The GoodFather: Becoming a Dad For the First Time Without Losing Your Mind, Changing Your Identity, or Emigrating

By Lee Price

Part-diary, part-guide, part-warning – The GoodFather is a light-hearted but invaluable look into the world of first-time fatherhood.

Detailing the author’s eye-opening path of discovery, the book charts his journey (alongside that of his partner and their baby) as he goes through pregnancy for the first time. The nuggets of information he picks up along the way, the tips to help smooth the process for all parties, and the precious opportunities to bank some brownie points, are all detailed.

This isn’t your typical lecture on pregnancy and fatherhood, rather a real, tangible, honest account of what will happen, and how to survive it.

In this book:

> Learn essentials such as key dates, what happens at maternity appointments, what to pack for the hospital, and how to avoid blowing your cash on needless baby tat.

> Dig into an A-Z terminology guide to help you navigate the ridiculous amount of jargon that comes with being an expectant father.

> Get up-to-speed on baby milestones and size guides, some painfully-learned maternity shopping advice, and the importance of good snacks.

> Oh, and a chapter about sex. Don’t get your hopes up. Seriously.

> This book also features regular ‘real parents tips’ from mothers and fathers whose comments haven’t been passed through some rose-tinted filter.

The Author: Lee Price is an award-nominated national print journalist and published sportswriter. Previously of Shoot! magazine, and a feature writer at The Sun newspaper, Lee is currently ‘PR & Mischief Champion’ at Paddy Power. Lee has written a number of previous titles including: FIFA Football: The Story Behind The Video Game Sensation, The Bundesliga Blueprint: How Germany became the Home of Football and Turning My Back on the Premier League.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Bennion Kearny
• Release date: Jun 28, 2017
• ISBN: 9780995697812

Book preview

THE GOODFATHER: BECOMING A DAD FOR THE FIRST TIME WITHOUT LOSING YOUR MIND, CHANGING YOUR IDENTITY, OR EMIGRATING

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Lee Price

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[Smashwords Edition]

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An imprint of Bennion Kearny

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Published in 2017 by Towers Drake, an imprint of Bennion Kearny Limited.

ISBN: 978-0-9956978-1-2

All Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publisher.

This book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, re-sold, hired out or otherwise circulated without the publisher’s prior consent in any form of binding or cover other than that it which it is published and without a similar condition including this condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.

Towers Drake has endeavoured to provide trademark information about all the companies and products mentioned in this book by the appropriate use of capitals. However, Towers Drake cannot guarantee the accuracy of this information.

Published by Towers Drake, an imprint of Bennion Kearny Limited, 6 Woodside, Churnet View Road, Oakamoor, Staffordshire, ST10 3AE

www.BennionKearny.com

Table of Contents

Title Page

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

FOREWORD

INTRODUCTION

CHAPTER 1: THE FIRST TRIMESTER

Key dates in the first trimester

Real parent quotes

CHAPTER 2: COMING HOME

Real parent quotes

CHAPTER 3: THE FIRST MONTH

How big is my baby?

Real parent quotes

CHAPTER 4: THE FIRST SCAN

Cheat sheet: things to impress your partner by knowing

Real parent quotes

CHAPTER 5: WE’VE GOT SOMETHING TO TELL YOU…

Real parent quotes

CHAPTER 6: WEEKS FIVE TO EIGHT

Cheat sheet: things to impress your partner by knowing

How big is my baby?

Real parent quotes

CHAPTER 7: WEEKS NINE TO 12

Cheat sheet: things to impress your partner by knowing

How big is my baby?

Real parent quotes

CHAPTER 8: DADDY LINGO A:G

After-birth

Amniotic fluid

Anomaly scan

Anterior placenta

APGAR Score

Babymoon

Birth canal

Birthing partner

Birth positions

Braxton Hicks

Breech

Caesarean section

Cervix

Colostrum

Contractions

Crowning

Dilation

Doula

Electronic Fetal Monitoring

Episiotomy

Folic Acid

Forceps

Full Term

Gender reveal party

Gestational age

Gestational diabetes

CHAPTER 9: SUMMER, HEATWAVES, AND THE IMPORTANCE OF HAVING A SOFA

CHAPTER 10: THE SECOND TRIMESTER

Key dates in the second trimester

Cheat sheet: things to impress your partner by knowing

Real parent quotes

CHAPTER 11: IT’S A GIRL! THE ANOMALY SCAN

CHAPTER 12: WEEKS 13-17

Cheat sheet: things to impress your partner by knowing

How big is my baby?

Real parent quotes

CHAPTER 13: WEEKS 18-22

Cheat sheet: things to impress your partner by knowing

How big is my baby?

Real parent quotes

CHAPTER 14: WHAT TO CARRY IN YOUR (NEW) MAN BAG

CHAPTER 15: WEEKS 23-28

Cheat sheet: things to impress your partner by knowing

How big is my baby?

Real parent quotes

CHAPTER 16: DADDY LINGO H:N

HcG

Home birth

Hormones

Induction

Isofix

Jaundice

Kegels

Labour

Mamas & Papas

Maternity leave

Meconium

Midwife

Mucus Plug

NCT

CHAPTER 17: SEX

CHAPTER 18: 4D SCANS: GOING HI-DEF

Real parent quotes

CHAPTER 19: THE THIRD TRIMESTER

Key dates in the third trimester

Cheat sheet: things to impress your partner by knowing

Real parent quotes

CHAPTER 20: THE HOME STRAIGHT

CHAPTER 21: WEEKS 29-32

Cheat sheet: things to impress your partner by knowing

How big is my baby?

Real parent quotes

CHAPTER 22: WEEKS 33-36

Cheat sheet

How big is my baby?

