The EX-BOX

By Lori Rubin

When certified, psycho-therapist, Shane
Dash, still reconciling the sudden breakdown of
her marriage, see’s her famous mother, Ellory
drown while attempting to save her seven yearold
granddaughter in the backyard pool, life
could not sink much lower.
Then her daughter begins communicating
unequivocally with a friendly, opinionated spirit,
who turns out to be her deceased Grandmother.
Life couldn’t get much stranger.
Shane begins a mystic journey propelled by reticence to purge her
Mother’s closet and “Ex Box” (a pre hard drive storage trove of forgotten
love letters, photos and “life lived” left in the back of her closet.)
It has been said that “When the Pupil is ready, the teacher will
come...” Enter Kai. Shane comes under the tutelage of a healer who
brings her and readers on a journey to India and back. There, Shane
experiences a series of tests and lessons to help her understand how
pain and happiness can co-exist.
Meanwhile, her daughter Gemma enters Kai’s “Academy of Gifted
Visionaries,” where students are world healers, mediums, and psychics
being trained and nurtured to levitate above their own greatness.
This tri-generational female empowered emotional dramedy
chuckles in the face mortality, and inspires inner strength and belief in
powers greater than ourselves. The EX BOX evokes laughter as well as
tears as Lori Rubin tells an emotional yet relatable story of truth-asfiction
meets self-help.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lori Rubin
• Release date: Jul 20, 2016
• ISBN: 9781512277906

Lori Rubin

Lori Rubin is a passionate author, fine artist and make-up expert, sought after by celebrities, VIP’s, socialites and business clients seeking magazine cover, extreme close-up and “red carpet ready” looks, for over a decade. Her first foray into the publishing world was motivated by art from her talented daughter. “Inspired By You” was released in 2003 featuring a collection of 106 intimate and personal poems, accompanied by original illustrations. Encouraged by positive responses, Lori released a children’s book, “Journey to Your Big Heart” (2013) dedicated to the theme of loving oneself. Rubin’s first novel is called “The Ex-Box” which debuted in April 2016 (Kindle and Amazon). The book’s trailer was also accepted onto Ivuks.com. The “Ex-Box” chronicles three generations of unique women who face loss and gain, supernatural abilities and personal transformation. Lori’s writing is inspired by teachers and personal influencers such as Kute Blackson, Michael Beckwith and Marianne Williamson. “The Ex-Box” is the first of a literary triptych, book-ended by “Omm My Goddess” and “Red Swivel Chair” which are being edited for release next year. As a fine artist, Lori’s paintings have been exhibited in numerous art shows and street fairs and displayed on television series such as, “How To Get Away with Murder” starring Viola Davis. Lori Rubin was born in Cleveland, Ohio, and received her B.A. from University of Arizona. An avid fitness competitor, Lori placed 2nd in her first show in 2012 and 1st in the last figure competition she entered 2014. She lives in Los Angeles and remains inspired by her now grown up, daughter.

Book preview

The

EX-BOX

By

Lori Rubin

The EX-BOX. Copyright © 2016 by Lori Rubin. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means without the prior written consent of the author.

The characters and events in this book are all fictitious but may reference some personalities of people I have met, seen in movies, in dreams, or known in my lifetime. I drew from Kute Blackson’s insight, inspiration, and unique experiences from his one-on-one India journey in developing the processes that the fictitious character Kai uses, although these are not actual processes employed by Kute Blackson. Any other resemblance to current events, locales, or to living persons is entirely coincidental.

Copyright

Library of congress copyright number

1-2166833331

ISBN: 978-1512277906

In loving memory of my father, Gaylord Rubin, who is watching over me.

Also in loving memory of Shane Gold Burwick

The Shane Foundation

and

Daniel Rhoda

I dedicate this book to Beverly Rubin for starting my life, and my sisters who shared my life.

I dedicate this book to my daughter, Shylee Halimi, for completing my life.

I dedicate this book to the ever-inspiring Kute Blackson, who changed my life.

I dedicate this book to my chosen brother, Jay Williams, who balanced my life.

Introduction

When life happens and you are forced to change… you will persevere. When there is nowhere to go but up… you will rise. You will seek help, evolve, and begin to understand yourself and your inner workings. You will change. You will have no choice. But it’s the love you have for yourself within that change that will be the basis of your happiness and completion.

Bloom

Now you can bloom.

You’ve created the space,

the room.

You can heal any scar.

Do the work.

Nothing is…

until you are

Nothing is…

until you are.

The dark is light

the world is bright.

Even at night

your insides open.

You will mend the broken

and live.

But with this change,

with this gold,

you must remain the most important person to love,

to hold.

