A Poetry Note to Dry My Tear

By Laura Rubis

How multiple sclerosis gave me strength and became my best friend through music.
Through suffering, I have looked my dream in the face and found music and poetry, the magic world of fantasy. With MS, I have discovered the beauty of life

Music
is my soul’s world.
I close my eyes and
a thousand music notes
accompany my thoughts
flying far away
like a seagull
baring its
freedom.
Those wings take it
into the horizon,
and it is free.
I see the waves of the sea
breaking onto the rocks,
I see the sunset
colour the world red,
a world turning
in endless spaces
of the Universe,
a world that dies
if you don’t listen to its
soul.
Nature is the soul
of the world.Its colours, its sound
is music.
The breath of the wind,
of the sea, of a stream
is music.
The weeping of a child
is music.
Listen to it,
you will be able to
understand
even its thoughts,
and you will learn to love
the music that is
inside and outside
of us.
A key is dropped from
someone’s hand
because they might be looking for you to open
their soul
and understand.
Laura Rubis


INDEX
INTRODUCTION
1. A CHILDHOOD DENIED
2. MY DREAM
3. THE FACE OF LOVE
4. FIRST LOVE
5. THE POWER OF MUSIC
6. STRENGTH IN US
7. VOICE OF THE PAST
8. A NEW LIFE
9. BLADE OF INSENSIBILITY
10. OPERATION IN FRANCE
11. BACK HOME
12. CHANGE
13. FINDING LOVE AGAIN
14. BELIEVING
15. NOBODY’S CHILDREN
16. A DREAM COME TRUE
17. THE MAGIC OF ART
18. A TEAR OF VICTORY
MY GRATITUDE IS THE BEGINNIG OF NEW DAYS
THE POWER OF ART UNITES HEARTS

Laura Rubis, born in Venice, Italy, singer-songwriter, has completed Arts, Music and Show Business Studies and Performative Arts Studies at Venice University.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Laura Rubis
• Release date: May 27, 2017
• ISBN: 9788826443010

Book preview

HEARTS

INTRODUCTION

Behind the face

in my mirror

there’s a past life.

There’s my life in days,

there’s the path

of my tears.

A dive into memories,

in longing for

a forgotten page.

I deleted my childhood.

I deleted my past.

Now, I want to live

a present made

of music and notes.

The family of my heart,

the life of my world.

A beat,

in the frightened eyes

of a little girl hurt,

betrayed by those who

had created her.

But music gave her

one more beat

and she’s still here

to make those

who listen to and love her

dream.

Know that I’ve vibrated

since I was a child.

I’ve painted my soul,

I’ve made it speak

with the rhythm

of an eternal love,

like music,

and on the white of a sheet,

I’ve read my dream

in the dark of the ink.

Magic does not colour itself, only with the soul’s brush can it be brought to life in the eyes of the viewer who loves and discovers it.

I’ve written this book guided by the words withheld for much too long in my heart. My fears, disappointments and little joys are what I want to share with you now.

One day, I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis and today I am here to talk about how the physical and psychological violence I went through is what has in the end given me the courage to accept this disease and fight it with all my might.

1. A CHILDHOOD DENIED

The tears stolen on a stormy day were crystal lights in skies burning with fleeting thoughts.

No one knew, no one thought, no one imagined a lonely heart simply asking for love; the sun would dawn late, the day would come, the rain would still make it wet.

Nothing dried that rain. Nothing kept that wind afar. Nothing, like the love never had. Love cannot be bought, it is born with you when the world sees your first tears, but those tears are not gone, a weeping little girl who never grew up.

Yet, the worst thing about my early years of life happened when my parents put up an old acquaintance, unfortunately, not knowing of his true personality, violent and mean.

They figured it out too late.

I was just a little girl, too young to know the hurt of two crazed hands. I was there, powerless, my eyes wide open with fearful pupils, my face quickly turning red, blue, then black.

Kept at home since an early age for several days so that people would not see those unexplainable marks on my face.

Over the years, I had no more tears to cry, but only notes to get into my soul; they were little sparks of joy in the dark pain.

Life went on like this, day after day and, each day, music became my life in a cloud of poetry.

Today my disease has become part of its magic world that I now want you to get to know in these pages.

Life for me was a poem to come up with, a big dream coloured an imaginative little girl’s words. Now, it is you that I want to transform her emotions into words for, because I know that whoever reads poetry and loves music has a kind soul, even one who does not love but simply listens to it. Therefore, I already thank you for granting my heart’s words a moment of your life because, for me,

Poetry

an intense, magic moment

that envelopes you

a warm tear

written on a page

your joy,

your happiness,

written about a book.

Poetry,

a soul’s mirror

yours,

that opens,

it opens only to who

crave reading

the words written

by a heart

to translate into letters

its thoughts, little secrets

written on a page

that belong to the world now.

