Something to Believe in

By GA Hauser

2017: A new world.

No matter what your views are of love and life, things have changed.
In a climate of uncertainty where fear and intimidation became the norm, individuals dealt with their lives in their own way.
Thirty-five year old Liam Sinclair kept to himself, tried to avoid conflict and ridicule, but...wasn’t happy with what felt like an angry country.
Innocent, young, temp, Milo D’Amico couldn’t hide in plain sight. Since the hostilities of current politics had turned against the LGBT community, Milo had been attacked.
It took him time to recover, but he was managing, working for a new job, with a new boss.

In what had become a war between ‘us’ and ‘them’, first impressions were misleading.

Before his attack, Milo had been confident in his future, being out, turning twenty-one and filled with hope...until he came face to face with a closeted older man. The combination of Milo’s potent sexual experience, and Liam’s unexpected inexperience, created wild sparks in the bedroom, and a secret life at work.
Something to believe in...
Sometimes, all you have to have faith in, is love.

• Language: English
• Publisher: GA Hauser
• Release date: Jan 21, 2017
• ISBN: 9781370350988

GA Hauser

About the AuthorAuthor G.A. Hauser is from Fair Lawn, New Jersey, USA. She attended university at The Fashion Institute of Technology in NYC, and has a BA in Fine Art from William Paterson College in Wayne NJ where she graduated Cum Laude. As well as degrees in art, G.A. is a Graduate Gemologist from the Gemological Institute of America (GIA). In 1994 G.A. graduated the Washington State Police academy as a Peace Officer for the Seattle Police Department in Washington where she worked on the patrol division. She was awarded Officer of the Month in February 2000 for her work with recovering stolen vehicles and fingerprint matches to auto-theft and bank robbery suspects. After working for the Seattle Police, G.A. moved to Hertfordshire, England where she began to write full length gay romance novels. Now a full-time writer, G.A. has penned over 200 novels and short stories. Breaking into independent film, G. A. was the executive producer for her first feature film, CAPITAL GAMES which included TV star Shane Keough in its cast. CAPITAL GAMES had its Film Festival Premiere at Philly's Qfest, and its television premiere on OutTV. G.A. is the director and executive producer for her second film NAKED DRAGON, which is an interracial gay police/FBI drama filmed in Los Angeles with the outstanding cinematographer, Pete Borosh. (also the Cinematographer for Capital Games)The cover photographs of G.A.'s novels have been selected from talented and prolific photographers such as Dennis Dean, Dan Skinner, Michael Stokes, Tuta Veloso, Hans Withoos, and CJC Photography, as well as graphic comic artist, Arlen Schumer. Her cover designs have featured actors Chris Salvatore, Jeffery Patrick Olson, Tom Wolfe, and models Brian James Bradley, Bryan Feiss, Jimmy Thomas, Andre Flagger, among many others.Her advertisements have been printed in Attitude Magazine, LA Frontier, and Gay Times.G. A. has won awards from All Romance eBooks for Best Author 2009, Best Novel 2008, Mile High, Best Author 2008, Best Novel 2007, Secrets and Misdemeanors, and Best Author 2007.G.A. was the guest speaker at the SLA conference in San Diego, in 2013, where she discussed women writing gay erotica and has attended numerous writers’ conventions across the country.

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SOMETHING TO BELIEVE IN

By

G.A.HAUSER

Smashwords Edition

Copyright © G.A. Hauser, 2017

SOMETHING TO BELIEVE IN

Copyright © G.A. Hauser, 2017

ISBN Trade paperback: 978-1541-1562-3-4

© The G.A. Hauser Collection LLC

This is a work of fiction and any resemblance to persons, living or dead, or business establishments, events or locales is coincidental.

All Rights Are Reserved. No part of this may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

WARNING

This book contains material that maybe offensive to some: graphic language, homosexual relations, adult situations. Please store your books carefully where they cannot be accessed by underage readers.

First The G.A. Hauser Collection LLC publication:

January 2017

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Chapter 1

Miles D’Amico straightened his shirt collar while standing in front of the mirror. He used gel on his hair and rinsed his hands. He left the bathroom and checked the time. Today was his first day temping at a new job. He was nervous. His therapist had told him it was normal to be a little skittish. After what he’d been through, Miles was happy to be strong enough to leave his apartment.

Meeting new people, learning who was an ‘ally’ and who wasn’t… had become intimidating.