Dare to love,

dare to feel,

those feelings that hurt…

Only you can heal.

We already know

it wasn’t about you.

You’ve been dealt the pain of what your ancestors went through.

It goes back for generations

if not worked through

and

trickles down

to beautiful you,

beautiful you.

Break the chain.

Say goodbye to sorrow

by sitting with it

yesterday… today… and tomorrow.

Running from the pain will only prevent

the peace for which you pray.

Fighting those feelings

will feed them to grow

beyond your control… beyond your control.

Befriend and dissolve them

until they fade far.

Nothing is

until you are.

Nothing IS

until you ARE.

You are calling you!

Loudly, you are calling you.

Answer that call,

the most important of them all.

Pick up, connect, answer, and listen.

Take yourself out of your mind,

your prison.

LOVE

Keep the practice

of going inside,

of staying connected

to your heart.

Stay true.

Shine far.

Nothing is until you are.

NOTHING IS UNTIL YOU ARE.

YOU ARE… YOU ARE.

YES, YOU ARE.

This story is not just about one woman and her ability to overcome life’s obstacles. It’s about a woman who—amidst the emotional chaos of loss, uncertainty, and fear—brings to light her true self. It’s about the power of all humans and how we all impact each other’s lives. It is also about discovering how the words we say and the actions we take can leave lasting changes in the hearts and minds of those dearest to us.

Fall in love with Shane Dash, her colorful mother Ellory, and her extraordinary daughter Gemma. Together, these generations remain forever connected and reunite in spirit across the distance that only death can bring. The EX-BOX is a glorious tale of love, family, and a belief in a higher power—a true unfolding of a divine plan perfectly designed for the highest good.

Part One

Chapter One

Mama?

Time stood still. Did that really just happen? Surely I must have been…dreaming? I sat stunned on my couch. My mind was caught somewhere between utter disbelief and total excitement. She was right here… talking to me. This was not a dream. I knew without a doubt that I had a supernatural experience with my mom who had just died yesterday.

The conversations my mom and I used to have came flooding back like it was yesterday. She used to say the weirdest things about negative forces on this planet. She had the ability to go beyond and see past the human surface, especially when it came to men. When I was in my late teens, she told me she dated a man who felt like a real vampire. She wasn’t talking about the bloodsucking kind; she was referring to the kind who drained every drop of her energy. She was highly intuitive around him. She said she could hear him when he was silent, and his eyes would change in a weird way. She had become in touch with a higher level of consciousness. Once he looked at her, and she swore she saw death. She felt like men in general seemed to be from another planet. She also had these out there spiritual conversations with me that left me feeling uneasy and like she was losing it.

Back then, I wanted to get my mom on meds. I thought she needed to be treated for what I believed to be a borderline condition, but it turned out that she was quite sane. She was just a creative artist to whom I had never opened my eyes.

Mom, I miss you so much! I can’t imagine this getting any easier. You just proved what you used to tell me about our spiritual connection. I could never forget your heart. I spoke these words out loud.

I never had a supernatural encounter like this before. I never want to forget this experience. With my hands shaking and my heart pounding, I ran to my computer and documented the conversation that I was having with my mom through the ethers. I started typing…

Mom Talking to Me from the Other Side

I was overwhelmed by grief from the loss of my mom. I stared aimlessly into space in my living room, shocked by my mom’s death. It was as if some outside force had thrown my body down on the couch, and I was being made to sit. My eyes closed, and I started taking giant breaths. My palms automatically laid face up on my lap.

Almost immediately, I felt the presence of my mom.

My hands started getting warmer and warmer. Suddenly, they became almost hot. With my eyes closed, I could see my mom’s face—but not really. It was more like a vision of my mother’s energy. It would be too hard for me to ever fully describe this to anyone.

Mommy? Mama? I felt strange talking to thin air, but I instinctively knew it was my mother.

Shane, I’m so happy. I feel young again. I feel no pain.

I felt like I was going crazy, but I was definitely having a conversation with my mother’s spirit. I spoke out loud, Mommy, I miss you. Are you really there? Is this just my imagination?

Shane, you were the love of my life. You are a strong, beautiful woman. I am happy and feel young again. I will bring the most perfect man for you and Gemma. Let Michael know how much I loved him and how grateful I was that he was my last love. Tears streamed down my face as I said, Okay, Mama, I will tell him… I will tell him.

Be strong, Baby! You’ve got this. Live life, Shane. Life goes on.

Upon hearing my mom’s last words, I could feel my hands go from hot to warm. The cooler they got, the harder I cried. No, Mommy! Don’t go yet. Mama, please don’t go! My hands returned to room temperature. As the tears poured out over this huge loss, I was also filled with joy for this spiritual moment with my mom.

