Living the Dream: Suicide and My Part in Its Downfall

By Dafydd Tomos Hyswain

From his 50th birthday (21st March 1995) until it was wound up (31st March 1997) the author of this book, "Living the Dream: Suicide and My Part in Its Downfall", was the Chief Instructor of Suicide Avoidance and Prevention of the County Surveyors Society founded on Christmas Day, 1066) by William the Conqueror for his Squires of the Shires of England to secure continuous possession of the real estate of England, to claim as his dynastic property and pass on to his heirs and assigns. The Great Book of Winchester, aka, The Domesday Book, the oldest extant legal deed of real estate ownership, in England, provides the evidence that they did, indeed, fulfill that requirement. As it was a Royal Society, its business was subject to the Official Secrets Acts of the United Kingdom 1911-1989, and was not released from them until 25 years had elapsed from the last Act, which was on 12th May 2014. The Suicide Avoidance and Prevention pedagogy of the society was, therefore, officially secret until that date; however, the author had an obligation to promulgate everything he knew about it, to the best of his ability. So he set up a not-for-profit business organization, County Surveyors Society International Limited (England and Wales Registered Number 9109244) Incorporated at Companies House, Cardiff, on 1st July 2014, from which to promulgate this knowledge. Therefore he published an autobiographical trilogy and compendium of his life and work, which went viral in the UK and Globally within a week of its publication, with the result that the Editor in Chief of The Huffington Post, Arianna Huffington, invited him to 'have a voice' on that publication, so he did, with the result that he was invited to broadcast in audio-video format on the cable and satellite news service, CNN. It enabled him to have a conversation with the North American public and ask them what they wanted of him, and they said they wanted a holistic solution to the autie / aspie suicide epidemic there. So he created a course in suicide avoidance and prevention based loosely on the former society's pedagogy, which had remarkable success, and he was invited by Energime University of New York to become their ambassador for students with autism and Asperger's Syndrome and teach them the course. The course and his trilogy and compendium were pitched at a general audience, so he has written this book with these students in mind. It summarizes his life and work, as set out in his trilogy and compendium, and sets out the suicide avoidance and prevention course he has devised. Though aimed at students of High School, College, and University age, with autism and Asperger's Syndrome, as they are highly susceptible to suicide ideations and attempts, it is suitable for anyone who feels suicidal from time to time.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Dafydd Tomos Hyswain
• Release date: Jan 2, 2017
• ISBN: 9781370091454

Dafydd Tomos Hyswain

UK bred savant. Born 1945. Chartered and commissioned as an Esquire of the Royal Division 1960 to work in Canada but had severe head injury and was forced to remain in the UK. Received direct entry retraining by Glamorgan County Council 1961-75, mainly as the Secretarial Draughtsman to County Surveyors Society South Wales and Monmouthshire Chapter 1962-74. Won International Design Competition in 1965 to relocate Royal Mint from London to Llantrisant. Worked for Llantrisant and Llantwit Major RDC 1965; Cardiff CBC 1965-68; Royal Berkshire CC 1968-70; Monmouthshire CC 1970-74; Gwent CC 1974-75; Dyfed CC 1975-96; Ceredigion CC 1996-2010; Specialised in Highways and Transportation aspects of Town and Country Planning and Socio-Economic Regeneration. Became full Member of Chartered Institution of Highways and Transportation 1989. Diagnosed with Autism 1950, Autistic Psychopathy 1960, and Asperger's Syndrome 1994. Coaching and counselling other people with those conditions since 1995. Wrote and self-published autobiographical trilogy and compendium launched December 2013 main title 'Dafydd Bach: Death of Innocence' sub-titles 'The Beginning', 'The Aftermath', 'The Appendix', and 'The Compendium' - #1, #2, #4, and #5 respectively in Amazon Bestsellers lists Globally in Kindle>Memoirs / Childhood Autism and Asperger's Syndrome April 2014. Hence invited by Arianna Huffington, Editor in Chief, The Huffington Post, to 'have a voice' as a featured author in it. Has also broadcast in audio-video format for radio and television on Cable Network News. Teaches Suicide Avoidance and Prevention by Email Autoresponder - 7 Steps in 98 Days for General Public and crash course of 7 Steps in 7 Days for High School, College and University Students. Owner and Operator of not-for-profit County Surveyors Society International Limited (UK Reg. Co. No. 9109244, Incorporated 1st July 2014, Companies House, Cardiff) to stand in for County Surveyors Society founded by William the Conqueror. Now also Autism / Asperger's Syndrome Students Ambassador for Energime University, New York, USA.

