Borrowed Trousers, Diary of a Mormon Missionary, Volume II of In Polygamy's Shadow

By Maggie Rayner

A JOURNAL, KEPT SECRET
Borrowed Trousers, Diary of a Mormon Missionary draws the reader into the thoughts and feelings of a cowboy from Alberta serving a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Texas and Louisiana, from 1937 to 1939. He suffers hardship and sickness, and falls in love while the woman he had planned to marry waits at home.
“No breakfast per usual . . . got a cold, covered in chigger bites, sun burned . . . lost six pounds . . . found a used car lot and got in the back seat of a big car. Slept sound . . . I know the Lord blesses me in my efforts . . .”
When Maggie Rayner's mother gives her the journal her father wrote before she was born, she discovers a man she never knew.
Rich in the culture of place and era, his journal tells the story of living in poverty amid bedbugs and cockroaches, when he can afford lodgings at all. Woven within are his interactions with various missionary companions, all struggling to subsist on one main meal a day. Sometimes together, sometimes alone, they walk and hitchhike throughout both states, tasked with collecting tithing from existing members for the multi-billion-dollar corporations of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, and with finding new members. Sick and suffering, they are pitted against each other by their leaders to baptize the most members.
Halfway into his mission he falls in love while the woman he had planned to marry waits at home.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Maggie Rayner
• Release date: Oct 28, 2016
• ISBN: 9780994928856

Maggie Rayner

MAGGIE RAYNER lives in Vancouver on the West Coast of British Columbia. Her early years were spent in Gibsons on the Sunshine Coast. Sailing, biking, and creating beautiful interiors endure as passions. She has worked as an artisan and designer, and in marketing and law. Belief systems and the choices people make - or don't make - are of special interest to her. Reader response to her 2011 article in the Vancouver Sun, “Polygamy and Me: Growing up Mormon,” was the motivation for writing her memoir and first book, In Polygamy's Shadow.

Book preview

Borrowed Trousers

Borrowed Trousers

Diary of a Mormon Missionary

Maggie Rayner

JKS Publishing

Contents

Transcription Note

Missionary Journal

Explanation of Terms and Abbreviations

A Black Volume with Record Book Stamped on the Front

February 1937 - Salt Lake City, Utah

February 1937 - Texas Mission Field

May 1938 - Transferred to Louisiana

April 1939 - Arrived Stavely, Alberta

Epilogue

Thank you for Reading

About the Author

ISBN 978-0-9949288-4-9

Copyright 2016 Maggie Rayner

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Library and Archives Canada Cataloguing in Publication

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Rayner, Maggie, 1949-, author

In polygamy's shadow / Maggie Rayner.

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Contents:  volume 2. Borrowed trousers : diary of a Mormon missionary.

Issued in print and electronic formats.

ISBN 978-0-9949288-4-9 (volume 2 : paperback).--

ISBN 978-0-9949288-5-6 (volume 2 : epub)

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1. Rayner, Maggie, 1949-.  2. Rayner, Maggie, 1949- --Family.  3. Polygamy--British Columbia.  4. Mormon children--British Columbia--Biography.  5. Mormon children--Family relationships--British Columbia.  6. Parent and child--Religious aspects--Mormon Church.  7. Mormon families--British Columbia--Biography.  8. C. L. O., 1910-2004--Diaries.  9. Mormon missionaries--Alberta--Diaries.  I. C. L. O., 1910-2004.  Diaries.  II. Title.

BX8643.F3R39 2015                   306.874088'2893                C2015-907175-5

                                                                             C2015-907176-3

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JKS PUBLISHING 2016

JKS Publishing

#192 - 71 West 2nd Avenue, Vancouver, BC V5Y 0J7

www.maggierayner.com

ISBN: 978-0-9949288-4-9

Created with Vellum

Transcription Note

I have transcribed my father’s journal exactly as he wrote each entry - with one exception. The word black has been substituted for the racial terms of the era. His choice of grammar and punctuation—or lack of punctuation—and his misspelling of words have not been corrected.

The pseudonyms for his given name and that of my mother used in my memoir In Polygamy’s Shadow are used throughout Borrowed Trousers. The true initials of my father’s first, middle, and family name have been used. All other names, titles, abbreviations, dates, locations, and places are as he wrote them.

— Maggie Rayner

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Sign up at maggierayner.com/free for the author’s New Releases mailing list and get a free copy of the chapter, Ticket to Heaven, from In Polygamy’s Shadow.

For my father, his children, grandchildren, and their children . . .

