Bloody Moon's Quiet Desires, Redacted Version

By Amberlee Herrell

"Bloody Moon quickly turned around to see who was speaking. At that moment, she laid eyes upon the most beautiful woman she had ever seen. She did not understand what was happening deep inside of her at this moment, but she did know it was love at the first sight of this gorgeous woman standing before her."

From birth and early childhood, Bloody Moon felt different. Having overcome early childhood trauma that left her and her siblings orphans, she learned many things that other young Native American women did not learn. But she was not prepared to be overcome and overwhelmed with passion for another woman in her tribe.

Join Bloody Moon and Wind In Her Hair on their journey of a lifetime of adventure, trials, family, and love, and be prepared to experience a newfound appreciation for the possibility of pure, undying love and respect for the beauty around us.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Amberlee Herrell
• Release date: Feb 28, 2018
• ISBN: 9781370302253

Book preview

Bloody Moon's Quiet Desires

By Amberlee Herrell

Copyright 2021 Amberlee Herrell

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be resold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to your favorite ebook retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

My gratitude to my counselors and Deb, who have inspired and helped me along the way.

In the year 1850, in the month of December, Bloody Moon was born. Her father, Running Deer, and her mother, Morning Star, left their village in the Great Smoky Mountains in search of a better life. They left Bloody Moon's brother, Bear, and sister, Little Flower, with their Grandma Twinkle Eyes and Grandpa Great Eagle until they could get settled. They took Bloody Moon with them into the White Man Settlement.

It was a week before Bloody Moon's first birthday when her parents decided to set out to retrieve Bear and Little Flower. Morning Star put Bloody Moon into the handmade cradle board bed. Running Deer put Bloody Moon into the wagon. They headed into the settlement's town to gather all the supplies needed for the journey back to their village. They were able to gather the needed supplies and set off on the journey to their village.

Along the way, Bloody Moon became fussy and hungry, and Morning Star began breastfeeding Bloody Moon. Suddenly, a wild mountain lion came charging out of the wilderness, spooking the horses and causing them to run out of control. Running Deer tried to gain control of the horses, but before he could gain control, the front wheel of the wagon hit a large rock, overturning the wagon. Bloody Moon was thrown a few feet away from the wrecked wagon, but she survived. Her cradle board bed saved her life. However, the wagon landed on top of her mother and father, killing them instantly. They were only two miles outside of town when it crashed.

It was two days and nights before their wagon was found by a white family on their way to a picnic. The family went to investigate the wreck and found the bodies of Bloody Moon's parents. They were getting ready to leave for town to report the wreck and deaths when they suddenly heard a small child crying faintly. The white family began searching in the direction of the cries, and they soon found Bloody Moon, still in her bed. She had been thrown into a thick bed of blackberry thorns. The family could not believe she had survived the harsh elements of winter or had escaped the many wild animals roaming about. It was the bed of thorns that saved her from the wild animals. The sheep skins and furs she was wrapped in kept her from freezing to death. The white family had to cut away the thorns with a sling blade to get to her.

The family took her into town and turned her over to the settlement's authorities and told them about her parents' deaths in the accident. These legal authorities knew that since Bloody Moon was an Indian child, it would be difficult to place her with a family, so they placed her into a white man's orphanage. The white caretakers they placed her with had a deep hatred and resentment towards the Indian race. As Bloody Moon was an Indian child, these caretakers severely abused and neglected her. She often went wet, hungry, and dirty. She was beaten savagely with a belt, sticks, and other objects on a daily basis. She was locked up in a cage at night and forced to sleep outside. Her small tears of fear were never heard while crying in the night as wild animals would circle her cage trying to get in to her. The whole settlement just ignored the unwanted abused Native child.

