Keep Your Shorts On!

By Mark Aaron Quick

Whether in an allegorical tale or wisecracking narrative the characters in Keep Your Shorts On! reveal that self-identity affects how humans solve problems. When facing social, psychological, spiritual or personal dilemmas they find ways to cope, -- or face the consequences of their choices.

The Legend of Lenny Lemming is an allegorical tale about the essence of life. Like all of us, Lenny has much to learn. Why does he do the things he does? His relationship with a mysterious character forces him to reflect on his life purpose.

Julia Frost is a story about an award winning scientist whose past involves a very deep secret. Her circumstances are exceptionally bizarre. The thing Julia yearns for involves a very strange and curious twist. What she has in mind will require media coverage and social media assistance. However, to get this help she will first need to reveal a shocking confession.

Take Me Home is about the life of a country music singer. Rick is going through the ups and downs of the music industry. When his career takes a major turn for the worse he goes down a path of self-destructive choices. He MUST stop his patterns of negativity before everything is destroyed. By changing just one thing Rick discovers that everything else begins to change as well. Inspirational story lines aren’t just for fairy tales. They can also happen in the lives of average people.

The Exchange Club is a provocative narrative about the deep internal needs of people. This story demonstrates how “well-intentioned” efforts to meet those needs can often fall short. The inner “thought lives” of Nick, Jim, and Trina reveal that no amount of social modification or medical advancement can satisfy and meet the true demands of a person’s inner heart and spirit.

The Man Who Told Stories is about a news reporter named Bill whose primary focus is on just trying to get a good “scoop”. He learns about a mystery man who helps homeless people and other folks as well. Bill is confident this write-up could be developed into a strong feature article, if he can just locate the man for an interview. What he didn’t count on was getting personally involved. Will this story define Bill’s career or will it be just another news article? Or maybe there’s a third possibility...

The Truth Hurts is a dramatic account that begins as an ordinary evening for the Fazio family. When violent events begin taking place near their home, an apocalyptic turn of events begins a chain reaction that affects the entire family. Apparently bad things CAN happen to good people.

A Casual Cup Of Coffee involves a friendly dispute between two close friends who frequently argue about sports as well as religious and political issues. Miguel and Travis debate whether truth is by nature illusive or if truth can indeed be known. Despite their differences Travis and Miguel manage to find common ground through humor and acceptance. How important is consistency in fighting for one’s personal beliefs?

Landlubber Larry’s Lackluster Life Lesson is a tale about a day in the lives of two novice deep-sea fishermen. Wry humor is the order of the day as our two landlubber heroes bumble through this church group outing.

A Celebrity Challenge involves the unlikely pairing of a celebrity in a mentor/counseling type of relationship with a high school counselor. Can someone who has “everything” find greater happiness? The gauntlet of this unusual challenge has been thrown down.

The Call of the Turaco is set in unstable Uganda during a time when the Lord’s Resistance Army has brought terror to the Ugandan countryside with guerilla attacks. Many children are in danger of becoming forced into a heinous “child soldier” lifestyle, or of becoming victims of the overall violence and starvation. Joe and Laura are missionaries trying desperately to rescue these children. They manage to get several children to safety, but when Joe is captured by the LRA things

• Language: English
• Publisher: Mark Aaron Quick
• Release date: Dec 1, 2016
• ISBN: 9781370443758

Mark Aaron Quick

Mark Aaron Quick is an award-winning writer whose love for helping people is revealed in his writing and career choices. Besides being a devoted author, he has been a school counselor, teacher, college professor, guitar instructor, newspaper writer, public speaker, and professional harmonica player. His hobbies include playing chess, trying to keep up with the intricate lives of his three daughters, and going on road trips with Marcia, his wife of more than 3 decades.

Book preview

Keep Your SHORTS On!

A Collection of Short Stories for Christian Readers

By

Mark Aaron Quick

© Copyright 2016 by Mark Aaron Quick. All rights reserved.

Table of Contents

The Legend of Lenny Lemming

Julia Frost

Take Me Home

The Exchange Club

The Man Who Told Stories

The Truth Hurts

A Casual Cup of Coffee

Landlubber Larry’s Lackluster Life Lesson

A Celebrity Challenge

The Call of the Turaco

The Legend of Lenny Lemming

There are places where people only whisper the truth. Places where tales are often told in close quarters with odors lingering like fog above a swampland. When it comes to inscrutable things, some everyday garden variety mysteries may be handled indiscriminately without negative consequences. But that’s not the usual case. Most enigmas need to be carefully unpacked.

