Strange Perspectives Volume 1: The Memoirs of Mike Najarian (From the Band State Radio)

By Mike Najarian and Chuck Fay

Strange Perspectives is known for its witty and humorous short stories and observations. These memoirs cover many aspects of Mike Najarian's life including his adventures as the drummer of the politically conscious, socially aware, and internationally touring band State Radio. Volume 1 covers his dealings with Slash of Guns N' Roses, Jerry Cantrell of Alice in Chains, Tom Morello of Rage Against the Machine, Mike Mills of R.E.M., Dave Matthews of the Dave Matthews Band, Perry Farrell of Jane's Addiction, Cam Neely of the Boston Bruins, and Wyc Grousbeck (the owner of the Boston Celtics) just to name a few. Although Strange Perspectives is light, fun, and easy to read it also digs deep into the human condition and displays a diversity of ideas and topics that make it a complete and well-rounded piece of writing. To stay up to date on the Strange Perspectives series and all of Mike's dealings please go to his Facebook page at www.facebook.com/mikenajarian.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Sep 13, 2012
• ISBN: 9781623098360

Book preview

When thinking about writing a proper book I brainstormed a bunch of ideas on my own. Maybe I could write a novel, a fictional story that was creative and imaginative, that compelled people. Or I could write an autobiography, a story of my life, weaving a tale that spoke to people, that people could relate to. Or I could write a practical book, say on day trading, one of my true loves, and this could help people understand the complex beast that is our stock market, and maybe help them make some money. So I brought up the idea to my bandmate and close friend Chuck Fay. I said Chuck I’m thinking about writing a book. He said, Oh. Chuck is more of a listener, but a brilliant man all the same. Soon you will see why. So I told him about my ideas and he deliberated for a second. I think people would buy a book I would write, I said. He then said, I have no doubt people would buy a book you would write. But it has to be on your unique take on the world. People would be amused by your analysis. For instance, day trading, that could be a chapter. The more I thought about it, the more I liked the idea. This way, as I may not be able to hold someone’s attention for a full book on day trading, or a novel, or an autobiography, maybe I would be able to share short snippets on what motivates me, or let’s face it, not even that, and hold someone’s attention for perhaps a small burst of time. Thus began my project. This compilation is entitled Strange Perspectives, as the thoughts and experiences you are about to witness are not strange to me, but have been deemed such by many others. I guess it’s now up to you to decide. And to let me know. Thanks in advance for your open mind and understanding. May this be an awakening experience for you all.

Australia: Take 1

It’s pretty bad when your testicle shows up on the internet from when you were in Australia. It’s even worse when you find out your testicle is on the internet from your Mother. It’s even worse than that when she calls you into the computer room out of nowhere and says, Hey Michael, look at this, in a nice, calm voice, and when you look at the computer screen there is a picture of you wearing pink ‘The Beautiful Girls’ panties, a ‘Cape Cod: Like No Place on Earth’ green mesh cut off shirt, eye black under your eyes, and have one testicle hanging out. Well, that’s me singing in Australia Mom, I said back to her just as calmly. No, what’s that? she said and pointed to the general area of my testicle. Well, that’s my testicle Mom. And what’s it doing on the internet?. I don’t know, I didn’t put it there…. What are your kids going to think when they see this picture of you? It’s not cool to have this stuff floating around on the internet!. I guess we’ll just have to wait until I have kids and hope they don’t see it. Laughter ensues from my end. It’s not funny Michael! I’m serious. This isn’t cool!. More laughter from my end. There’s nothing we can do about it now Mom. And then I left the room. Surprisingly, I wasn’t embarrassed, even in front of my Mother. In my mind, at that moment, the experience was worth it, and if the picture was seen by my kids, then so be it. And even now as I am writing this, I am still chuckling about that night. It brings a smile to my face every time I think about it. Oh, fond memories of exposing myself in Australia. Before you think I am this weird sex offender-esque freaky deeky dude, please give me a chance to explain myself. I’m sure you will come to the same conclusion as me. And for the record, I had no intention to expose myself, I promise.

I’m going to guess it was in the late Fall, early Winter in 2007 when we went to Australia for the first time. We had played with a band called The Beautiful Girls in the U.S. and then they invited us to play over in Australia to return the favor. This was an amazing tour. We got to take a two and a half week break from the harsh New England weather and enjoy the Australian easy living Summer for a bit. At this point we had become great friends with the guys in The Beautiful Girls (there are actually no girls in the band) and we had a great camaraderie going on for this entire tour. There were so many cool things that happened on this tour that I couldn’t even fit all of them in a single memoir. On top of that, some of my experiences have been sworn to secrecy. I will briefly touch on a few of my experiences that tour though just to build up to my infamous testicle showing.

