Lettin You In

By Louisa Nixon

Dawn has struggled her whole life, she manages to keep everything buried until Sam took her to get Ria back and now she is spiralling downwards, refusing to let anyone in to help her.
Dawn is sinking fast and alienating all those around that love her.

Kade Maddox is hired at Logan's new bar, Hunters and he sees that Dawn is drowning, he becomes determined to help her.
Kade is strong enough for both of them but Dawn has to learn that she can lean on him and pull herself out of the gutter, she has done it once before, she knows she can do it again.

**This book is intended for readers 18+ due to the mature adult themes that are present in this novella**

 

• Language: English
• Publisher: Louisa Nixon
• Release date: Jan 24, 2017
• ISBN: 9781386688549

Book preview

Louisa Nixon

Letting You In © 2016 by Louisa Nixon

All rights reserved. This copy is intended for the original purchaser of this book. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned or distributed in any printed or electronic form without prior written permission from the author, except by reviewers who may quote brief excerpts in connection with a review.

Please do not participate or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the author’s rights.

This is a book of fiction. Any resemblance of persons, living or dead, is used fictitiously or purely coincidental.

Life has a way of throwing us a curveball and we question everything and everybody in sight,

everyone has it in them to survive and come out the other side, sometimes we can’t see that we desperately need help until it's pushed right under our noses,

don’t ever be ashamed of accepting that help.

We can't always be strong and that's ok.

It’s ok.

Jo & Chloe - You both have championed this book right from the start, even when I wasn't really sure about writing this story, you pushed me to keep going and for that I thank you.

This book is dedicated to you both. My rational friend & My beautiful daughter. Xx.

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Chapter One

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Vodka, neat. I slam the money on the bar as the barman pushes the drink over to me.

I waste no time in knocking it back, feeling the burn all the way down to my stomach. I need this, the escape. I feel like drinking is the only way I can get any peace from the war that's raging inside me.

I have managed to get through my shift at work, drive home and get ready for a night out on the town, by myself, yet again.

I try not to let it get to me that I am back on my own. In the short time, Ria, my best friend had lived with me were some of the happiest days of my life, even the shit we had to endure was bearable because I had Ria and even Logan beside me. I felt strong, like I could handle anything and those memories of my past were finally silenced.

When Sam took me to get to Ria, all the hard work I had done to quieten down my past, things I had buried deep down inside threatened to overtake me again but I managed to reign it in. I know I had been dealt a shit hand in life and I had been managing, I really had but now I can't manage. Now I am dying inside, every day it gets harder to put one foot in front of the other. Just the simple task of breathing in and out was becoming a hardship to me.

I thought I would be ok, in time I would move on and be fine. I am just fooling myself yet again.

I would never be ok, I would never be fine.

I thought having a steady job, a home and good friends around me would help but it doesn't, it just highlights the fact I am broken and I don't think I can ever be fixed.

I need to be fixed, I want to be fixed, but that just isn't going to happen.

********

What started off as a few drinks turned into a messy night and the morning after I was hugging the toilet while trying to keep my skull from

splitting open.

Dawnie, where are you?

I groan and get up off the floor to go greet my unwanted and uninvited visitor.

I take it you were out last night. Ria asks as she throws her arms around me in a tight embrace.

Yeah, a few girls from work asked me to join them and who am I to refuse a night out. I try to make a joke out of it all so Ria doesn’t start questioning anything. I pull away from her hug and sit myself down on the sofa. Ria takes the armchair opposite.

Ahhhh, I love this sofa, who needs a bed when you have a sofa like this, she points out as she sinks into the soft brown leather.

I had the house completely redecorated after Sam had broken in and destroyed everything. Logan insisted he would pay the bill for the whole thing despite the fact I was ready to pay for it myself. I liked being independent, after the start I had in my life I soon learned not to depend on anyone.

I bet your liver wishes you would refuse a night out, you seem to be out a lot these days.

Ria switches the lines of conversation that quick I get dizzy from trying to keep up with her, another reason she needs to leave. Now.

