Missing Us (A Chandler County Novel)

By Traci Wooden-Carlisle

Dr. Atherton Nathan, Terry, never imagined that the pact he made four decades ago would cost him what he treasured most – his family. Though he survived the slow disintegration of his marriage, he held fast to the hope that he could win back the only woman he ever loved.
His youngest daughter now has a life and love he has always wanted for her and their relationship has healed enough for her to allow him to give her away during her wedding. He hopes the weeks he will spend in Chandler County to ensure her transition from her life and career in Chicago to Chandlerville before the nuptials will be enough to convince his wife...ex-wife of his love for her and hers for him.
Reina Fellows Nathan can finally breathe a sigh of relief. Her youngest daughter’s life is out of danger and Shauna is carving out her own path towards happiness. All Reina has to do is get through the weeks it will take to help her daughter plan her wedding and avoid her ex-husband. He nearly destroyed her once and despite some of the changes he’s recently made she dare not trust her heart to him.
Each day brings new challenges that work against her resolve to remain unaffected by her ex- husband’s attempts to court her again, but secrets, lies and a long-held pact that comes to light may make it impossible for a true reconciliation.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Traci Wooden-Carlisle
• Release date: Dec 7, 2017
• ISBN: 9781641364553

Traci Wooden-Carlisle

Traci Wooden-Carlisle lives in San Diego with her husband. She designs jewelry, writes as much as she can and freelances as a graphic artist. She loves her coffee in the morning and fuzzy slippers at night. She loves to read anything romantic – the more inspirational the better. For fun, she dances and teaches the occasional fitness class.

Book preview

PROLOGUE

He walked as close to the shadows as possible, stopping from time to time to make sure no one followed him as he walked across campus.

Tonight, the darkness felt more like a blanket that had fallen over the area than the sun trading places with the moon and stars. He took a deep breath to calm his racing heart and tried to quiet the voices in his head warning him to go back, renege on his promise, and deal with the consequences of those actions instead of going through with this and giving over control to someone else. What had he gotten himself into?

He walked to the edge of the building, looking both ways before crossing the small alley to the lone door on the opposite structure. He had one last chance to turn back. He stretched out his fist, hesitating before knocking.

The door opened on quiet hinges, and he passed through it knowing the decision he was making would alter the path he had planned for his life.

You all know why you’re here. You know why you’ve been chosen and what the sacrifices are. You know the consequences if you talk and what will happen if you go back on your promise. I trust you read the entire contract? The gaze of the man in black fell on him, and the coldness of those eyes almost left him paralyzed. He mustered up the strength to nod and was rewarded with a reprieve as the man shifted his stare to the guy on Terry’s left.

By now you may have pieced some of this together. That is fine. We didn’t pick you because you couldn’t think. We picked you because you can’t help but think. We’re hoping that your need to solve equations will be tempered with a sense of discretion, which will help smother the need to share or prove that you are smarter than anyone else in the world. The man in black began pacing.

No one will write documentaries about the work you do for us. You will not receive accolades. The only rewards you will receive is a sense of family between you and your brethren, a very healthy paycheck for your time, small favors in your field of work, or approvals for positions you apply for that we believe can benefit us. If your moral standards cause you to question if you’ve earned these promotions, don’t worry, you will have.

We will be taking up almost all of your free time at first. You were chosen because you don’t have family, girlfriends, children or other interests except what pertains to your field. The first couple of years will be like priming a pump to get you going. During this time, you will learn how to work together like a fine-oiled machine and trust each other, but if one of you goes down, the others will pick up the slack. Starting today, you are making a pact that will last for the rest of your lives no matter how long or short that may be.

He scanned the room avoiding eye contact with the other recruits. He noticed the looks of uncertainty on their faces and wondered if they mirrored his own. It was too late now. They were all in this for life. How long that lasted would be up to them and how well they did their task.

CHAPTER 1

1979

The Beginning

Atherton Theodore Nathan, Terry to his friends, leaned his shoulder against the corner of the brick building as he waited for her to come out of one of the storefronts across the street. He knew he was riding the line between opportunist and stalker but from the moment he saw her he needed to learn more about her, even if it was from afar. Would she fit into his world? He hoped so, because after a week of watching her and getting a peek at her larger-than-life personality, he wanted her.

