Shame: Love, Lies, & Lust

By L.L. Walton

SHAME- Love, Lies & Lust

SHAME: Love, Lies & Lust​ is a compilation of short stories fueled by dark sexual energy.
Its characters embark on an emotional roller coaster journey that finds the prettiest of lips dripping with the ugliest of lies. Where lustful attraction is often mistaken for the need of love; and where love is used as fair game. There is no SHAME to be found for unforgivable acts.

• Language: English
• Publisher: L.L. Walton
• Release date: Jan 15, 2017
• ISBN: 9781370772896

L.L. Walton

L.L. Walton is the author of Please Don’t Date Me-100 Reasons Why, is currently living in the bay area in California. Her interest range from writing about everyday life to the perils of love and relationships. Please stay tuned for the release of Please Don't Date Me-100 Reasons Why Volume II & III. Follow Me: @LLWriter Read My Blog: http://lavidus.blogspot.com/

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SHAME

Love, Lies & Lust

A Short Story Series

By

L.L. Walton

Shame

Love, Lies, & Lust

Copyright © 2016 by L.L. Walton

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

Dedication & Acknowledgements

I would like to thank my daughters Imani and MiKayla, who have been the most inspirational and supportive of my journey. I see me in both of you. I love you to the moon and back. Jimmy Kitamirike for all your love and encouragement, your belief in me allowed me to create miracles in my life. Thank you for being the fire under my wings.

This is dedicated to all the lovers out there. The lovers who are with their life mate, soul mate or just mate. To all my personal relationships that have crossed my path in the past, present and future, you have been my greatest influence. We are all living out our stories, be the best at your life.

Love & Light

L.L. Walton

Love

Lola

Love was not on my to-do-list, but sex was. I didn’t care too much when it came to the game of relationships. Either you were with the program or not. Either way, it was my way or no way. Men have no power when it comes to what women have and use. A man’s needs are quite simplistic, and every now and then I obliged him with a little ego stroke here and a little compliment there, topped off with the greatest sex he ever had, I made sure I became what he needed and it was my goal to keep him coming back for more.

I was in love once, but it was all taken away tragically when the love of my life was killed. It left me a single mom and more alone than ever. I lost the father of my child and my best friend. The only real thing in my life. No matter what, he had my back. It was the kind of fire in a relationship that didn’t allow us to be in a relationship, but it did allow us to be friends and raise our daughter. It would also explain why as long was he was alive, I could not possibly love another. Whatever I needed he would drop the earth to get it for me. There was an unspoken, undying love that could not logically be explained. It was the kind of love that had us in unwritten matrimony because we really just loved each other. The challenge was who would say so first. We never got that chance to fully explore where this amazing love would take us. He was mine forever; even in his death, I am finding it hard to love again.

Maybe there is someone who could break this wall around my heart. This barrier that I have created to protect me from all the foolishness that goes with being in love with the wrong person. How do you move on and start to love again? I wanted to know, but until I find out, I am screwing. When it comes to spending that kind of time with a man, those are the moments I looked forward to. I didn’t care about your education, job, dreams or aspirations, I wanted to be laid to sleep. And that was that. Please don’t stick around for breakfast, because I don’t cook to impress, I cook when I love. So if and when he starts to catch feelings, then it is time for me to exit the building. I had to control this. Nothing would ever be taken from me again. If you never claim it in the first place, then it never was yours. My heart had been broken, so I was breaking hearts and not looking back.

It had been four years since the death of Jeremy. He had died a week before my birthday, so I would never forget. I used to get so angry, so many questions left unanswered. My daughter had been my strength, she handled it a lot better than any 14-year-old could. She loved her father and he loved her. They looked just alike. She was so much like him, he often wondered how he would handle the female version of him. It was fun to watch. Watching them converse and spend time together. I loved those moments, I cherished those moments. Now that she is eighteen, I know he’s watching in amazement. Watching over her and smiling, because she is now embarking on becoming an amazing woman. I love my daughter and I am very proud of her. She could have chosen to go down the wrong road, but I am glad she chooses to do what is right. She stayed close to me and made decisions to not become an out of control teenager. Things that could have been unhealthy and not good for her soul. Looking at her, I see him and that to me is the blessing.

