Through Paige's Eyes: A Confidence Book - Self-Worth: Confidence, #1

By Melanie Macek

People say they admire a strong woman...until one has the confidence to defend her high standard of self-worth.

Growing up with a beautiful mother isn't always easy. Especially when you look just like her and she happens to be the woman most men crave...and have tasted.

Paige Nelson is sexually conservative, thanks in part to having a hyper-sexual mother. Her mother flaunts her figure while Paige does everything to hide hers. She would love to experience a satisfying, physical relationship just once in her life. As of high school graduation, she has yet to find someone who hasn't slept with her mother and would date her just for the opportunity to compare the two. Paige moves three thousand miles away in order to get a fresh start.

Not only does Paige discover a passion for history, she finds someone who loves her for herself and does everything to show her that she is worthy of respect. Thanks to his love, she finds her confidence and realizes that enjoying sex does not make her a slut, nor does denying someone sex make her a cold-hearted bitch.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Melanie Macek
• Release date: Jun 30, 2016
• ISBN: 9781533785176

Book preview

Chapter 1

Summer Before Freshman Year of College

Newport, Rhode Island

Crowded was not an accurate description of the island of Newport. Locals and tourists alike thronged the main thoroughfare and the road leading to the wharves. In some spots of the sidewalk, people were literally shoulder to shoulder. Tourists were easily spotted in their Land’s End shirts and Capri pants or knee-length shorts, though a few women wore dresses which reached mid-thigh, their legs sporting a new summer tan.

I sat in the lobby of our bed and breakfast waiting for my parents to emerge from their room. They’d come out to Newport to help me get situated in my new dorm room at Salve Regina, and have a family vacation.

It was difficult to call it a family vacation, though considering my younger brother Robbie had elected to stay home. He’d said the coach wouldn’t let him take a week off from football practice so just the three of us had flown out to the East Coast.

I tugged at the hem of the dress my mother has insisted I wear on the harbor cruise they’d booked. It came to my knees, thank God, and was mint green and peach with spaghetti straps; a flimsy number that barely covered the important parts up top. Thankfully, my mother had realized it could get cold on the water and had added a light knitted shrug in a matching peach color to wear over it so at least my shoulders would be warm.

This was my parents’ last night in Newport and while I was sad to see my dad leave, I was more than ready for my mother to go back home. As if my thoughts had conjured her, she drifted down the staircase into the lobby. Her chocolate brown hair, disturbingly close to the same shade as my hair, flowed in light curls around her shoulders creating a halo around her flawless features. With blue eyes encased in slightly slanted eyelids, high cheekbones and legs for miles, it was no wonder every man within viewing distance stopped to stare at her. And at me.

Those features I described? Those were also my features. Although wearing no make-up and baggy clothes in dark colors helped set us apart sometimes. Except tonight. She’d come in to do my make-up herself and I knew better than to wash it off before the end of the evening.

"Ah, Paige, ma jolie, you look divine. Doesn’t she Felix?"

My father smiled at her and I raised an eyebrow, at him which he ignored.

Yes, she does, Aurelie. Our daughter has grown into a beautiful young woman.

She was already using French endearments and Dad was placating her. Which meant she’d already been hitting the bottle. Great.

I smiled and kept my thoughts to myself, walking behind them out the door, trying to ignore the leering looks from the men around us and the inviting looks from my mother.

For two years now, I’d tried to ignore the signs, the looks, the unspoken invitations. What I couldn’t ignore was walking in early from a movie night with my best friend Fallyn to find my parents and another couple engaged in some very interesting activities that didn’t require clothing. I’d been quiet and they’d been so involved that not one of them had heard me enter the house. They’d been in the back bedroom and I’d listened only long enough to know that I needed to walk right back out the door. I’d driven around, eventually ending up at the park where Fallyn and I took our walks. I hadn’t called her because I’d been too embarrassed to tell her what I’d seen.