He checked his phone, grabbed his key, and left his inexpensive furnished, one-bedroom apartment.

~

Thirty-five year old marketing analyst, Liam Sinclair, worked on his computer.

Liam?

Yes? He looked up at the door of his office. One of the women from personnel, Gabby, was addressing him.

This is Miles D’Amico. He’s here to help you out.

Liam stood and extended his hand. Hi, Miles.

Hi. Miles averted his gaze and his hand was slightly clammy.

Miles is a temp. Here to catch us up. But, he has hopes of becoming a fulltime employee.

Liam wondered if all the new hires were in their teens. This man appeared very young. What’s your background?

I’ll let you two get acquainted. Gabby left.

Have a seat. Liam gestured to the chair in front of his desk and sat in his.

Miles cleared his throat, sat down, and touched the knot in his necktie. I have a degree in math and in social science and have worked in this field before.

That’s a great start. He tried to catch Miles’s gaze but he wouldn’t stare directly at him. He empathized with Miles’ first-day-jitters, but he didn’t like working with an assistant that couldn’t look him in the eye. Miles?

After what appeared to be a deep breath, Miles finally met his gaze.

Liam leaned his elbows on the desk. I understand being nervous.

Thanks. Miles rubbed his palms on his pant legs.

But, we have to work together.

I know.

Liam was aware his company’s hiring process wasn’t easy. So, this guy had to have been selected for a reason. He wasn’t impressed at the moment. Did Gabby show you where you’ll be working?

Yes.

Liam stared at him, hoping this wasn’t an indication of a bad decision.

As if he got the hint to get to work, Miles stood and nearly hit the doorframe as he left.

Jesus Christ. Liam shook his head at the absurdity and typed on his keyboard.

An hour later, Liam filled his mug with coffee and headed to personnel. He tapped on the divider of Gabby’s office space and she looked up at him.

Hi, Liam.

Hi. Liam glanced behind him, holding his warm mug. Did you hire Miles?

I was a part of the decision. Why?

Can I see his application?

No.

Liam sipped his coffee. But, you chose him out of a pool of applicants, correct?

Her eyes narrowed in suspicion. What’s the problem?

What was Liam supposed to say? He struggled to look me in the eye?

I never thought you would—

Would? Liam perked up at her defensiveness. Thought I would…?

Nothing. She gave him her shoulder.

Would… be hoping for a temp that would take the pressure off of me?

Gabby blew out an exhale and ignored him. He shook his head in irritation and walked back to his office. The world had gone mad. He didn’t know if she was being politically correct or an ass.

On his way to his office, he spotted Milo working at a computer. Maybe it was wrong to judge someone on a first impression. He’d see how he did his job.

Liam set his mug on his desk and resumed working. He had enough on his mind at the moment. He didn’t need to worry about a temp.

~

After what felt like a miserable first day, Miles sat in a waiting room. He was hungry and tired.

Miles?

He walked into the office, taking a seat on a sofa which was near his psychiatrist’s chair. Behind Dr Weiss was his desk, which had his laptop on it.

A box of tissues and a small clock was beside him on an end table. Lucky for him, the therapy was covered by his state insurance provider since the national healthcare program had been repealed.

Dr Weiss sat calmly, waiting for Miles to talk.

I started my new job today.

Listening to him attentively, the older man nodded.

Miles took a tissue out of the box and held it. My immediate supervisor scares me.

Why?

I don’t know.

Did he say something to you?

No. Since it was January, it was chilly. Miles wiped his nose as it ran.

Then, what about him intimidates you?

He’s big. He’s older…

Dr Weiss nodded for him to continue.

I just feel as if he doesn’t like me.

And why do you think he doesn’t like you?

Because I’m gay.

But, he hasn’t given you any indication he dislikes you?

Miles shifted in the spongy soft sofa. It made him feel short and as if he were sinking. No.

I think this is still part of the trauma you’ve been through. It’s certainly understandable that you have a sense of distrust.

It sucks.

Many individuals who’ve been through what you have, have a difficult time in the beginning of their recovery.

Miles dabbed at his nose. I need the job.

What about the work itself? How are you managing?

I can do the work. If I just am allowed to sit at my computer, I can manage.

Okay. That’s encouraging.

Miles tried to smile, but it wasn’t easy.

~

I don’t know what his problem is. Liam stood near the bar in a crowded restaurant. He tipped back his shot of tequila and set the glass down.

I suggest you just wait and see how his work is.