Missionary Journal

Missionary Journal of C.L.O. Texas and Louisiana 1937 - 1939

January 26, 1937 Left Stavely, Alberta, in Canada and arrived by train at the Mission Home in Salt Lake City, Utah, in the United States

Explanation of Terms and Abbreviations

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is commonly referred to as the Mormon or LDS Church. Members are referred to as Mormons.

The Book of Mormon is one of the scripture books of the Mormon Church written by the church’s founder, Joseph Smith, and is referred to as B. of M.

Women missionaries are referred to as lady missionaries, L.M.’s or Sisters or Sis. before their family name. Women in the church are referred to as Sister or Sis. before their family name.

Elder is the name used for male missionaries before their family name. It designates a level of priesthood that male missionaries are given by the church. First names are never used. Men in the church are referred to as Brother or Bro. before their family name.

Priesthood is an authority given to men by the church to act for the church. Mormons believe it is the external power and authority of God to administer ordinances of salvation.

Senior Companion. Missionaries are assigned to work in pairs. Each missionary in the pair is called a companion. The missionary who has been on a mission the longest is called the senior companion. He is responsible for making decisions.

The District President, who oversees and directs missionaries in a geographical area, is referred to as D.P.

Tract is a printed religious pamphlet.

Tracting is a term used to describe knocking on doors to proselytize: to leave a tract and return for a follow-up discussion. Tracting is the practice of looking for new members or converts for the church and trying to persuade them to join.

Convert is a person who has converted to the church, rather than having parents who are members, and being born into it.

Ward is a geographical congregation of the church, composed of several hundred members, equivalent to a parish.

Sunday School is referred to as S.S.

Relief Society is referred to as R.S. and is the organization for women. The women receive religious instruction and provide service.

Church Security Program was a program to provide work projects for unemployed members.

Young Men’s Mutual Improvement Association, or Mutual, is an organization for religious instruction, activities, and improvement of the character of young men, also referred to as Y.M.M.I.A. or M.I.A. There is also a Mutual Improvement Association for young women.

Word of Wisdom is the Mormon admonition against alcohol, tobacco, or caffiene and is referred to as W. of W.

Tithing is ten percent of a member’s income, or increase, paid to the church. In addition to tithing, members are required to donate other monies for many different purposes. One example is contributing to a Building Fund for new churches.

Fast Offerings. The first Sunday of each month members are asked to go without a minimum of two meals and donate the money they save on food to the church.

Quiet is one of the words spelled as quite. Suit is one of the words spelled as suite.

Louisiana is referred to as La.

Mississippi River is referred to as Fathers of Waters.

Tarpon is a turtle.

Huey Long was supposedly a corrupt Governor of Louisiana.

Dorothy Dix, written in the diary as Dorthy Dix, was a forerunner of today’s popular advice columnist.

Entry on February 13, 1939 makes reference to a disaster at New London School. This disaster happened on March 18, 1937. A natural gas leak caused an explosion that killed 295 students and teachers.

A Black Volume with Record Book Stamped on the Front

I stumble through the dark in my nightgown, bare feet sticking on warm parquet. I’m at Mom’s house in Penticton and still half-asleep. When I get to her bedroom, it’s hot and close, even with the window wide open. The scent of lilacs and dry grass hangs in still air. Her bedside lamp spills light onto her head and shoulders. I’m so glad you finally heard me calling, she says. I can hardly breathe and my heart is beating so fast, it hurts. My stomach lurches. Her breathing is labored, more like a pant, and her face glistens with perspiration.

Mom, I’m going to call an ambulance.

No, dear, there’s no need for that. Now that you’re here, I’m sure I’ll feel better. I feel better already.

Aah! What should I do? I’m sure she’s hoping that this latest ambush on her body will magically disappear. Her doctor has already told her that with her high blood pressure and failing heart, she needs to be in a care home. So far she’s resisted. If I telephone for an ambulance, this will probably be her last night in her own bed.

Wait a bit, she implores. Read to me, dear. That will make me feel better. Reading out loud or being read to have always been her solace. But reading is no match for ninety years of wear on her body. I’m just having a little trouble sleeping. Go look in the box of books in my office . . . on top is your father’s mission journal . . . now seems the time to give it to you . . . Her voice stalls, then gasps, I’m sure I can sleep if you read to me.

This is the first time I’ve heard of Dad’s journal. I didn’t know he had one. That’s no surprise. Of his seven children, I’m the one he barely took notice of. He left it to Mom to teach me what they both thought I should know: how to take care of a house, a husband, and children, how to bake bread, how to can fruit. Dad valued his sons. My two sisters and I were, well, girls, helpmeets to be trained up to serve priesthood-holding husbands and to bear their children. Why has Mom never mentioned that Dad kept a journal? And why does she want me to have it now? A lump rises in my throat.