I caught the eye of a man watching my mother’s hips sway as she expertly navigated the cobblestone street in three-inch heels. He shrugged unapologetically and I shook my head, forcing my attention to the harbor in the distance rather than the ‘view’ directly in front of me. Where my dress was made of a gauzy material and could have easily been mistaken for the shades of sherbet ice cream, my mother had opted for a skin-tight, black lace sheath dress with a nude underlay effectively making every person do a double take to see if she truly was naked beneath the dress.

I didn’t know how Dad could ignore all the looks she received. Maybe he was scoping out potential partners, too, but was just more subtle about the whole thing. He was handsome in his own right. Just shy of six feet tall, he was still lithe without the hint of a belly that a lot of men his age seemed to have. I wish I’d gotten more of his looks. Maybe then people wouldn’t look at my mother and then me with such lustful hope. My stomach lurched at the thought and I was in danger of losing what little I’d had to eat at lunch.

Thankfully it was only a few short blocks to the wharf where the sunset cruise sailed from. I was handed on to the deck by a rather burly, sun-roughened deckhand who let go as soon as I set my foot down. He then reached for my mother. I didn’t turn to watch her hand linger or to watch her fake-stumble so she could have an excuse to put her hands on his muscles. It had played out so many times before that I didn’t have to see to have the perfect visual floating through my mind. I ignored her breathy responses and walked toward the front of the boat.

I sat as the ship began its departure. Dad kept my mother near the back and I silently thanked him. Of course, that was also closer to the helm, where the burly man had taken his spot at the wheel.

A young man who disconcertingly reminded me of my neighbor-and former crush-Derek sat down beside me giving me a look I was all too familiar with. I sighed and turned toward him.

Are you enjoying the cruise?

His tone was smooth; like a man used to getting his way. He couldn’t have been more than twenty. I watched as the muscles in his tanned forearm stretched and danced as he placed a hand on the foot he’d just propped on one knee. I sincerely hoped he was a tourist. That way I wouldn’t have to see him once I started school and needed to run errands in town.

So far. Can’t tell though since we’re not really into the harbor yet.

He glanced out at the water and nodded. Then his gaze landed on my mother. The look in his eyes changed and I knew our short conversation was over. Dad was on the other side of the boat headed my way and the man next to me took that as his cue to go hit on Mom.

I didn’t watch him go, instead leaning back to watch as the water crested white against the hull of the craft. The Pell Bridge loomed near, I’d seen the name on a sign as we’d crossed over it coming from the airport in Hartford, making a perfect backdrop for the evening. Sunlight glimmered on the water and I pulled my sunglasses from the small clutch I carried. Another part of the outfit my mother had insisted on.

Do you think you’re going to be alright here in Newport, Sweetheart?

Dad sat next to me and I felt the genuine smile curl my lips upward.

I think so. It seems like a nice little town. I talked to a few shop owners over the last few days and they said around September the number of tourists really drops off and I’ll get to experience the true Newport.

He smiled. I bought a few things for you that I think you’ll need. They’re in the room. Don’t forget to get them from me.

Let me guess. I couldn’t stop the giggle from escaping. A new, improved LED flashlight and a small can of pepper spray that will attach to my keychain.

His face went pink and I hugged him.

Dad, this is why I love you. I don’t even have to ask and you’ve got me covered. I just wish you didn’t have to go back tomorrow.

He hugged me back and I snuggled into the crook of his arm against the warmth of his body. No matter how old I got, he would always be my daddy. The one who took care of me no matter what my mother might say. She was very jealous of our relationship, which had never made any sense to me. He was my dad. He was supposed to watch out for and take care of me.

I know. I’m going to miss you, Paige. It’s going to be weird not hearing music coming from your room or smelling the latest herbal supplement or massage oil you’ve discovered. Are you sure Salve Regina is the best place for your degree? I mean, there are plenty of nursing colleges on the West Coast. Why is this one so much better?

I bit my tongue before I told him the real reason.

They’ve got a great program and it’s a perfect opportunity to explore all of the cities here on the East Coast. Who knows how much I’ll be able to travel once I get a full time job. Might as well take advantage of it while they’re all within less than a four-hour drive.

