Laughter from the Darkside

By Tracy Jane Hartman

Being honest, insightful, humanly real and still loaded with humour; Laughter from the Dark Side is one woman’s account of her family’s amazing journey with Autism.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Nov 1, 2016
• ISBN: 9781483585345

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POSTSCRIPT

PREFACE

I’m not a doctor, or any kind of specialist knowledgeable about special needs children. I am just a mom with a child who has autism.

But, hopefully, my 13 years of experience, and my stories of how our son’s autism affects our family, will shed a small light on your days. Perhaps give you some insight about your own situation or the situation of someone you know. Even give you hope or, at least, make you smile and hopefully laugh! I have found that humour is the best medicine.

This is not the path any of us would have chosen; but, if you learn to relish the special moments, marvel at progress and pride yourself in the human being you, and they, become along the way, you will survive!

There are many catchy phrases out there……only special moms get special children….God never gives you more than you can handle"……but, if I had a dollar for every supposedly comforting statement people have shared, I’d be rich!

NO ONE…..NO ONE…..truly knows YOUR plight; not closest friends, not your mom, not your grandparents, not comforting neighbours. Perhaps, not even your husband will ever understand what you go through each and every day as a mom raising an autistic child.

Many try to empathize, they may even have a small glimpse into your life; but, unless they’ve spent a month or two in your shoes with your kid(s) 24/7, they don’t fully understand.

Not only do you have to be super mom/dad; but, you have to delve into medical facts, physiology, nutrition, speech, behavioral and occupational therapies. Learn about IEPs and EAs at school and learn to be your child’s steadfast advocate.

You’ll have to out think, out plan, even outrun and ultimately manage your child way beyond what most parents go through. Things that none of us trained for or anticipated!

At the end of ‘normal’ parenting, most will have survived the turbulent teenage years and worry about their child going to university/college and how to pay for it! They expect their child will complete that post-secondary phase, get jobs, have fairly successful lives; including, marriage, children, homes of their own and, hopefully, happiness.

But………parents of special needs children, particularly autism, need to worry about if she/he will even be capable of doing that; or, even make it through grade school. Will they find love; or, will it be unattainable. Will they be able to function on their own as adults and have a life outside your home; or, will they be with you forever. Or, spend their life in a group home?

AND, how do we afford all this and still have a life of our own?

You can’t walk away. This is an awful thing to put on paper; but, I guarantee (even for a second) we have all thought about it…..it’s there all the time! Autism never leaves your house.

And fear of that unfathomable future with your child lingers. No one has a crystal ball telling you if your child will develop enough to be a functioning or independent adult. And there’s so much stuff that they don’t tell you. So, you have to wade deep into the autistic life and struggle to keep your head above water!

There is nothing more gut wrenching than loving your autistic child who may not be able to fully love you back. You may never have the loving relationship you want with your child. Some children will only recognize their parents as one-dimensional caregivers (who they really like). The child may not care whether or not you’re having a really bad day because other peoples’ status or condition is immaterial to them.

My husband lost his own dad when he was very young, and he looked forward to having kids one day so he could share things with and teach his many skills to. It is very sad for a dad to realize that your child has their own agenda and doesn’t care about bonding, fixing things, fishing, felling a tree or learning outdoor survival skills like many dads want to teach their boys. This relationship can be very one-sided……sad and lonely.

But, I’m so very lucky! My husband rose above & beyond what I needed to survive and he’s the only other person on the planet who understands our crazy lives!

For some years, I have been documenting our son’s daily events, and the adventures and misadventures our family has shared, vowing that I would one day put them in a book. Many friends have encouraged me to write this and I am forever grateful for their support.

Autism is a rough, sometimes dark road. We could have gone to the dark side of life when my son was first diagnosed, but we didn’t. Instead we walked to light, embraced the challenge and went on this incredible journey together. My husband and I became better people and better parents; we healed ourselves, learned to laugh out loud about almost everything, worked hard, and ultimately achieved the impossible. This is our journey of 13 years of love and laughter.

IN THE BEGINNING

Thirteen years ago, at 39, I had worked in the insurance industry for 21 years. I held a degree and well respected professional designation after putting myself through university at night, twice...for two different degrees. I was fortunate to achieve a director’s level in a company that I loved.

I had met my husband there and was suddenly, and unexpectedly, pregnant for the 1st time in my life. At 6 months pregnant, I was at BBQ when in walked a woman I had known from work. She was much younger than I and had recently given birth to a healthy baby boy.

This beautiful man-child was being passed around a group of eager women like a rolled party favour. Meanwhile, the mom was wandering around in a sleep deprived daze uttering phrases like, "no one told me…..no one told me it would be this hard…..I had no idea it would be like this…..no one told me!"

Now not understanding this was classic postpartum and sleep deprivation, I just assumed that she was completely disorganized and simply in need of a good Day Planner! "I mean, really, how hard can having one baby be?"

Wait for it ~ Flash forward!

OK, no one told me it would be this flipping hard!

After an emergency C-section and actually ‘crashing’ on the operating table, I had hazy recollections about the following days of complete strangers grabbing my boobs, without the courtesy of introducing themselves, and shoving them into my newborn son’s mouth.

And if that wasn’t bad enough, when he refused to breast feed, they hooked me up to a dual electronic breast pumping machine like a Hereford bovine in need of milking! All this while I’m in a postsurgical, drug induced haze, and am simultaneously hooked up to multiple IVs. It took me a few days to understand what was going on and how dire my circumstances had been.

Earlier that week, we had arrived at the hospital with a suitcase jammed full of stuff, a complete shopping list of items from my baby shower……tons of clothes, diapers, blanket, booties, car seat etc. All of this in anticipation of giving birth to a normal, healthy, yellow wearing, gender neutral, 7-8 lb human baby.

We did not go the hospital equipped with diapers, clothes and a car seat suitable for