When Bloody Moon and her parents did not arrive on time, her grandparents became very worried. When they still had not arrived two days later, they went to their Chief Standing Bull for advice. He sent out a small band of his best warriors to search for them. It took three of Grandfather Moon's passings for the small band of warriors to return to their village. During these passings of Grandfather Moon, her grandparents did not eat or sleep. Upon the warriors' return, they shared the deep, sad, painful news of Bloody Moon's parents' deaths and the survival of their grandchild. They did not know where Bloody Moon was taken, as the white man would not tell them. They were informed that only family could collect her parents' bodies. When their Chief Standing Bull heard these things he sent thirty of his best warriors to help accompany her grandparents to the white settlement to collect their loved ones' bodies and to get their grandchild, Bloody Moon. The warriors were instructed to help them find Bloody Moon even if it meant war, although they were not to wage war until they returned to the village with her parents' bodies to be laid to rest. They were instructed to warn the white man that if they did not return Bloody Moon to her people, there would be a great war.

When they reached the white man's settlement, their law officials took Bloody Moon's grandparents and five warriors to Running Deer's and Morning Star's bodies. When they had their loved ones' bodies prepared to take back to their village, Twinkle Eyes asked them for her grandchild. The white officials told her that they could not find their records of where their grandchild had been placed. Great Eagle informed the white man that they would take their loved ones back to their village to mourn and lay them to rest, but they would return after the moon's fourth passing to get their grandchild Bloody Moon. He warned them that if she was not returned to them at that time there would be a great war between them until their grandchild was returned to her people. The white officials told him they would try to locate where she was placed and would return her.

Her grandparents and the warriors returned to their village with their loved ones' bodies. Upon their arrival, great mourning and chanting began. Running Deer's and Morning Star's bodies were carefully cleaned and wrapped within a very special silk cloth. Their bodies were raised up on high burial platforms where their spirits could fly and find their way into the sky to their new spiritual life awaiting for them. Their bodies would remain upon the high burial platforms until their flesh returned to Mother Earth, then their bones would be laid in their burial chambers in their ancestors' burial cave. Their chanting, dancing, mourning, and spiritual rituals went on for two of Grandfather Moon's passings.

When their spiritual rituals ceased, it came time to leave out for the settlement. Bloody Moon's grandparents, Chief Standing Bull, and fifty of his best warriors were on their way out when Chief Standing Bull informed them that sixty warriors of a nearby village would be meeting them to help wage war if need be. Halfway to the white man's settlement the sixty other warriors joined them. They arrived just outside the settlement, and Chief Standing Bull took his closest warriors, along with Great Eagle, and met with the white officials to collect Bloody Moon. However, the officials informed Chief Standing Bull that they needed just a little more time to find her. Chief Standing Bull warned them that he and his warriors would camp just outside the settlement, and he would give them only two more passings of Grandfather Moon to return her, or there would be a great war.

Just before daybreak the white officials sent a messenger out to the camp to inform Chief Standing Bull that they could come and collect the child. When Twinkle Eyes laid eyes upon her small, frightened, severely abused grandchild, her heart cried out in great anger, as she saw how she had been neglected and abused by the white race. She did not have on any shoes, and she had on a dirty, smelly shirt and a nasty, wet diaper that had not been changed in several days. She was very sick and had black and blue bruises over most of her small, frail body. She had dried blood on her thin, small legs with deep cuts and scratches where she had been beaten with a sharp thorny tree. Her beautiful jet black hair was all matted together with filth and from not being combed. Twinkle Eyes cried out in anger and sadness as she held her beautiful, small, helpless grandchild lovingly close to her while they took her back to their village to raise her along with her brother and sister. Her grandparents' hearts ached with deep sadness because they knew she would have many mental scars to overcome from the white man's cruelty and abuse. Chief Standing Bull told Great Eagle that Twinkle Eyes's gentle, loving ways would help Bloody Moon to heal and to overcome her scars and pains caused by the white man's cruelties.

When they got home, Twinkle Eyes had a difficult time bathing and cleaning Bloody Moon because she was terrified of water, and her small legs hurt and burned from the wounds. Twinkle Eyes was very gentle and patient with her grandchild's fearfulness. Twinkle Eyes had to cut her hair, and this was painful to do when their customs were to wear their hair long. However, her hair was so matted she would have had to pull her bald before she could have gotten it combed. It took Twinkle Eyes three days to clean and dress her body with clothing because she would just scream and try to take the clothes off. Eventually, with her love and gentleness, she got Bloody Moon to see how beautiful she looked in her new clothes and her new moccasin shoes.

