Life Goes On

By Pam Logan

Johnny Styles had spent most of his fifty some years partying, drinking, fighting and stumbling through bars, pool halls and the arms of beautiful women without much care. With the death of his best friend, Samantha, contrary to his belief that the world would end, both his life and heart have opened up to let in his estranged family and love for a woman who has been nothing more than a thorn in his side for years.
When his new love Leeny disappears, Johnny sets off on his own to find her. The clues are few and far between, starting off with her old boyfriend, turning to his son and the lunatic he is shacking up with and ending with a serial killer. As the evidence leads in all different directions, with some pointing back at himself, his friends and family continually tell him that Leeny may have just gone off with some other guy to live happily ever after.
Determined to find her, he is beaten, arrested, accused of murder, thrown in a cellar with beady eyed vermin, tormented by Blondie the rat queen, and forced to bet the life of his lover in a game of pool, only to find out that whether he likes it or not, Life Goes On.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Pam Logan
• Release date: May 10, 2012
• ISBN: 9781476065281

Pam Logan

I, Pam Logan, live in Western New York with my husband and kids and my trusty dog Sabre. I enjoy reading, writing, gardening and sitting by my self-made pond. On those hot summer days, I love to ride with my husband on our Honda Goldwing as I wind dance to our favorites tunes. My first book, HOW DO YOU SAY GOODBYE, was at first meant to be a song. As my thoughts kept returning to my mother, my brother-in-law and a couple cousins, who had all passed away due to cancer, the song was too sad to continue. With those thoughts still in mind, I wondered how they must have felt, knowing the end was coming soon. That is how Samantha Collins, the main character, came to life. I just sat at my computer every chance I got and Sam just took over. She quickly drew me into her life; her friends became my friends, her funny antics made me laugh and her hardships made me cry. There were times that I couldn’t type fast enough to keep up with her. When the story ended, I missed her and her whole gang terribly, and so, LIFE GOES ON began. It is based on the same family and group of friends, but a totally different genre and story line. I hope to continue writing many different kinds of books revolving around the same characters as they go through the same types of things every family goes through - good times and bad, funny, scary, life threatening, loving, childish and even growing old. I hope the reader enjoys them as much as I do.

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LIFE GOES ON

By Pam Logan

SMASHWORDS EDITION

******

PUBLISHED BY:

Pam Logan at Smashwords

Copyright 2012 by Pam Logan

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Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be resold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Dedicated to:

My Husband

who worked two jobs while I wrote this

to keep me from being a starving artist

Special Thanks to

Everett Lee with Underground Stampede

and to Tommy the Dog Walker

Chapter 1

Things hardly ever turn out the way I think they will. Today, for instance, I expected to wake up dead. I suppose that sounds funny, but I really did. Yesterday, my best friend Sam died and I expected the world to end, not just for me, but for everyone, everywhere. When she took her last breath, I thought that would be it. As she would say, over and out; that's all she wrote; zip, zadda, zilch; the fat lady sang.

I met Sam on the beach a little over thirty years ago. Since then, she has touched every aspect of my life. She has always been there for me, even when we weren't together. I could go years without seeing her or even months without thinking of her, but she was always just a phone call away. She was always number one on my speed dial. She was number one in my life even before they had speed dial. We had this telepathic thing going on. I could just think of her and she would show up on my doorstep. Sometimes it was to help me and sometimes it was because she was the one that needed help. And now, she's gone.

The woman who shares my bed, also lost her best friend yesterday. I guess that makes us best friends by default. Leeny, whose makeup is now smeared across my chest from crying, has been over the years, a major pain in my ass, a thorn in my side, a constant headache, and a friend of a friend, but not a friend. She has bugged me, irritated me, bothered me, embarrassed me and pissed me off far beyond belief.

As Sam's life dwindled away, Leeny stepped up and comforted me, supported me, helped me, hugged me, and saved me. She still irritates the hell out of me - I guess that will never change, but she also makes me laugh, she does silly things, she is amazing in bed, she's funny, she can't cook for the life of her, and for whatever reason, I like being with her. Other than Sam, she's the only woman I ever really cared about. Right now, I would do anything possible to take away the pain she is feeling about the loss of her friend. I know exactly how she feels.

