Politically Derelict

By Gerald A. Loeb

In this election year, all of us could use some humor in an otherwise grim enterprise. Politically Derelict examines the political minefields of social media and the mainstream media with style and panache. This book is a handy "survival guide" to reach for when the news about politics and our politicians gets too much to bear. Chapters dealing with social media gold diggers, trolls and political types across the wide American spectrum are examined with a jaundiced, jaded eye. If laughter is the best medicine, Politically Derelict delivers without any side effects.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Gerald A. Loeb
• Release date: Sep 15, 2016
• ISBN: 9781370582433

Gerald A. Loeb

I am a retired US Army Captain, journalist and writer. I have published one novel (Wahoo Dan) and two books of Political Satire and Humor (see this page). I write clean books for a general readership. I DO NOT write about werewolves, vampires, zombies or unicorns. My interests in writing include non-fiction on current events and politics as well as historical and contemporary fiction. I lived in Europe for 15 years, which gave me a world view of politics, history and people. A second novel, "The Perfect Glitch" has a publication date of October 1, 2018.

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Politically Derelict

By Gerald A. Loeb

(Smashwords Edition)

Copyright 2016 Gerald A. Loeb

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be resold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you are reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com or your favorite retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

CONTENTS

Introduction

Credits

Chapter One: Alternate Realities

Chapter Two: Facebook Urban Dictionary 2.0

Chapter Three: Love Letters from LibTards

Chapter Four: Muddle East Matters

Chapter Five: Your Neck Ain’t Red (but your politics sure are)

Chapter Six: Facebook Frauleins on the Seduction Line

Chapter Seven: Life in the USA

Chapter Eight: The Politically Derelict Self Test

Chapter Nine: Easy on the Hot Sauce

Chapter Ten: Achmed al-Wazoo

Chapter Eleven: LibTards, Taco Turds and the BLM

Chapter Twelve: Deep-Fried Politicians

About the Author

INTRODUCTION

Since 2004, the social media experiment known has Facebook has become a part of 21st Century life. Like any experiment, it had its successes and failures. But the biggest success was a simple one: get people to share their thoughts, photos and views of life on a massive scale.

A dozen years later, the behemoth raised from the Cyberwhirl Clipboard is truly a global phenomenon. Millions of users every day planet-wide share everything from recipes, pictures of their cats, videos of their relatives and other facts to a hungry audience.

Politics is also in that category, as every conceivable political thought is represented. In an election year such as this one, the tone and urgency of each viewpoint is magnified by not only the amount of shares and likes, but by the comments made to virtually every post.

If you are Politically Correct, there’s a spittin’ chance you are also Politically Derelict. That’s the point of this book because deep down, we are ALL Political Derelicts. Even folks who never vote at all are included in the Politically Derelict Era.

In the following pages, I attempt to put a little humor here when engaging with the Great Wide Open of Facebook and social media.

This book is dedicated to the truly Politically Derelict on all sides of the political spectrum. While many people will be offended by the real posts imitated here, the biggest offense of all is this: for every stupid post there is a stupid person sitting at a keyboard typing it.

Gerald A. Loeb

May 2, 2016

The biggest pariahs are consistently found to be the most correct. Remember Galileo? The religious retards-in-charge wanted to fry him for having the utter audacity in believing the earth revolved around the sun.

CREDITS

The author wishes to thank the following contributors who made this book possible:

To James Matthew Cox Jr., who gave me the original idea to post my most incendiary posts in a book;

To Jerry Morgan, who designed the album cover;

To the Libtards, LibSnarks, LibSmugs and kaleidoscopically-assorted Political Derelicts who gave me the best possible material for free;

To the following individuals who allowed me to use their hilarious posts, offered their unflagging support and helped me write this craziness: Hank DeRiccio, Lydia Ann Falomir, Jason Robert Cornelius, Tracy Lee Barry, Roderick Parker, Jason Martin, Katrine Hilton, JL Callison, Larry Yoakam III, Mary Miller, James Doss, Durrell Stoner, Joshua Peck, Christian Saunders, David J. Barron, Kevin Reicke and Will Jowers (who never met a pun he didn’t like).

