You're Making Other People Rich: Save, Invest, and Spend with Intention

By Ryan Sterling

As a financial advisor on Wall Street, Ryan Sterling had seen it all: the unfulfilled millionaires, the disgruntled divorcees, the ego-driven over-spenders. Their money was no longer a beneficial resource, but instead an incredible burden that eventually defined them. But when "them" turned into "him" and he found himself on the verge of a personal collapse, it became clear that building and managing wealth is a lot more complex than formulas or forecasts.

Many of us live in constant unrest as we fill voids with possessions and chronically battle the urge to consume. In You're Making Other People Rich, Ryan explores how to use mindfulness and intention to restore your relationship with wealth. He shows you not only how to invest, but also how to be aware of consumer exploitation so that you can take accountability for your future and make deliberate strides toward financial independence.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Sep 29, 2020
• ISBN: 9781544507507

Book preview

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Copyright © 2020 Ryan Sterling

All rights reserved.

ISBN: 978-1-5445-0750-7

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For Lauren, there is no way any of this would be possible without you.

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Contents

Introduction

Part 1: You’re Being Exploited

1. I Want It Now

2. In Need of Pleasure

3. Scarcity in Times of Abundance

Part 2: You Can Fight Back

4. What Do You Want?

5. Attachment

6. Defining Wealth on Your Terms

7. It’s Not About What You Want

Part 3: You Can Take Action

8. Money As a Resource

9. Where Are You?

10. Where Are You Going?

11. It’s Not What You Make; It’s What You Keep

12. Gamification of Spending

13. The Stock Market

14. Real Estate

15. Bonds (Fixed Income)

16. Managing Risk

17. Financial Fitness

Conclusion

Accountability Exercises (Guides)

What Do You Want?

The Detachment Framework

Wealth on Your Terms

What Are You Willing to Commit To?

Acknowledgments

About the Author

Disclaimer

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Introduction

Broke, depressed, and on the verge of divorce, I was bottoming out.

No one could tell.

As the newly minted senior vice president at an investment management firm, I had a mid-six-figure income and a life full of pleasure and convenience. If you spent five minutes with me, you’d be convinced that everything was great—mostly because I needed to convince myself that everything was all good.

In fact, everything was far from good. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. I’d done everything the right way. I wasn’t perfect, but I knew damn well how to fall in line and deliver on expectations. I’d accomplished everything I set out to, and then some. My résumé told the story: degrees from highly rated schools, a Wall Street career, a fancy title, top industry designations, a high income, frequent fine dining, custom suits, a luxury downtown apartment, and limited life failures. On paper, I embodied the image of a successful professional. In secret, I was financially broke and suffering in silence.

I wish I could pinpoint the moment, or epiphany, when everything transformed. The moment when you clearly hit bottom, dust yourself off, and an inspirational montage (cue the music) fuels the engine for sustainable, positive change. The moment when you go from bad to good, from down-and-out to champion, from naïve to enlightened. In other words, I wish I could tell you that my turnaround was fast, easy, and triumphant. It wasn’t. My turnaround was slow, methodical, and involved a lot of deep work.

I can map my turnaround through a series of turning points, like the time I realized I’d hit the number. Just a decade earlier, I’d decided on an income threshold to represent my I-made-it number. But once I made it, nothing changed. What I thought would be an exciting revelation was a depressing moment. Overconsumption caused me to be as financially insecure as ever, and even at that number I was still dependent on the next paycheck and bonus. I worked to finance my lifestyle but was missing out on life.

I remember looking at my credit card debt with horror and disgust. Instead of doing something about it, I ignored it, and put my focus and energy on something else. Intellectually, I knew this approach was foolish, but my ego was more powerful than my intellect. My ego was destroying my life, including my marriage to my wife, Lauren.

Lauren is my love, my partner. When we set out, we were each other’s biggest cheerleaders. I’ve experienced more fun and laughter with her with than anyone else in the world and more joy than I ever imagined. But we became adversaries. I remember the turning point when it was clear that our marriage was on the brink of ending. We were sitting on the couch the morning after a night of rich food and cocktails (again), when we said the word divorce for the first time. The pursuit of money and the ideal lifestyle were making us unhealthy physically and emotionally. Our so-called dreams were tearing us apart. It wasn’t immediately clear, but the life we’d created was based on unintentional consumption, actions, and choices—a life neither of us wanted.