There is one slight problem at this very moment. My arm, that she is laying on, is painfully asleep. It's way beyond pins and needles. I can't feel my fingers. I'm pretty sure if I don't move soon, I will need to borrow my nephew's prosthetic arm because mine will surely fall off if it hasn't already. I know I can't ride my motorcycle with one arm, but I know I can do the thing she likes me to do with only one arm. I can still smoke with one arm and I can still open a beer with one arm. I guess I'll survive. But how am I going to make it through life without Sam?

I inched my way out from under Leeny without waking her up. As I shook life back into my arm, I stood looking in the bathroom mirror at the makeup on my chest. It looked like someone had my picture in Photoshop and smudged my tattoos, bleeding them all together across my chest. How can women put that crap on their faces every single day? It sure makes 'em look pretty and tears seem to make it come off easy, but scrubbing right now isn't doing anything. Christ, I think I'm gonna need sandpaper to get this stuff off.

Leeny walked in the bathroom and stood next to me, looking in the mirror. I've never seen her look so sad. Her makeup is streaked down her face and her eyes are red and puffy, almost swollen shut from crying. She grabbed a jar of some white cream and rubbed it all over her face, then rubbed it across my scrubbed, raw skin. She took a washcloth and gently wiped it off my chest along with the makeup. She smiled at me through her cream covered face and said, Okay, Johnny, now get out, and pushed me out the door.

As I put on my shorts and t-shirt, I heard the shower turn on. I walked out on the porch to my expensive, fully stocked bar and poured myself a drink. I lifted a toast to Sam. Her beach chair still sits at the edge of the shore where she sat yesterday as she took her last breath. This was where she wanted to be at that final moment - on the beach with friends and her dog, MyLo.

We had all just gone swimming and made our way back to the porch. She sat in her chair with her feet in the water, with her wolf-like dog at her side, watching the sun as it slowly lowered itself into the lake. As far as I could tell, she must have just closed her eyes and let go. She let go of her gold cross that hung around her neck that she constantly played with. She let go of her dog, her trusty companion that she loved so much. She let go of her life that she mistreated for so many years and just recently came to appreciate. She let go, and I'm sure she took the hand of my grandfather, Poppy, as she called him, who promised he would be there at that final moment to hang on to her until Jesus came, so the devil wouldn't rush in and steal her soul.

At that moment, MyLo let go, too. He let go of the most sorrowful howl I had ever heard. He stood up, raised his head to the sky, and let out a mournful cry that brought tears to everyone's eyes. For what seemed like an eternity, but was probably only a minute, no one moved. We all just stood there, hoping Sam would turn around and smile and that it didn't really happen, all knowing that this was just as she wanted. This is how it was supposed to be.

Chapter 2

I'm not usually an emotional kind of guy. I only have a few close friends. My family has mostly been distant and most of them don't matter much to me at all. From the first day I heard Sam was sick, it has been slowly ripping my insides out. Today, I feel empty. If it wasn't for Leeny being here, I would just get on Sam's motorcycle and ride and probably never come back. Sam's the only reason I came back here in the first place, so she could have a nice place on the beach to spend her final days. There won't be a wake or a funeral. Sam didn't want that. She just wants to be cremated and have her ashes spread at the beach and at Cody's and at Mac's, both good friends of ours. And of course, she wants everyone she knows to get together for a party on the beach. She doesn't want anyone crying over her. Yeah, good luck with that.

Today, I have to decide when to have this party, then call everyone I know and repeat over and over about the death of my friend and invite them to celebrate her life. Maybe I'll just plan the whole thing and then leave town and let them fend for themselves. Or maybe I'll just drink myself into oblivion the night before the celebration and stay drunk until the day after and not have to deal with it. Or, maybe just forget the whole thing. No, I can't do that. She'll come back and haunt me for that one. She could be pretty scary when she was alive. Dead? That's horrifying. Okay, C'mon John. Get your shit together! Crap! And quit talking to yourself!

