Licentious

By Jen Cousineau

Josephine: 

I lost my life when I turned eighteen. Well, not technically. Technically, I'm still alive. My heart beats, and blood continues to pump through my veins. But my dreams destroyed my family, which ultimately, destroyed who I was. 

Happiness. What is happiness? Helping others? Making sure I have a smile on my face, especially in the moments when all I want is to die? Then yes. I am happy. 

Aléssandro: 

I wanted to be a doctor. Instead, I had to fill my brother's role in the family business. And now? Now, I am a heartless, cold-blooded killer. Not every story has a happily ever-after. Mine vanished the day my brother was murdered. That day, who I was, died with him. 

When Josephine and Aléssandro's paths collide, their fates try to intervene and save each other. But can they be saved? Will the secrets they keep and the betrayals they are faced with destroy what they share? Or does love truly conquer all? 

***WARNING*** This book is rated for mature audiences only, due to sexual content, including violence, sexual violence, and strong language. It also contains how one person can help a human being overcome the struggles from such traumatic events

• Language: English
• Publisher: Jen Cousineau
• Release date: Jun 17, 2016
• ISBN: 9781533771315

Book preview

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, brands, media, and incidents are either the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to similarly named places or to persons living or deceased is unintentional.

Acknowledgments

I’m going to try to keep this short and sweet and cross my fingers that I haven’t forgotten anyone...

First of all, I need to thank my amazing husband, Jim, for everything that he has done to help me get this book accomplished. He picked up A LOT of slack for me so I could focus on writing this story as soon as he came home from work until the wee hours of the morning, just to get up and do it all over again. And surprise! He even helped me with a few of the steamy scenes!! To my daughters, Butterfly & Lovebug, I know you guys are so young and won’t be allowed to read this until you’re older, but your enthusiasm and sacrifice of time with me will mean more to me than you will ever know. I love all three of you so much, and I can only hope that you never forget or doubt that.

To my amazing beta readers: Corinne Vande Zande, Karen Van Horn, Sara Waldvogel, Amber Parenteau, Debbie Kollins, Stephanie Gresham, Steph Schiefer, Katrina Albarracin, Ginger Andrews, Norma Grijalva, Lee Ann Cousineau, & Chelsea Barnes. Each and every single one of you contributed in some way to make this story as amazing as it is. Whether it was letting me bounce ideas off of you, rereading, or getting together with me for wine and brainstorming, or even kicking my ass into gear and out of the bitch squad, and encouraging me to finish when I thought I was never going to reach my deadline. I LOVE each and every single one of you!

To my brother, Erik, who helped me with all the ideas I had rolling around in my head. Being a police officer, my crazy texts on how to kill someone and legal aspects – he swallowed them with grace and gave me the information that I needed without thinking that I needed to be locked away ;)

To my AMAZING friend, and kickass PA, Norma Grijalva–you amaze me. Just starting out and we are kicking ass. Well – you are, I’m just along for the ride ;) Seriously, though, the efforts and time and knowledge you have put into this book is astounding. I cannot wait to see what’s ahead for us. I feel like a simple Thank You is just... too simple. I feel like you deserve so much more! If it weren’t for you, I don’t think I’d have the time to write. I love you Shorty!!

To my incredible friend and designer, Ginger Andrews, I love the shit outta you! G, your support, your honesty, your creativity, thank you. Thank you for all that you do for me as my ‘unofficial PA’ ;) You and Shorty make one helluva team, and we crazy bitches are so lucky to have you both in our lives. You are amazing. Don’t ever forget that babe.

To my proofreader Linda Kotlyarsky, thank you! For being so efficient and honest, and going above and beyond the definition of a ‘proofreader’. You made this story go from great to incredible. :)

I also want to thank all of the amazing readers who have given me a chance. None of us authors would be doing what we do if it weren’t for all of you! To all the amazing bloggers and authors out there that I have met thus far, or have yet to meet – you all are amazing! The positivity and strength in the relationships that most of you have proven and given to me thus far is incredible. It makes me so confident in my decision to give this dream a chance. Thank you to each and every one of you!