I should be firm with Mom, ignore her wishes, and call for help. Instead, I turn on the light in the spare bedroom. Inside are a desk and chair, Mom’s file cabinet and typewriter, and a bookshelf for her Mormon church books. The bookshelf is just about empty. There are a few open cardboard boxes in the middle of the floor. Always organized and meticulous, she’s started to pack up her life.

Dad’s mission journal, a black volume with Record Book stamped on the front, is easy to find. On the first lined page, with his name and the date February 20, 1937, Dad has taped cut-out slips of paper with mottos typed on them: That which we persist in doing becomes easy to do; not that the nature of the thing has changed, but that our power to do has increased, and Begin—The rest is easy.

Back in Mom’s bedroom, I sit on the bed beside her with the book on my lap and flip through the pages looking for her name. Dad wrote in India ink, using a fountain pen. His handwriting is smooth and fluid, rhythmic from page to page, easy to read. Beautiful. It’s his grammar that’s terrible, and his spelling is about the same.

Mom was a twenty-one-year-old spinster passed over for marriage when Dad began courting her. He was twenty-six and breaking horses in the foothills of Alberta. Every Sunday he came into town to go to church and have dinner with Mom and her elderly parents. Before he left on a two-year Mormon mission to Texas and Louisiana, he and Mom came to an understanding: when he returned, they would marry.

During my childhood, Mom told me stories of his courtship, like a treasure that never tarnished. He rode into town bareback on a half-broken gelding with only a rope halter. With his sun-bronzed skin and waist-length black hair, he looked as wild as the gelding. Dad sold his horses to pay for his mission. Mom stayed loyal to him when her boss at the Cardston municipal office, where she worked as a secretary, tried to set her up with a banker. How different her life would have been if she’d married the banker. Mine too.

I find Mom’s name a few pages in and read her the short entry, then look for another. She tries for a smile and struggles to shift her pajama-clad body. I plump up pillows to support her back and ease her onto them. But she can’t settle and she doesn’t fall asleep. Her breathing becomes more labored.

Mom, we can’t wait any longer. My eyes hold hers in a firm, no-nonsense look. Her eyes turn liquid: she swallows, blinks, and nods in resignation. Sudden faintness leaves me weak. As dawn streaks the sky in pinks and blues, I take a deep breath, grip the telephone, and dial for an ambulance. We wait without words, my hands cradling hers, for the knock on the door.

A flashing red light bounces off the front of the house as two male attendants, dressed in dark trousers and white, short-sleeved shirts, arrive. They each hold the end of a stretcher with an accordion-like metal base on wheels. After asking her a few questions, they gently shift Mom onto the stretcher and secure her frail body. As soon as the ambulance doors clang shut, I dash into the house, throw on some clothes, and drive the mile to Penticton Regional Hospital in my Tercel.

By the time I park and go in, Mom’s already in a bed in the Emergency Department and hooked up to beeping monitors. What brought you in? a young resident asks, pushing aside the curtains around her bed.

The ambulance, she replies, her eyes closed against the overhead fluorescent lighting. I smile at her response, knowing that’s not the answer he expected. He sits down on the chair beside her bed and tries a different line of questioning.

There’s no need for you to stay, he assures me after he talks to Mom. She’s already been given something to slow her heart and bring her blood pressure down. She’ll soon be asleep. There’s a bed available for her upstairs.

Back at Mom’s house, I call my siblings in the Lower Mainland and give them an update. Later, I go back to the hospital with a pair of long wool socks to keep her feet and legs warm. The following day, while I sit beside her hospital bed, one of my brothers and his wife, who’ve just driven up, bustle into the room. I kiss Mom goodbye.

You’re such a good help to me, dear, she tells me. You seem to know just what I need. She may be right, but I’m relieved to have a break. The past week has been draining.

On my drive back to Vancouver, Dad’s journal keeps me company on the empty passenger seat beside me. I’m keen to read it, while thinking how odd it is that I’m the one to have this intimate part of Dad’s life in my possession. If he were alive, he wouldn’t think it seemly to share anything about the missionary program with me. To begin with, I’m a woman and not one of his priesthood-holding sons. Add to that, I’m an ex-Mormon. I have no inkling that I’m about to learn a whole lot more than how the missionary program is run. The systemic abuse of poorer missionaries by the Mormon Church, an organization comprised of many multi-billion-dollar corporations, is about to leap off the pages.

For young priesthood holders in the faith, serving a mission is the foundation for respectability and advancement in the membership’s hierarchy. The pressure to fulfill a mission is intense. The age for leaving home and going on a mission today is eighteen: ensuring there’s no time to mature or question church and family expectations.

