Hey Fella's, Be Different, Be Married, Be Happy

By Richard L. Allred

This book is asking the question; Is it possible to save a marriage before it's to far gone? It is also answering the question; ABSOLUTELY!!!
God pulls your marriage together. You just be the vessel. Don't panic, it actually does work! Read the book and put it into practice. You'll probably find it's way cool! Matter of fact, you'll probably find it's way easy! But more than that, you'll likely see your wife responding right out of the get go. That's a sign your relationship is beginning to heal and or grow stronger."

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Jan 3, 2017
• ISBN: 9780996920162

Book preview

Wife

CHAPTER ONE

Let all your things be done with charity

(1 Corinthians 16:14)

Do everything in love (1 Corinthians 16:14 NIV).

GEORGE! Today is trash day!

JAMES! The lawn needs to be mowed!

LEROY! Will you listen to what I’m telling you!

Only if you’re married do you realize that the above three commands are not necessarily mothers yelling at their sons. Yes, fellas, us married boys have probably heard those very words or something similar coming from our lovely wives’ mouths. If you haven’t, odds are that you haven’t been married long enough for it to happen yet.

Naturally, there are as many creative responses to those nerve-squeezing utterances as there are husbands. My particular favorite was said with a forlorn drawl and a slight lisp.

Yeth, dear. Anything you thay, dear!

Yes…my wife got very hot under the collar…and every other piece of clothing too. I could literally look into her beautiful eyes and watch them metamorphose into shear ugly. Didn’t need any explanation or interpretation about what was on her mind. Dog-house was by far the nicest words being telegraphed across her sweet little cherub face.

Of course, the reason I did that was to achieve the very response I have just described here. Heck that was one of the best get-even buttons I’d discovered. Many ladies have asked me why I would do such things to my beloved when I knew full well she was going to be mad as a wet hen.

Well, the answer was quite simple. I HATE NAGGING! I never, ever, ever, kept that idiosyncrasy a secret. Of course I know now that particular verbal auxiliary fell on ignoring ears. Just the same, the issue of nagging women is not something I ever kept quiet about.

However I have to admit, one of the absolute DUMBEST things I ever decided to do was teach my wife the follies of performing such a vile act. No, I didn’t haul off and beat her senseless; true confession, I have never in my life intentionally hurt a woman physically, but I did proceed to get down-right philosophical about this causticity.

Go ahead! I’d tell her. Nagging me is like pushing a chain! Ever say something like that to your lovely bride? Yea, guys like us do that…for all the good it does. I’m telling you, females will find a way to push a chain!

Something else that’s interesting, for whatever reason, a males’ most common reaction to being nagged is to defend himself, and if possible, one up the ‘ole lady in pointing out short-comings. Well… all that does is plummet the situation into an argument and of all things, men try to win this duel with a one-liner similar to the line above. Every guy I’ve ever watched take on ’the little lady’ in this domestic noose of oral warfare (including yours truly) ended up continually chasing that illusive show-stopping quip. What’s more, they never seemed to quite achieve their Oscar winning verbal finale. As a matter of fact, the normal conclusion to those flaps left the poor dude looking like bulls-eye bozo.

I’ve decided to refer to this kind of bickering as Tit for Tat. Most folk understand the connotation of tit for tat and it seems to be a gender-friendly expression. It’s also kind of a dorky phrase, but humor me here and go with it. Now guys, we men are easily lured into tit for tat arguments AND LADIES KNOW IT! When a lady finishes a guy off in an argument like that, you’d better believe she has a victory moment. Oh, she doesn’t punch the air with her fist and yell, Yea, yea like the boys do! No, no, she goes to the mirror and gently preens her hair and exotically mouths, Meow!

There is at least an element of Tit for Tat in every marriage, but guys, this is a trap we all need to learn to stay away from. If used correctly, Tit for Tat can drive a point home; however, those times are very rare. Unless the situation and timing are perfect, Tit for Tat should be avoided altogether. Only if a guy is sharp enough to recognize those two elements when they come together should he ever consider such an action. Even in the greatest majority of those moments real wisdom will probably steer him away from performing such a deed.

At best, Tit for Tat is absurd, obnoxious, and quite destructive. It rarely if ever solves the problem human intentions are trying to produce. If anything, matters become worse. The comparison is more like shooting off the tail of a rattlesnake while aiming for the head. For whatever reason, we humans are programmed to act in this manner. Social influences have taught us to believe ‘that’s the way it is’! I didn’t say I agree; I’m just saying we’re influenced that way.