Book preview

Living the Dream

Suicide and My Part in Its Downfall

by David Adrian Thomas, Esq., M.C.I.H.T.,

County Surveyors Society International Ltd.

Table of Contents

Copyright

Dedication

Acknowledgements

Chapter 01 The Beginning

Chapter 02 The Aftermath

Chapter 03 The Appendix

Chapter 04 Guru Grampa

Chapter 05 Curb Suicide

Chapter 06 Money Mind

Chapter 07 Feel Happier

Chapter 08 Fulfil Desire

Chapter 09 Miraculous

Chapter 10 Re-Wiring

Chapter 11 Being Epic

Chapter 12 What Now

Conclusion

Personal Message

About the Author

Other Related Books by The Author

Connect with The Author

Other Examples of This Author’s Work

Testimonials

The End

COPYRIGHT

© 2016 David Adrian Thomas, Esq., M.C.I.H.T.

All rights reserved.

ISBN-10: 1541198794

ISBN-13: 978-1541198791

Back to Table of Contents

DEDICATION

I dedicate this book to all auties and aspies like me who feel suicidal or attempt suicide because we are hypersensitive to our feelings and emotions, particularly our sense of alienation, here on planet Earth, as we can’t see our real home, Heaven, from here.

Back to Table of Contents

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

I owe my all to my secret, invisible, mastermind team of gurus, guides, and mentors, Life, Death, Nature, Fate, Fortune, God, the Universe, and All That, Whatever, without whom I would still be alive to this very day, let alone living the dream

And I owe my love and gratitude to my teenage sweetheart whom I married in early adulthood, and our daughter, and grandchildren, who have kept me alive throughout my retirement from professional full time work to date. I was so dependent on my professional persona I expected to die without it.

Back to Table of Contents

CHAPTER 01 THE BEGINNING

I had an intense conversation between life and death until I stopped trying to kill myself at age 15½. I had found meaning and purpose in my life such as I had never known before. I know that sounds a bit bizarre, but bear with me. To make some sense of my epiphany as you will need to do if you are to benefit, we must examine memories of life and death.

You have existence if you are alive or dead. So, you'd get an incomplete picture of my existence if I confined my account to my life. Before the epiphany, I spent a considerable part of my time dead.

My earliest ‘living’ memory is of ‘dying’ in the womb due to oxygen starvation in birth. Strangulation of my umbilical cord was the cause. So, the Angel of Death flew me to Heaven. There, he gave me to God to have and to hold, and to walk and talk and play with.

I was happy with the Angel of Death and with God, and thought, yes, this is okay. I can live with this.

But parts of me were not alive. I sensed that. I did not understand it. Some of me was missing. My mortal coil was back where the Angel of Death left it, in my mother’s womb. My body and my brain. I missed them but did not weep for them.

I felt unconnected but I did not know how nor why. It did not bother me. Let’s be fair, our mortal coils are only purpose made vehicles for life on Earth. I did not have a name yet for that living part of me. The part that the Angel of Death flew to Heaven and gave to God to have and to hold, etc. Later I found people called it my soul. These people were the same people who told me the names for the Angel of Death, Heaven, and indeed Earth, and God. I did not miss my mother. I was glad to be out of her mortal coil. My gestation had been no easy ride.

She was an active young woman, but susceptible to depression and interested in suicide. So even wrote a dissertation on depression and suicide to qualify as a nurse. The interest was genetic. Her maternal grandfather, with whom we lived early on, tried killing himself every day. It was touch and go, more than once, in my gestation, whether he, and indeed, she, would survive until my birth. So, my gestation period had been unstable. My foetal development period in the womb must also have been unstable, I believe.

So, I do not consider my foetal experience of life on Earth was pleasant or comfortable. Thus, I was happier dead than alive, but did not know why. If this was a genetic tendency, it explains my mum’s propensity to suicide. And her maternal grandfather's. And mine. And it explains my leisure pastime of coaching and counselling people with Autism / Asperger’s in suicide avoidance and prevention.