Liam, still in his dress shirt and slacks, hung out with one of his married, straight buddies, Terry Osborn.

Terry perked up and said, Our table is ready.

Liam walked behind Terry to a booth, way in the back of the crowded restaurant. He slid into the bench seat and the host handed them each a menu.

Thanks. Liam opened it.

Do either of you want a drink?

I’m good, Terry said.

Just water. Liam smiled at the host. Once he left, Liam looked at the food selection.

Terry sat back as a young man filled glasses of water for them.

Liam waited until the man left, then he ran his hand over his hair. I need a vacation.

I hear ya. Barb did so much entertaining, I’m exhausted. The holidays wear me out. Terry drank from his glass.

Do you want to go on a trip?

I’d love to. Terry looked at his menu again. But, I can’t leave my better half behind. There’s no way she’d let me go on a trip without her. She’d go with us if you want. We can all share a cabin somewhere and ski.

Nah. I don’t want to be the odd man out. Liam perused the food selection.

Suit yourself. The offer remains.

Thanks. Liam caught Terry’s eye and smiled.

~

Milo parked in the apartment complex’s lot. He sat in his car for a moment, looking around. It was dark. He hated winter. Hated when the time changed.

Not seeing anyone around, Milo climbed out of his car, gripped his keys in his fist, the metal protruding between fingers, and jogged to the courtyard. His hands shook as he unlocked the security door. Since he was trembling, it took longer. He whimpered and finally managed to get the key into the lock.

He shut the rusty metal door behind him and ran up the outer stairs, hyperventilating.

Milo unlocked his apartment door and quickly closed and locked it behind him. He leaned his back on the door and caught his breath.

He turned on the lights, trying to calm down. The anxiety made his head hurt. Still a mess, Milo stood at his kitchen cabinet and removed a vial. He shook out a pill and placed it on his tongue, then he drank from a bottle of water.

Therapy, pills, and a new job.

Nope. Nothing was helping.

Milo managed to sit down at his kitchen table and closed his eyes, waiting for the anxiety attack to subside.

~

Liam was full. He moved his plate aside and drank the rest of his water. After checking his phone, he slouched in the bench seat to relax.

The waiter showed up. Can I get you anything else?

I’m good, Terry said, placing his napkin on the table.

Nothing for me.

The waiter stacked plates and left, returning with the bill.

Before Liam could take it, Terry did. On me.

Why?

No reason. Terry placed a credit card into the folder.

Liam was too tired to argue. You probably owe me.

I didn’t get you a gift this year.

That’s true. Liam smiled. But I didn’t get you one either.

You didn’t?

Nope.

Then you do owe me. Terry winked at him.

The waiter picked up the tab. I’ll be right back.

Liam yawned and tried to stifle it.

What are you doing this coming weekend?

Nothing. Catching up on errands and sleep most likely.

Rhys and Caili are having a few couples over.

Couples. Liam was sick of being alone. When?

Saturday night.

God. I wish I had the energy.

You old fuck.

Liam laughed, since Terry was the same age as he was. They’d known each other for nearly two decades.

Here you go. The waiter gave Terry the folder.

Liam tried to see how much the tab was, but couldn’t from where he sat. Since they didn’t order another round of drinks or appetizers, it probably wasn’t much.

Terry placed his credit card and receipt into his wallet and slid out of the booth. Liam followed, glancing behind him to make sure he didn’t leave anything.

They exited the restaurant and Terry stood for a moment, as if thinking. Where did you park?

That way. Liam pointed.

I’m that way. Terry gestured to the opposite direction.

Thanks for dinner. Liam hugged him.

Anytime. Maybe I’ll see you this weekend. Terry kissed Liam’s cheek.

I’ll let you know. Say hi to Barb for me. Liam patted Terry’s back and waved as he walked off. The evening cooled substantially, so Liam rolled his shirt cuffs down his arms. He made his way to the parking garage, stuffing his hands into his pockets and thinking about his work for tomorrow.

As he walked by a closed retail storefront, he noticed a swastika painted crudely in black and ‘God Hates Fags’ with it. Liam winced and continued to the parking garage.

He couldn’t recall ever seeing so much hate spouted on the streets before. But, this was the new normal.

Approaching his car, Liam pointed his key-fob at it and then sat behind the wheel. He was cold from the night air, and started the car, turning on the heat and the heated seat. He backed out of the parking spot and drove to the exit.