First off, on a work related note, I learned so much from my still good friend and The Beautiful Girls drummer Bruce Braybrooke. He taught me so much about professional drumming by the way he approached the art. When The Beautiful Girls came and played in the U.S., Brucie used my drum kit. When I told him he could move around my set up he replied, Naw, I’ll just keep it as is, that looks great. At first I was confused, no drummer had ever said this to me before. Most drummers are pretty anal about the way they set up their kit, and the angles at which they put their drums and cymbals. I told Brucie about my confusion and he said to me, You are a professional, I am a professional. Professionals should be able to roll with the punches and be able to play any set up. That’s part of the fun of it anyway. Everyone needs change or things get boring. Also, the more set ups you try, the more you see why people set up their drums a certain way, and it will make your personal set up better and more researched in the long run. I had never even heard this philosophy before. Like I said, most drummers are quite anal about their drums. I was actually a very lax drummer, I always offered up my drum kit to whoever wanted to use it. I thought about what Brucie said and I replied, Well, it looks like I will have to use your set up exactly how it is if we ever come to Australia! That’s only fair. Brucie liked this response, I could tell by the look on his face. And just like that my philosophy on drumming was forever changed and I had gained a life-long friend. Weird how life works sometimes.

Brucie also taught me a lot about how to take care of your musician friends. He was so welcoming and went way out of his way for us when we went to Australia. This also changed my philosophy on how you should treat a guest. Brucie went way out of his way to help me have one of the best experiences of my life. Giving is better than receiving to some I guess. Definitely is for Bruce.

One of the coolest things Brucie did was take us up to his friends’ treehouse up in the rainforest, a few hours from Byron Bay. This place was quite amazing. It was this mansion on a mountain in the Australian rainforest. Score! What a sick place this was. And the people who lived there were these amazing free spirited people who had a great outlook on life, and really made it an awesome experience for us all. As legend has it, the girl who scoped it out, and facilitated renting out the house (her name was Polly), said as she was driving up the driveway for the first time there were two snakes in the middle of the driveway making love. When she saw this she thought, Yup, this is the place!. Now, if that was me I would think, Hell No! Deadly snakes in my driveway!. I mean, these aren’t just little New England gardener snakes we are talking about here. These are Australian Rainforest death machines. And if you can imagine, for all the snakes around, there was just as many deadly spiders. In fact, there was a deadly spider that was on the porch of the house right outside the master bedroom. Polly lived in the master bedroom with her boyfriend Jamie and was totally cool with having the spider live there. Further, she actually preferred it living there.

The spider was this baseball sized creature that I think was maybe an Araneus Pallidus, or a black widow. It was the kind of spider that eats the male spiders that try to mate with it. Jamie and Polly described to me that they had personally seen 3 different males court it. Then one day they would see the male wasn’t there anymore, and the female kept getting bigger and bigger. They said the newer males were much smaller than this female because she kept eating the males. I’m not sure how accurate this was but I am a male and I stayed the hell away from that porch. Apparently, one bite from this thing and you were a goner. To make matters worse, Polly said she woke up to the feeling of the spider crawling on her leg one night. She said she just jumped out of bed and the spider ran away and ended up back in her web the next morning on the porch. Now, I am squirming uncomfortably even thinking about this happening, never mind actually having it happen. On top of that, I can’t imagine sleeping in that same bed with the same spider still on the porch! Crazy Australians.

But Polly was truly an amazing character and had been through way more than that in her lifetime. When she was 20 years old she went over to Somalia to film the outdated and barbaric practice of female genital mutilation that was still practiced there. To put this in perspective she is only 31, so this was only 11 years ago. She had to be accompanied by armed guards all day and she was shot at more than once. She said she barely made it on a plane to exit the country alive. She believes she is truly lucky to be alive and lives every day to the fullest. She definitely is not afraid of the spider on her porch. But, damn it, I was. I am just a Massachusetts boy where the winter kills most of our spiders that would be deadly. So, excuse me but I was afraid.