Chapter Two

The Closet Beast

Three months later…

I walked through my mom’s condo with the cruel task of having to clean it out. My mind was spinning. The one place I dreaded the most was her walk-in closet. If I ever get to cleaning it out, it will be a miracle, I mumbled to myself.

Just then, my best friend since kindergarten called. I said to her, Celina, it’s so personal to be in her closet with her clothes, shoes, purses, and whatever else she shoved in there. If anyone would understand, it would be her.

Shane, let me come help you! Don’t do this alone!

Naw, Celina… this is my job. You know my mom would have hated us going through her belongings! Remember how she used to scream at us to get out of her closet when we were kids? I couldn’t help having a sad smile at the memory.

Yeah… she was a trip, huh? Okay, well, I’m here for you if you need me; I’ll come right over any time.

Thanks so much. Talk later. Bye. I hated hanging up, dreading the task at hand.

When she was alive, each time I stepped in her closet, I felt like I was invading her space. Her closet was her private sanctuary that I was never allowed to enter without her present. As I stared at her closet, an eerie feeling rushed through me. She would have hated this intrusion.

Ellory Dashwood from Chicago. When she was in grade school, the kids just called her El Dash, and it stuck. She was an extraordinary woman. However, she was also the mother whom I witnessed lose it when I was quite young. Many years ago, when she was near the edge of death, the love of her life just up and disappeared. He left her on her couch, practically dying. It was then that she went into spirituality to heal her broken heart.

I witnessed her heal her life, and heal she did. Not only did she go through her crazy other worldly phase, she also went way beyond her mind to lead others to their own greatness.

My mom made a real name for herself in the entertainment industry as a screenwriter. She also energetically lifted herself to a place beyond her mind and spirit. She had an enlightened sense of profound compassion for the planet and all people and creatures on it. She spoke in halls in front of hundreds of people. She spoke on stage after winning awards, always inspiring many along the way. The articles written about her were framed and hung on the walls of her messy office. That was my mother. I was so proud.

I wish I had acknowledged how proud of her I was more often, but my path was always so different. I found my mother childlike and silly much of the time. Even when she made astronomical changes, I still only saw my cute, entertaining, annoying mom. Thinking about her now made it impossible to start the process of removing her possessions out of her home.

No, not today, I decided. I just can’t go through these things in her closet yet. It will have to wait.

We were so different from each other. I was always the more levelheaded one. I never enjoyed the party scene like she did, and my path as a young girl in the Buddhist community was strong.

Twelve years earlier, when I fell in love with Noah, my views on Buddhism shifted. I flashed back to my memories of meeting him.

I met him by chance while I was studying at UCLA. I was walking down the commons, in front of the student union, when we ran right into each other; we practically knocked each other down. Both of us were late for class on that first day of my sophomore year. After our apologies, we both ran off. He had the cutest accent and dark, wavy hair. His smile was bright enough to light up any room, and his magnetic eyes spoke to me in that instant. From the moment we met, we were drawn to each other.

As I settled into my rather uncomfortable chair in the large lecture hall, all I could think of were his magnetic eyes and our undeniable connection. I hope I run into that boy again. My Psych 101 lecture was now in session. I always prayed for inspiring teachers, hoping I didn’t get the ones who would always put me to sleep.

Within the first ten minutes of class, my eyes started to close. Fighting hard to keep them open, I finally surrendered and fell into a deep sleep.

The next thing I remember, I was being gently and sweetly woken up. My eyes felt so sore—damn contacts. My new ones should have been delivered by now. As I looked up, I saw the most sensational vision. It was that boy—the one who ran into me. He was smiling and laughing at me in a harmless way.

You look like an angel when you sleep.

That accent was so cute! When he said the word look it sounded like, "You luke like an angel."

Oh, wow! Is class over already? Where is everyone? My mouth was so dry. I kept searching for my water.

Well, I suppose I’m going to have to give you all the notes, he said charmingly.

Still in my sleepy haze, I looked up and into his eyes. In that moment, I became entranced. Somehow, he was allowing me to see past everything on the surface and penetrate into his soul. Suddenly, I was caught off guard. As I tried to speak, all that came out was gibberish and some spit. I was mortified.

Standing up and laughing from sheer embarrassment, I giggled through my words, I’m sorry, but I’m not a morning person. I usually can’t speak until after coffee.

Yes, Princessa, but it’s three o’clock in the afternoon.

But… I just woke up! I get a do-over.

He looked at me with a smile that I swear melted my entire being.