Bloody Moon was almost two when they got her back from the white man. Night after night, for almost a year, she would awaken them, crying franticly and cuddled up in a corner within the tepee. Twinkle Eyes would pick her up and cuddle her within her warm, loving embrace, and she would sing to Bloody Moon until she fell peacefully back to sleep. When it was time to eat, she would eat like a starved animal. She would eat so fast that she would get choked, and they would have to get her from choking. They had to teach and help her learn that her family loved her and that she would never be abused like the white man abused her. It took six months just for Twinkle Eyes to gain Bloody Moon's trust to bathe and care for her. Bloody Moon was terrified of being put into water because her white caretaker always tried to drown her. Bloody Moon suffered severely by the hands of these white caretakers whom were filled with such evilness and hate that it was only by the power of the Great Spirit that she survived at all.

By the time Bloody Moon began her third summer in life she had grown to love her grandparents, sister, and brother deeply, although she was especially fond of her brother Bear. He became her greatest mentor and the love of her life. She became the love and joy of Bear's heart as well. Bear took her everywhere he went when Twinkle Eyes would allow it. Bear taught her about family, love, devotion, and all about life's beauty and joy.

One day, Bloody Moon and her sister Little Flower were out playing in their favorite meadow. They really enjoyed running and playing within the midst of the many different colorful wildflowers and dandelions that filled the meadow. They enjoyed picking the dandelions and blowing them out into the wind. They enjoyed how the gentle breeze would carry them, making them float high above, soaring all around them like angels’ wings. Most of all, they enjoyed running, dancing, and playing all through them. This always gave Bloody Moon's heart and spirit such a beautiful dreamy feeling. It always made her spirit, mind, and body feel light as a feather.

On one special day, Bloody Moon had a mission in mind.

Sister, would you help me pick a bouquet of wildflowers for Grandma? Today is her birthday, Bloody Moon asked gaily.

Yes, I will help you, Little Flower said.

They sat down in the midst of wildflowers and began picking out the most colorful wildflowers for their grandmother.

Can you remember anything about our parents? Bloody Moon asked with curiosity.

Yes, but only a little, Little Flower said.

What do you remember about them? Bloody Moon asked.

I remember them being loving, sweet, playful, and telling us how they loved us wider than the sky and deeper than the sea when they kissed us good night, Little Flower replied. I remember them telling us if they ever had to go home in the sky, we should not be sad because they would always be watching over us, especially on moonlit nights because Grandfather Moon's light is magical, and he will allow them to always view us until morning light.

Bloody Moon became silent and distant as she heard a small voice inside her say, Thank you, Grandfather Moon, for allowing our parents to watch over us while we sleep.

She was so consumed by her thoughts that she did not even notice when Little Flower jumped up in terror. Neither did she hear Little Flower screaming There's a bear!

Little Flower jumped up to run, but she realized Bloody Moon had not heard her. She grabbed Bloody Moon's arm, screaming, There's a bear! Get up and run!

Bloody Moon suddenly heard the bears growling. She jumped up, frozen with fear for a few seconds, but then she charged off running after Little Flower. She was running so fast she passed Little Flower. She was the first one to begin climbing up the nearest tree. They both scampered up the tree like two terrified rabbits.

Unfortunately, they had not yet been taught that bears can climb trees too. When the bear got to the tree, it began climbing up after them. The tree was only a young sapling, and it began shaking violently from the bear's weight. It shook so wildly that they had to wrap themselves around the young sapling with their arms and legs just to keep from falling out. They were hanging on for dear life and screaming at the top of their small lungs for their grandmother. But it was none other than their brother Bear whom came charging to their rescue. He chased away the baby cub, and then he fell down upon the ground, rolling in the dust in laughter.

When he managed to stop laughing and was able to get his wind back, he chided, My sisters, it is just a baby and wants to play. Bear giggled and finally stood to his feet. You two screech owls need to leave the meadow now because its mom might be close by, and she will not want to play, but will attack you to protect her baby.