Mysteries about the essence of life must always be handled cautiously. That’s because truth comes at such an expensive price. On rare occasions you may hear the voice of someone willing to pay such a price. They may be willing to even be laughed at, at least, if the truth of their story is valuable enough. The legend of Lenny Lemming is one such story.

***

To a casual on-looker the two men sitting in the tavern appeared to be merely swapping stories. To a discriminating eye, however, they were discussing essential issues of life.

You can’t have a dream inside of a dream inside of a dream. It don’t make no sense. The man voicing this double negative opinion seemed sure of his position.

Sitting across from the self-assured man, a second man took a slow sip of his coffee and paused before responding, Look, have you ever been inside one of those houses of mirrors at a carnival?They’ve got mirrors positioned so you can see a reflection of a reflection of a reflection back to like infinity.

Psheeah. Like that’s gonna prove a point, the first man responded. His name was Dave. He was considerably older than his companion, and by his reckoning, considerably wiser as well. You either have a dream or you don’t have a dream. It’s as simple as that.

Well, it does prove one point. It proves you don’t listen to anything, the other man stated with a chuckle, Or at least anything with new ideas.

All it proves is that you still ain’t makin’ no sense, quipped Dave.

Okay, said the second man. He was pleasantly overweight. Judging from his hairstyle and clothing choices he appeared to be in his mid to late forties. Just SUPPOSE someone is asleep. And while they dream, they dream they are having a dream, and the dream they have is about a man having a dream. It isn’t all that hard to imagine. Now that’s a dream inside of a dream inside of a dream.

No, it ain’t a dream inside of a dream. What it is, is stupid inside of stupid inside of stupid. Add to that a silly talkin’ lemming and such. That ain’t a good story no how, in fact, it’s ridiculous. Man, give me a good Boy Cries Wolf or Hare and Rabbit story.

The other man paused for just a beat before he replied with a single word.

Tortoise.

Uhhhhh?

Tortoise!

The hell you say.

It isn’t Hare and Rabbit, its Hare and Tortoise". Or more accurately, it’s The Tortoise and the Hare. The hare is a rabbit."

Now that don’t make no sense neither. Hey, I’m gonna grab me another beer. If I slide another one down maybe your weird stories will start makin’ more sense. Do you want one?

Thanks for the offer, but no, I’m enjoying my coffee.

Several minutes later the setting was right. The tavern was dank. The lighting was dim. The pretzels were nearly half consumed and the company was finally toler- bull, at least according to Dave. That’s because he was nearly three sheets to the wind.

***

Lenny Lemming always was a poor listener. When people said, Just follow the guy ahead of you, he often disregarded the advice. He liked to explore. But exploring can get a lemming into a heap of trouble. Then again, so can just following others.

Lenny was walking alone. He had discovered a burbling creek and he was following it downstream. He didn’t mind spending hours alone. For a lemming, he could easily be classified as downright antisocial.

On his left, in the distance he could see a few cows munching contentedly. Nearby he could also see several fields had recently been tilled and planted. Whatever had been planted was just beginning to poke up out of the ground, causing splashes of deep green to appear in a stippled geometric pattern against the canvas of earthy brown soil.

Lenny eventually came to a place where the creek widened and several large boulders were set in such a way that a large pool of water was created. He sat on a rock and dangled his feet in the water. After he had rested for a while, he started to wander around the perimeter of the gentle pool. He casually picked up a pebble and tossed it into the quiet pool. It broke the surface with a satisfying plop. Disturbing the tranquility of the water, it fell slowly. In the clear water he could see it moving from side to side as it dropped down and settled softly in the bottom. Every time he tossed in a pebble, the result was the same. Ripples moved outwardly in perfect concentric waves of joy. Yet each time, eventually, the tranquility of the pool was restored. There was peace and there was joy. There was rest and energy. The water was sensitive and responsive, no matter how small the pebble was.

Finally, in a mode of experimentation, Lenny flicked a speck of dust into the pool to see what would happen. It did not sink, at least not at first. Lenny yawned, then he bent over the pool to see the fleck better. Finally, it too succumbed to the call of the deep. As Lenny bent over the pool, he saw a mirrored image. Seeing his face in the water caused a wave of self-reflection. He moved back from the water’s edge and found a comfortable spot to relax.

It was warm. Sunlight was filtering through the leaves in the trees. The grass near the pool was cool and pleasant. Lenny thought about the beauty of the pool. He pondered why a reflection could even be seen. It must have something to do with light. He understood the prism effect of water, how the bending of light creates various colors. But how does water act like a mirror? Sleep came gently, but strange dreams soon followed.

