That's a Relief

By Victoria Klahr

It was supposed to be our happily-ever-after. We were supposed to look into the future and not worry about our past dragging us down anymore. I was supposed to marry the man of my dreams in a month, and now... Now, everything has changed.

So when my nightmares become reality—when the world starts crashing down around me—what do I do? How do I save the one person who never gave up on me?

Because, Seth? He is everything.

"He loved me when I was a pile of broken pieces and refused to let me go when I never felt worthy of him. He never gave up and helped me to grow strong-- strong enough to be the one to help him now."

Everything was perfect. She said yes, she had the ring. Best of all, I had her heart. We were so close... so close to that future I had been dreaming about for years. Until suddenly it was ripped away from me.

I will stop at nothing to protect her. But how do I do that when I feel my sanity slipping with every blow sent our way? How do I save a girl who doesn’t want to be saved anymore?

Because Josie? She is everything.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Victoria Klahr
• Release date: Jun 28, 2016
• ISBN: 9781310966439

Victoria Klahr

Victoria Klahr lives in Virginia Beach, Virginia with her dreamy husband of four years and their two beautiful daughters. She is a self-proclaimed book-nerd who likes to sniff books before she reads them and fantasizes about book boyfriends. She is the author of the Promises, Promises series, including That’s a Promise, That’s a Lie, and That’s a Relief. She writes happily-ever-afters one heartache and tragedy at a time, and won’t apologize for making you cry.

Book preview

Prologue

My hands shake as I flip through pictures one by one, each one worse than the last. My stomach twists and turns and churns as the horror of each image plows me in the stomach.

No, I cry, tracing the outline on each glossy page. I’m so sorry. 

A thousand razors slice my insides with every breath I take. I can’t … I can’t take it. I run into the bathroom and fall over the toilet, emptying my already empty stomach. The sobs wrack my whole body while I lie on the cool tile of the floor unable to move. Unwilling to move. 

What’s the point?

What’s left for me anyway?

I’ll never get them back.

I catch a glimpse of a picture that fell from my hand and turn away screaming. I wrap my arms around my stomach, the sickness and guilt and disparity vibrating through my veins. My breaths keep coming even when I don’t want them to, a sharp suck of air that taunts me—reminding me that I still have to live in this shitty reality. 

An orange pill bottle stands out on the bathroom counter. They can help me forget. They can take me away. They can make it go away.

I want that. 

I need that. 

In a daze, I stand up and grab the bottle. 

Oblivion. Peace. Nothingness. 

An image pops into my head, and I put the pill bottle back down, run into my room and grab a pen and piece of paper. I rush back to the bathroom and lock the door, breathing hard. Checking to make sure the bottle is still there, I sit in front of the tub and write four words. 

It’s not your fault.

With shaking hands, I clumsily pour the remaining white pills into my palm. Whether it’s brave or entirely stupid, I swallow down as many as I can before falling into the beautiful oblivion.

Pounding echoes in the back of mind. Screaming. 

They fade away with the effects of the drugs. 

I finally feel nothing. 

Part I

Let us step into the night and pursue that flighty temptress, adventure.

Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Chapter 1

Josie

Three months earlier

What’s it say? I ask, plopping onto the bed and crossing my legs. The perfectly-made, lilac comforter crinkles under my weight, and the smell of the Febreze I sprayed earlier today wafts through my senses. I’ve always loved the smell of a freshly cleaned house, but maybe the scent is a little too strong today.

Chill out, you just took it, Brooke says with a roll of her eyes. She leans back on her elbows and shakes her shoulder-length blonde hair out of her face. 

I can’t chill out. My whole future is on that.

Your whole future is on a pee stick? she asks arching a perfectly-plucked brow. That’s kind of sad. 

I groan and try to take deep breath. My legs bounce in the same rhythm as my rapid heartbeat. Breathe in. Filling my lungs to max capacity, I hold my breath. My heart beat drums in my ears as strong as Seth’s bass on his drum kit, roaring and banging in a constant tick of the seconds that go by. When my lungs start to burn and the banging becomes too deafening, I let go. Breathe out. I purse my lips and let out a slow stream of air, closing my eyes as I try to release my anxiety. It doesn’t help. 