Beyond the deadly wildlife, the Rainforest was one of the most beautiful places I had ever seen. The vegetation was amazing, and being on top of the mountain gave us a sick panoramic of the area. It was very similar to the way Hawaii is, but a tiny bit nicer in my opinion. In addition, the area was filled with magic mushrooms. Mushies is what they called them. When we got to the house there was a bunch of mushies that were just chilling in a jar with honey. Now I’m not one to frequent psychedelic drugs, but when you are in the Australian Rainforest… well, you make exceptions. So yeah, we had a few nights off that we went to the Treehouse and decided to partake in the magic mushrooms with everyone there. There were a few notable experiences that resulted from this scene of scenes.

First, on one particular night, while I was indulging in the magic fungus of the land, I noticed there was this little house up the mountain a little bit. When I inquired about it I found out that one of the girls lived there and was just about to leave to go up there to bed. I actually saw that she had put a State Radio flag up on top of a lamp in her chalet (that’s what she called the cabin) and I took that as a sign that I should go check it out. She was like oh yeah, I forgot about that flag, which made me feel awesome. Either way, I was curious as to the scene up there, and because I was indulging in the fungus I found it most interesting walking through the woods to get there. Anyway, I got up there and looked around for a bit and then was like, alright I’m heading back down. To put this in perspective, there was a path that led up to the chalet but it was a much longer walk. It was much quicker to walk through the woods for about 50 yards down to the main house. Either way, the path was surrounded by the dense rainforest woods. And as I had said before, there were 2 snakes making love in the driveway on Polly’s first drive up. And there was that huge spider on the porch. And there was an even huger spider that was right between 2 trees in the driveway that we spotted earlier in the night. And these were just things I knew about. I’m sure there were more threats out in those woods that I was naïve to. I mean, come on, I’m from suburban Massachusetts!

Clearly, I had not considered, in my state of mind, the impending walk back to the main house. To make matters worse it was pitch black. I said thanks to the girl for letting me see the chalet and began to start to walk back down to the house. I had not taken two steps when she stops me and hands me a flashlight. I said I wasn’t sure I would need it and she was like, you definitely do. She had a pretty serious look on her face and I started to pay a bit more attention. Now I’m serious about this. If you see a snake, don’t move!. I’m sure I’ll be fine, I said. "Okay, well just remember if you see a snake, don’t move. Alright, you’re kind of freaking me out. You didn’t seem nervous on the way up, I said. Well, I am a certified nature guide!. Yeah right!. No, I really am. Oh shit, I said. Now I am scared. Just seriously don’t move if you see a snake. Okay, I won’t. Chalk coming up to the chalet as a bad decision by me! I didn’t even think of the perils of the pitch black Australian Rainforest while tripping on mushies!. She laughed. You should be fine, I obviously do it every day. With those last few words of encouragement I was off. Alright I’m going for it," I yelled back up.

And she went inside. And I chose the woods instead of the path. It seemed quicker, you know? There I was. With a flashlight, walking down the hill through the Australian Rainforest tripping on mushrooms, scared shitless. It’s so dark that all I can see is where I am flashing my flashlight. Thank goodness I took one! I am making my way by stepping over logs, brushing away branches and leaves, carefully and meticulously making my way through the woods, stopping frequently to flash my light around to check for crazy snakes and spiders… It definitely seems like a lot longer of a trip than on the way up there. And it seemed like I was in the woods way longer than it looked like I would be by the sheer distance. All of a sudden I feel something come up and slap the back of my leg. Oh shit! I thought.

What do you think you would do in this situation? I am a pretty calm and relaxed guy, I think. Remember, I had been told to stay still if I saw a snake. But what about if I felt a snake?! Probably the same, right? Well, so much for being told to do something. I immediately turned around, my heart racing, and looked on the ground shining my flashlight on it. It was just a stick in some leaves. I had stepped on it and it had hit my leg. ‘Man, that was nerve-racking,’ I thought. But I was still in the woods. You know that saying, ‘You aren’t out of the woods yet’? Well, I literally wasn’t. I took about 4 more steps and it happened again. But this time I didn’t wait to find out what it was. I just took off and started running. Running through the woodsy rainforest. Probably the worst thing you could possibly do if you were to encounter wildlife. So much for following directions.

I obviously made it out of the woods okay and came panting back into the main house. It is kind of funny to think of me tripping on mushies running through the pitch black woods. I’m lucky I didn’t trip on something or slam into a tree. Or run right into a snake or spider and come out of the woods with one of them wrapped around my legs. Either way, everyone in the main house was like, What just happened to you?! when I came in panting like an out of shape runner. I got scared and just ran through the woods!. An eruption of laughter ensued. Oh mushies! Polly said. So stupid.