Real parent quotes

CHAPTER 23: BABY SHOPPING

CHAPTER 24: BIRTH DAY PACKING LIST

CHAPTER 25: WEEKS 37-40

Cheat sheet

How big is my baby?

Real parent quotes

CHAPTER 26: DADDY LINGO O:Z

Oxytocin

Pain relief

Paternity leave

Perineum

Pitocin

Placenta

Pre-eclampsia

Pregnancy pillow

Premature birth

Push present

Shower (baby)

Shared parental leave

Stirrups

Trimester

Umbilical cord

Uterus

Waterbirths

Waters breaking

Yoga

CHAPTER 27: BIRTH!

Five things you can do in labour

CHAPTER 28: BEYOND

Fatherhood – the worst bits

Fatherhood – the first tips

CHAPTER 29: TEN THINGS I HATE ABOUT POO – AND SOME SHIT TIPS

Shit tips

OTHER BOOKS

How to Have a Baby and Not Lose Your Shit by Kirsty Smith (aka superblogger Eeh Bah Mum)

The Bundesliga Blueprint: How Germany became the Home of Football by Lee Price

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Lee Price is an award-nominated national print journalist and published sportswriter. Previously of Shoot! magazine, and a feature writer at The Sun newspaper, Lee is currently ‘PR & Mischief Champion’ at Paddy Power. Lee has written a number of previous titles including: FIFA Football: The Story Behind The Video Game Sensation, The Bundesliga Blueprint: How Germany became the Home of Football and Turning My Back on the Premier League.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

To Astrix Florence, the girl who’s made me cry more than any other. Thank you for bringing me purpose and perspective, and a book deal.

To Katherine Mary for being heroically courageous, mind-bogglingly on top of things, and an instantly brilliant mother.

To Melanie and James, for your patience and support with this book.

To our wonderful family for blanketing the three of us in love; and to all the friends that visited us even though our house was a building site, and the only place to sit was at the end of the bed.

To Peppa Pig, for making my baby smile, even though I hate you.

FOREWORD

This is a brilliant guide to becoming a first-time father: fresh, funny, and with useful facts about mucus plugs. What more could any man ask for?

With everything an expectant father wants to know and quite a few things he’d rather not, The GoodFather is a lovely, gentle introduction to parenting and all its many glories.

Where a lot of books about pregnancy and parenthood are written by medical professionals, and focus on the whole biology thing, The GoodFather tells an engaging story about the journey to fatherhood and how your partner might be feeling throughout the process. Reading it is a bit like hanging out at the pub with a good friend (except without the subsequent hangover). Also, a word of warning: the biology part of pregnancy might make for an interesting read but trotting out facts about why your partner’s nipples are bleeding is a dangerous path for any man; unless you like sleeping in the spare room.

Having a baby is an interesting time for a couple, one day you’re overcome with love, the next you can’t stand the sight of each other, and the day after that you’re both so tired no one knows what to think. If The GoodFather had been around when I was pregnant I would definitely have bought it for my partner - who would most definitely not have read it - he was very busy working on an Excel spreadsheet of prams and panicking at the time.

The parenting journey starts earlier for us lady types. As soon as we’re pregnant, life and our bodies start to change; but for men heading towards fatherhood, things are a bit more of a slow burn. As my tummy swelled so too did the stack of parenting manuals, books, and magazines teetering at my bedside, while my other half was still reading crap about cars - this book goes some way to redressing that balance, a wonderful, warm introduction to the delightful world of turds and sleep deprivation. Plus, any man who has this book on top his bedside reading pile will win lots of Brownie points. Unless your partner isn’t pregnant… that might be a bit weird.

Kirsty Smith

Author of How to Have a Baby and Not Lose Your Shit, and blogger at EehBahMum.com

INTRODUCTION

They say New York is a ‘once in a lifetime’ holiday, and I’ll always remember my visit of early 2016.

Not for the bright lights of the Big Apple, or reckless nights in the city that never sleeps – though the trip had certainly begun along those lines – but for a brief, faltering phone call received when I was half-pissed, in the middle of the day, from my girlfriend.

I was away – on business – covering the FIFA video game World Cup finals for a newspaper, and was sat at a rooftop bar, with a group of lads, watching the event play out on giant screens, at a lavish, all-expenses-paid press event.

You can imagine the scene.

With our backs firmly turned to the stunning panoramic view behind us, littered with globally recognisable landmarks, we huddled together in the darkened venue in front of the various widescreens depicting live footage of the gaming tournament. Piles of used plates and empty bottles had built up like fortifications around our seats, as if we were creating an artistic reflection of the city behind us.

Embattled staff, dressed bafflingly in white tuxedos, scuttled back and forth between us and the swanky bar. By contrast, we were mostly dressed in jeans and trainers. This part of the trip to New York was very much a jolly.

As if to illustrate that point, earlier, during the preliminary rounds, I’d ducked out with a colleague, and headed to a bar for a couple of hours; enthusiastically trading war stories of our careers, and discussing future adventures we could collaborate on.

He got the number of the Brazilian girl serving us and invited me to an event in Ibiza during the summer, which would be along a similar vein to this. The world was our oyster - we were young, free, and tunnel-visioned towards fun and self-indulgence.

By the time we’d returned to the event, we were slightly tipsy. But so what? We were there for a good time. The usual business of recording results, interviewing the players, and writing copy was for another day. When my phone flashed up with my girlfriend’s name and face, I excitedly answered, ready to recount tales of the day.

Except I wasn’t going to be doing much talking.

Within seconds of picking up, I already knew that my boyish boasts were mere trivialities in comparison to what she had to say. As her usually upbeat voice cracked, I feared the worst. I’ve got something to tell you... she cried down the phone.

My heart sank. We’d been burgled. Or someone close to me was ill or, worse, had had an accident. She’d lost her job, met someone else, or been hurt.