I try again, and again, but my unease doesn’t dissolve and my pulse doesn’t return to normal. Frustrated by my failed attempt at calming my nerves, I reach into my side drawer and pull out a chocolate bar. My stomach flips once I open it, unsure if it thinks I should devour it in two seconds or throw up from the smell. My nose scrunches. To eat, or not to eat.

Why do you have candy in your side table? Brooke asks, interrupting my inner debate. She watches me curiously, and my gaze shifts back to my open drawer that contains an array of candy.

Seth puts them there the day before my period every month, I say, biting the smile starting on my lips.

It’s kind of sickening how much he loves you, Brooke says with an exasperated sigh. Alec screams from his playpen in my living room and she groans before getting off of the bed. 

Wait! What’s it say? I ask, reaching for her hand before she goes to comfort the baby. 

She pulls away and walks out the door with my future still in her grasp, throwing me a taunting grin over her shoulder. Still have another minute before you can see, she says in a singsong voice.

My leg starts shaking again and I count the seconds that Brooke is gone. I nibble on the corner of the chocolate bar and am instantly revolted by the taste. So not what I’m craving. 

With each shake of my leg, I find my mind going through a rapid succession of thoughts and questions. Is this what I want? What about Seth? Am I excited? Am I nervous? Will I be okay? Is it safe? How do I even know if this is the right time in our relationship for this? Will I get fat? Will Seth love me if I get fat? Will I be a good mom? Do I want to be a mom?

Am I still freaking sick from that bagel I ate this morning?

At least I know the answer to that last question. I cover my mouth and run into my bathroom, hovering over the toilet and throwing up the very limited substance in my stomach. After I’m done, I’m sweaty and the taste in my mouth is gross. I go to the sink to brush my teeth as Brooke walks up to the doorframe, a knowing smirk playing on her pretty pink lips. Alec sits on her hip, watching me with his sparkly blue eyes and a silly smile. 

Is that funny, mister? I ask and leave a slew of kisses all over his face. He giggles and puts his small hand on my face to push me away. 

Do you even need to look? Brooke asks, walking out toward the kitchen. 

Following her, I sit on a barstool and rest my head in my arms on the cool, black-granite countertop while Brooke starts heating up some water in the tea pot. 

Yes, I need to know. 

Brooke sets the pregnancy test onto the counter and keeps her hand over it before she slides it to me. She sets Alec on the floor so he can crawl to his toys and leans in close.

Are you going to be okay if it’s a no? she asks. I see her concern in her crystal-blue eyes and my chest tightens as I ponder the answer. 

Will I be okay? The thought would have terrified me a year ago, but after a year of working through my issues, the thought of having a baby no longer scares the shit out of me. In fact, it’s definitely something I want when I think about our future, even though Seth and I have never talked about it. 

So, will I be okay if it’s negative? 

I think I’ll be a little sad. How can I be sad about something I’m not even sure I have yet?

Wow, from that facial expression, I can see your answer clearly. Go ahead and look, Brooke says, uncovering the test. A picture on the countertop of Seth and me, his arms wrapped around me as we both stare at a newborn Alec in my arms catches my eye. Yes. I know what I want. I look down at the test, listening to my heart roar in my ears and feeling a tightness churn in my chest. 

And there it is. My answer clearly written on the white and blue stick. The answer that will change my life forever. The change I didn’t realize I wanted so badly until right now. 

Congrats, Josie. Brooke grins, handing me a cup of hot peppermint tea. 

I’m pregnant. 

Chapter 2

Seth

Every shot that rings out ricochets off the walls in the building, making the haunting clamor louder and more potent than it would be if it had been shot out in the open. Chambers click, bullets fly, and shells clack onto the floor, creating a symphony of noises that could provoke a racing heart or a sense of security. For me, it’s the latter. Every shot makes me more comfortable. 

Does Josie know you’re doing this? Brandon asks as he leans against the wall in my booth, shaggy brown hair covering half his face. 

That’s a dumb question. Of course she doesn’t. She’d fucking kill me if she found out.

I finish loading the last bullet into the magazine and click it into the Glock 22. Brandon puts on his noise cancelling headphones with a shrug. My body assumes the proper shooting stance, and I fire fifteen shots aimed at the target at the end of the range. Once the last shot fires, confidence surges in the pit of my stomach.

