President Trump's Month: An Epistolary Novella

By Ron Leshnower

It's January 20, 2017, and Donald Trump is sworn in as the 45th president of the United States.

As he hangs his red cap on the door of the Oval Office, President Trump is eager to show that "we can start winning again, folks."

But his ambitions are cut short, with a one-month term rivaling that of William Henry Harrison.

Find out what happens in President Trump's Month, an epistolary novella offering a satirical look at an imagined Trump presidency through executive orders, proclamations, "official" transcripts of key press briefings, inaugural and weekly addresses, and more.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Ron Leshnower
• Release date: Aug 11, 2016
• ISBN: 9780989291149

Ron Leshnower

Ron Leshnower has written extensively on government, policy, and the law. He has appeared as a legal expert in media outlets such as CBS News, NBC News and The New York Times. A graduate of Yale University and Boston University School of Law, Ron is the author of three books.

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Chapter 1

_____________________

Inaugural Address

(

Official Transcript, January 20, 2017

)

Inaugural Address by President Donald John Trump

United States Capitol

11:56 A.M. EST

THE PRESIDENT: Thank you, everybody. Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you. Folks, let me start with this…

First, I thank President Obama—No, no—I thank President Obama for his service to our nation. Thank you. I’m humbled. As I told Lesley Stahl in an interview on 60 Minutes, I’m a humble person—I’m much more humble than you would understand.

Okay, now that I ’ ve said that, let me say this, folks… My fellow Americans, our long national nightmare is over! You called for me, you wanted me, you fought for me, you nominated me, you elected me, and now here I am!

You know what we have now, folks? We have something in common. We love our country, we love our country, we just love our country. So we ’ re gonna see some amazing things happen. Really beautiful things. Let me tell you, folks. We have a real rendezvous with destiny, and it ’ s going to be tremendous, folks. Tremendous.

I didn ’ t have to run. I mean, what did I need this for? Right? Why did I have to run? But I wanted to make America great. At the GOP Convention—remember the Convention?—we had four nights and four beautiful, strong themes. Make America Safe Again, Make America Work Again, Make America First Again, and Make America One Again. Beautiful themes. And they all add up to one thing—to Making America Great Again. I saw all the problems with this country, all the suffering, all the mismanagement, and I thought, somebody ’ s gotta do something. So, here we are. We ’ re here together. I am your voice! Let me tell you, it ’ s a lovefest! Look at this crowd! It ’ s beautiful!

One priority of my administration is to blot out terrorism all over the world. We have to defeat ISIS. And you know what, folks? We ’ re gonna defeat ISIS. We ’ re gonna do it. We ’ re gonna stop the flow of terrorist immigrants into this country. We ’ re gonna replace the P.C. Police with more of the real police. And we ’ re gonna give the police all the respect they deserve, because—you know what?—all lives matter. They, frankly, do, folks. I was the law-and-order candidate, and I ’ m going to be the law-and-order president, folks. We ’ re gonna share intelligence with the FBI, the CIA… And we ’ re gonna make sure the Muslims speak up when they know there ’ s a radical in their midst who ’ s plotting an evil attack on innocents, on innocent civilians—including on Muslims, whom I love. I love everybody. I ’ m looking out for Muslims, too, folks. Nobody loves Muslims more than Trump!

And we have to very, very seriously talk about arming civilians — about arming them more. The whole Constitution is important. It ’ s sacred. Whether we ’ re talking about Article I, Article II, Article XII, or the 30th Amendment. But the Second Amendment to the Constitution is a fundamental right for all Americans. Crooked Hillary Clinton and her sidekick, Corrupt Kaine, wanted to repeal it and take away everyone ’ s guns—everyone ’ s guns except for the terrorists ’ . The terrorists could just come over here with their guns and start shooting. No more, folks! No more.

But we have to be armed, too. The good guys have to be armed, folks. Then these things wouldn ’ t happen. You know, the movies… You shoot first, talk later. You talk about it later. Just make sure you shoot first. Why do we have to announce what we ’ re doing? Why do you have to tell the enemy that we ’ re sending people? America can ’ t be so predictable. Predictability is vulnerability. It ’ s no way to stay safe.

Get ’ em out! Don ’ t hurt the person… So disrespectful. So disrespectful. Treasonous. Just horrible. Get ’ em out! Hey, your candidate lost! Who sent you? Crazy Bernie? Pocahontas? I always say, be nice to our protestor. Be gentle. Be very, very gentle. Don ’ t hurt the person. Ah, he ’ s got a friend over there… You know, your candidate lost! Go delete your account. Huh? Go delete your account, you (inaudible). Unbelievable. Unbelievable.

So, we also have to get tough with other countries. China, Japan, Mexico… Just about everybody is eating our lunch. When did we beat Japan at anything? They send over millions and millions of their cars. When was the last time you saw a Chevrolet in Tokyo? When did we beat China in a trade deal? But I beat China all the time. All the time.

We ’ re gonna make great deals, folks. As sure as my fingers are long, we’re gonna make great deals. I don’ t care if they ’ re free, I don ’ t care if they ’ r e fair, I don’ t care if they ’ re good, I don ’ t care if they ’ re horrendous —I don ’ t care what the heck they are, folks. I just want great deals. Great deals! I ’ ll do it all different ways, folks.

And we ’ re gonna be looking very carefully at that Iran deal, too. It ’ s a total disaster, and we ’ re gonna dismantle the disastrous Iran deal very soon. Iran is financing military forces throughout the Middle East, and it ’ s absolutely, totally indefensible that we simply handed them over $150 billion to facilitate even more acts of terror. Recently, Iran has carried out terror attacks in 25 different countries on five continents. They ’ ve got terror cells everywhere and they ’ re the biggest sponsor of terrorism around the