We wanted to be a team. We wanted more purpose and meaning. We wanted financial independence.

Does any of this sound familiar? Are societal pressures and influences getting the best of you financially? Is your ego defeating your intellect? Is fear impeding action?

If you’re waiting for that financial epiphany, it may never come. The truth is, most of us are in a chronic state of financial and personal misery. How do we self-medicate? We consume. Consumption provides a short-term dose of pleasure. It makes us feel happy and feeds the ego. It’s a way to show others and prove to ourselves that we matter. It also provides a sense of control and the authority we crave to quiet our inner fears. But chronic, compulsory overconsumption is like a disease, keeping us trapped in a lifestyle full of unintentional choices and outcomes—a self-created prison.

The downward spiral was a slow burn. It could have gone on forever, but the actions we chose when faced with a series of turning points led to our commitment to a life of intention—where money was no longer a controlling or defining force but a resource in our pursuit of true desires, aspirations, and goals. We reached a place where physical and emotional health offered wealth that transcended money. A place where love, acceptance, and joy created meaning and abundance. Lauren and I never organized or white-boarded our way to this place, but looking back, our journey out of the financial pain and misery we created is clearly defined through awareness, accountability, and action.

Awareness (You’re Being Exploited)

Awareness is the recognition that you’re being exploited to consume now. This right now kind of culture is a detriment to your financial future. Awareness is the understanding that your innate desires for pleasure and convenience can inhibit personal growth. Awareness is the acknowledgment that you’re made to feel like you live in a state of perceived scarcity and understanding how the scarcity mindset attracts poor financial decisions.

Accountability (You Can Fight Back)

Accountability is defining what you want out of life and what you’re willing to do for it. Are you ready to confront and disarm your ego, commit to change, and believe you can pursue meaning and purpose? Accountability is detaching from the things, outcomes, and beliefs that led you down the path to mindless consumption and unintentional choices.

Action (You Can Take Action)

Action means paying off debt, building an emergency savings account, and creating and working toward meaningful goals. Action is not about being perfect, fast results, or pleasure. Action is about commitment, seeing progress, and celebrating success, while being resilient during setbacks.

Action leads to freedom.

Past, Present, and Future Versions of You (Me)

I love personal finance and investing, and I’ve been helping people save, invest, and reach their financial and personal goals for more than fifteen years. I’ve worked at some of the largest firms in the world and have advised everyone from retired teachers to billionaires. The irony is not lost on me—I was great at my job and advising others but horrible at managing my own money.

For the longest time, I was convinced that managing wealth was all about being technically sound, but there’s much more to it than checking off boxes. Creating a net worth statement, building a budget, developing and implementing an investment strategy, reviewing insurance options, and planning for college were all important, but I learned the hard way that building wealth is less about the how and more about the why and what. Why is building wealth important? Why is it so hard to fight the urge to consume? Why does my ego control me? What do I want? What am I willing to commit to? When you understand why and what it takes, it’s easier to build your awareness, be accountable, and spark action.

This book is for the person struggling to build wealth. It’s for the person who feels trapped by money, ego, and expectations. It’s for those suffering in silence who feel imprisoned by money and societal pressures, who crave financial and personal independence. In many ways, this book was written for the past version of me, but this book is also for the current and future versions of me. Building wealth is not an event, and it’s not about some magic number; it’s a personal, ongoing, dynamic, and ever-evolving process.

This book is not intended for the person who wants to get rich quick. Nor is it meant for the person who wants to geek out over numbers and projections, or those who demand perfection. The wealth-building process requires deep personal work and won’t always be easy.

This book is not a story about my own personal and financial journey, but I will share the process Lauren and I used to achieve financial independence. I’ll also provide a handful of case studies from my fifteen-year career as a financial advisor (names have been altered to protect the privacy and confidentiality of clients throughout this book).

Are you tired of making other people rich? If you’re ready to develop an awareness about how you’re being exploited to mindlessly consume; be accountable to