I place the gun down on the table and take off my headphones. Brandon steps up next to me and pushes the button to pull up the target. 

Damn. You’re getting good, Brandon whistles when he looks at it. All fifteen shots are scattered across the chest of the person printed on the paper. 

It’s been a while, so I was rusty at first. You wanna try?

He looks at the gun and cocks his head to the side, still unsure on how he feels about guns. Eventually, he shakes his head. Not really my thing. 

 Don’t say anything to Brooke. She’ll go blab her big mouth to Josie, I grumble, packing up the bullets and gun into my bag.

Brandon places his safety glasses and headphones in the bin at the front, giving me an appalled look. Glad you think so highly of me. I can keep a secret from my wife, you know.

No, I don’t know, actually, I say, looking at him pointedly. Josie knew about her surprise birthday party because of you and your wife. We walk back out into the shop and I wave to the owner. Thanks, Mr. Seymour.

Glad to see you back, Seth. Tell your dad to stop by soon.

Will do, I lie. 

Mom would kill me if I convinced my dad to go back to the shooting range with all his heart problems. Ever since Josie and I moved out, I haven’t been able to help out as much on the farm, and I worry what kind of extra work Dad’s doing to compensate for me not being there anymore. He swears he’s not taking on more work than he should, but let’s face it, he would lie about working hard if it meant keeping Mom’s and my mind at ease. 

You’ll never let me live that down, will you? Brandon muses, hopping into the front seat of my blue Toyota Tundra. 

Nope. I start the truck and head toward my photography warehouse to pick up a memory card that I left behind. Work has been steadily busy lately, so I’ve been needing to bring my work home with me on the weekends. 

Why are you into this all of a sudden?

The answer is harder to get out than I thought it would be. This is Brandon, my best friend, but also someone who may not understand my reasons for brushing up on my shooting skills. I swallow the anger and keep my eyes straight ahead. 

It’s not all of a sudden, I say eventually. I used to come all the time with my dad.

Josie has always hated guns. She hates the idea of someone being allowed to carry them, which I can because I have a permit. She also hates the violence they can bring, which I understand, but I also understand how it could be useful. Which is why I renewed my permit. 

Is it because my dad was released from prison? Brandon asks, looking out the window. I whip my head in his direction and try again to figure out how to approach this subject with him. 

You know? I shake my head. Of course you know. He’s your dad. There’s bitterness in my tone that wasn’t there earlier, and I feel bad that I’m directing it at Brandon when it’s not his fault. 

He shoots me a sympathetic look. Yeah. The bitch step-mom called last week and told us the news. You can tell me, you know. If that’s why. 

Brandon has never liked talking about his dad, but when he does, it’s always with a disgusted and angry edge in his voice. Despite this, I still feel a little guilty that I want to kill my best friend’s dad. 

I just want to make sure Josie is safe, I explain. Self-defense classes can only go so far, and let’s face it, Josie makes some stupid-ass decisions when she’s caught up in the moment. 

I worry so much that she’ll forget to bring her purse containing Taser and pepper spray or she’ll get so overwhelmed with fear that she’ll forget how to punch and kick her way out of a hold. I can’t risk it. It terrifies me—I’m talking sheet-clenching nightmares that wake me up with a racing heart, needing to reach out and frantically search for her in our bed. 

How’s Josie handling it? 

My jaw clenches and I keep my eyes trained on the road. My Josie, finally happy and gaining confidence—I just can’t bring myself to tell her. To explain that I was stupid enough not to switch her mail over to the new house so we could have been informed in time to stop him from getting out of prison. When Tony called me last week with the news, I knew everything in our life was about to change. 

***

Is Josie with you? Tony asked when I answered the phone. I looked over to my right and smiled. Josie had her feet on the dashboard, singing at the top of her lungs to a crappy popular song on the radio. No matter how many times I tell her she sucks, she still sings loud and proud around me. 

Yeah … What’s up? I answered, returning my attention back to the road. We were on our way to my parents’ house for dinner and a night at the lake, but Tony had declined the offer to join us. 

You can’t let Josie know something is wrong. I need you to come here as soon as you get a chance. 