I’m Shane, Shane Dash.

I’m Noah. I love your name! Dash!

Well, my last name is actually De Luca. When I was young, I went into acting for a bit. Dash was my stage name, and it stuck. Now I love it, and…Well, my mom is kind of unique, and I feel like… I stalled, trying to find the right words.

Nu? he said.

Why did you say ‘new’ like that? I asked.

It’s slang in Hebrew for ‘so.’ However, ‘go on’ is a more accurate translation, especially for the context of our conversation, he explained. His accent was so cute!

I continued with, Let’s just say, I think she likes that we have the same last name. Hey, where are you from? Israel, right?

Yep, Israel. I’m pure Israeli. Is that okay with you? I know how the world can be with my kind, he said, with a look of seriousness that instinctively told me that he had come up against anti-Semitism many times.

Are you kidding? I was animated when I said, Growing up, all of my friends were Jewish! I was practically the only goy in my entire neighborhood.

You want to hear something even crazier? I added.

I have a feeling you are going to tell me, he answered, with that damn grin.

"I went to a private Jewish school when my public school had a fire. I was in first grade. All the students had to go to different schools in the area. Since all my Jewish friends in the neighborhood rallied for me to be adopted, their school gave me a scholarship, and I ended up doing very well there all the way through senior year. My mom worked extremely hard to make it happen as well. Guess what else?" He motioned as if to say, do tell.

I am nearly fluent in Hebrew. I switched over to his language for a few sentences to prove it to him.

Ahhh, your accent is perfect! he said, almost proudly.

I went to every Bat and Bar Mitzvah for my classmates. Since we weren’t Jewish, I couldn’t have my own celebration. My mom felt so sorry for me that she threw me a big party when I was thirteen. It was just like a Bat Mitzvah with prizes, candy, and even a DJ! My mom made the party very special for me, so I wouldn’t feel left out.

I must have been smiling as I reminisced because Noah said, I wish I could have been a fly on the wall at that party. Your mom sounds like she was really cool!

I answered in all seriousness, Yeah, when she wasn’t in crazy-mode, she was pretty cool.

He looked puzzled, but he didn’t ask what I meant by that comment.

Where does she live now?

She’s here in L.A., still in the valley, in the condo I grew up in. I love that place.

I’d like to meet her sometime, he threw in.

"You don’t even know me, yet!" I said, sarcastically.

With his shiny smile he answered, That doesn’t seem like it will be any kind of an obstacle as I intend to get to know you better than you know yourself.

In that moment, I struggled for composure but was unable to reply. My body went numb, and my mind went blank.

I got my backpack together and said, Well, I guess I should go get my coffee before my next class. He didn’t miss a beat.

How about if you allow me to buy you that coffee?

Sure, I never pass up a free long soy café mocha with whip. I was giggling through my words.

Oh, so an expensive date! Miss Dash, I would be honored to have the great privilege of taking you for coffee.

Chapter Three

Noah’s Perspective

Flashing back to his memories…

The day I met Shane was the happiest day of my life. The first time I saw her in front of the student union, a jolt of electricity went right through me. It was like I knew her, but I didn’t. My grandmother Tati always spoke of past lives and karma. She told me growing up that I would meet my soul mate in this lifetime. She made sure to tell me if I ever see a girl and feel an undeniable electric surge shoot through my body, I better not miss the opportunity to meet her.

This was that moment. I looked up and saw the girl my Tati had described. However, my bliss turned to panic as my mind snapped back into focus; she was leaving. From the hurried way her eyes darted from her cell phone up toward her apparent destination, I knew she must be late for class. She walked more briskly, but her preoccupation proved useful as it granted me the opportunity to meet her. Our collision nearly knocked her over. As she gathered herself, I gazed into her eyes. In that moment, I knew she was mine.

This feeling was exactly what my Tati was talking about. After apologizing and watching her walk away, I heard a voice in my head say clearly, Follow her. I heard this voice many times in my life, and it was always on point. I believed I was intuitive and psychic like my grandmother. There was no denying the voice this time. I stayed close behind her all the way across campus. I watched her go into her class in the lecture hall. This wasn’t my class, but I went in and sat two rows behind her because I had to meet her. This girl was different. She wasn’t classically gorgeous like the girls I always dated, yet she was much more beautiful in a different way. She possessed a natural beauty and, if not tuned in, one could almost dismiss her as ordinary. She was the most beautiful girl I had ever crossed paths with in my life.

