The Feel Rich Project: Reinventing Your Understanding of True Wealth to Find True Happiness

By Michael F. Kay

Feeling rich is the difference between just existing and being gloriously, deeply, passionately alive, living the very best life you were born to lead.

What does feeling rich have to do with actually being rich? Plenty, it turns out. Your beliefs and feelings about money drive how you see yourself and how you define “rich.”

The Feel Rich Project starts by analyzing your specific history with and feelings about money, then uses that information to help you redirect your life where you want it to go. It’s a uniquely personal experience during which you will:

Explore your needs, values, and beliefs—what does true wealth look like for you?

Learn how your life experiences created your money beliefs and habits.

Understand how to replace destructive money habits with those that support your vision of a happy life.

Create a just-for-you action plan to meet your goals and start living richly.

Sometimes you need help to energetically and purposefully pursue the life you crave. The Feel Rich Project is an inspirational but practical guide to help you build your true wealth, a compassionate, warm, momentum-building program for all who dare to seek meaning and joy.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Career Press
• Release date: Jun 22, 2016
• ISBN: 9781632659491

Michael F. Kay

Michael F. Kay is a financial life planner and CFP® who has helped thousands of women, men, and families master their financial lives, a process that almost always includes uncovering—and planning for—what they value most. He’s president of Financial Life Focus, a fee-only, multi-advisor, financial life planning firm, and the author of The Business of Life. Named by Twitter as one of the top 35 personal finance experts, his financial advice has been featured in Forbes, Psychology Today, Fox Business, and the Wall Street Journal. He lives in West Orange, New Jersey.

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CHAPTER 1

Beginning Your Journey to Overcome Money Misery

Money misery is a condition suffered by too many people in our society. Though I am certain there is no insurance code for this diagnosis, there probably should be. It can come from our internal beliefs, behaviors, and habits, or can be supported from external sources. Money misery can best be defined as feeling frustrated, angry, dissatisfied, confused, or generally lacking in comfort or security around money issues. Not having enough money left over at the end of your paycheck; being burdened by debt that never seems to end; and feeling less successful than your friend, neighbor, colleague, or family member are just a few examples of money misery. In other words, whatever makes you feel insecure, insolvent, or in a cycle of financial constraints is ripe for money misery. You might say, you know it when you feel it.

We are treated every day to news of the rich and famous—their opulent lifestyles and the rarified air they breathe. The 1-percenters live an existence that most of us can’t even hope to experience. Yet their antics and possessions are everywhere for our consumption.

These dramatic differences can make us feel like there is a deep separation between us and them. And it seems that being them is way better than being us. If that doesn’t lead us right into money misery, I don’t know what does.

Let’s be 100-percent clear: Our money misery does not appear out of thin air. We are either taught that possessions equal satisfaction, or we come to that decision by viewing the world around us and seeing ourselves as lacking. Our desire for success leads us to a neverending loop of want. He who dies with the most toys wins is a worthy mantra.

Money misery comes from how we interpret what we see versus who we are—you know, what we consider normal. Our idea of normal comes from the messages we learned growing up. Your parents may have grown up poor or wealthy or in another country—and their experiences became their reality. Those experiences formed their belief system about correct thinking and action, which they more than likely passed on to you. After all, through a child’s eye, why would you question what appeared normal?

My grandparents came to this country without money, security, or a job. They figured out how to survive and scraped by with only meager resources. My grandmother would move from apartment building to apartment building during the Depression—wherever she could find a month or two of free rent. That made the difference between starving and surviving.

So of course my father grew up with these lessons firmly implanted in his psyche. His normal was to save, save, save. Never hire someone to do something for you if you could figure out how to do it yourself. His frugality was taken to extremes: His internal drivers had him on high ladders, scraping shingles and painting the house, into his 70s. It was stupid to everyone else; to him, there simply was no other option. His money misery came in the form of never feeling comfortable with his resources, because you never know when the next Depression will wipe out everyone.

Money misery has other faces. Measuring yourself against your friends, neighbors, and relatives buys you a ticket into a life of constant competition for first place. There is no comfort in second place—only angst, anxiety, and misery. Overspending and taking on debt out of misplaced guilt is a terrible companion through life. But I only wanted my kids to have it better than I did! is just passing on misery to the next generation.

Can we agree that there is more than sufficient money misery around us? Extreme and highly visible wealth possessed by the few stands as a symbol of what everyone wants, which creates a cycle of dissatisfaction and misery. Living as less than is not living; it is an existence of pain.

Fortunately, there is a path out. It’s not a 12-step program. (Hi, I’m Carol and I live in money misery.) But The Feel Rich Project is about understanding that your beliefs around money and values, in most cases, stem from your childhood and how you see yourself in the world. They set you up for the rest of your life. Without thoughtful, insightful action, you are primed to listen to the shadowy voice that whispers I want, I deserve, I need in order to feel good. You turn to retail therapy to pacify the feeling of not having enough, which invariably turns into yet more misery. The cycle continues.

Some examples: the home-buying spree that led to the real estate bubble bursting and a deep, painful recession. Maybe you bought more house than you could truly afford. Or you tapped into your equity to fund vacations or an over-the-top remodel.

Or maybe you got mired in credit card debt and are walking the razor’s edge of financial insolvency. All it takes is one life surprise—you lose your job, your spouse loses theirs, you welcome a new addition to the family, there’s an unexpected death or divorce—for you to tumble into bankruptcy.

So what’s the solution?

First, understand that financial happiness is not a function of how much money you make. There are many people who earn a modest income, live within their means, and have extremely high levels of satisfaction. There are also many people who earn piles of money and are miserable. The idea is to identify the whys of your feelings around money, and move in the direction of what alleviates pain and increases real satisfaction.

Start by separating your money reality from your money fantasy. The rest of this chapter will be devoted to several worksheets designed to gather both quantitative (numbers) and qualitative (feelings) information. The purpose is to help you separate your money reality from fantasy. Your numbers are your numbers, and your feelings are yours. The point is to promote your knowledge and understanding. For example, a young couple asked us to help with their planning by reviewing their situation. What we found was a net worth statement in the red caused by a ton of student loans. They both earned a modest income, as they are beginning their careers. Their cash flow, which you will have the opportunity to create later in the chapter, was pretty much at breakeven—meaning they are paying their bills but have very little left over. Their question to us was, Can we afford to buy a house? Our job was to explain that buying a house was impossible without a substantial increase in earnings or a miraculous windfall that would pay off their school loans. The fact that they are thinking of buying a home tells us that we need to help them separate their fantasy from their reality.

Distinguishing Your Money Reality From Your Money Fantasy

Fantasy lives in your head. It’s a nice place to visit, but a lousy place to live your financial life. Our view of reality can be skewed by our experiences. Remember: Just because you believe something, doesn’t make it so. For example, if you believe Money is the key to happiness or Money is the root of all evil, you might want to consider those beliefs by asking yourself why you hold those beliefs. This isn’t about right or wrong; it’s about whether your beliefs support your values. What we want to get to is objective reality; you know the facts.

The following worksheet will help you to capture some of your core beliefs about money. Use the information gained in this worksheet to begin to see and understand your core money beliefs and areas that either support you or create dissatisfaction in your