According to Mormon belief, volunteer service, tithing, and donations are necessary to make it into Mormon heaven. Eternal salvation through Christ’s crucifixion, as promised in the New Testament, isn’t deemed sufficient. Missionaries must pay their own living expenses while they’re away from their families for two years. They’re paired with companions that are changed every so often, and they don’t receive any money for their service. They’re required to turn their lives over to salaried leaders. Failure to follow exacting mission rules can result in excommunication and being barred from Mormon heaven. Young women also serve missions, subject to different rules and requirements.

Inside my father’s journal, I find stories of my father and each of his companions living in poverty amid bedbugs and cockroaches, when they can afford lodgings at all. They struggle to subsist on one main meal a day. Unable to afford a vehicle, they walk and hitchhike throughout the states of Texas and Louisiana, as directed by their leaders. They’re required to maintain contact with existing members and look for new ones, while keeping detailed records. During his mission, my father has his tonsils out and suffers with athlete’s foot, corns, callouses, blisters, bleeding feet, an ingrown toenail, ongoing colds and digestive ailments, headaches, and toothache; and he contracts malaria, which gives him nausea, dizziness, chills, and fevers. His companions don’t fare much better. On occasion three missionaries share a bed; other times they sleep rough or shelter at night in the backseats of cars in car lots.

I’m saddened when I read of my father and one of his companions wearing trousers belonging to other missionaries while the only suits they own are cleaned. And I’m enraged to find that they must assess members’ tithing and collect it for the church. As I read, it occurs to me just how much a new convert is worth, in volunteer hours, tithing, and donations, over the course of a lifetime. I begin to think of the Mormon church as obscenely bloated with wealth.

Missionaries are pitted against each other by their leaders to baptize the most converts. My father is inundated with feelings of shame and inadequacy for falling short. Yet he never grows bitter or questions his faith. I watch him develop confidence as he overcomes homesickness, learns to concentrate, and studies missionary manuals for hours at a stretch. I cheer when he no longer needs mottos to get him through each day. I smile as his grammar and spelling improve, slightly.

And I gasp when I discover that he fell in love with a woman who is not my mother, and proposed marriage.

February 1937 - Salt Lake City, Utah

I, C. L. O., having been born of goodly parents. Therefore I was taught somewhat in all the learning of my Father; And having seen many afflictions in the course of my days, nevertheless, having been highly favored of the Lord in all my days; yea, having had a great knowledge of the goodness and the mysteries of God, therefore I make a record of my proceedings in my days.

I left my home on January 26, 1937, having been called to fulfill a mission to Texas. Arriving by train in Lethbridge, Alberta. One thirty p.m. In company with Elder Hugh T. Standford, who was also called to labor in Texas.

Secured lodging in a second class hotel, where proprietor refused to call us, neither of us having a watch and both being keyed up about leaving home. We arose to catch the train which left at 7.50 a.m. to find it was just 3 a.m. after having gone part way to the station. Back to bed to await 7 a.m. and out on a slow train to Rosemond my self on to Cardston.

After having a good visit with folks at Cardston left Monday morning train being a day late, having been snow bound. Some snow drifts 20 feet on tracks, requiring extra engine and a snow plow.

A cousin, Viola Byam, gave birth to a baby girl at ten a.m.

Sunday night stayed in Raymond with Glen Stanfords. Monday morning walked up to Stirling and caught train at Coutts, — 30 degrees F below zero —

Visited at home of Bill Rea, Frank Rodgers, Frank Smith, and Havalock Smith.

Spent all day Tues. at immigration office before boards of inquiry, getting across international line. At night left on the train and arrived in Great Falls, Montana, at two p.m. — Wednesday, arrived at Pocatello, Idaho, at 2 p.m.

Had a nice visit with folks there and left Thursday night getting into Salt Lake City at 1.30 p.m.

Thursday reported at Mission Home and spent most of the time at Mission Home til school started. Visited Mrs. Alice Swain and daughter on Sunday and attended national broadcast in tabernacle.

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Monday, February 1, 1937

Salt Lake Mission Home - At 11 a.m. an address & welcome to home by President J. W. Sessions. At 4.00 p.m. President David O. McKay gave a very inspiring talk for an hour, What it means to be a Missionary.

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Tuesday, February 2, 1937

Salt Lake Mission Home - Rose at 6 a.m. Roll call and Devotion. Then a talk for one hour by Pres. Charles A. Callis, Tools of a Missionary. Lesson periods under direction of Pres Sessions, William E. Bernettt, Dr. M. Lynn Bennion. Had group picture of all missionaries taken. One hour in gym, supper and then Church Records & History by A. William Lund. Two hours study & then to bed.