I tensed, a burning sensation tightening inside my chest. Something was wrong. 

Okay. 

I hung up without waiting for another word. I swallowed hard and took a deep breath, reaching across the console to take Josie’s hand in mine. I rubbed my thumb against her soft skin as I waited for her to finish her song. 

I’m surprised a record label hasn’t picked you up yet, Pussycat. 

She grinned, oblivious to my unease, flicked her hair over her shoulder, and fluttered her eyelashes dramatically. Little did you know, I have been picked up. I’m running off in a week to become a star.

You would run off without me?

Already promised Brody I’d run off with him, she quipped. 

I laughed loudly and squeezed her hand. You and Brody are getting on my last nerve with that shit. 

She laughed and started singing again. 

So, I need to run back to the warehouse and grab a lens for the camera. I wanted to take some pictures tonight at the lake, but I need a special lens to get a good picture in the dark. I’ll drop you off at Mom and Dad’s and then I’ll be right back. 

The lie made me feel dirty—especially when we promised not to keep things from each other anymore.

That’s fine. I think your mom wanted to teach me how to make fish the way she does, anyway. She said something about how no daughter-in-law of hers will marry her son without knowing how to fry fish. She rolled her eyes, and I laughed.

Well, I did warn you before you agreed to marry me. 

That your mom is crazy? she asked, shooting me a smile that both warmed my insides and made me feel guilty. 

That you better know how to cook trout. I winked at her and she laughed. 

I dropped her off and drove to Tony’s house with a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. I couldn’t shake the feeling that this was going to change everything. 

I walked through the front door and leaned against the couch as Tony walked into the living room. The sickening feeling only got worse when I saw the look on his face. Shit. 

What’s going on? 

Instead of answering, he handed me a piece of paper. I was amazed how something that didn’t even weigh an ounce could feel so heavy in my hand. I took a shuddering breath in and looked at the letter, falling heavily onto the couch as I read the words. 

It was worse than all the fears I thought up on my way over. Michael Kasey could be getting out of jail. 

No, I breathed out. I stood up and shook the paper in front of Tony. We have to do something. How the fuck could they release a rapist? We can fight it, right? It says we can bring Josie in to testify again before they grant it. 

Look at the date, son. I didn’t like his tone, and I was even more reluctant to look at the date. 

It felt like a punch in the gut when I saw how much time had passed. July? I could barely breathe. Are you fucking kidding me? How did we miss this? 

Josie’s old landlord called and told me the new tenant was getting mail for Josie for the past few months, and this was in the pile I got when I went to pick it up for her. She never forwarded her mail, and the lawyer didn’t have the new address or her new phone number to contact her in time.

This was my fault. How could have I been so careless? I didn’t push her to forward her mail, and because I threw her phone in the lake, she was forced to get a new number. I messed with her safety and now she’s in a position I swore she would never have to worry about ever again. Did the hearing already happen?

I called as soon as I read the letter. Ms. Carmichael said the trial happened a couple weeks ago. He’s out, Seth. He’s been out for a little less than a week.

The paper fell to the floor. Ice poured over me. Fuck. Fuck! He almost killed her! I wanted to hit something—someone. A part of me wanted to scream, and the other part wanted to cry. Cry for the girl I was madly in love with who would be devastated and terrified when she heard about her rapist’s newfound freedom. 

How are we going to get through this? I asked, crestfallen. Josie’s been doing so well, Tony. I can’t take away the little bit of happiness she’s had. How am I supposed to tell her about this? 

I don’t have a good enough answer for you, Seth, but she needs to know. She needs to be alert.

Do you think he’ll come looking for her? Waves of terror crashed into me.

Tony’s face remained solemn. I’ve known guys like him. He’ll want to come after the person who put him in prison for the last seven years. 

What do I do? I asked hoarsely. 

 Do everything you can to keep her safe. Take her to more self-defense classes. Teach her how to shoot a gun. I don’t care. Keep her safe.

In that moment, I let the anger and fear take root. I made a promise to myself that I would do anything to keep Josie safe. 

If that included killing her rapist, then I’d do it. 

Because if I failed, I would rather be dead. 

Chapter 3

Seth

Holy shit. She doesn’t know? Are you kidding me? Brandon exclaims, bringing me back to the present. 