While she was trying to stay awake in the class, the way her head kept bobbing was adorable. I could see that she was forcing herself to stay awake, but she fell sound asleep. I used waking her up as the perfect excuse to meet her. Before I did, I took the opportunity to watch her sleep for a few seconds. The skin on her face was perfect, and she had the most adorable freckles sprinkled across her nose. That electrifying feeling inside me grew stronger, and my heart raced as I reached out and woke my sleeping angel.

Chapter Four

Saving Grace

The day that I chose to go through some of the clutter at her condo, I still couldn’t make sense of the fact that my mom was really gone. I guess one could say I was living in a state of denial.

In my heavy, hazy daze, I was unconsciously crying as I slid open the mirrored door to her closet. This was what I dreaded most, this closet. I made the decision to do this part first and get it over with.

The big walk-in closet was filled with many rods for her clothing and had plenty of floor space for her shoes.

How many pairs of shoes did you need, Mama?

Unorganized crap was piled everywhere. I found myself sitting in the middle of her closet; my body was giving into the grief. Suddenly, I was lying on the floor. I struggled to find my breath as I stared at the ceiling, weeping.

How would I ever get through this? What was I supposed to do with all of this shit?

I awoke to my phone ringing; the drool on my face told me I had slept for a while. Lack of sleep was catching up with me.

Hello, Noah. My soon-to-be ex-husband was concerned about me and had been kind enough to take our seven-year-old daughter, Gemma, many nights while I was healing.

Through tears, I said, I’m in her closet.

Look, do you want me to come help you? Gemma is with my sister. I can be there in twenty minutes.

Oh, thank you, Noah-lelly. I loved the nickname my mom gave him. I think this is something I will have to deal with on my own. But if you would help me with the kitchen tomorrow, I would be grateful.

No problem, Shane… she was my mom too, even if not by blood. I miss her as well. I could hear his voice starting to break, but he stayed composed for my sake.

Okay, well, just call me if you need me. I will drop Gemma off tomorrow.

Thank you, Noah. Give my GG baby a big hug and kiss. Please tell her Mommy loves her. Bye. I clicked off.

As I turned on my side to sit up, I noticed a box far in the back of her closet on the bottom shelf. I inched my way over curiously as if it were calling me. I pulled out an oversized white shoebox; it was taped shut and had a big X.

Oh, Ellory, what could you have hidden in here?

I sat with that box on my lap for God knows how long before I started tearing with shaky fingers at the tape. As I opened the box, I saw pictures of my dad, Dommy, Ray, Thomas, and David, along with all the cards they had given her. I had the realization that this was her EX-BOX.

Everyone has one; I have one too, but mine is on my computer in a special file marked X.

Here was the string of men whom my mother loved deeply with all of her heart. The history in this little box became overwhelming to me, and I had to close it. I put it down and couldn’t run out of my mom’s place fast enough, crying as if all of those deep loves and broken-hearted times were my own.

I found that my mother was inside me. I had fought and fought never to be like her, and it really seemed as though we were always different in every way. But now I was truly walking in her footsteps. Just as she had, I was now raising a daughter on my own. I could feel everything my mom went through and her love for me. I could feel all the anxiety, the overwhelming need to get everything done, and the exhaustion of trying to be good at it all. Everything my mom went through was now my reality.

I had become my mother. Even the way I was starting to speak with Gemma had the flavor of her voice. Oh, I could fight it all I wanted, but at the end of the day, Ellory Dash lives on within me.

I suddenly needed my father. I frantically picked up the phone and dialed his number. Please be there for me now, Daddy.

Papa, I’m a mess. I miss Mom so much; some days, I feel like I will die.

Though he and his second wife had a son, my Pops always championed me. I would always be his favorite child, his little girl.

I know it’s not easy, Shane, but life goes on. Your mama was a soul like no other.

I keep hearing her, Papa! It’s like she’s talking to me. I can almost see her. I feel like I’m going crazy some days. I found… Um… I found something in her closet. I don’t know what to do with it.

What is it, il mio amore? Tell me. What did you find?

It’s, uh… a box with all of her important loves. Pictures, cards, letters. Everything you ever gave her is in there, along with the wedding ring. I never saw that ring before. You divorced when I was so young. I have no memory of ever living with both of you, let alone that ring. It’s beautiful, Papa. Would it be strange for me to wear it? I restrained the tears as I asked him.

Ah, yes, I spent every cent I had back then and designed it for your mama myself. He paused. Instinctively, I could feel him thinking of those days long ago.

Wear it, Shane. I loved her when I had it made for her. Our love was real. Quite honestly, to this day, she was the most exciting woman I believe I will ever know.

Thank you, Papa. I love you. I will go back and get it tomorrow. Then, as an afterthought, "We still on for ‘Daughter and Daddy’