Lenny became aware of the sound of movement. Bodies were passing by. They seemed to be on a purposeful mission. But what was their purpose? He rubbed the sleep from his eyes. Lemmings. Hundreds of them. Wait. Thousands of them. They were advancing across the farmland. As he lay there, voice after voice seemingly beckoned him to come. He fell into step.

Where we goin’? he asked.

They passed farmhouses, and roads, and telephone poles.

Where we goin’?

They went through fences, under hedges, and around lakes until they reached a high point overlooking the sea.

Where we goin’?

He walked to the peak of the high point. The lemmings ahead of him were pressing onward and he followed.

Where we goin’?

Suddenly, he lost his footing and began free falling toward the water. He felt no fear. The only emotion he felt was a sense of being enraptured by the beauty of the water.

He hit the surface with a splat and sank deeply. The water was cold. Was it supposed to be so cold? He bobbed to the surface and began to swim. He could see other lemmings, so he simply continued to follow their lead.

Night came and he lost sight of the bobbing heads he could once see around him. He was alone in the darkness. He swam for hours. He was tired. Was it supposed to be so hard? On and on, he felt he had died a hundred times. But he hadn’t. He continued to struggle on.

Finally he could do no more. He gave up. He stopped swimming. He relaxed. The darkness closed in. Instead of fighting back, he welcomed the peace. He died, and within moments he felt a sense of warmness. He saw light, and the light passed through the water as a prism, and a rainbow of color exploded within his sight. It was more beautiful than any rainbow he had seen before. And yet it was something he could not fully comprehend.

The next thing Lenny was aware of, he was on an island dressed as a pirate. Apparently he had been shipwrecked. He couldn’t remember the ship or the shipwreck, but obviously no one would be so ridiculous as to simply swim to a lost island. He couldn’t remember how he got the pirate clothes either, but you know how dreams are, don’t you?

The island was not large, although it was not so small either. As Lenny tramped along the shore he thought he would try out his pirate voice, A plague on you, he yelled as loudly as he could, you bloody curse-ed sea! It felt good to yell it. He did it again, just for fun. The pirate voice needed some work. It wasn’t gravelly enough and he needed a better scowl too. But he could work on that.

Time went by. Every day he climbed to the top of the large hill that rose on one side of the island. He scanned the horizon to see if any ships could be seen. He had wood laid for a signal fire, but the days came and went with never a need to light the fire.

Then, one day, he saw sails on the horizon. As he stared the sails appeared smaller and smaller. Eventually the ship disappeared, and so too did his hope.

Lenny broke. He didn’t curse the sea. He didn’t yell. He didn’t scream. A lemming can see all too clearly when he is on top of a mountain, even if he is a lemming.

He simply spoke out loud, I’m sorry. He didn’t know what else to say or do. He didn’t really know why he said he was sorry, except that he was sorry.

***

Dave interrupted. So, is the pebble stuff in the first part of the story ‘posed to be like how we influence the world, or some such load of Bolshevik Smuck, or is the water ‘posed to represent something about human nature or God or whatever?

Why Dave, said the second man, choosing to ignore the frequent crassness of his companion, you ARE a deep thinker. Well, let me just say that at least now you understand what I was saying earlier about a dream inside of a dream.

No, not really. I still don’t get that.

Well, maybe it will become a little more clear if I continue with the story. Don’t you think it’s possible to learn from the process of pondering, even if you don’t immediately understand every aspect of a metaphorical analogy?

Maybe, said Dave hesitantly, not wanting to commit his answer. His face was screwed up into a puckered expression. His eyes were narrowed. The island part is weird.

Remember, I did tell you the story was going to be a little weird. Actually, it’s about to get even weirder.

Is weirder even a word? asked Dave. Oh never mind, just tell the story.

***

Lenny made his way slowly down the hill. He was feeling melancholy. Maybe he would be stuck on this island forever. Near the base of the hill, he thought he heard a noise. No, it was not a noise. It was more like music. It was falling water. He wandered closer. It was a tiny, tiny waterfall. He could hardly believe it. He had walked near this part of the island numerous times, and never been aware of it.

About 10 feet above the tiny waterfall, water seemed to seep out of the ground and then gather into a stream no more than an inch or two wide. This little stream ran over the edge of a boulder where the water fell five to six feet into a luscious pool of water. The water in this pool was surprisingly deep and clear.

Hello, said the waterfall, did you see the dew this morning?

Not really, I don’t think I noticed it, Lenny replied.

It was so lovely.