My daughter often encouraged me to get out and date. I was dating alright; she did not know how much of a man-eater her mom had become. So I smiled at the thought of meeting a nice guy, which would offer a new perspective on life. He would have to have incredible patience because I do move quite slowly in matters of the heart, even if I like you right away. I was cautious with this love thing; men these days have become quite clever in concealing who they really are. I was smart enough to not get involved with a man who wasn’t truly ready to be one. I took my time. I was not in a rush to be anything, but what I was and that’s single. I had seen the conditions of some marriages, and it wasn’t a good look. It was important to get with someone who could deal with your shit, no matter what your shit may be. For some shit, I had no patience for, not even my own.

Finding love to me was promised, as it should be to all good women. I do not know any woman who does not want to be loved and taken care of. I knew there would be a time that love would come. I just hoped that I would be ready to acknowledge it, accept it and reciprocate the love. My body was telling me that change was coming. I was growing tired of the dating, the self-indulgent narcissist’s, and the boring conversations with men that I had no real interest in. Although I enjoyed the trips, elegant dinners and parties. The offering of dick on a daily basis becomes somewhat loathsome. My heart was ready to welcome something with more substance. Something that I could feel and enjoy and know that it would be there for the good and the bad of me. I was ready to share my life and not protect it so much from what I longed for. There was no way I could prepare for that moment until it happens. I just knew that one day it would arrive, like an unopened letter in the mail. It would be up to me to open it and explore what was inside. Once inside I would find all the things that I desired in a man. My other half. It would happen like a well-orchestrated song. It will fill my soul and add to my happiness and complete my greatness because he too will have dreams to accomplish. He would be mine and I would be his and there would not be enough words to express what we would mean to each other. There would be love. There will be an understanding, trust, and admiration for our differences. Two complete people becoming whole as one. My soul mate. That’s what I want, that’s what I deserve, and that is what I have coming. I know it, I feel it and I am ready.

I was getting on the BART train to San Francisco. I was running late for work and I could not even blame it on the train because it is always on time. I was frustrated that last night I had spent most of the night catching up on TV shows. I rarely watch TV, but this night required a bottle of wine and my DVR. It was also my time to relax. But damn, as soon as I sat down, I went into a coma and woke up late from the start. As I zeroed in on a seat, I bumped into what appeared to be a body. When I looked up, I was completely caught off guard by what I saw. It was a man. But not just any man, he was amazing. He was a very well dressed man, with a nice watch and shoes. His hair was low-cut with a razor sharp beard that covered his strong jawline. He had the eyes of a warrior, very stern, yet gentle. His face sent chills down my back and left me speechless. My eyes locked in on his and I went somewhere and when I came back he was still there saying, ‘Excuse me, I am sorry. How many times had he said that before I came back from my short mental trip? My cool had been tested and turned off. I felt like some little girl who was completely intimidated by a crush. I managed to say, Oh, no problem, do you want the seat? Of course not, he said. It’s yours. Do you mind if I stand here by you, this train is crowded, not much wiggle room. And then he smiled. Oh, my Gawd! His teeth were white as the driven snow and they were all his. Jackpot! Where did this man come from? How was he here in my space? I removed my eyes from his and I sat down, completely frozen. I had to regain my composure. I had to pretend like I was not moved by what just happened, so I started to do something with my cell phone, looked in my date book, trying to act preoccupied. It was like I forgot how to use my cell phone and I dropped it. Fumbled! What the fuck! He quickly picked it up, he was watching me, I could feel him watching me and it made me nervous.

Thank you, I said. What’s your name? I thought I heard him ask what my name was, but I ignored him until he asked it again. What’s your name? Oh um Lola, as if I forgot or something. My name is Justin, nice to meet you. Yes, nice to meet you too". I was cheesing way too much. Calm down, he is JUST a man! A man that has just