

Almost as if she really wasn’t even there, Sarai remained automatically disengaged from what was happening before her, and profoundly engaged in Jesus. Motionlessly, her back remained rigidly straight with her gaze intently, and respectfully, watching the two classmates’ mock concern over her supposed behavior earlier that evening, at the restaurant.

Their thoughts, opinions, and suggestions were basically carrying on a private conversation all on their own while she remained perfectly still. Nothing in her composure showed concern over what they were saying, there was no softening in her demeanor, nor was there even a hint at how she really felt deep within.

Her heart’s painful throbbing caused a dizziness to rush over her while her stomach nauseously rolled. And feeling overly vulnerable, Sarai held tight to Jesus as the Holy Spirit instructed her in what was really happening.

Although her emotions and feelings seemed to tell a different story, and cause havoc within her body, this really was mere child’s play compared to what she has been through while growing up.

Their voices were barely detected as the Holy Spirit deflected each and every accusation they basically threw at her.

And to her, this was just another grateful moment reminding her how thankful she was to have been brought up in how she had been. Because it was through those specific experiences that Sarai had grown up, almost already knowing and understanding the mysterious depth of inner strength actively present in Jesus. She had been openly nourished by her choice for Him, which had also taught her how to very strictly self-discipline her reactions and thoughts.

And while her classmates’ weak antics could try, she knew they would never be successful in penetrating her strict discipline over her composure, nor even dent the extraordinary patience Jesus, alone, controlled.

His Divine patience, a treasured gift, and one which became even more of a treasure to her when she realized it was not something innately born, nor even considered normal in the flesh to have. For a brief second, her thoughts flashed back to various painful experiences with her foster parents, the exact instances she had surprisingly learned that how she handled things was in no way considered normal behavior, but at the same time what she had learned was a fruit of being an overcomer in Him. Which had fueled an even greater passion for Jesus deep within her.

Her patiently warm smile lifted as the Holy Spirit opened her ears so she could hear a few brief comments now being said by them. Her eyes brightened, I see it. His private instruction quickly produced a healing warmth which calmed her nerves, calmed her emotions, and fed her inner response. She suddenly knew what would happen and knew how she would respond when Jesus led her to.

This was simply, another communication error. And another attempt to wrongly draw her into an issue, that wasn’t even an issue, just like earlier today in the classroom.

A few minutes later, after the room had fallen into what some would probably consider was an awkward silence, Sarai’s eyes continued to physically stare at each of the men until finally Gary couldn’t take it anymore.

I am sure you can see our concerns.

Sarai calmly nodded. Yes, I do, if they were true. However, they aren’t. Regardless of their disbelieving expressions, she calmly continued, "For one thing, I was sitting at a booth alone, and studying with notes only I could see or tell exactly what they were. Yes, I agreed to let the group to overflow into my booth from the table they had claimed. However, I did not give out my phone number, nor did I