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Wednesday, February 3, 1937

Salt Lake Mission Home - Devotion at 8 a.m. and a talk by David A. Smith on ordinances in the Church. Had good courses. Didn’t realize I knew so little about our Bible and Book of Mormon. At five p.m. attended gym class in Dessert Gym. Was first missionary group to ever take such. We got pictures of missionary group tonight. To night, being room chairman, I went out and bought bananas and apples for our room so we could save a bit. We had lunch in our room instead of going over to the Lion House for supper. Yesterday Oscar Kirkham spoke to us over in the Y.M.M.I.A. Building regarding Y.M.M.I.A. work.

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Thursday, February 4, 1937

Salt Lake Mission Home - Hiked up to Capital Building and back to morning devotional. Elder Melvin J. Ballard spoke at 8 a.m. Class periods until 3.30 p.m. conducted by President Sessions, Dr. Brennion and D. L. F. West.

At 2.30 p.m. went up to Young Ladies Mutual Improvement office and reviewed instructions regarding Mutual out in the missions. Then studying for several hours.

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Friday, February 5, 1937

Salt Lake Mission Home - Devotion at 8. And every one to the Temple for endowments. Some of the Elders & L.M.s received theirs before. Some of the Elders were getting married before they left for their missions — ha-ha What a wonderful thing the Temple is. How can anyone betray their father in heaven after several trips through the temple? Received a letter from Marnie today. A big long one, it was sure welcome. Answer it tonight.

Jack Height came and visited me here in the Home tonight. I had never seen him before. A motion picture demonstration was given us tonight. Is a new function in making missionary contacts.

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Saturday, February 6, 1937

Salt Lake Mission Home - Devotion. Everyone else but Hugh and myself took a tour of Salt Lake City’s points of interest, also the Temple. Hugh and I had our tonsils out at Dr. Lund’s Office. Just a local operation. It sure hurt, but better than taking ether I think. We were not sick at all. Went to bed until noon. Then up and wrote until 5 p.m. then went out and had a milk shake and to a show. Back home at 9 p.m.. Hugh’s throat hurt quite a bit, but I am able to eat dates & an apple without much discomfort.

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Sunday, February 7, 1937

Salt Lake Mission Home - Slept later this morning until 8:30. — Studied until six p.m., then walked up to the L.D.S. Hospital. Visited Miss Paul in for an appendicitis operation from the Mission Home here. Also Susie Richards and her friend from Cardston. Stayed for about 2 hours, both nice girls.

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Monday, February 8, 1937

Salt Lake Mission Home - Devotional address given by Rulon S. Wells. — Classes until 3.30 p.m. — gym. And later slides by Dr. Middleton over at Genealogy building about the life of Abraham Lincoln.

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Tuesday, February 9, 1937

Salt Lake Mission Home - Devotional talk by President Sessions. Class periods as usual. Sunday School work by Geo. D. Piper. — In evening Church Security Program very beautifully given by President Lee.

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Wednesday, February 10, 1937

Salt Lake Mission Home - Devotional talk by Joseph F. Merrill. Classes regular today. feeling very sick today during classes. Ate first good meal since losing tonsils today. Made a tour of church offices today. They are very nice. Missed our class tonight feeling sick. We all take turns doing our reading in our own rooms to get over assignments.

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Thursday, February 11, 1937

Salt Lake Mission Home - Very fine devotional talk by Dr. Widsoe — Science & Religion. Regular classes. Then a trip through the Genealogy Building. At night a lecture on genealogy by Elder Bemmit. — Had a Bible hit by shrapnel carried by a German named Ross. Ross carried the Bible over his heart. Shrapnel pierced all the way in the Old Testament to page, And the hearts of the fathers shall be turned to their children. Ross went home and done his family genealogy work.

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Friday, February 12, 1937

Salt Lake Mission Home - Hawaiian and New Zeland and area missionaries bore their testimonies this morning. They leave in the morning. Regular classes til noon all afternoon declared a holiday. Went out and seen a show & wrote a letter home.

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Saturday, February 13, 1937

Salt Lake Mission Home - Testimony meeting this morning. The spirit of the Lord was present in such rich abundance. I didn’t get a chance to bear my testimony, Elders rose so quick. Regular class routine until noon. Afternoon was voted a holiday by all. Went up and toured the Capital building and took a few pictures. Got three letters from home today. I sure enjoyed them, but I think they helped to make me homesick, which I sure am today. Wrote letters and wished I was home again. A slack up on work gives one a bit too much time on his hands. In evening went upstairs singing and playing games.

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Sunday, February 14,