In the shadow of a thousand memories, my deepest thoughts hid.

I saw my soul reflected in the blankness of the pages that I tried to fill with the emotions of those moments lived in terror and pain. Yet, something had always held my hand.

The fear of talking, afraid to reveal the past I had been trying to forget, made me hide from my friends and the world for so long.

Every day, that anger of not ever being loved, wanted or even accepted surfaced in me and the disappointment shaded my face.

You cannot give life to a child

if there is no light in your heart,

if there is no love in your eyes,

if there is no peace in the world.

You cannot say you love your child

if you do not even love yourself

if you are not happy with who you are

and with what you do,

if there is no light around you

to make your days bright.

You will only give your child the darkness

of your sleepless nights.

Do not create what you do not want

but what you would love

with all your heart,

with all your soul,

with all your most secret self.

The world awaits new lives;

happiness awaits to embrace them,

let your child be wrapped by your arms.

My days were surrounded by music, the cradle of my childhood, the breath of my life. Happiness contained in a music score accompanied my years. I made up new melodies in my head, I dreamt of a future that shined in a ray of light. My tears were the musical notes of a score never played, locked in a secret drawer, but a dream brought that melody to life inside me. I wanted music to be my life for the rest of my days. I opened my heart to it, I spoke to it.

Inside my heart,

inside my world,

there is a hidden face

of a magic dream.

Your breath

in a heart that beats with you, for you.

Music, take me away

to the limits of imagination.

Touch my heart,

speak to it with notes,

caressing words

nuanced in my sun.

Within my time,

within my world

there is a hidden face

of a magic dream,

the breath of a note

lying in my heart

made of you.

Music, take me away

to the limits of imagination,

touch my heart

make it dream of love’s rhythm

You are the love

lying in a voice

of a heart’s tear

in a day’s face

that begins with You,

begins with You.

When the sun seemed to shine inside me again, the rain had stolen those rays from the world.

The darkness came back.

In that secret dream, betrayed by a thousand offenses, a thousand things that no one would have ever wanted to hear about, my heart was mad with pain, the hurt that was always present in a little girl that was never accepted.

No one has known how to light up that little hidden world of hers. A voice, a note got into that little heart that really wanted to live. It was the voice of a piano, the voice of a record, a singer, the voice of her music, her childhood refuge.

The soul of my world, that world no one could ever steal because music is infinite, cannot be taken or bought, but only loved.

Then, my real family was music still living in that dream hidden but always alive.

I wished it were my future, but then one day I saw a dream break out in a flash.

My pen flowed on a sheet of paper, it was my heart speaking, it was my tear touching that page so white and pure.

Even today is not a nice day, today I see the world with foggy eyes.

Along the streets, blurry faces. Then, alone at home, music envelopes me. I hear the notes fill the silence of empty rooms. I say to myself, There’s no one here, it’s better like this. How can I tell my mom that I cannot see from one eye, I see shadows?

I have a veil that does not let me see the colours of the sky. I stay quiet, I don’t speak, I’m afraid to talk and that is how I was. Days go by and I say to myself, I have to say it., and that’s what I did and it was the beginning of an ordeal. A lot of doctor’s visits, eye examinations, always with the same results. No one understood, instead, they thought my mom was ridiculous saying Your daughter has 20/20 vision. but I saw shadows, that fog never went away.

Every morning, I went to my grandmother’s house to type so I could prepare for an exam for my future, even if my future had always been that child’s dream: to become an actor, write music and I was a step away from all of that.

When I was a little girl, I saw a film starring Katherine Hepburn. Since that day, I have loved her, her expressive naturalness, her sweetness, her humour. Thanks to that splendid woman, I smiled for the first time; I laughed by myself, like always, in my little room where I watched old films after school in the afternoons, and I didn’t feel lonely any more.

I was embraced by the melodies of records that I always played, 60’s songs, with my vivid imagination in a world that was all mine: wishes, ambitions that I locked inside my heart and let speak through poetry, so of which I saw fade.

Light became foggier and foggier in my eyes, a mysterious veil kept me from seeing. The images in front of me were double and blurry. I couldn’t distinguish the face along the street. I was always afraid to speak. When I did, as I said, it was the beginning of an ordeal. All those eye exams and the result was always the same. No one understood. But I had figured it out. In my heart, maybe, I had always known.

I remember, even as a little girl, sending my allowance and my paternal grandfather’s savings to the Multiple Sclerosis Association.

That word always had stirred fear in me and I knew then that it could soon become part of my life’s language.

My life was, and still is, in the shadow of a smile.

Love, the care that I imagined surrounded by many notes in a pentagram that filled my world, an unreal world, yet all encompassing, my universe.

An infinite music that knew how to