I don’t want her to live in fear that he might come back after her.

He pauses and runs a hand over his mouth. Do you really think he’ll come after her?

I have no doubt about it, I answer thickly. This isn’t the type of conversation I want to have with him. Luckily, my phone saves me from telling how badly I want to kill his dad. Josie’s ringtone blares, and immediately, the simmering depression settles. 

Hey, Pussycat.

"Hey, you. What are you doing?" she asks. I can hear her smile through the phone, as if she’s just as happy to hear my voice as I am hers.

Heading over to the warehouse to pick up something, then I’m coming home. You having fun with Brooke?

She hesitates briefly. Yeah, of course. Alec’s annoying the hell out of her. She giggles softly and it sounds like she’s shifting positions on the bed. He keeps getting into the cabinets and pulling out all the pots and pans. 

I hear some yelling in the background and smile. Get him some wooden spoons. That will really piss her off. Josie giggles again, and just like every other time she laughs, my heart squeezes.

Good idea, but I don’t think I can handle that noise right now.

Still not feeling well? I ask, growing more worried about her. 

Last month she had to go to the doctor because she was sick with the flu. We thought it went away after she finished her antibiotics, but this last week she started feeling crappy again.

Yeah, but I’m still feeling up to going out tonight. Then we have your whole birthday in bed tomorrow. Her voice turns low and seductive, and I can’t even pretend I’m not affected by it as I squirm a little in my seat. 

You have no idea how good that sounds. This is going to be the best birthday I’ve ever had. I turn my signal on to pass the idiot in front of me. 

Better than the time I caught that skunk for you when you turned nine? 

I laugh as I remember that awful birthday present she trapped in the woods on my parents’ land. "Yep. Better than that and better than my fourteenth birthday when we accidentally walked into the adult bookstore."

Hey. I genuinely thought it was a bookstore. I was trying to find a present for you.

I found an awesome present, all right, I tease. She huffs through the phone. Don’t worry, pretty girl. You were the one I jacked off to at night.

 She laughs. Lovely, she says sarcastically. 

Sitting right next to you, man, Brandon grumbles loudly. I slide a smirk his way before looking back at the road. 

Well, let’s hope I’m not puking my guts out tomorrow, Josie says. 

Mmm … you’re killing me. Stop talking dirty to me or I’ll get into an accident.

"Seth. Oh, god, you did not seriously just say that in front of Brandon!" 

I did, and he’s pissed because Brooke never lets him get it in anymore.

I am so beyond done with this conversation. Get home safe.

Always do, Pussycat. I love you.

Love you, too, Sethy Poo. 

Just you wait, dude, Brandon says once I hang up, crossing his arms. When you and Josie have a kid, you’ll see.

I don’t think Jos wants kids yet, but even then, I don’t think that would stop us.

Brandon raises a disbelieving brow and shakes his curly hair out of his face.

My thoughts linger on the idea of having kids with Josie. It’s taken so long for her to work through the guilt and depression over the abortion she had a couple years ago, bringing up the possibility of kids hasn’t been top priority. But kids with Josie? Hell yeah I want that. 

After I pick up what I need at the warehouse, I head toward Tony’s house to drop off my gun. He’s the only one besides Brandon who knows what I’ve been doing behind Josie’s back, and even though we both know Josie has a strong dislike for gun use, we each have permits to carry a gun. Until I feel more comfortable telling her the truth about Michael and my gun, I’m keeping it here in Tony’s safe.

On the ride back to my house, Brandon tries for the hundredth time to convince me to go to Vegas for a bachelor party before the wedding next month. 

We could bring the girls with us, too.

Dude, if you really think I can go to Vegas and not marry her in some little white chapel with someone dressed in a ridiculous costume officiating, then you are seriously underestimating how much I want to marry her. I take my eyes off the road for a second to watch him throw up his arms in frustration. "And before you say who cares, you haven’t seen how hard she’s been working on the wedding plans. She would literally kill me if I convinced her to elope."

You suck. Brandon grumbles, changing the radio station. You want to play football next weekend?

Sure. Who’s all coming? I pull up into the driveway and turn off the truck.

Brody’s coming back so we can work out some more details about the expansion, and I think Robbie and Dom will be there.