Playlist

Bad Things by Jace Everett

Human by Christina Perri

Can’t Breathe by Leona Lewis

Over You by Miranda Lambert

Beam Me Up by P!NK

Slipped Away by Avril Lavigne

All of Me by John Legend

Kiss Me by Ed Sheeran

Hey Brother by Avicii

Angel by Sara McLachlan

The Great Escape by P!NK

I Won’t Give Up by Jason Mraz

Say Something by A Great Big World & Christina Aguilera

Let Her Go by Passengers

Searchlight by Phillip Phillips

Bennie and The Jets by Elton John

Breath of Life by Florence and the Machines

Breathe Me by Sia

Demons by Imagine Dragon

The Monster by Eminem & Rhianna

Little Talks by Of Monsters and Men

Lemme See by Usher & Rick Ross

Slow and Steady by Of Monsters and Men

Stay by Rhianna

God Gave Me You by Blake Shelton

Listen to the author’s playlist for Licentious on Spotify: http://open.spotify.com/user/12145921835/playlist/6MkaNOzFzpb1O7wN6UKO5L

To true love.

Licentious /līˈsenSHəs/

1. lacking legal or moral restraints; especially: disregarding sexual restraints

2. marked by disregard for strict rules of correctness

Prologue

I never had a mother. Well, technically, I do, but in reality she’s a total bitch who couldn’t remember to take a pill regularly, and... well, here I am. Surprise!

I love my Dad, though. He tries his hardest to make up for my mother lacking on all levels. My brother, Aedan, is seven years older than my sister, Eve, and I, but he’s never treated us as ‘annoying little sisters.’ In fact, if you take my Mom out of the equation, we’re a tight-knit family who truly are best friends. Cliché? Maybe. But, fortunately, for us it’s pure truth.

I wish I could tell you my life is all rainbows and butterflies, but then I’d be giving you complete bullshit. One dream, my dream, broke everything. It destroyed my family, my best friends. It destroyed me. It tore me down, causing me to defend myself the only way I knew how. I just simply stopped caring. Until I met a man who tried to change all that I felt. Until he believed in me, to make me see how beautiful life can be if I just let life in. I started to believe. He helped me see what I was missing, that is until I discovered who he really was. How dark and dangerous he truly was. How believing in him meant turning my back on everything that I believed in.

I won’t promise you butterflies and rainbows. Shit, I won’t even promise you a happily ever after, simply because I don’t even know how this is going to end.

I’m Joey. Welcome to my hell.

Chapter One

Nine Years Earlier

"So... what’s the plan for tonight?" Eve asks me. I spare a glance at her and see her bright, cerulean blue eyes twinkling and her smile showcasing her deep dimples.

Well... there’s this contest... I start to tell her. I really hope she’s game for it. It’s our eighteenth birthday today and being that it’s a Friday, we don’t have school tomorrow—works perfectly. The only downfall is if she doesn’t want to go. I mean, it’s our eighteenth birthday. It’d be wrong to not celebrate it together. We’re best friends, in spite of being sisters. Identical twin sisters. Maybe it’s selfish of me, but this could be it. This could be the break I need to make my dreams come true.

Hello! Earth to Joey! Eve is nearly yelling beside me, making me jump back to reality. I hear cars honking from behind me.

Yeah, yeah. I’m going, I mutter. Sorry, I zoned, I tell her and then go back to our conversation.

So what contest? And why didn’t I hear about it before now? she asks me as she takes out her file for her nails from her peach Coach purse that Daddy gave to her last night for her birthday.

Well, it’s a songwriting competition. All participants have to be eighteen to enter, and they have to perform their own songs. Music and all, I tell her as I start to chew on the corner of my bottom lip. A nervous habit I picked up years ago. I don’t like performing. I’m talented and gifted with a decent voice, but the idea of doing it in front of a crowd of people makes me want to vomit. I just want to write music.

"Tonight? Hell, yeah, baby! This could be it, Joey! I mean, like, it it!" she shrieks as she starts bouncing in her seat like an excited toddler.

Jesus, Eve, simmer down. I laugh. Yes, tonight. And I know. Trust me, I know.

Oh, Joey, don’t be nervous. You’re incredibly talented! Your music is amazing, and you may not believe it, but you really do have a beautiful, soulful voice, she tells me as she pets my head as if I’m a dog.

I roll my eyes at her as I swat her hand away from me. Thanks, I mutter and then turn left down our road leading home.

So where’s it at? She beams. Can we drink?