Terry couldn’t get her out of his mind. Every time he thought back to his first glimpse of her he had trouble breathing. The day Terry had bumped into her on the sidewalk in front of the same building he was watching now, he hadn’t been able to summon enough air to say anything other than a wispy, Sorry.

He’d picked up the magazines he’d knocked from her hands. As he handed them back to her, she’d smiled – a radiant, heart-stopping smile that branded him.

He disengaged from the wall as the woman of his thoughts walked through the door surrounded by a few women that looked to be around her age. What was her age exactly? Was she one of those black women who looked a decade younger than they were? No. Terry had seen the youth and innocence in her eyes. She couldn’t be older than her late teens or early twenties. It wouldn’t have mattered though; he was smitten.

He watched for traffic then jogged across the street just far enough in front of them to plant himself in their line of progress. He snuck a peek at the woman before pretending to read the magazine in his hand. She was just as lovely as the first time he’d seen her in a soft-looking, burnt-orange sweater and a long skirt with huge flowers that matched the color of her top. She wore her hair piled at the crown of her head with curls falling around her face.

He looked up just in time to maneuver himself so he could narrowly miss bumping into her again by accident. She looked up, startled, with what he was sure was a ready apology, but she faltered when recognition hit, and her lips curved into a smile.

Hi again, she said in a low voice that reached his ears just above a whisper. He leaned in, pretending to strain to hear her.

I’m sorry, she said, instead of repeating herself. We seem to keep running into each other.

That’s my fault, he said, working hard not to let her presence overwhelm his senses. I am obviously walking in the wrong direction. He turned around and walked at her side. He looked around at the women accompanying her. Ladies, where are we going? His line was met with giggles all around, but he kept his eyes on his beauty. Her eyes flashed with something mischievous, and his blood warmed at discovering the challenge just under the surface.

I’m Atherton Nathan. My friends call me Terry. He held his right hand out in front of her. She glanced down then looked back into his eyes as she placed her hand in his. They continued to move forward.

Reina Fellows. It’s nice to make your acquaintance, Mr. Nathan.

He was briefly caught off guard by her formal address of his name. What did it mean? Was she rejecting his friendship?

Are you shy, Mr. Nathan? She stopped and turned to him.

Surprised by the question, he paused to think of where this line of questioning was going. He decided he had nothing to lose by being truthful.

No, I don’t normally consider myself to be shy.

And now? she replied quickly.

Um. He glanced at her friends to see if he was going to become the butt of some joke they played on unwitting men, but he could only read curiosity in their eyes.

Uncomfortable.

And yesterday, Mr. Nathan?

A low buzzing began in his ears, and a sheen of perspiration broke out on his upper lip.

I’m sorry?

She stared at him for a moment and for the first time in a long time he felt as though he’d miscalculated something.

Yesterday, when you stood over on the other side of the street and watched me come out of that door back there... She gestured to the door now a half a block behind them. But didn’t make a move to approach me; were you shy then?

His breath caught for a moment. Reina had seen him watching her, but never let on as far as he could remember. How could he explain his reason without looking like a stalker?  Terry cleared his throat. He was going to have to go with the truth again.

I found the thought of approaching you… intimidating, and I needed a moment to… His mind went blank, and he caught her staring at him expectantly. I would like to get to know you better.

He slid his hands into his pockets then took them back out, remembering the gesture spoke of vulnerability, and what he was about to say would make him more than vulnerable to her and her friends.

The day I ran into you, I was barely able to take in a full breath, let alone hold a conversation with you long enough to ask you for your number. It took a couple of days for me to get up enough courage to approach you, hoping to keep your attention long enough to convince you I’d be worth spending some time with. Terry blew out a deep breath when he finished.

She stared at him, making him want to squirm, but he refused to give into it. Instead, he stared back for a moment then shrugged and grinned sheepishly.

She didn’t take her eyes from his when she took a piece of paper out of her hip pocket and handed it to him. She leaned in close and spoke only loud enough for him to hear her. I hope you use this instead of just watching me. It would be nice to get to know you well enough to call you Terry. She leaned back and patted him on the arm. My friends and I have a prior engagement, but I hope to talk to you again soon.

Terry nodded at her and the rest of the women. He didn’t mind the dismissal. He looked down at the perfect writing on the small card she gave him with her full name and phone number. He was elated and not just a little awed by the woman’s spirit.

As they walked away, he wondered what caused her to trust him enough to give him her number even after knowing he’d been watching her. Did she have no survival instinct?

