Mr. Clueless

By R.W. Clinger

Mark Landing has a very difficult job to carry out within the next week. As the leader of Plimpton’s Neighborhood Hero Award Committee (NHAC), Mark must obtain a vote from ten NHAC members to determine which of three candidates will land the monetary award.

While interviewing each candidate, Mark finds one of them, bar owner and part-time roofer Cane Mercer, steamy-attractive. Not only is Cane handsome and easy to talk to, he’s a hero. He rescued three children from an accidental house fire a few months earlier. Hero or not, Cane flirts openly with Mark.

There’s one little problem, though. Anyone who knows Mark knows he’s Mr. Clueless when it comes to picking up men, dating, and falling in love. Will he end up with the hot and steamy roofer/bar owner, or will he forever be single and Mr. Clueless?

• Language: English
• Publisher: JMS Books LLC
• Release date: May 20, 2017
• ISBN: 9781634863582

R.W. Clinger

R.W. Clinger is a resident of Pittsburgh. He has a degree in English from Point Park University of Pittsburgh. His writing entails gay human studies, and includes the novels Just a Boy, Skin Tour, Skin Artist, Soft on the Eyes, Pool Boy, and The Last Pile of Leaves. He has published many stories with Starbooks Press as well as The Weekender, a novella with Dreamspinner Press. His gay mystery, Cutie Pie Must Die, is published with Bold Stroke Books. For three years he has held the position of managing editor for the literary magazine, The Writer’s Post Journal. For more information, please visit rwclinger.com.

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Mr. Clueless

By R.W. Clinger

Published by JMS Books LLC

Visit jms-books.com for more information.

Copyright 2017 R.W. Clinger

ISBN 9781634863582

Cover Design: Written Ink Designs | written-ink.com

Image(s) used under a Standard Royalty-Free License.

All rights reserved.

WARNING: This book is not transferable. It is for your own personal use. If it is sold, shared, or given away, it is an infringement of the copyright of this work and violators will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.

No portion of this book may be transmitted or reproduced in any form, or by any means, without permission in writing from the publisher, with the exception of brief excerpts used for the purposes of review.

This book is for ADULT AUDIENCES ONLY. It may contain sexually explicit scenes and graphic language which might be considered offensive by some readers. Please store your files where they cannot be accessed by minors.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are solely the product of the author’s imagination and/or are used fictitiously, though reference may be made to actual historical events or existing locations. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

Published in the United States of America.

* * * *

To Kenito, always.

* * * *

Mr. Clueless

By R.W. Clinger

May 2

In the basement of the town hall, I volunteered as a foreman, standing in front of the Neighborhood Hero Award Committee (NHAC), and told my fellow members/citizens of Plimpton, We all know Cane Mercer saved three children from a fire last month. If anyone deserves the NHA this year, he does.

Seven women and men gawked at me as if I had three heads. I wanted to roll my eyes, but didn’t.

Sherry Dixon, the mother of three and the wife of a dentist, asked me, Does that put him in the running for the Neighborhood Hero Award?‘

I declared, I personally think it does. Cane risked his life for the Mackenbaugh family. Those children would have died if he hadn’t saved them.

Rocky Susa, a writer for the Plimpton Caller, stood, coughed, and groaned. It’s all hypothetical. The Plimpton Fire Department arrived at the Mackenbaugh residence three minutes after Mr. Mercer. We have a strong fire force in this community who would have saved those children. Mercer is trying to obtain some fame when he shouldn’t.

I despised the journalist. I bit my bottom lip and held my tongue from saying something stupid. The PFD didn’t save the Mackenbaugh children, though. Cane Mercer did. There’s video on YouTube to prove his actions.

Someone else stood. A new face. Female. Pretty like Taylor Swift. Expensive glasses. Nice curves. As you know, I’m new to this committee, recently elected. If I may say so, I agree with Mark. Cane Mercer should be our Neighborhood Hero this year. None of us present today can say we saved three children’s lives.

Thank God! At least someone was listening to me.

The city’s leading librarian, and the owner of eight cats, Gloria Stippen, stood, blinked a few times, waved a finger at me, and pointed it at the blonde who had just spoken. TS over there is biased! Cane Mercer just so happens to be her first cousin!

I called out to the group, This decision is not rigged! Don’t forget that we all get to vote this evening.

Someone said, Sit down, Stippen.

Gloria spun her head in the direction of the voice, sneered, and hissed like one of her beloved felines. Rocky, was that you?

Rocky shook his head.

Whispering started.

I gained control of the group and called out, Listen, everyone! We have three candidates for this award. Josh Bender, regarding his charity work for the homeless. Kate Nicholson for her military career. And Cane Mercer for saving three children from a burning fire. Each of you have a yellow index card and a pencil. I want you to vote who you feel should win this award. After you write down the person’s name, fold the index card in half. I will come around to pick it up.

The half circle of members bowed their heads and took the next two minutes to write down their votes. I also voted, writing Cane Mercer’s name down. Afterward, I walked around the room and collected the index cards, one by one, and returned to the front of the room.

"I’ll read off the votes just like Jeff Probst does on Survivor."

Gloria Stippen said, "I don’t watch that show. It’s rubbish. Trash. I’m more of a Downton Abbey viewer."

Of course, she was.

Someone told her to keep her trap shut.

I unfolded the index cards one after the next and read, Three votes for Josh. Three votes for Kate. And three votes for Cane. One of you voted for Rocky.

Rocky laughed.

Gloria spun her head in Rocky’s direction. You pompous asshole. You voted for yourself, didn’t you?

Rocky continued to laugh.

I told the group to calm down as confused