They obeyed Bear and came down from the tree and left the meadow immediately. They left the meadow so quickly they forgot the beautiful bouquet of wildflowers they had picked for Grandma Twinkle Eyes. Bear giggled as he reached down and picked up the wildflowers they had forgotten. He went to Bloody Moon, carrying the bouquet of wildflowers.

Sis, you two left so quickly you forgot your beautiful wildflowers, Bear noted with a giggle.

Yes, we did. Thank you, Bubba, she replied.

At dinner, they gave Twinkle Eyes the beautiful wildflowers, kissing her and wishing her a happy birthday. Grandma Twinkle Eyes hugged and kissed them playfully, making them giggle.

Thank you, my sweet children. These are very beautiful and just perfect for my birthday, she said. Grandma Twinkle Eyes was the light of Bloody Moon's life.

When dinner was over and while they were preparing for bed, they heard Bear telling their grandparents about their terrifying ordeal with the bear cub. Bear and their grandparents were giggling while Bear explained how they were wrapped around the tree screaming at the top of their lungs for Twinkle Eyes. Bloody Moon and Little Flower did not think it was funny at all. Truth be told, it was the most terrifying experience of their young lives. But they burst out in laughter when they heard their grandma's high-pitched cackling, which reminded them of a laughing hyena. After all their giggling ceased, Grandma Twinkle Eyes tucked them into bed, and they were deep asleep as soon as their small heads hit their pillows.

Grandpa Great Eagle had begun teaching Bear how to shoot a bow at the age of five years. He was taught in the way of their people's sacred and spiritual hunting rituals. Bloody Moon, Little Flower, and Bear were taught that their sacred, spiritual rituals and respect for Mother Earth would maintain harmony and balance for energy of the sun, Grandfather Moon, Mother Earth, and the entire universe. They were taught that if they should ever break or violate their sacred ways, it would throw the natural world out of balance, resulting in sickness, accidents, and disasters. Bear's Grandpa Great Eagle started him out on bow hunting, stalking and killing small prey such as squirrel, rabbit, and raccoon. He was taught how to skin them for furs and how to cut up their meat for food. He taught Bear to always pray and thank the Great Spirit. Great Eagle taught him to pray to each spirit of every animal he had to kill for sustenance to survive in order to ask each animal for its forgiveness for having to take its life for his survival. He was taught that all spiritual rituals must be conducted with love, faith, and devotion, and most of all, with a good heart.

When Bear turned six years of age, Great Eagle taught him the sacred buffalo dance. This sacred dance was to honor and lure the buffalo near. On Bear's thirteenth birthday, Great Eagle took him on his first buffalo hunt. Bear and other boys his age had their own color of arrows; this was to identify each boy's kills. They had to start off with a calf. It was too dangerous for them to start with adult buffalos. They could not go to this stage until they turned sixteen years of age.

On Bear's first hunt, he killed three calves, and Great Eagle was so proud of Bear. Great Eagle cut a liver from Bear's first kill, holding it up in the air, blessing it before having Bear eat from it.

You must always bless and eat a part of its liver to honor it for allowing you to take its life for your survival, Great Eagle said.

Yes, Grandfather. I will, and I do understand your teachings, Bear replied.

Bear became one of the greatest, wisest hunters at age fifteen. One hot summer day, Bear and his grandfather were out hunting elk deer when his grandfather was attacked by a cougar and was severely injured. It took Bear two long days to get Great Eagle back to their village. Infection had already set in and went into his blood stream. Great Eagle fell gravely ill and died two weeks later. Upon his death, great mourning, screaming, and chanting could be heard from miles away. Mourning, chanting, and dancing went on four days non-stop before he was placed upon his high burial platform so that his spirit could fly away into the great, beautiful sky to his next life.

At the age of sixteen, Bear had to become the family's sole provider. Bear always made sure he kept and performed all their sacred ways because his grandfather had always taught him that to not follow them would anger the spirits and anger the animals' spirits as well. This would result in poor hunting and starvation. Bear, Bloody Moon, and Little Flower were taught from a very young age to live spiritually, individually as well as within their tribe. They were taught that not following the sacred spiritual ways would not only harm them but would harm the whole tribe.