CHAPTER 2

PRESENT DAY

End of Secrets

You need to tell her. She needs to know. Her voice broke into his rambling thoughts, the hand holding his growing weaker by the moment.

I made a pact. A promise, Terry responded quietly, his voice firmer than his inner resolve.

You can’t move forward with the weight of your past. It’s too heavy. It will choke and stifle anything new you try to build with Reina. You have to tell her. There was a part of him that knew she spoke the truth, but the thought of revealing this other side of his life to anyone, including his ex-wife, warred with everything in him. He watched her swallow convulsively knowing the painkiller was starting to take effect. They had two minutes at the most.

Too many moving parts. If I tell Reina about you, I’ll have to tell her about everything. He squeezed a tiny bit harder to keep her with him just a little longer.

Which you should have done to start with.

You know the rules.

Yes, Gabriel trusted me with that information and you should do the same if you want a future with your Reina. Her brows furrowed for a few seconds then straightened as the morphine took a firmer hold of her senses.

He gritted his teeth against his retort or against the desire to indulge in such a dream. He didn’t know which would be more detrimental to his conscience at that moment.

What did Pastor Cole say when you told him about your plan? Her breathing picked up.

The same thing you just did.

A small smile brightened her features and even though her eyes weren’t open he could imagine it reaching them.

Sleep, honey. We’ll talk more later. He wiped her forehead with a cold cloth.

Almost out of time, Terry. Her voice became raspy.

You have more than enough to finish. He moved to slip his hand from hers, but she held on.

Not me, you. Her eyelids fluttered but didn’t open. The grip on his hand tightened even further then slowly slackened until he could free his hand. He didn’t leave but stayed and watched her sleep as the cancer continued to ravage her body.

She’d become his best friend, his confidant, and the cause of his demise and salvation. He would miss her like an amputated limb. The sob that tore through him, pulled him out of the memory with a jolt. 

It had been eight months since Sarah’s death and not a day went by without him thinking of her. He missed her nagging almost as much as he missed her ability to calm him.

We’ve arrived Dr. Nathan, the driver said over the limo’s intercom.

Terry looked out the window at the quaint street, lined with storefronts and warehouses. Antiqueie stood before him with its old country charm. Reina had done well for herself, but he never doubted she would land on her feet. She was very much like a cat in that way. He smiled to himself at the response he could pull from her if he ever chose to share that comparison with her.

Thank you, he responded into the intercom. I’ll stay in here for a moment.

Very well, sir.

He laid his head back against the leather seat. He needed to bolster his courage. He couldn’t afford to fail. He’d made too many promises and too many mistakes to get this wrong. He took a moment to reminisce, hoping it would help his resolve.

He stepped back into the memory that had been plaguing him for weeks. A smile tipped the corners of his lips ever so slightly. Those dark, liquid pools stared back at him defiantly as Reina explained why she gifted him with her number so quickly.

I have four brothers. All of them are older than me. I asked two of them to tell me why a guy would hang around my job close to the end of my workday, but not approach me, she said, with her eyes twinkling in the light of the diner. 

And?  He asked without shame.

She played with her malt straw for a moment before responding. Jonah, my oldest brother, said you were probably some weird guy that didn’t have enough confidence to approach me.

He didn’t think he was going to be good friends with her brother Jonah, even though his guess was close.

He also said that you were probably a stalker, and that I should stay away from you. She delivered the last statement as though she were mulling over which melon to choose at the market.

Marco, my youngest brother, said that it could be that you were feeling uncomfortable about approaching me because I am so beautiful, smart and constantly surrounded by friends. He said, he figured you were afraid of being rejected.

How old is your younger brother?

He’s fifteen and just asked a girl to one of his school dances for the first time, two weeks ago. He said, if that was why you took so long, he feels your pain. Her lips tipped up as she bent to take another sip.

I feel like you’re having a lot of fun at my expense.

She shrugged but kept sipping.

So which brother did you side with?

Both, she said, finally removing her mouth from the straw.

And you still agreed to go out with me?

I liked your answer.

He was at a loss. Which answer?

The one you gave me when I asked if you were shy. I was giving you a chance to save face in front of my friends, but you didn’t take it. Instead, you gave them material to ridicule you, if they were that type. I thought that took more guts than walking across the street. She popped a fry into her mouth and smiled at him while chewing.