My brows slant down, and I pause before opening the front door. Have you talked to Brooke yet? 

No way. It’s going to kill her. 

I understand that all too well, so I let it go. For now.

I walk into the house and find a mess, which is unusual for our house since Josie is so annoyingly picky about things being clean. She especially hates when I leave my shoes in the hallway.

Brooke is lying on the couch watching Alec crawl around the room, his blond hair finally growing and curling on the ends, wearing a Panthers onesie over his diaper, and squealing. Josie comes crawling out of the kitchen roaring and chases after him. Her dark-brown hair, highlighted slightly from the sunny days over the summer is pulled into a messy bun on her head, and she’s wearing Nike shorts with her Harry Potter t-shirt. She looks sexy as fuck. 

And I don’t mean just because of her clothes and hot body, I mean because she’s fucking adorable playing with her godson. She reaches him and pretends to gobble him up while tickling his sides. He lets out the cutest giggle ever, and Josie eats it up with a big smile. 

You can’t hide from me, mister, she coos and starts kissing his belly. 

Something about this—something about watching her—makes my heart skip. I see her play with Alec all the time, and every single time I swear it’s the most beautiful thing in the world. It’s taken a year to get her to this point, but I’d do it all over again just to keep seeing her this happy. 

Twenty bucks says he screams for the rest of the night, huh, babe? Brooke looks at Brandon and grins. He walks over to her and kisses her fully on the mouth. 

No way, Josie says, picking Alec up and turning around to face us. She gives me the most gorgeous smile and then looks down at Alec. He’s an angel. 

Alec smiles up at her, showing off his two bottom teeth, then starts fidgeting until she sets him back down on the floor. She skips up to me and puts her arms around my neck, standing on her tip toes to kiss me as if she’s been missing me for months rather than a few hours.

This is the happiness people go their whole lives searching for. 

 You’re so gorgeous, I say softly and run my thumb over her cheek. She smiles brighter, the dimple on her right cheek and laugh lines around her eyes making her look even sexier. 

You’re looking pretty good yourself, handsome. She kisses me again, and I forget all about the problems of the real world. I forget that her rapist is lose again. I forget that I’m re-educating myself on how to shoot a gun so I can murder him if he comes after her again. I forget about everything except the way her tongue feels against mine. 

Her body molds against me, and I wrap my arms around her waist to get her closer. She lets out a tiny, sexy-ass moan when my hand slips under her shirt and plays with the band of her shorts. Her hands tug at my hair and she kisses me harder. I’m seconds away from picking her up and taking her to our room. 

I love it when she gets lost in these moments with me. I never take a single kiss from her for granted; I treat every touch as if it might be the last time I ever get to hold her. 

Her hands move to the bottom of my shirt and she presses her small fingers against my abdomen, setting my skin and blood on fire with lust. Her soft touch affects me in a way I never felt with anyone else. No matter how gentle she is, every stroke of her fingers on me is a massive assault of sensation. 

I pull away from the kiss and lean my forehead against hers. I need to calm the fuck down. A nine-month old is in the room, for fuck’s sake. 

I have a surprise for you tonight, she whispers, her voice thick with desire. 

I sure as hell hope it involves you naked and using that sexy-ass tongue, I say hoarsely. 

Something claws at my leg and I pull away reluctantly to find my godson trying to pull himself up and slobbering all over me. I grin and lean down to pick him up. 

Yeah, she makes me drool, too, buddy. I wink at Josie and she grins back. 

They never stop, do they? Brandon says from across the room, sitting on the couch with Brooke, rubbing her feet. I give him the middle finger behind Alec’s back and Brooke starts cracking up. 

Yeah, not for much longer, she says in a fit of laughter. She must be drunk already. 

Brooke, Josie says, voice hard. I gaze at her and watch her shake her head at Brooke, a myriad of emotions flashing in her beautiful dark-blue eyes. Can I talk to you for a minute?

Brooke rolls her eyes, but gets up to follow Josie to the back porch. I look back at Alec who’s playing with my hair, and shrug. 

Girls are crazy, little man. And really, really moody. Stay away as long as you can. He starts chatting back some nonsense, and I shake my head at him. "No, I’m