I am young, free and single. Why would I want to stay in?

I ask her as I pick up the remote to the t.v. and start to channel surf, hoping that she would drop the whole thing.

If you ever want any company, Dawn. Just say and I will come over, I have missed our girls’ nights in. She says this with uncertainty in her voice, almost as if she's is questioning our friendship.

I know I haven't been around as much as I was before but I just need time to myself, time away from all the happiness and light that surrounds her now. I need to wallow, just for a little while and then I can go back to my normal self, well as normal as I will ever get.

I feel guilty for having these thoughts, like I am a shit friend. Ria has been through so much and I need to be happy for her, but I cannot seem to summon up the strength.

I look over at my best friend. I really do love her to bits, she literally is the only family I have, but I wish she would just leave me alone.

Man I am that fucked up I piss myself off!

Ria, you have a family now. I can't take you away from them.

Logan is working extra hours to get the new bar off the ground, he crawls into bed just in time for me to get out of it. she replies softly. I see that Ria looks sad, I didn't realise Logan was away that much, which makes me feel like a shit friend. I should be there for Ria, I know I should.

If you ever want me to have Sophie so you can go to work with him, just let me know.

I love that little girl with all my heart, she is so pure, so innocent and I am determined she would always stay that way.

Speaking of the little princess, where is she? I ask her as I decide I need to change the subject.

I finally settle on some reality show that is quite popular, I must admit it's one of my guilty pleasures.

Logan is spending some time with her before he has to go to the new bar, he misses his Daddy/Daughter time.

I smile at my friend, It won't be forever, Ria. Once he has Hunters running smoothly he will be back to being glued to your side.

I know you’re right, I just wish it was all done with but I am just glad Kade, the new Bar Manager starts tonight, maybe then Logan can back off a little.

I suddenly have an idea, Ria, can you get a sitter for Sophie tonight?

She looks at me puzzled, I can ask Paul's wife, she loves having her, why?

I feel a smile stretching my face wide as I feel the buzz surging through my body. The buzz I get when I know I get to drink and escape for a while.

Get your glad rags on, baby. Tonight we are going to party! It's been ages since you and I have been out together.

She bursts into laughter at my announcement, shaking her head at me in amusement.

I feel sorry for your liver, Dawnie.

I laugh at her comment as I throw my pillow her face.

I need to get out and quieten down these thoughts in my head. Vodka will help, it always does and I can go out under the pretence of having having a girls’ night out with Ria and also having the chance of meeting the new Bar Manager thrown into the mix. I don't want to go anywhere near this Kade, I never want to be close to a man again but I have sunk to desperate levels to escape the pain that is inside me so I will use every excuse I can.

Win, win situation all round I think.

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Chapter Two

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Slow down, Dawn.

I can hear Ria beside me but I choose to ignore her, this is my life and I will do what I want, when I want. I am being a bitch to her but I have drunk just enough that I don’t care what anyone thinks.

When did you turn into such a mother hen, Ria?

I down my shot and turn in my seat to look at her, We are here to have to good time, so that is exactly what I am going to do.

I can see the worried look on her face but I refuse to let that bring me down from my Vodka induced high.

I decide to change the subject, deflection is my friend these days. Logan has done great here, Ria. It won’t be long before Hunters is just as popular as Red 10.

Hunters has all the style and sophistication it needs to make sure this is more than just a bar, it is a place where people can come to sit and relax, unwind after a hard day at work or to meetup with friends. It has a welcoming feel without being too over the top.

I can already tell that Hunters is going places, Logan should be really proud of himself. I know I am very proud of him, that man deserves everything good that comes his way. Logan is one of a kind, he has a heart of gold and I have him to thank for rescuing my best friend from a life of hell with her ex-husband.

Logan has come to mean a lot to me, he is like the brother I have never had and as much as I annoy him I know he thinks a lot of me too. He has shown me that not all men are evil sadistic bastards and I hope one day I can meet a someone like him who will love me like he loves Ria.

"He really has poured his heart and soul into this place. I