He shook his head. You may look more like your mother, but I fear you’ve been cursed with my practicality. I’m sure you’ll succeed at anything you put your mind to, Sweetheart.

Thanks, Dad.

I tried not to cry as we sat and watched the sun set over Narragansett Harbor. I was ready to start a new adventure. I just wished I could do it closer to home so I could still spend time with my dad. Out of everything I was leaving, I would miss him the most

Chapter 2

End of Freshman Fall Semester

The first semester of college flew by faster than I anticipated. I’d been housed in Reefe Hall, with a good number of the other freshmen. I was done with the first round of required classes for my nursing degree.

Thankfully, I’d ended up with a girl named Sarah Roberts from Allentown, Pennsylvania as my roommate. We’d instantly hit it off and if I was honest with myself, she’d become an even closer friend to me than even Fallyn.

We were packing to go home for our first Christmas break. Her family was doing Christmas in New York City. Mine? Probably just the same as usual. Staring at a stack of presents large enough for at least ten children, waiting for my mother to decide we had spent enough time together. Not that I really expected Robbie to be home much.

I had talked with Dad about once a week over the course of the semester. I’d only talked with my mother twice. Once because she’d answered the phone when I called to talk with Dad and the other time she’d called to confirm what time my flight landed.

Fallyn and I had texted occasionally at the beginning of the semester, but as it got closer to Christmas, we didn’t keep in touch as much. I figured it was because we were both studying for finals. We were supposed to meet up over the break and I was looking forward to it.

I folded a pair of jeans and put them in my bag.

Hey Paige, can I borrow your peach sweater? It fits my boobs better than it does yours. I’m thinking of wearing it when we go ice skating at Rockefeller Center.

I threw the sweater at her, which I’d just set on my bed to fold and put in my suitcase.

"Of all my clothes, that’s the only thing you want to borrow? I took the few steps to her bed and began looking through her bags. What else do you have hidden in there?"

She laughed and smacked my hands away.

Just the dark gray leggings that look fantastic with this sweater. It’s not like it gets cold enough in Sacramento for you to wear those wool-lined things anyway.

I shook my head and resumed packing.

Just make sure you bring them back in one piece. Try not to fall on the ice and rip them.

She gasped in horror at the thought. "I do not fall when I skate. I might accidentally lose my balance around a hot guy, but I don’t fall."

I couldn’t help the snort-laugh that escaped. I’m sure Sarah and my mother could be compared to each other. The difference between them was, Sarah was upfront about her flirting whereas my mother didn’t think she was doing it. Or did know and just denied it when confronted. I really wasn’t sure.

Try not to fall too hard. I’d like those leggings back. My California blood hasn’t fully acclimated to these New England winters.

Just wait. We haven’t even fully hit winter yet.

I shivered at the thought and she shook her head at me.

Speaking of California, are you planning on spending the summer at home?

The tone of her voice was serious and I stopped packing to turn and face her.

I don’t know yet. Why?

She glanced away, looking suddenly unsure. Something Sarah rarely was.

Well, I’d like for you to think about spending the summer with me. It would be a working summer, but it would give you a chance to see more of the East Coast.

Where will it be and for how long?

I sat next to my suitcase, waiting for her to continue.

Well, it will start in Plymouth for the first six weeks. The second six weeks will be in Boston cataloging the letters of Benjamin Franklin and other people from the Revolutionary era that were recently donated to the city. A handful of pamphlets were thrust at me and I took them, glancing at the glossy covers showing beaming students digging up some artifact or another out of the dirt.

All the information is in those pamphlets. Costs, dates, lodging, all the important details.

So you want me to spend my summer either digging stuff up out of the dirt or stuck in some musty library cataloging? That’s not much of a sell, Sarah.

I said it with a grin but she suddenly looked worried that I wouldn’t even consider it.

Before you say no, remember that cutie professor whose history class you’re taking next semester?

That guy who looks too young to even be a professor?