You can since we have a fake ID, but if I’m registering for the contest, I want it all to be legit. So... I’ll be just your average eighteen-year-old underage in the club. I roll my eyes regretfully. It’s at Monsoon.

Well, being that you’ll be eighteen, and we’re identical and all, I doubt they’ll buy the fake. She pouts and crosses her arms over her chest and slumps down in her seat.

Now I feel bad. I knew this would be a deal breaker for her, but can I really pass up this opportunity? I mean, this could be it.

I pull into the driveway and turn the key to shut off the engine. Unbuckling my seat belt, I turn toward her and wrap her hands in mine.

"Eve. The winner of this contest wins three guaranteed meetings with the top three music labels in the industry, $10,000, and the song they perform will be bought by the top leading label. Bought, Eve! Please, Eve. I start to beg, Please don’t make me pass this up. I promise, as soon as the contest is over, we’ll take our fakes and go party somewhere else where we can use them. You can call the shots for the rest of the night. Please, Eve."

A huge grin spreads across her face. Deal! She giggles before flying out of the car and practically running inside. Following her lead, I sigh and get out of the car. As soon as I walk through the door, I stop in my tracks as I take in the current reprimand that’s happening now. Never fails. I shut the door behind me and make my way to the middle of the living room to stand beside my sister.

So nice of you to join us, Josephine, my mother snarls. As I was telling Evelyn, there is a list of chores for the both of you to accomplish. We are having friends over for a barbeque tomorrow. I expect the list to be completed by tonight and for both of you to be present and well rested tomorrow.

Um, you do realize that it’s our birthday, right? Eve snaps with disgust clouding her face.

"And? You live in this house, my house, she starts to yell, you each have responsibilities for being in this family.

It’s our eighteenth birthday! We don’t have to listen to you anymore! Eve fires back. Anger flushes her cheeks.

"If you don’t like it, then pack your bags and leave. But, she hisses as she stands from her seat on the ugly 70’s style paisley sofa, if you decide to stay, you will abide by my rules."

Then why doesn’t Aedan ever have to? I cut in, forcing my anger down and my keeping voice soft and steady.

Because Aedan is a grown man with a full-time career with the police department, who basically only sleeps here, she replies sternly, but sadness clouds her coffee colored eyes.

Whatever, Eve sighs as she rips the list from our Mother’s hands. But you know, Mom, a ‘happy birthday’ would be nice to hear. At least once! she says as she turns for the stairs that meet the front entryway.

I turn to follow just as Mom stops us. Bitterness laces her voice.

"And what? I suppose you’d want a birthday cake, too? You girls have enough trouble keeping your figures. If it were up to me, you’d never be allowed sweets of any kind. And your father definitely wouldn’t be taking you out every year the night before your birthday for dinner. Empty calories are all that is. The one hour of daily exercise I require of you both definitely is not enough. She rolls her eyes. You’re dismissed." She purses her lips and waves her hand as if we are trash.

Bitch. I roll my eyes and lightly shove Eve to make her move up the stairs leading to our room. My Mom has always been like this. As far as I know, she’s hated Eve and me since she found out she wasn’t carrying boys. Our bodies are never good enough. Our talents are worthless to her. Our grades are never good enough, even if we have straight A’s. We aren’t pretty enough. Basically, we aren’t good enough. I don’t know what we ever did for her to hate us, but it royally pisses me off.

My father, on the other hand, I love dearly. He tends to be bitched at by Mom a lot when it comes to us. Sometimes he cowers and gives in, and other times, he stands up for us to her. Eve and I are both total daddy’s girls. Always will be.

God, she’s such a bitch! Eve vents as she throws her backpack on her bed before flopping down beside it. We live in a remodeled cape cod home with four bedrooms and four baths if you include the remodeled basement. Eve and I share the upstairs as our own little sanctuary. We could revamp the floor to give us each our ‘own’ space, but what for? We are together all the time anyway.

And you’re just realizing this now? Really, Eve? I ask her as I make my way over to set my bag next to the foot of the bed. I take off my shoes and start to strip my clothes to change into my workout gear.

What the fuck are you doing, Joey? she asks me in disgust.

Um... we have an hour workout to complete and that stupid Cinderella chore list. I can’t miss tonight, Eve. So get up, let’s do this. I spin toward her, place my hands on my hips, and shoot her my most determined look I can muster up.