It suggests my mother and her maternal grandfather had experiences of death like me. That would explain a lot of things I’ll tell you later in this book about our familial relationships. So please bear it in mind. It might help explain aspects of your experience if we are blood family.

Anyway, back there in the hospital, the maternity team birthed me by forceps I assume, as I have a crinkly ear. And oxygenated my body and brain. So, God gave me to the Angel of Death, to fly me down to Earth and return me to my body and brain. Then my mother's midwife held me upside down by the ankles. And then she slapped me on the bum. It started me back to life, and she handed me to my mother, but there was no love there. I only felt discomfort.

The Angel of Death was the first entity I met. And we had lots more meetings as time went on, even after Grampa died. And, so, he became my best friend. I came to call him Grim, for his more common name was the Grim Reaper. God was the second entity I met. We had many more meetings. So, he became my second-best friend. And they have always been benign and kindly and poured their love and compassion out on me. So, they are still my best divine friends. My mum and dad never loved me like that. Indeed, I do not think they ever loved me at all. My teenage sweetheart was and still is, my best human friend.

Despite the Angel of Death, and God, being my best friends, I’m not religious. No doubt someone will challenge that, but, stuff them. To me, being religious does not mean believing or not believing in your friends. They are either your friends or not your friends. It does not mean they do or not exist. To me, being religious means believing all the bullshit called religion. I am sorry if that offends you, but that is what I believe. I may be wrong. But I’m not wrong about the bullshit my parents tried to force feed me. And they called that religion and even tried to shoe horn God to fit it, not shoe horn it to fit Him, but never succeeded. It doesn't matter.

Anyway, I died again on my way home from the hospital. My friends, the Angel of Death and God, treated me as before. This reinforced that death was better than life for me. I died again the following morning. But this time it felt ‘staged’. My mum and dad also died that time, and the Angel of Death brought them to God in Heaven, one by one, after me. Also, my mother’s maternal grandfather died that time. The Angel of Death brought him to God in Heaven after them.

What made me feel it was ‘staged’ was I met all my dead ancestors in Heaven when I arrived. As if God sent out invitations beforehand. God had arranged it! For my christening! That made me feel special, yes, all that trouble, just for me. It was elaborate. My mum and dad dedicated their holy trinity to me as coaches, counsellors, gurus and mentors. They were ‘God the Father’, ‘God the Son’, and ‘God the Holy Ghost’.

My referring to religious icons is not going to change you. I am not trying to make you a born again Christian like my parents were. I'd never forgive myself if I did that. I'm just a guy telling you about his background. If I'd been born in Russia, it would have been the same I think, as the Russian Orthodox Church worship them too. I do not want you to replicate me or them or anyone else. I want you making sense of your world and place in it, in your terms. I don't want to shoe horn my dreadful upbringing into your world. I was force fed a type of Christianity by parents. And it made me rebel against it and them. You will see before long I had non-Christian icons. My maternal Grampa was a Pagan. I respected him and his beliefs more than my parents'. So, I sided with his belief system more than theirs.

He dedicated his favourite icons, Gaea, Zeus and Hermes, to me, but didn't worship them. And he did not want me to worship them. My parents worshipped their icons. And expected me to worship them as they did. But I did not. And I did not their icons either. You cannot in all honesty worship and fear secret, invisible, mastermind friends!

Heck! Three of my assembled ancestors dedicated themselves to me as lifelong guides and mentors. David the boy King of Israel, Adrian the Emperor of Rome, and Thomas y Didymus the Twin of Christ. So, they named me after them, David Adrian Thomas.

The Second World War was still in progress on Earth. My parents were conscientious objectors on religious grounds. The law required them to leave for work almost as soon as we got back to Grampa’s. So, there was no time to talk about the christening. He just sat me on his knee to home school me, as soon as they left for work. He home schooled all his children and grandchildren.

He used a loose-leaf children’s encyclopaedia as curriculum and texts. It was over 30 years old and scruffy from age. But he was deaf and dumb so communicated what it said to me by telepathy and telekinesis. By these means he implanted a hologram of the universe in my head. It was a brilliant town and country planning tool. That was his specialist profession and became my profession too.

