When Cellphones Make Us Crazy

By Jeremy Bursey

Obsession and cellphones make for a happy couple. A happy, infuriating couple.

What do we do when obsession grabs us between the legs and pulls? Go with it? Resist it? Do we let it dictate our friendships? Our relationships? Does it simply make us too stupid to even notice our choices?

In his twenty-something years on earth, Avery Ward has had limited success with his dating relationships. As a student in psychology and a counselor-in-training, he feels it’s important to analyze the mistakes of his past before embarking on those same mistakes in the future. So when his psychology professor asks him to chart his obsessions throughout the semester, he doesn’t think he’ll have much to write about. He is, after all, cautious about his choices, and cautious people do not submit to obsessions.

That is, until he meets Melissa, the girl of his dreams, at a fraternity party one fateful night.

He has sixty seconds with her. That’s all. But that’s enough to figure out she is everything he wants in a partner. So when her cellphone rings, and she goes missing for the evening, he panics. He longs to spend more time with her. He searches all over for her. Where is she? He must find her. Can he find her? He panics. She is the woman of his dreams. Sixty seconds. He needs more.

Fortunately, serendipity kicks in when he runs into her at a local supermarket months later, giving him a second chance at a new first impression. But he has needy friends, and a cellphone, and so does Melissa, and even as he tries his hardest to kickstart the relationship that he failed to launch at the party, friends and cellphones become obsessed with both of them.

In the aftermath, Avery realizes getting the girl of his dreams may require choices that go beyond reason. But can a spiderweb of obsessive behaviors get him the girl of his dreams without wrecking his and everyone else’s life in the process?

Note: This version is a novella-sized remake of “When Cellphones Go Crazy” (2015).

• Language: English
• Publisher: Jeremy Bursey
• Release date: Dec 31, 2017
• ISBN: 9781370715114

Jeremy Bursey

Jeremy Bursey is the author of many short stories, essays, and poems, along with a modest number of novels and screenplays, each covering topics and genres that differ from what he had written previously. He hopes to bring many of these into the ebook generation over the course of the next few years. He holds a bachelor’s degree in English from the University of Central Florida and currently works at a local college as a writing tutor. He appreciates feedback for anything he offers to the public.

Book preview

When Cellphones

Make Us Crazy

a novella

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Jeremy Bursey

Copyright © 2017 by Jeremy Bursey

All rights reserved.

zippywings.wordpress.com

Smashwords Edition

E-book edition: 1.0

ISBN: 9781370715114

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This e-book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This e-book may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to your favorite e-book retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. Some real-life cities, towns, institutions, or products may appear to lend authenticity to a scene for literary purposes, but this work does not intend to endorse or malign them. There is no catharsis or advertisement happening here. All other trademarks and copyrights are the property of their respective owners.

No part of this text may be reproduced in any other work without giving credit to the author. No part of this text may be used for commercial purposes, except by reviewers or critics, without the author’s permission. The complete text is intended for personal use only and may not be used for commercial purposes, or duplicated in any other form for purposes other than personal, noncommercial use, or posted to any other site without the author’s permission.

Contents

Title

Copyright Information

Edition Notes

PART ONE: Veni

Obsession 101

Candy

The Illusion of Fancy

Consolation Prize

The Assignment

In Deep Smit

Dressing Aisle Hero

Conqueror?

PART TWO: Vidi

Getting Philosophical

More Wining

Phones and Melons

The Dice Roll

PART THREE: Vici

Checking Her Out

The Usual Tragedy

The Counselor

The Invitation

Mystery Prize

EPILOGUE

Powdered Donut

Readers’ Group Discussion Questions

Other Books

For Reviewers

Join My Mailing List

Author’s Note

E-book Version

Revision History

About the Author

Contact and Questions

Coming Soon

Edition Notes

Thank you for purchasing (or, if you’re previewing, considering a purchase of) When Cellphones Make Us Crazy.

This 2017 edition updates a story I wrote called When Cellphones Go Crazy, making structural changes to the narrative, giving the story a new direction, and operating under a new theme. Even if you’ve read the previous version, there is enough fresh content here to warrant a second reading. It’s basically a remake.

This version breaks up the earlier edition’s parts into smaller chunks, making it easier to read in shorter sessions. It also fixes a few style problems present in earlier versions and provides a new Readers’ Group Discussion Questions section for those who like to discuss books.