Everything else written here is sort of fiction; but those folks listed above truly helped in getting the brain cells flowing!

To my beta readers: Jerry Morgan, Pamela Randles, Joe Ward, Crayton Leaich, Dave Wells, Janis Smallwood, Alan Fenstermaker, Michelle Daniels, Tina Meserve, Molly K. Hoisington, Teresa Jeacocke, Bonnie Sitaras and Debi Binder. Your opinions and observations were critical in making this book a reality.

And like always…I thank you the reader for your time.

Gerald A. Loeb

(September 1, 2016)

CHAPTER ONE: ALTERNATE REALITIES

Hillary Rodham Clinton indicted for Security Gaffes (New York Times)

VP Joe Biden tearfully announces his bid for 2016 Presidential Race (Washington Post)

FBI Chief says evidence against Clinton is overwhelming, press wonders which Clinton he means (Breitbart)

Hillary Roidham Clinton to do Perp Walk today in Federal Court (New York Post)

Bill Clinton alleged steroid abuse subject of separate query. He says he never inhaled. (New York Daily News)

Marco Rubio drops 2016 bid; vows to set up Senate Ice Cream Parlor (LA Times)

John Boehner retires from House; new job as Tanning Salon Manager awaits (Huffington Post)

Bernie Sanders aggressively attacks his barber as Taking too much off the top. (Breitbart)

Dr. Ben Carson is outed as a black heterosexual professional neurosurgeon (National Enquirer)

Trump stumps for reasonable dialogue; CBS says tape not erased (NBC News)

President Obama says bathrooms matter (Wall Street Journal)

IRS Chief says she can’t find her records to bring to Congress because of poor record-keeping (New York Times)

Black Lives Matter group says raised fist salute not copied from the Black Panther Party (The Onion)

Liberal groups trust Hillary Clinton despite poor record in telling the truth since childhood (Psychology Today)

President says ISIS a JV Team. A year later, the JV Team makes the NFL Draft (ESPN)

Baltimore Riots taken out of context, says Press Secretary. It was a video that started it all. (The Daily Clown)

Hillary Clinton drops out of presidential race hours before the Democratic Convention; It’s no big deal, she tells supporters. I have a pardon in my pocket and I’m gonna walk. (Breitbart)

Latest Poll finds Americans not concerned with political issues but they want to know about Kim Kardashian (Yahoo News)

IQ Tests reveal an intelligence gap between humans and retarded mosquitoes widening; de-evolution blamed for the poor showing in humans while the Zika virus makes the bugs smarter. (CNN News)

Gender-neutral bathrooms are the latest Liberal rage along with Caitlin Jenner and Prozac prescriptions (AMA Journal)

New Army Chief admits to being a homosexual. I just love the new uniforms coming out by Gucci, he says. (Army Times)

Osama Bin Laden found alive and working at the Bellagio as the top Maitre ‘d. Steven Wynn says he passed all background checks (Nevada Courier)

Depends Diapers record booming sales during election months; company execs ecstatic over figures and have petitioned the Federal Government to have an election every six months (Business Weekly)

Illegal immigration reaches new levels in U.S. border states; Senator says it is the El Nino and Climate Change effect (US Congressional Record)

Election Results, 2016:

Trump-Carson ticket wins 2016 Presidential Election; Biden-Sanders ticket gets only 42 percent and demands immediate recount (ABC News)

Hillary Clinton says she will be back in 2020 just in case Donald Trump makes her mad. (The Blaze)

Mitt Romney picked by new administration as ambassador to Fiji so he can better track his family fortune deposited there. (Business Weekly)

Dick Cheney says Republican Party in fine shape but that Elephant logo has to go. Suggests putting Trump Towers as replacement (New York Times)

Democrats win House by a slim margin, but Senate remains Republican. I’m back! says Nancy Pelosi (San Francisco Chronicle)

Colorado voters choose the hemp plant as the new state flower in a grass-roots vote.