I poured food in MyLo's dish. Usually as soon as he hears the food hit the metal bowl, he comes barreling across the beach to eat. Today, he slowly walked to his dish, sniffed at it and lay down on the porch. He pretty much looked the way I felt, definitely not like celebrating anyone's life.

From the front of the beach house, the doorbell rang. I went, followed closely behind by MyLo, through the huge kitchen and elaborate living room to the front door. My brother, Jeff stood against the railing as I opened the door. He was dressed in black with his white collar thingie, as Leeny called it. I guess you're here on business? I asked.

I guess you could say that. I came to see if you and Leeny are okay. And to talk about Sam, to see if you need any help with anything.

Are you talking spiritual help? I don't know about Leeny, you can check with her about that, but me? No. I'm pretty sure I'll just stick with the old adage: Life's a bitch and then you die.

C'mon, John.

No. Look, you prayed over her last night. I don't know what good that did for her, but it made you feel better and I'm sure it made Dad and Mom and mostly everyone else feel better, so that's a good thing. It didn't do anything for me. So, let it go. I have no faith in Him or anyone else that would let the things happen to me or to Sam that happened when we were kids. I didn't do anything that should have caused some priest to do the things that he did to me. Sam didn't do anything wrong that made her father do the things he did. If there is some God up there watching over us, why would he let those things happen to us? I'm done talking about this. Leeny's in the shower, you can talk to her later.

Okay, if you want to talk, you know where to find me, and he left. Yeah, sure. I know where to find you. What about all those times I was trying to track you down waiting for info on Sam's son. Where were you then? Sam's son. Two of my nephews, Toby and Rich, caught up in some adoption mix-up, with one of them being Sam's son. They lose her a day after they find out she could be their mother. This isn't anything any God that I believed in would do.

Leeny crept up behind me and put her arms around my waist, startling me. She thinks it's funny, making me jump. I don't. She had her head wrapped in a towel, wearing one of my t-shirts. Her eyes weren't quite as red, but were still puffy. So, what do we do now? She wanted to know, How do we get through life without her?

I wish I had some inspiring words of wisdom, or some way to make her laugh, or... whatever. I just hugged her. I guess we got a party to plan.

I don't feel like partying.

Me neither, but we promised. You know what'll happen if we let her down.

Leeny looked around the room suspiciously. Johnny, you don't think she's here do you?

Nah. If she can haunt anyone, I'm pretty sure she's wreaking havoc on her father and maybe her mother right about now. Once that's out of her system, she'll be back to check on us so, we better get a move on. Leeny looked relieved, at least for the moment.

One thing at a time; I need some breakfast. This massive kitchen houses every imaginable small appliance, most of which I have no idea what they do. It also has a refrigerator big enough to hold a week's worth of food for a family of eight, and at the moment is very well stocked. Oooh. Perfect! Eggs, leftover potatoes still wrapped in foil from the grill, and leftover taco meat with sauce, cheese, and tomatoes from last night. I threw some butter in the pan, chopped up the potatoes and cooked it all together and put it on toasted English muffins with butter and jelly, then ate it over the sink for easy clean-up. Sam would have loved it. Leeny couldn't bear to look at it and ate a yogurt.

I hate planning things and Leeny goes all out and over plans things so, after some discussion and lots of arguing, we called in the big guns - my sisters-in-law, Amy and Rae. They are both friends of Sam, so they know what she would like and are good at this sort of thing so we handed it over to them, but of course, Leeny gets the last word on everything. I don't see this ending well, so I'm staying out of it. They told me to pick a date and make the calls to friends and they would handle everything else.

We all agreed that three weeks would be enough time to get a hold of everyone and plan this shindig. I called everyone I knew or at least knew how to get a hold of and told them to pass the word. It wasn't meant to be an all out party - only for people that knew Sam personally. We'll see how that goes. I see every friend of a friend of a friend showing up at this thing. I can already see smoke coming out of my father's ears over this, but then again, it's for Sam so he may be okay with it.