Yeah, Professor Majors. He’s in charge of organizing the student volunteers from Salve Regina for each project.

After much convincing from Sarah, I’d sat in on one of his lectures before deciding to take the class. It wasn’t a necessary class for my major but would count toward hours I needed. His teaching style had pulled me in and I’d immediately added the class to my schedule. I looked up to find Sarah still watching me anxiously.

Just tell me you’ll think about it.

I nodded, stuffing them into the outside pocket of my carry-on bag.

I’ll read over them on the flight and I’ll let you know what they say.

Sarah squealed and I laughed as she grabbed me into a tight hug.

I hope they say yes.

~<<<~~>>>~

The flight home was uneventful and at least on this end, someone was at the airport waiting for me. I thought Dad was supposed to pick me up, but was surprised by Derek standing next to the baggage carousel.

Hey, Paige.

His appraisal put me on edge. A year ago I would have been thrilled that he’d noticed me. Now? Not so much. I kept eye contact to a minimum, but it was difficult not to notice the changes in him. He’d grown about six inches and seemed wider in the shoulders. I wasn’t thrilled by the fact that he was the first one I saw. Why couldn’t Mom or even Fallyn, for that matter, have come to get me?

I thought Dad was supposed to come get me?

He frowned, taking the bag from my hands as soon as I tried to pick it up from the conveyor.

He had to work late so Aurelie asked that I to come get you.

I immediately perked up at his use of my mother’s first name. I couldn’t remember him ever saying it before. A bad feeling settled in the pit of my stomach. Things must have really changed since I left for college.

I was grateful he didn’t try to force small talk on the drive home. We lived not far from the capital city and before long we were pulling up into my parents driveway. Cars lined the street and I could see the outline of bodies in the living room behind the curtains.

As I got out of the car, I noticed Derek was moving toward me so I moved to the back of the car.

Leave your bags.

No, thanks. His moves felt calculated and made me feel uncomfortable. There are a few things in there I don’t want left in the car.

I stayed standing next to the trunk until he popped it and grudgingly took my bag out of the compartment.

Rolling it toward the garage, I went through the side door earning another dark look from Derek. Oh, I knew what he was doing. My mother had thrown a party and he was supposed to escort me through the front door for all to see. Hell, no. She knew I hated parties. Dad had mentioned that she wanted to throw one over Christmas and I’d told him fine as long as I didn’t have to attend. I guess this was her way of getting what she wanted.

I leaned my suitcase and carry on against the wall and grabbed a soda from the fridge in the garage. Drinking the entire thing before even moving toward the door, I pushed the door open and straight into some unsuspecting party-goer. Dad was supposed to have changed the door to open into the garage, but Mom hadn’t wanted to take the chance that it would hit her car. Instead, I’d hit a person.

He gave me a dirty look before moving toward his date. I shrugged and moved further into the room. Choruses of ‘she’s here’ rang out around the living room.

My mother strode toward me, a smile on her face. Only an idiot would think she was happy to see me.

Where have you been? We saw the car pull in almost ten minutes ago.

Mother, it’s only been five and I went through the garage so I could put my suitcase down and get something to drink.

She turned a look toward Derek and he actually blushed before looking away. He looked as if he wanted to profusely apologize to my mother. For what? Not getting me to blindly follow what she told him to do?

Dad walked up to me then and wrapped me in his arms, kissing the top of my head.

How was your flight?

I smiled and hugged him back. Long, uneventful, and I would love to take a shower and get something to eat.

My mother made a noise. Well, a shower will have to wait. You have guests to greet. You can nibble on a few things but it would be rude to sit and eat a full meal.

Biting my tongue hurt, but I did it to keep the peace. I felt Dad squeeze me a little tighter, and I knew that she was in that mood. One wrong word would set her off.

Lead me to the finger foods.

Mom smiled, a genuine smile this time, and I watched Derek follow her to a corner across the room. She gave him a look that said she wasn’t happy with him, but that it wouldn’t take much for him to make amends. Gross. What little thoughts of crushing on Derek that might have remained from high school were now thoroughly and forever squashed out of my mind.