This event also happened on the same night that my aforementioned friend Brucie played a pretty nasty trick on me. As I said before the mushies were in a honey stew if you will. The way we were ingesting this stew was to take a spoonful of the mushie/honey stew and just chew it/suck it down. At the beginning of the night Brucie challenged me to a spoonful for spoonful clause. Basically, if Brucie took a spoonful then I would have to take a spoonful, and vice versa. Brucie definitely started to push the envelope at the beginning of the night. He took the first 2 spoonfuls and got me underway really quickly. Now to anyone who knows me, I am a major lightweight with alcohol and recreational drugs. And as I said before, I don’t do recreational drugs that often. So 2 spoonfuls of mushies was enough for the entire night for a guy like me. I followed Brucie’s ambitious start of 2 spoonfuls and we were off on our journey.

About an hour later, while I was definitely feeling those spoonfuls pretty hard, Brucie started to push the envelope again. He took a third spoonful. I take a 3rd. He then allegedly takes a fourth. I look very reluctantly at Brucie and our friend (a bubbly little blond named Jolie). Brucie gives me the eye, and Jolie chimes in, You have to do it now. You made a pact. To put Jolie in perspective, she lived downstairs in the Treehouse and she had these paintings she did down in her room as decoration. One of the paintings that grabbed your eyes at first was a scene of a guy finishing in a girl’s eye and the word splurb in big letters. ‘Okay,’ I thought, ‘this girl is interesting’. The first night we stayed over at the Treehouse, we all stayed in the basement, and we all woke up to Jolie in her room jumping on her bed saying to us, Time to wake up! Isn’t it just sooooooo good to be alive!!!!. How can you say no to a spoonful when Jolie calls you out?! Well, I’m sure it’s not too hard, but I was in a state of mind people!

So I take a fourth spoonful. At this point I feel like I am going to lose my mind. Just the sheer thought of four spoonfuls made me scared. I am definitely not the most aware person at this point, mind you. Brucie then claims that I owe him a fifth spoonful. At this point, I feel beaten and look at him for mercy. I then, as a last resort, accuse him of lying about his spoonfuls. Jolie again pitches in and claims he is not lying because she is a witness to Brucie’s 5 spoonfuls. ‘Oh my Lord, am I going to die tonight?’. ‘Maybe!’ said Brucie. I try to stall but keep getting peppered. All the while Brucie and Jolie have this little smirk on their faces like they are so proud of themselves for getting me to do so many mushies on my trip to Australia. So I take a fifth spoonful! As I am choking it down, and I will never forget this image as a vivid point in time as long as I live, Jolie looks at me in amazement and says, Goodnight!.

At that point in time none of the funny business going on even occurred to me. If you haven’t figured it out already, Brucie and Jolie were in collusion together. Brucie might have taken about 2 or 3 spoonfuls at this point. He was putting the spoon in his mouth with no mushroom stew on it, or simply lying about taking a spoonful. It is like the age old trick of taking water shots and giving your friends tequila shots! He was messing with me. And with psychedelic drugs! That bastard! And his partner, the easy going, life loving, cute bubbly blond Jolie. It was an unstoppable pair! I had no chance.

So how many spoonfuls of mushie stew did I take that night? Take a guess… 6, 7, or 8? Nope, more. 9??? Wait a second, 9 scoops?! I wanted to stop at 2! Hold up, more than 9?? Yeah. 10. Ten. Ten spoonfuls of mushies. It was ridiculous. Brucie and Jolie were amazed that I held up and remained conscious. Brucie claims that he ended up taking around 5 or 6 spoonfuls. Which is still a ridiculous amount of mushies. But ten, that was almost unheard of. Especially considering the lightweight I was. Surprisingly, I wasn’t even that bad! I never really lost my mind. To be honest, the Mushroom Gods were watching over me that night. I think the most messed up I felt was after that fourth spoonful of mushrooms. I clearly remember thinking the same as Jolie on my fifth scoop, Goodnight!, but oddly feeling revitalized by this spoonful. It seemed like the more mushies I ate, the more my body became accustomed to them, and they actually started to counteract my body’s feeling of being poisoned. It was really odd. It was like my body had a peak at four scoops and the rest wasn’t a big thing, or even helped me have a better trip. I can’t even imagine this makes sense scientifically, but that’s what happened. I swear to you. Either way, reflecting on the fact that I took 10 scoops throughout the night, thinking about walking back from the chalet in the pitch black deadly rainforest definitely takes on a new meaning. Those were crazy times I tell you!

The other interesting aspect of the night was that Chad actually took a scoop