My father, the great Judge Scott Styles, owns this magnificent compound that houses six large mansions, owned by some of my brothers and a couple sisters, along with his own gigantic mansion, high up on a cliff that faces the lake. The compound surrounds my beach house that was left to me by my Uncle Roderick, my father's brother. I inherited it a few years ago, but just moved in recently to help Sam with her final wishes. As far as beach houses go, this thing is huge. It isn't anything I could ever have afforded on my own and even though I got it for nothing, I could never even afford the taxes on this place. Good thing for me, my uncle had the foresight to leave me a substantial amount of money to cover that and living expenses for about ten years.

The next couple weeks were spent making party plans. Turns out this was a good way for Leeny to spend her time, focusing on a party for Sam instead of mourning the loss of her friend. I, on the other hand, spent my time getting re-acquainted with my parents and brothers and sisters. For the most part, it was a good thing.

I left home at the age of fifteen because of issues of sexual abuse lavished upon me by our friendly neighborhood priest. I could never bring myself to tell anyone because of the guilt and pressure bestowed on me by said priest, so I left home. I hated my family, partly for being a friend to this priest and partly for not noticing what was happening to me, and I never wanted to see them again. When my grandparents died, people that Sam, Leeny, and I were all very close to, I faced my fears and faced my family at the time of the wake, funeral and memorial service.

I wouldn't have done it if it weren't for Sam. It was all so I could come back to this place so she could die on the beach. It was important to her, so it was important to me. Now I'm here and she's gone. She had this big thing that everything happens for a reason. My grandfather pretty much beat this knowledge into her head. Well, beat isn't actually the word for it. He used to cuff us on the back of the head when he was trying to make a point or wanted to make sure he had our attention. It didn't hurt but it kept us on our toes. He had long talks with Sam about his belief in Jesus, and it took him a while, but he convinced her that there was a God and that Jesus had faith in her. I never did find out how much faith Sam had in Jesus. My grandfather never bothered talking to me about it. I think he knew somehow what happened to me and knew I wouldn't listen. Any other of life's lessons, he had no problem making me suffer through. I miss him.

My mother is ecstatic that I'm back. She told me how she suffered every day that I was gone and never forgave herself for whatever she may have done to make me leave home. She had no idea what Father Antonio had done to me and never gave up hope of seeing me again. Now that I'm here, she is filling me in on anything and everything that has happened in the family since I left. I don't much care about any of it except that it makes her happy.

My father is a little different. He's tough to figure out. I'm sure he's happy that I'm back, but I think it's more about my mother than it is about me. He's not only tough to figure out, he's just plain tough. Most people are afraid of him. It's not just because he's a judge; he somehow commands respect on both personal and professional levels. My family was in awe of the way Sam talked to him and what he let her get away with. It's not like him to put up with bullshit and he took a lot of it from her. My brothers later admitted the only times they had ever seen him cry were when I told him what Father Antonio had done to me, when Sam told him she was part of his family and when she died. Jeez, three times in a couple weeks; the old man's getting soft.

I am one of twelve children. I have three older brothers, two older sisters, I am one of a set of triplets (all boys) then two younger brothers and two younger sisters. I was never really close to them, even as a kid. I didn't seem to have much in common with them and when all that crap happened with Father Antonio, I fought with them constantly, sometimes brutal fights. There was no love lost when I left home. Now, it's not so much getting re-acquainted as it is just getting acquainted. It's almost like meeting them for the first time, at least with the ones that have no hard feelings. There are a couple that want nothing to do with me. I have no problem with that.

The two brothers that I share the same birth date with are Josh and Scot. They both own mansions on my father's compound. They are both married to women that they love, and both have adopted sons that could be mothered by Sam. One of Sam's missions before she died was to find her son that she had given up 24 years before. Because of some dumb ass mistake with the adoption place, the two boys - Toby and Rich, either one could be her son. She did get to meet both of them and spend time with them, but she let go of her life before the DNA results were in. Both boys, actually young men, decided at the last minute that they didn't want the results. They both wanted to believe that Sam was their mother. As far as they were concerned, at the time of her death, she had two sons.