I used my hologram to win a major international design competition in my late teens. I will tell you about it later when I get to it in the main story of my life and work.

As I have said, my parents were conscientious objectors. Some people in the village where lived after Grampa died, which was from when I was 4½ to when I was 12½, hated us. They subjected us to a ‘white feather’ terror campaign that began in 1914 in relation to my father’s parents. It threatened to assassinate us all to ‘the third and fourth generations’. It made us want to leave Britain when war ended. We planned on building church missionary settlements abroad for the church we attended.

Missionary settlements must be self-sufficient over long periods. So, sustainability engineering was the basis of my education and my training. Nowadays, people call it sustainability entrepreurialism because it is fashionable to call it that. But it’s the same thing. I won the design competition at about age 20. I’m not sure when as I my memory of that era is in tatters. Winning the competition gave me an awesome career which I will tell you about a bit later. But this bit I will tell you now to whet your appetite. The reason I retired at 65, was, my ultimate flagship town won a UNESCO recognition as a Man and His Biosphere transport and service hub when I was 64. And it wasn't the one that won the international design competition when I was about 20.

So, I topped and tailed my career with awards for sustainability engineering / entrepreneurialism. I was Living the Dream by simply doing what I did best because I loved it most, and, I earned a good income and a good pension by doing that. Who could ask for anything more?

My extended family, including my parents, had set their sights on emigrating to Canada. Their first planned missionary settlement development was in Ontario. They had in mind building a chain of interlinked settlements along the Canadian border. They intended it would serve both Canada and the USA.

It would have had shared public and private facilities and services for education and health, such as schools and colleges and clinics and hospitals. They planned to build the settlements only in Canada as that was where the County Surveyors Society had jurisdiction, not in the USA. Hence the Esquire of the Royal Division professional qualification I was educated and trained for, and obtained.

This way they aimed to serve up their church’s style of born-again biblical religiosity to Americans and to Canadians. Their aim was to attract US dollars and Canadian dollars to support their mission. So, they taught me metrication long before the UK metricated. I found their focus on the money - nauseous. Their thoughts, words and deeds taught me that Money is the Root of all Evil.

So, I also found all the biblical dogma they spouted disturbing. I began rejecting it at 6½. They met God in Heaven like me. But their perceptions of God and Heaven were different to mine: so different they felt toxic to me. My perceptions of the Angel of Death, Heaven, and God, didn’t gel with theirs. My discovery of this must have started when I was only 3½ days old. But it did not all register inside my head until Christmas Day, 1951. I'll tell you about that later. It was devastating.

So, I’ll just say this. I did not need to have an autistic psychopathy to become psychopathic towards them. They managed that on their own. But I kept it secret. I believed in the Christian and Apostolic efficacy of their missionary aspirations. But I was intent, even then, on giving life to my own dream, not theirs, as I felt that mine was more moral than theirs.

Besides being deaf and dumb, Grampa was autistic and feral. This made him unconventional but inventive due to necessity. He had a way of killing himself and coming back to life daily. He had done it since his wife died. And he did it with his children and theirs. And, also, me. it was for the Angel of Death to take them to Heaven. He would spend his time there sitting with his wife, who was dead. His children and grand-children, and me, would spend the time, in the arms of God. Or walking, and talking, and playing with God, or our other ancestors in Heaven. These were our tutorials in the arts and sciences. They were the pedagogy of the County Surveyors Society, which I’ll explain more about later.

In Heaven, Grampa was not deaf and dumb, nor autistic and feral. He was shamanic and regarded as a druid. Language is different in heaven. It always means what it says. There’s no ‘bullshit’ in Heaven. ‘Bullshit’ cannot exist in Heaven. It’s one of the many reasons I like Heaven more than I like Earth, as I abhor all the ‘bullshit’ there is on Earth.

Anyway, let's get back my introduction or we are going to be writing / reading for hours. After lunch on my third day of life, Grampa killed me and himself, so the Angel of Death took us to Heaven. On arrival, God introduced me to three ancestors I met that morning and said they’d be my tutors. They were, William the Conqueror, Admiral Henry Morgan, and Architect John Nash.

Please understand I am not writing ‘bullshit’. I am trying my best to explain things that happened