"Joey. We. Are. Eighteen. That means we don’t have to work out," she reminds me.

"Yes. I know technically we don’t have to, but do you have a place for us to stay when she decides to kick us out?"

No. And we don’t need to. You know Dad won’t allow her to kick us out, she says without doubt.

I hope not, I mutter.

Let’s get ready for tonight. We’ll talk to Dad when he gets home, okay? she asks as she places her hands on my shoulders. Okay?

Yeah, yeah. All right. I sigh.

Chapter Two

Eve and I are both jammed into our tiny box of an en suite to finish the final details of our look. Eve went all out wearing a skin tight, form fitting, deep red bondage dress with a V neckline and off the shoulder straps, the hem hitting mid-thigh. She curled her shiny black hair and left it loose to cascade down her back and shoulders. She went with a dark smoky eye to maximize our cerulean blue eyes and paired the look with a red lip gloss to match her dress.

I decided to stick to being me, and dressing it up just a tad. I chose to wear a dark red tulip skirt, hitting mid-thigh, and paired it with my black lace capped sleeve tee and a pair of black suede booties. I left my long, black hair straight and down and kept my makeup to a minimum with a light smoky eye and nude lip gloss with just a hint of bronzer to accentuate my cheekbones.

I just finished clasping the white gold Celtic cross diamond necklace that my dad, Aedan Sr., and my brother, Aedan Jr., gave me last night during our birthday dinner celebration. He and my brother Aedan went in on our gifts together this year. I have to say, they did good!

A loud whistle sounds from the bedroom, forcing our attention from the mirror.

And where do you ladies think you’re going? my father asks as he crosses his arms and fights the smile that threatens to cross his face. My dad is mostly an Irishman, but since he was born and raised here in the states, unfortunately, there isn’t a hint of an accent. He’s a tall, pale man with balding blond hair. Eve, Aedan, and I have all repeatedly tried to talk him out of the ‘comb-over’ but failed at every attempt. He just isn’t ready to let go and grasp the idea of not having hair. I personally think he should rock that shit.

Eve and I look mostly like our mom, Alannah. We’re tall with thick, straight black hair, naturally tan and curvy, with heart-shaped faces, straight noses, and small but full pouts. We’ve never been ‘fat’, but we were never the societal ‘skinny’ either. Fit and curvy. The way we should be. Even though we resemble Mom so much, we do get some of our best features from Dad. Like his cerulean blue ‘doe eyes’ and his dimples. Whereas Aedan is almost a spitting image of Dad, he did inherit Mom’s coffee brown eyes and naturally bronzed skin.

Hey, Dad! Eve says slyly as she glides to stand next to him before wrapping her thin, sculpted arms around his midsection. How was work?

Hi, princess, and good. You’re not really... wearing that, are you? I mean, out in public. Where men will see you? he asks nervously. He knows that this is what we plan to wear, but I don’t think he’s ready to see us as ‘all grown up’ yet.

Yes, Daddy. We are planning to wear this. Not to change the subject, but we need to talk to you, she says sweetly as she leads him to my bed, sits down, and pats the empty spot next to her.

Uh, oh. This can’t be good, he says softly, running a hand over his face as he sits down next to Eve.

Joining on his other side, I decide to start it off. Mom’s acting like a bitch again, I say quietly.

Joey, it’s not nice to call anyone, especially your mother, a bitch, he scolds. Exhaling, he continues. What’d she do now?

"Well, besides calling us fat, again, she gave us a huge chore list when we got home from school. And it has to be done by tonight for her stupid barbeque tomorrow, Eve whines. Daddy, it’s our birthday!"

"I understand that being a part of this family means that we have to help out, but Dad, it’s not fair that she makes us do everything, and Aedan never has to lift a finger. He’s her golden boy, and we’re her flippin’ Cinderella," I vent.

Tell me what your plans are for tonight? he asks.

Dad, are you even—

Tell me what your plans are, my dad says sternly, cutting Eve off.

There’s a songwriting contest tonight at Monsoon. Each participant in the contest has to perform their own songs and music. I’m entering. I refuse to miss it, Dad, I tell him, slightly shaking my head.

A songwriting contest, huh? he asks. What does the winner get?