The previous 2015 e-book edition of When Cellphones Go Crazy (the original title) adds a brief flashback to give the core story more context but otherwise remains unchanged from its 2006 print edition. It was released as a free standalone to attract new readers. That edition is still part of my e-book and print collection, Zippywings 2015: A Short Story Collection.

The original version of When Cellphones Go Crazy (quotation marks intended) appears in the 2006 print publication, Seven-Sided Dice: The Collection of Junk, Volume 3 (no longer available).

I may produce When Cellphones Make Us Crazy as a standalone print book in the near future. Join my mailing list to receive news about that and other upcoming releases if you prefer print, or if you just want more content from me. (More info about my mailing list appears after the readers’ group discussion questions.)

PART ONE:

________

Veni

Obsession 101

________

Four months before his rendezvous with fate in the condiment aisle of a trendy grocery store, at roughly the start of his university’s spring semester, Avery Ward perked up when his psychology instructor had written the word sex in large letters on the chalkboard. Even though it wasn’t a new topic for him, and he’d heard it spoken about time and again throughout his education in courses including health, biology, and English, the very sight of it left him feeling giddy. And, judging by the general interest his classmates shared in the subject, he assumed the rest of them felt the same way. In his general psychology classes, he was usually stuck reviewing common social issues like domestic violence, the human brain and its many neurological functions, and the cycle of life. But in his newest class, Human Obsessions, the topic of sex was more delicious to his ears than usual. The spin this time carried with it a more forbidden tone than the clinical speak he was used to. The idea of humans turning sexual behaviors into obsessions was scandalous just in the whispering, and to devote an entire class period to the discussion was better than going to the movies. In the first five minutes of class, Dr. Barry had promised the students they would never get bored. So far, he was right, and he hadn’t actually gotten around to discussing the topic yet.

Obsession has no limit, Dr. Barry said. It can begin with a simple electric spark in the prickly mind of man. A passing interest, or even a single mundane experience like tying your shoe, can become so habitual, so necessary, that you can let it consume your thoughts. Like washing your hands every time you touch something.

He paused.

"Often, we don’t realize what’s becoming of us. We think of things innocently. Did I remember to turn off the oven this morning? We go on about our day. We hold conversations with our peers. We check our e-mail. Did I remember to turn off the oven this morning? The boss gives us an assignment to do. We do our best to focus on it. Did I remember to turn off the oven this morning? We begin to sweat. We call our spouse. ‘Honey,’ we say. ‘Did I turn off the oven this morning?’

How do we get there? Not consciously, certainly. But how can we avoid it? Can we avoid it?

Avery leaned forward to absorb the instructor’s every word. Everything oozing from his mouth was electric. He sensed the entire class was shadowing his every move, leaning forward, staring at him the way an animal stares at food. He wondered if he had turned off the oven this morning.

What drives us to obsession? Dr. Barry asked. Does the brain provide any filters for us in which to prevent it? Would we allow the filter to even do its job?

Avery relaxed. He had a bowl of cereal for breakfast. He never used the oven. Close call. Then he wondered what the girl who sat in front of him looked like naked, even though he wasn’t particularly attracted to her. Random thought, but a suddenly interesting one. Wasn’t uncommon. He fluttered attention between the instructor and the girl naked in his mind, even though she was wearing denim overalls and a flannel shirt in real life.

Dr. Barry grabbed a piece of chalk off the tray and underlined the word sex three times.

How many of you were thinking about this before I started this discussion?

Avery clutched his wrist to avoid telling the truth, but when every hand in the room went up, he joined in on the mass admission. The girl in front of him had raised her hand, too. This was a thrill for him for some reason.

How many of you are still thinking about it?

Everyone’s hand remained upright.

If I told you to think about a horrific car accident where the driver on impact flies through his windshield and lands in the back of a pickup truck full of pitchforks, what would you think about? If I then pointed to the word on the board, how many of you would go back to thinking about sex?

A few hands went down, but most remained raised. Avery realized a second after the question was asked that his hand was still up.

Why do we crave something so primal, even in the face of tragedy?

He paused for thought.

Perhaps to answer that question, we have to understand the human brain.

Dr. Barry approached his desk and leaned into it. With his elbows securing his position, he looked into the crowd and made eye contact with as many people as he could in about fifteen seconds.

I have a theory, he said. "You will not likely find my theory in a textbook. Nor will you find it written in marker on a bathroom wall. But you