From what I’ve witnessed with married guys, generally Tit for Tat is nothing more than a sour grapes contest for morons! I’ve watched husbands that have been married for ten, twenty, and thirty years still hammering away at their ‘ole lady, apparently to even some score or just for once to win an argument. I’ve often wondered why it is we masculine’s continue doing such a dumb thing after years and years of gaining nothing! What is so special about Tit for Tat? Logically, one would think after some period of time we’d either learn how to win or lose interest, but we don’t. We just go ahead and flap our faces regardless of the fact that we end up looking really stupid.

My wife and I have been married for twenty-five years. You would think by now I could have taught her the no nag rule, but in real life, I’ve only ever met one or two woman that even paid attention to the no nag rule and my wife was not one of them! Furthermore, if my use of Tit for Tat ever taught her anything, I sure never witnessed it. By the way, the Yeth dear, anything you thay dear line is no longer useful. As a matter of fact, she does it to me now. It was sort of funny the first time she did. I got mad and told her she was acting like a jerk! She smiled back at me and said, Oh yea, and I was taught by the best! Well…how do you argue with that? I am the best! Or at least was the best, but it was her slam dunk and her two points; I had to accept it and grow.

I’ve watched my married friends for years. Some of the dudes got so bent out of shape about nagging that they thumped their ‘ole ladies. Want to know something? I never once saw a domestic thumping teach a woman to keep her mouth shut. That’s not intended to be sarcastic. I’ve been truly amazed! It seemed like the woman would just as soon die than to be quiet.

Now, I understand lots of battered ladies do suffer in silence. Some do it most of their lives. I’m not addressing that side of the problem. Those ladies and their men need an array of professional help. I’m not academically qualified to handle those problems. So what you need to understand is the folk I hung around. They wouldn’t keep still or silent if you actually tied them up and stuffed an apple in their teeth! (Females, I’m talking about). They were as stubborn and nasty as any of the guys ever thought of being. They had to be, with the lifestyle we lived.

Our current accepted social outlook on the marriage relationship appears to have cloaked itself in robes of unhappiness, agitation, and anger. I really feel sorry for many couples that my wife and I notice in public. So many of them drag around this ‘Marriage-is-Misery’ look on their faces. It’s really pathetic! If it didn’t cost a fortune it would be worth buying sympathy cards, filling up a huge bag, and handing them out like Christmas gifts. Hopefully, something invasive happens in their lives. The number of couples we see like this is enough to make us wonder if our culture will eventually adopt the idea that long-term relationships are repugnant; something to avoid like herpes. Maybe that philosophy is already here and some of us are just waking up to the fact. A television news reporter awhile back, quoted the national divorce rate at fifty percent. Think about it; one of every two weddings is headed for Trashville!

Somebody once coined the term, Battle of the Sexes. This expression just by design was and still is destructive. It makes the two genders sound like they’re at war. Some of the battles you witness between couples make’s that idea hard to argue with. Just like real wars, both sides adopted belittling names for each other. Broads and bozos became the least of the degradation lingo. Television definitely added fuel to that fire. Who can forget Archie Bunker’s ‘Dingbat’? Or Fred Murtz’s ‘Old Battle Ax? Obviously, those names were a denigration of the wife character.

On the flip side of that coin, how many times have you heard the comment, It’s got to be a MAN thing! Of course, when this particular statement is spoken, the word man is emphasized, and enunciated in such a way it comes across as a slang expression. We’ve all seen the bumper stickers that read, All men are idiots-I married their King! Even though the statement itself can provoke a laugh, it’s quite sad that a woman should feel the need to advertise something that asinine about her husband. Don’t think I’m picking on women here either! This here is supposed to be a book for guys. So guys, it’s just as asinine for a husband to refer to his wife as something less than wonderful. But what is most ludicrous is that this gender unrest is accepted by many societies especially ours as… normal!

Pay attention to the rerun sitcoms and how they handle the subject of marriage. One easily gets the idea that marriage is a ball and chain; the rated equivalence of incarceration. This premise is beat like a dead horse under the guise of humor. Something else of interest is that lots of these shows portray single folks as cool people. Married folks often times come off as either boring, nerdy, or the husband is a dork and the wife is all knowing. There’s another slant I find most curious and that is the portrayal of Christian folks and their values. They are usually characterized as downright daffy! That is assuming the writers actually address the topic on their shows in the first place! Sitcoms nowadays try not to even involve marriage in their programs. Married people seem to be program extras, like a necessary evil that still exists in society.

People watch these productions and swear they’re not influenced in their personal behavior by what they see either on television, in the movies, or live in concert. They will actually look you in the eye and say that! Well, I personally don’t buy it for an instant. If all that is supposed to be true, how come you suddenly see toys in super markets and fast food chains of the characters from the latest smash hit kid movie? How come the hottest selling clothing in stores are the same styles well-known actors and actresses have just been seen wearing? How come huge companies choose well-known actors, actresses, or popular sports figures to represent their products in advertising? How come you hear some of the vilest, dumbest garbage in the latest music, and you see the