$10,000! Eve nearly shouts.

And, I laugh, "the song the winner performs will be bought by the leading record label in the industry, and they’ll be guaranteed a meeting with three of the top labels in the country."

Wow. And you’re confident that you’ll have the guts to actually perform? he teases.

I hope so. I roll my eyes. This could be life changing if I win.

Well, happy birthday, my angels. He smiles. "Give me that damn list. I’ll take care of it. And I’ll deal with your mother. If this is what you want, Joey, he says as he turns to peer into my eyes, then you perform your ass off tonight and fight for what you want. Understood?"

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I throw my arms around his neck, jumping into his lap and hugging him as tight as I possibly can.

Um... I feel left out, Eve pouts.

Aw. Little Evie is feeling lonely? I tease in a baby talk voice.

Whatever. She rolls her eyes, and Dad pulls her into our hug. So this list... it’s pretty big, Dad.

What’s on it? he asks.

I think you’re better off asking what’s not on it. Eve laughs.

Figures, Dad mumbles as he stands and runs his hand over his balding spot. Maybe that’s why he’s going bald. Dad takes a step forward, turns to face us, and plops his hands on his hips as he crumples the list in his hand. So... those outfits. Are you sure you want to wear that tonight? he questions again, red blushing the apples of his cheeks.

Eve and I both just laugh. Yes, Dad, we both say in unison before laughing at him again.

Just thought I’d ask. I want you girls to have fun tonight, but I also want you to be safe, he says sternly. I know that you know better than to leave any drink unattended and to never accept a drink from anyone other than the bartender or server, whether it’s water, soda, or... something stronger, he ends on a shaky breath. He brings his thumb and forefinger to the bridge of his nose to gently pinch it as he closes his eyes and slightly shakes his head. Without looking up, he asks, Are you ladies planning to drink tonight? Honestly.

Eve and I look at each other. We’ve always been able to be honest with Dad. Whether it was about boys or school, or whatever. In fact, even when Eve and I both started menstruating, we went to him—not Mom. I never was okay with lying to Dad about anything. Besides Eve, Aedan and Dad were my other closest best friends. I know, I know. That sounds cheesy, sad, and cliché—but they really are the best people I know. Sure, I have friends outside of our little gang, but if I had to choose, I’d choose these three every single time.

Possibly, I spit out before Eve can throw him a lie. I hear her gasp before she shakes her head and crosses her arms over her chest. What? I hiss at her. I’m not going to lie to him!

All right, all right, Dad says softly on a sigh as he shakes his head again. "I appreciate the honesty. I know... I know you both are adults now, but I want you to know that you will always be my little angels. I want you to have fun, but I want you to be safe. So, he says as he perks up a bit and claps his hands and then rubs them together, if you both end up drinking, I want you to be responsible and call me for a ride. I’ll take you back to your car in the morning after ensuring that your hangovers suck the life out of you." He grins widely.

Aw, Daddy, I don’t get hangovers, Joey does, she teases.

Yeah, I’ll be screwed. I laugh. Are you sure about that though, Dad? I mean Mom will be pissed!

"Yeah. I know. Like I said, let me deal with your mother. Just make sure you both have your cells on you, and on. Aedan’s working third tonight, but he told me to wish you both a happy birthday and that he’ll take you out for breakfast in the morning if he’s not forced for the next shift."

Awesome! Nothing better after a night of drinking than breakfast! Eve says excitedly. I mean... so I’ve heard, she whispers.

Dad just laughs. Yeah, right, he says shaking his head. One more thing, then I’ll let you get to your plans. You both know that you’re not fat, right? You’re curvy, but you’re also in shape and strong. Curves are... good. He nods his head. You’re both beautiful and your Mom’s a fool to think anything but.

So why does she hate us so much? I whisper.

Your mother doesn’t—

Yes, Dad, she does. But you know what? She always has. And she’s showed me what type of mom I won’t be. So fuck her. I shrug.

Eve laughs and Dad beams a smile. That’s my little angel! He gives Eve and me one last hug before wishing us both a happy birthday and me good luck for tonight. Tonight. Ugh. Can I really do this? I have to. I need to.

Ready? Eve asks as she slips on her nude pumps and grabs her clutch. Grabbing mine off my bed, I follow