J'APE: Just Another Publicity: How to Publish Your (Kindle) Book for Shameless Self-Promotion and Profit

By Richard Saunders and Robert C. Worstell

The Secret to Self-Publishing on Amazon is said to be: "You Need to First Be A Celebrity To Succeed At Anything".

This parody is a sarcastic look at how you can be an "overnight" success - by making it impossible for anyone else to succeed as you set the bar astronomically high.

Learn the 3 Parts to Real eBook Publishing

1. How to write a book - real quick, shallow, ghost-written.
2. How to publish your book - hire someone to do it for cheap, like putting their name on the cover.
3. How to sell a book online - using your devoted, Kool-Aid-drinking fan-base to suck-up and give you fake 5-star reviews without having read the book.

Obviously, this is a work of satire and has nothing to do with the real world. And any resemblance to a currently successful bestseller is just a happy coincidence. (Right.)

Solve the Key Factors Which Have Kept You From Publishing Your Book.

• Your life is out of Control because you didn't devote yourself to learning celebrity-skills.
• You want to get Approval for everything you do - but that's just the half of it. Find how celebrities can't live without it, so self-publishing puts "Vanity" back into the name.
• You want to have the Security, but really you need to stick to that day job and leave all the PR to PR Artistes who appear on late night info-mercials to sell over-priced junk.
• And you want to Join the group of successful Independent Authors, but except for a few cheaters who stumble into it by accident, the system is rigged to sell only celebrity's books (and cute dressed-up-cat-picture books).

Tools you will find inside this guide:

• How to wreck your life and get fired for spending too much time on your book, then falling asleep at work - repeatedly.
• How to ruin your family relationships by getting every relative you know to loan you money and/or write suck-up reviews of your book (and like, and plus, and tweet about it to their friends.)
• Lose any certainty you ever had about how good you are as a writer, because some celebrity comes along with their version of how it "really" works, so no one listens to your advice ever again.
• Discover how a celebrity can suck the air out of a room by just showing up, and how their interviews and PR stunts take the limelight away from struggling unknown indie authors.
• Get access to a "Publishing Success Blueprint" which will make sure you stick to your day job and never try some wacky creative idea ever again!
• And find how the entire publishing industry deck is still stacked against you, so you might as well never try.

New Revision!

Contains actually helpful tips! (Don't tell Richard this, but I included some tactics, strategies, and tips from later research. What you can find out, he doesn't need to know...)

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• Language: English
• Publisher: Publishdrive
• Release date: Nov 1, 2016
• ISBN: 9781300724766

Richard Saunders

Richard Saunders is an RCVS Specialist in Zoological Medicine. He has seen first opinion and referral rabbit patients for many years, at a number of practices. He is currently the RWAF (Rabbit Welfare Association and Fund) Veterinary Advisor, and provides support for the veterinary membership on difficult cases. He teaches Rabbit Medicine and Surgery at the University of Bristol, and has contributed several chapters to the BSAVA manuals of Rabbit Medicine, and Rabbit Surgery, Dentistry and Imaging.

Book preview

J'APE: Just Another Publicity Excuse

How to Publish Your (Kindle) Book for Shameless Self-Promotion and Profit

...a parody (also known as: satire)

by Richard Saunders & Robert C. Worstell

Don't visit http://midwestjournalpress.com/japethebook.php for more material and resources – we wouldn't want to get your hopes up...

Copyright © 2016 Midwest Journal Press.

All Rights Reserved.

cover photo credit: NY skyline by wwarby from flickr

Table of Contents

Bonus

Why You Need to Buy and Read this Book.

(Writing)

How to Write a Book and Die Trying.

Change comes hard to Traditional Publishers

How it works these days

Effetian (Artiste-Anal) Publishing

How to Write a Book that Doesn't Just Suck

Crowd-funding Schmoozing Your Finances

(Publishing)

How to Publish Your Book The Hard Way

Technical details to make your head explode

How to Publish on Amazon, lose money, and bitch.

(Entrepreneur-ing)

How to Lord Your Social Following Over Everyone

Now for the hard work: PR (Don't try this at home. Seriously)

The day of the self-publishing indie author is already over.

How we J'APE'd this book

Postcript: Three Years Later

About the Authors

Resources

Bibliography

Other books in this series

Related Writing Texts Published by Midwest Journal Press

Additional References

Get Scam Free

Free tools

Paid Tools

Recommended Courses

Related Sites

Special Supplement

The 7 Truths and 5 Falsehoods of Kindle Sales

7 Unknown Success Principles Every Author Uses to Succeed

A Working Guide to Publishing Your Passive Income Empire, Step-By-Step.

Strategy:

The Program:

Disclaimer

Bonus

Bonus

Why You Need to Buy and Read this Book.

[Because you deserve a break from all those serious and pretentious books which tell you all about how to make incredible amounts of money, get outrageous fame, and then retire to some beach-front property to count your millions while sipping non-fattening semi-alcoholic drinks. Oh, yes, you get to write a book to do all this.]

This concept nearly fried my brain. There I was, relaxing after yet another speaking engagement (where people pay me ungodly amounts of money, plus expenses, just to come out on stage and tell everyone how I had the solutions to their problems) and I picked up another magazine (one which didn't have my picture on it) and saw that one of my erstwhile friends had just launched his new book and it was becoming an overnight bestseller.

Immediately, I got on the phone to my agent and demanded to know why I didn't have a bestseller that was climbing the charts?!?

And then he told me something rude: he wanted me to write one.