Lenny hadn’t eaten anything since the night before, but he tried to remember what he had eaten at that time. Whatever it was might now be affecting his perception abilities. He tried to remember if he’d eaten any mushrooms. It’s possible something strange was affecting his ability to think.

Talking to a waterfall? What am I doing? Lenny mumbled out loud.

"Perhaps instead of talking about me, you should consider talking to me."

Why haven’t I heard you before? I’ve walked near this spot several times before.

Perhaps you weren’t really listening. You have been focusing on many things. Perhaps your assumptions prevented you from interpreting my interactions.

Well, if we’re going to play the perhaps game, then perhaps you weren’t really here before. I can see that you just started coming out of the ground. I just don’t know how long ago. Lenny was pleased with his lucid observation.

Is that REALLY what you want to know, just how long I’ve been here? Or is there a mysterious conundrum you would prefer to gain knowledge about, or maybe, you would simply like to understand why YOU are here, right now, speaking with me just as calmly as you would speak to your mother. You’ve always been a type of river, but your banks have always been empty.

Lenny didn’t like the way that sounded. But he really wasn’t sure how to proceed. He didn’t have to. The tiny waterfall continued for him.

"You have always been a little sad, but recently your sorrow caused you to look first at yourself, and then outwardly. Instead of focusing only on yourself, you began to focus on your Source. If a river does not look to its source, it soon dries up. Even the oceans have a source.

You were in need of hope. In the past, you looked to your own dreams to find hope and energy and joy. That is why those things dried up so quickly. Time after time, things you felt should be positive turned negative. However, when despair turned your gaze from self-pity you became more open. You’ve heard that angst can be like a bitch because it can give birth.

I ain’t never heard THAT before, Lenny stuttered.

You’ve heard it before, said the waterfall, you just don’t remember. When a female dog has puppies, they squirm and romp with joy. But they also cause the momma dog to be vigilant. Still, you can be sure she welcomes the pups and remembers any pain from the birth giving process no longer.

***

Dave interrupted the story. Hah. You said angst is a bitch. That’s kind of funny.

"I didn’t exactly say that, said the second man, I said it was LIKE one. That’s metaphorical.

Also, the way you announce your opinions, I must voice an additional personal concern, the man added. I notice you have a tendency to over simplify things. Just between you and me, I hope you’re not getting so caught up in vocabulary that you miss the meaning of the overall story. Many people do that sort of thing all the time. The main point of this particular story is that results are important. Painful things (like birth) often yield joyful things. At any rate, let me point out that I told you this story gets better and more interesting as it goes along.

Yeah, it’s getting’ a little bit better, claimed Dave in a noncommittal tone of voice.

Let’s see, said the man telling the story.

He paused a moment while he pulled gently on his earlobe and then slid his hand down to rest his chin on. Where was I? Oh yeah, the waterfall was talking to the lemming.

Wait! I thought the lemming was dreaming all this stuff.

Well, maybe he is, but he is also the main character.

But if he’s asleep by the quiet pool, the dude on the island must be somebody else. Besides, you can’t have a story where a lemming is the main character.

You don’t know anything about dreams, do you? You’re almost always the main character in your own dreams. And man, you think I say some crazy things? I don’t understand why you make up all these rules about life that can’t be substantiated. Don’t you ever wonder if the rules you impose on your outlook could ever be incorrect? Let me just tell the story.

Well I hope to good heavens you ain’t callin’ me a lemming, said Dave with an entitled expression on his face.

Don’t be so sensitive, replied that other man. Maybe in some ways we’re all lemmings. Let me get back to the story. You certainly interrupt a lot. He decided to just continue on with the story.

***

Let’s try this, said the waterfall, why are you here?

I was shipwrecked, I think.

But why are you here?

There was a long pause. Then Lenny said, I don’t get the question.

It’s not the question you don’t get, it’s the answer.

There was another long pause. Well, whatever it is that I don’t get, I still don’t know what to say.

Have you ever lost something of value? What did you do?

I looked for it, all over the place.

So you do know what we are talking about. We are talking about joy!

Lenny had a puzzled look on his face.

The waterfall continued. The joy you feel when you find something, the joy of understanding why you are here, the joy of being real.

Lenny was confused. But I’m NOT joyful. I was shipwrecked! Or I swam here. Or, well I don’t know what happened, but I don’t want to be here. Why would I be joyful about that?

You’re thinking about the tragic part rather than the transformation part of the experience.

See, I don’t get that. I’m still just me. There is no transformation.

Isn’t this conversation new? The transformation isn’t in the form of skills or knowledge or super powers. It is in attitude, awareness and perception.

"What attitude change?