Along the cement walls, more racist and homophobic graffiti tagged the interior. What was he supposed to do? Report it?

Shaking his head at the ignorance that had been inflamed more now than ever, Liam wished he had way of escaping.

But, there was nowhere to go.

~

Milo ate a slice of toast for dinner. He was so edgy all the time, his appetite and his sleep had taken a nosedive. Not to mention, he was broke.

But, he ate. He ate enough to not feel weak.

After he checked his door again, making sure it was bolted, Milo undressed and showered. He closed his eyes as the medication took the edge off his anxiety, but it also made him feel a little off. Fuzzy.

He didn’t like it.

Once he had cleaned up, Milo dressed in pajamas and curled up on his sofa under a knitted blanket. He aimed the remote at his boxy old TV and tried to find something to watch.

Channel after channel of religious zealots, spouting their propaganda, twenty-four hour news reports, vomiting the daily horrors… and lies.

Movie after movie showing murders, suicides, stalking, harassment, war, racism… gratuitous female nudity, rape, even evisceration and dismembering of human beings…

Milo scrolled in vain, unable to find anything with social value or love.

Add to that mental indignity were commercials for drugs; monotone voices running on and on about disastrous side-effects; networks running ads for other shows on the bottom of their screen, distracting logos or printed media, like closed-captions, over and over, slapping him, abusing him, beating him.

Milo shut off the TV. His head was spinning and he became sleepy.

He sank on the sofa and covered his head with the blanket.

~

After a workout in his home gym, Liam reclined in his chair, showered, shaved, and needing to unwind. He avoided the networks and searched for a commercial-free series from an alternate entertainment source, one other than his bundle-provider.

If he had to sit here and watch network TV he’d sooner slit his throat.

He set the remote down and rubbed his jaw, exhausted, and having no idea how he kept functioning.

Was he depressed?

It ran in his family. A family he avoided like the plague.

Was this new? Was he feeling this way because of the political climate? He suffered from a sense of doom and unrest while Terry and Barb lived a happy life with other straight-married-child-free couples to socialize with.

Liam didn’t know if he was allowing the decisions being made by the government to overwhelm him. But he did know, he wasn’t where he’d hoped he’d be at this time of his life.

Chapter 2

Thursday morning, Liam set his full coffee cup on his desk and sat down, booting up his computer. As he waited for it to load, he sipped the strong brew.

His email inbox was full so Liam began to open the internal communication. When he found an email from Miles he read the information and attached statistics.

Huh. Liam hated to admit he was a little surprised the kid had done so well… on his own. Then, he had a thought. He stood, straightened his tie, and walked to the office next to his. He used his knuckle to tap the doorframe.

Hi, Liam.

Asha… have you been helping the new temp?

No. Does he need it? All Gabby did was introduce him yesterday. Why?

Liam looked into the busy room of cubicles behind him.

Liam?

He closed the door and sat in front of her desk. How are you?

Asha raised her eyebrow at him. How am I?

You know.

I know what? She touched her chest through her designer blazer.

With this… this… Liam gestured at thin air.

This?

Liam slouched in the chair. I’m struggling.

She smiled. I can see that.

He rested his elbows on his knees and rubbed his face. Is it just me or does the world feel incredibly hostile?

She made a noise in her throat at the absurdity.

I can’t tell you how helpless I feel at the moment.

You? You’re a white man.

Yes. He was. And he was embarrassed by it. But, he was also gay. Was he about to come out and wave a rainbow flag? No.

Liam touched a small frame on her desk and turned it around. Asha was photographed with her mother and father at her college graduation. The woman was gorgeous.

Liam, is Milo messing up?

No. He’s not. Liam replaced the frame.

Then, why are you complaining?

I’m not.

Do you have a problem with him? She didn’t look pleased.

No. I don’t have a problem with anyone.

Lucky you.

No. I didn’t mean that as it came out. I have a problem with—

Liam?

Yeah?

I have work to do.

Asha…

She went back to typing on her keyboard.

Liam stood and gave her one last glance before he left her office. That sucked.

~

Milo tried to keep busy.

Although he was given a guideline by the company, he had his own method of analyzing data.

Milo?

Hearing Liam’s voice, Milo cringed and didn’t turn around in his chair, hiding in his little cubicle.

Milo? was called louder.

After exhaling, trying to withstand what he expected to be criticism, Milo braved a peek.

Good job.

Huh?

I got your email. I wanted to say, good job. Thanks.