Josh, Amy, Scot and Rae showed up with pizzas, wings and beer for supper. The plan was for the women to catch up on party plans and a couple friendly wagered games of pool for the guys. The wings were nice and meaty, smothered in hot sauce with a large tub of bleu cheese. One pizza was topped with my favorite - double cheese, pepperoni, sausage and hot peppers and it was delicious. The other one had some veggie crap on it. I don't even know how that can be considered pizza. Anyway, we chowed down and then we guys headed for the back porch that opened up to the beach. On the large veranda (as my rich family refers to it), there is a fully stocked bar, a full size pool table and off to the side, a hot tub that Leeny enjoys daily.

When I was a kid, me, Scot and Josh looked a lot alike. My mother could tell us apart, but not too many other people could. Teachers couldn't, so we used it to our advantage. Scot was good in language, so whenever there were tests, he took them for Josh (French) and me (Spanish). We passed with flying colors, but couldn't speak it if our lives depended on it. Josh did the biology stuff for me and Scot. They also did a lot of my homework. I hated all classes and made up for their smarts by doing household chores for them, cutting the lawn, helping my mother with gardening, taking out the garbage, stuff like that. I always felt they took advantage, but if I didn't get good grades, I would have been grounded and had to do that stuff anyway.

Since I had spent a lot of my late teens and early twenties picking up tricks from pool sharks in pool halls and back barrooms across the country, I was now able to return some of my brothers' dominance. What goes around comes around. As I repeatedly cleared the table and made a few bucks to boot, we could hear some arguing from inside the house. Leeny insisted on a few things about Sam's party, but she was told they couldn't possibly be done. It took a while, but they worked it all out.

Tonight's winnings were even easier than previous nights, at least with Josh. His mind definitely wasn't on the game. In those back barrooms, I also played a lot of poker and learned how to detect and analyze 'tells.' When someone acts out of character or is in some kind of mental anguish, I refrain from asking about it because it gives the impression that I care. I don't. But I am curious, so I just watch and wait. I make a game out of it and try to figure it out myself before my opponent reveals his hand.

Josh was tense and anxious, but I couldn't tell if it was toward me or Scot, or both. At first, I thought it was about me, but then he seemed like he wanted to say something to Scot, but held it back. His jaw was clenched, breathing was calculated, not relaxed. He leaned over the table to take his shot, lined it up but just stayed there, not moving.

Finally, Scot said, Are you going to take the shot, or what?

He shot and scratched, then swore and gulped down his drink.

Something you want to talk about? Again, this came from Scot because like I implied earlier, I don't care.

Josh took a deep breath, let it out slow and poured himself another drink. We need to talk.

I was ready to leave, figuring he wanted to talk to Scot.

No, you too!

Oh, crap! This can't be good. I poured another drink for Scot and myself and we walked out onto the beach. It was a beautiful evening. The bright red sun was just about to slide into the lake leaving streaks of pink and orange across the sky, reflecting off the calm water. Sam would have loved it.

Me and Scot sat on the huge driftwood log watching Josh nervously pace back and forth, dragging his bare feet in the sand. After a couple minutes, I had had enough. Okay, forget this, and got up to leave.

Wait! Okay. The other day, when we did the DNA test on Sam and the boys....

Yeah, you messed it up and had to do it again, I said, getting a dirty look from Josh.

Nobody messed anything up. I had them do it again to confirm something.

Look, this was supposed to be done for Sam so she could find out who her son is. She's dead and both Toby and Rich are satisfied with believing she is their mother, so why are you even bothering with this now. And if the results are that important, shouldn't you be telling them?

Scot nodded in agreement.

Josh gulped down his drink. This isn't about the mother. This is about the father.

I looked at Scot and saw the concerned look on his face, then back to Josh, I stood up shaking my head, If you're going to try to tell me that Scot's not the father of one of those kids, you're full of shit. Sam saved herself for her Prince Charming which, for whatever reason, is him. And if the kid turns out to be Toby, this jerk adopted his own kid.

Josh shook his head and looked back and forth at both of us. Actually, according to the DNA, both of them have the same father.

Scot choked on his drink and stood up, waving his hand back and forth. No way. That's not possible, unless Sam had twins. There was no one else at that time. There was no one right before me and Sam were together, and after that and ever since then, Rae was the only one. No! No way! You messed up the DNA somehow. Or else Sam was with someone else.

My turn, "That's not possible. No way!! She told me there was just one guy, and that guy