Bear was taught how to call up the winds, mountains, and the raven, which was considered the wisest of all birds. He was also taught to be a buffalo caller. He was taught to dress up in buffalo skins and to get down on the ground on all fours in front of the herd and was taught to snort and roll in the dust like the buffalo do. Then he could lure the herd to a high cliff where his people would be waiting with sticks and would jump out screaming, waving their sticks and frightening the buffalo, causing them to charge over the cliff to their deaths. The buffalo were used for food, clothing, and other things needed in their survival. Bear was taught that this tactic was only to be conducted in winter because their horses could not keep up with the buffalo in winter, as their feet would sink too deeply within the snow.

Bloody Moon did not like killing the Great Spirit's creatures, though she did understand the necessity of it. She had a very special gift with His beautiful and important creatures. She learned of this special gift when she was six years of age, at which time she found her first small, sick animal. It was a wolf cub that was near death due to starvation, the mother having left it or been killed. Animals will often leave their young if they are too weak to keep up. Bloody Moon took this small, sick wolf cub back to her village and hid it in her tepee. She gave up her share of goat milk and nursed the cub back to good health until it was able to eat raw meat. She started it on raw scraps that she could get from some of her grandmother's remnants from scraping skins after Bear's hunts. It became too big to hide in her tepee, so she built it a pen in her favorite meadow.

One day she was watching her grandma scraping skins so she could put some in her special knapsack. Grandma Twinkle Eyes smiled at her.

My child, you do not have to hide nor sneak scraps for that baby wolf cub that you have been hiding and taking care of. All you have to do is ask me for help, Grandma Twinkle Eyes said softly.

I am sorry, Grandma, but I was afraid you would not understand nor allow me to help it, Bloody Moon said with surprise.

My sweet, loving, little sunshine, you can trust me with all things, and I can understand many things of human nature, Twinkle Eyes said with a warm smile.

Yes, Grandma. I do forget at times how truly wise and loving you are, Bloody Moon replied, hugging her grandma. She took the scraps to the cub with happiness and relief that she did not have to hide her wolf cub any longer. She loved her grandma deeply.

When the wolf cub became big enough, she started teaching it to hunt for its own food because she knew it would have to be released back into the wilderness where all wild animals belonged. She named her wolf cub Jasmine. She used a permanent Indian paint to put a special marking on Jasmine's ear so she would know her if she should ever see her in the wilderness again. It pained her deeply when she had to release Jasmine back into the wild, but she knew it had to be done.

From this day on, she was known as the Great Spirit's gifted healer of his creatures. She saved as many as she could. She desired to give back life as much as she could since they had to take others' lives to survive. Although females were rarely allowed to become hunters, Bear began teaching her their sacred ways and their sacred hunting rituals. He taught her how to shoot a bow and arrow beginning at age six. Her grandma began teaching her to skin and cut up the meat at this age. Bear taught her how to make tools, weapons, and other ceremonial instruments such as drums, flutes, and rattles, from the buffalo's skins, bones, and even their inner parts. He taught her how to make shields for protection in the event she may have to go into war or to use as protection from animal horns. He taught her how to make a planting hoe out of bones and horns. He taught her all that he was taught and that nothing was to be wasted, that all their kills were to be used completely for survival. Bloody Moon's grandma taught her how to use a special scraper to clean away all meat residue from the skins and furs. She was taught how to make warm clothing, moccasin shoes, and even how to make toys and a cradle board bed for a baby. Her grandma told her that all women must learn how to make this special bed for a small baby and a small child for carrying and for safety and protection of the baby or child, especially since they moved from living domains following their food source. Her grandma taught her how to make a special warm sheepskin cap for a baby's head so it would not freeze to death during winter. All children, male and female, were taught everything they needed to know from a young age so they could survive in a harsh yet prosperous land. They were taught to live a spiritual, beautiful, and productive life.

Bloody Moon's sister Little Flower, being twelve, was becoming interested in boys, but Bloody Moon thought boys were just annoying, pesky little creatures. One day, Little Flower was teasing her about a young boy who had a crush on her. She became so annoyed with Little Flower's teasing that she snapped hastily at Little Flower.