I caught sight of Fallyn sitting near where my mother and Derek now stood smiling at each other. Robbie sat next to her, his hand on her knee. Really? How long had this been going on? And why was it that my supposed best friend hadn’t said anything about dating my brother?

This evening was fast turning into something I didn’t want to remember. I didn’t know any of the other people currently occupying our living room. Against my mother’s wishes, I made a humongous plate of finger foods, filled a glass with the wine sitting on the counter and commenced eating. Not once did she come looking for me and the only people I spoke to were the ones who came in to refill their wine glasses.

A few actually talked with me. There was no way they could mistake who I was. A few simply leered and one older man had the nerve to ask if I would show him my bedroom.

No. I don’t know you and it’s my personal space.

I’ve seen every other room in this house. What makes yours so special?

My mouth dropped open. Ew, just ew. It’s special because it’s the only room in the house my mother hasn’t screwed a stranger in and I plan to keep it that way.

He leaned closer to me then and tried to look down my shirt. I wasn’t asking to screw your mother in there.

I know. The answer is still no. I don’t fuck my mother’s cast offs.

He called me a bitch before walking away. Luckily, it also triggered the end of the party. I heard the front door slam, a few murmured questions, and then the unmistakable sound of keys being removed from pockets. I tiptoed from the kitchen and ducked down behind the crowd now leaving and into my room.

Breathing a sigh of relief, I flopped back onto the bed and stared at the ceiling. All of my toiletries were in my bag, which was still in the garage. I would have to wait until Mom went to bed before retrieving it. I could wait that long and longer if I needed to

Chapter 3

I woke the next morning with a raging headache and a tongue that felt like it was wrapped in fur. My suitcases sat next to the door thought I didn’t remember going back out to the garage to retrieve them. Dad must have brought them in for me.

Clanking and the sound of the vacuum reached my aching brain through the closed door of my room. Might as well get up and see what was going on. It was obvious Mom wouldn’t let me sleep in any longer. I glanced at the clock and saw that it was only ten.

Yawning, I stretched and got up, putting on the robe hanging on the back of my door before sneaking into the bathroom across the hall. I took a quick shower, instantly feeling better. Dressed in a pair of loose sweats, warm socks, and a Salve Regina t-shirt, I padded down the hallway and into the dining room.

Mom, Dad, and Robbie were all seated at the kitchen table. A frisson of worry skittered through me at the sight. Robbie never sat at the table, not to mention that it was long past breakfast time.

I wondered if you were ever going to wake up.

There was an edge to my mother’s voice I hadn’t heard in some time. Dad’s face was blank and Robbie refused to meet my eyes.

It’s only ten and I was kept up until after midnight after sitting on a plane for eight hours. It would have been nice to sleep in even longer.

My mother’s shoulders stiffened. I noticed Dad’s expression and internally winced. Apparently Mom had been on the warpath for some time already.

Do I really have to be here? My brother practically whined. It sounded strange hearing such a childish sound come from his teenage body. I have to be at work in less than an hour.

Go, Robbie. This doesn’t concern you.

My brother walked from the room, still without having looked at me. What the hell was going on? Regardless of what was about to happen, I wasn’t about to deal with it or my mother without coffee. I walked into the kitchen and pulled a cup from the cabinet. Pouring the last of the coffee from the pot into the cup, I added a bit of milk and sugar to it before joining my father at the table.

What is this really about, Mom?

I wasn’t in the mood to deal with my mother’s moods. She swung around at my tone and the look on her face would have normally made me cringe and apologize.

Why are you so ungrateful? I went to a lot of work to put together that party for you and you couldn’t even talk to all of the guests. Half of them thought you were rude for leaving early and I had to make excuses for you. I can’t believe you couldn’t take my feelings into consideration.

Really? Her feelings? What about mine?

"I don’t know what they’re talking about, I was in the kitchen. I didn’t ‘leave’,