I do not like boys, and I prefer my animals over annoying, pesky boys any day, Bloody Moon replied.

Oh yeah, just you wait and see. When you are older you will feel differently about boys, Little Flower teased playfully.

I will never wish to play with any pesky boys, Bloody Moon huffed.

However, Little Flower continued teasing her. Bloody Moon hated it when her sister would tease her, but she still loved her deeply. But most of all, she hoped that one day she would be as beautiful as her sister. She decided to just ignore her sister's teasing and ventured off into her own daydreaming.

I do cherish my moments spent with my bubba Bear, and he is the only male I will ever love spending time with, she whispered to herself.

Bloody Moon often thought about her parents and wished they were alive. She was reminiscing about her favorite moments spent with Bear, when he would take her to his best hunting spot. He taught her how to shoot his bow there many times. He took her to some big, beautiful waterfalls that were near the hunting spot. She thought briefly how she loved the falls almost as much as she did Bear. He always took her swimming in the calmer water to teach her how to swim. He had started teaching her to swim at age three. When she turned five, he took her under the falls to a softer flowing spot. It always felt like rain falling down on her. Within her mind, she could picture and visualize them there, playing and laughing beneath the big, beautiful falls. Though she missed him while he was gone on hunting trips, he would always take her to the falls to camp for two days upon his return.

She suddenly laughed out loud when she thought about the hunting stories he would tell her. She knew some of his tales were true, but some were just made up to amuse her. Some of them were so hilarious that they almost made her pee her pants. She fell so deeply into her thoughts of Bear that she could no longer hear her sister's teasing. She recalled her favorite story he had told her. It was a true story that embarrassed him deeply, but it was so hilarious that she laughed until her tummy hurt and until tears flowed down her small cheeks.

Let's see, it went something like this - he was preparing for his first buffalo calling to lure them to the high cliffs, she recalled.

She was now picturing the hilarious story within her mind’s eye. Bear was all dressed up in his buffalo skins, out in front of the herd, down on all fours, snorting and rolling in the dust like the buffalos do. Bear was doing everything he had been taught to do. He was doing it so well that a young buffalo bull mistook him for a young female. The young bull came lazily towards him and was snorting, kicking the ground, and sniffing the air. Suddenly the young bull came upon Bear like no other beast in the valley, and the young bull began mounting him, trying to hump him before he could get off the ground. Bear was grunting and groaning beneath the young bull's weight, screaming out in sheer panic and shock. He was fighting franticly in terror and embarrassment to free himself. When he finally freed himself, he began running, but the young bull tore out after him. Bear was running and yelping at the top of his lungs, trying to find a tree to climb. He was running so fast that all that could be seen of him was his long, beautiful, jet-black hair flying in the wind. The young bull caught up with Bear once again, knocking him down upon the ground, trying to mount him once again, but Bear managed to get up and began running even faster and yelping even louder. When he finally got to a tree, he flew up into it like a flash of lightning. The young buffalo bull began butting the tree with its head while it was weeping and bellowing for the mate it desired - Bear, dressed in buffalo skins. Bear was hugging the tree in fear, mixed with embarrassment, while his warrior friends chased the bull back to its mother. Bear sat up in the tree, feeling very humiliated, while his friends were rolling on the ground, whooping and laughing. He sat in the tree for almost an hour. He was too embarrassed to come out of the tree to join his friends who were wailing with laughter. He was also terrified that the young bull might come for him again.

Bloody Moon reminisced about how she had giggled the whole time Bear was telling her about how he had sat in the tree feeling afraid and embarrassed and how it suddenly reminded him of when he was rolling on the ground laughing at her and Little Flower. But, he had shared that the worst thing about it all was that he knew that it was his great payback for laughing at them.

Bloody Moon suddenly started giggling out loud. Little Flower realized that Bloody Moon was once again lost in her own little dream world. Little Flower sighed deeply and stopped her teasing because she knew that Bloody Moon could not hear her any longer. She knew that when