Dank Summit

By Dan Baldwin

What happens when the preacher’s wife really gets a dose of the Spirit and takes her husband’s commandment to confess to heart – in the middle of the service? What really goes upstairs at Miss Purdy’s Saloon and Euphemism saloon when Sheriff Matt Dullard goes out of town? Who comes out on top when Arizona Territory is invaded by an all-girls baseball team taking on all comers in high stakes baseball? How does a simple misspelling turn a quiet afternoon at a small country store into the scene of a near riot and a revelation about the nature of small town humanity? And why would things have worked out better if only Gomez had been a girl?
Enter the realm of human folly personified by the citizens of the small Southern town of Dank Summit. Also enter the realms of the Old West, the possible near future, and some places that are beyond understanding in Dan Baldwin’s new short story collection Dank Summit and Other Short Stories.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Dan Baldwin
• Release date: May 2, 2016
• ISBN: 9781370055104

Dan Baldwin

Dan Baldwin is the author of westerns, mysteries, thrillers, short story collections and books on the paranormal. He is the winner of numerous local, regional, and national awards for writing and directing film and video projects. He earned an Honorable Mention from the Society of Southwestern Authors writing competition for his short story Flat Busted and  a Finalist designation from the National Indie Excellence Awards for Trapp Canyon and Caldera III – A Man of Blood. Baldwin received a Finalist designation in the New Mexico-Arizona Book Awards for Sparky and the King. Bock’s Canyon earned the Winner designation in the 2017 Best Book Awards. Baldwin’s paranormal works are The Practical Pendulum – A Swinging Guide, Find Me as told to Dan Baldwin, They Are Not Yet Lost and How Find Me Lost Me – A Betrayal of Trust Told by the Psychic Who Didn’t See It Coming. They Are Not Yet Lost earned the Winner designation in the New Mexico-Arizona Book Competition. How Find Me Lost Me won the Winner designation in the Best Book Awards 2017 competition and the Finalist designation in the New Mexico-Arizona Book Competition.

Book preview

the Smashwords edition

DANK SUMMIT

and other short stories

Dan Baldwin

Dank Summit and Other Short Stories

A Four Knights Press Production

Copyright © 2014 Dan Baldwin

All rights reserved

Except as permitted under the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

First Edition, 2016

Smashwords License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment. It may not be resold or given away. If you would like to share this ebook, please purchase an additional copy for each person with whom you want to share it. If you're reading this ebook and did not purchase it, or if it was not purchased for your use only, please return to smashwords and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the author's work.

Disclaimer

This is a work of fiction, a product of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance or similarity to any actual events or persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Although the author and publisher have made every effort to ensure there are no errors, inaccuracies, omissions, or inconsistencies herein, any slights to people, places, or organizations are unintentional.

Cover Design: Annette Yeates Tolbert

Back Cover Design, Formatting: Debora Lewis, arenapublishing.org

To learn more of Dan’s short stories, novellas, and novels: www.fourknightspress.com, www.danbaldwin.biz or contact Dan directly at [e-mail]

Table of Contents

Mrs. Crawelander and the Three Bears

Fangus Magnus Rex

Dumb Kid

Flat Busted

Pet

Poor Marty

Gomez Should Have Been a Girl

Meat

One Snakebit Day

Mater

Shuck

A Special Corner of Hell

Gunsmirk!

Desert Bloomers

Sign of the Times

About the Author

To Annette Tolbert Yeates

A good colleague, a great friend and

the best sister a guy ever had.

Mrs. Crawelander and the Three Bears

This is an awful mercenary conversation to be having in a church. Deacon Jerimiah Pembrake looked from a painting of Jesus pinned to the presbytery wall to Pastor Brice Crawelander who drummed his fingers on the nearly empty platform of his office desk. Who do we really worship here, Brice – Jehovah or the Building Program?

Clayton Arnold glanced at his watch, to Crawelander and then to his fellow deacon. That’s uncalled for, Brother Pembrake. Brother Brice is just saying what needs to be said. The parsonage is in serious need of repair.

As is the nursery, Pembrake said.

Arnold rested his hands on his ample belly. He was a big man made bigger, as with many church volunteers, by dedicated self-sacrifice to free church dinners, pancake breakfast fund raisers, attendance on the chicken ‘n peas circuit of local civic organizations, and free meals from one end of town to the other. This, sir, is the First Church of Dank Summit. Brother Brice and Lornetta deserve a decent roof over their heads."

As do the children.

Crawelander leaned forward with a sigh that seemed to carry the burden of many prayers toward the ceiling fan whirling from above. Boys, we have some dispute over the expenditure of church funds. I understand.

Pembrake said, There is no dispute about the need for funds, Brother Brice, just the way those funds are to be used.

We are therefore in agreement gentlemen. The church needs funds and needs them in short order.

Yes, but—

Brother Jerimiah, I propose that we focus our united efforts on that agreement. We will raise the funds now and debate their disposition at a later time.

Arnold beamed. The wisdom of Solomon.

Crawelander returned the beam. Well, that is settled. Brother Clayton, will you remain a moment?

Of course, Brother Brice.

Pembrake, recognized the obvious dismissal, stood up and with a brief goodbye left the church office.

Arnold listened to the retreating footsteps before speaking. You got your hands full there, Brice.

Crawelander smiled. By long forbearing is a prince persuaded, and a soft tongue breaketh the bone.

Well, you got a gut full of forbearing headed your way. He’s not going to give up.

For now….

Arnold leaned in and spoke in a soft voice. If you need cash and if you need it fast – and you do – there’s only one sure way.

Old man Murray?

Pious Pete. It’s the only… he’s the only sure way.

Crawelander leaned back and looked to the fan above. Arnold could almost hear the circuits clicking in the man’s head. We can’t hit him head on. He tithes and then some. And he’s never turned us down any time we’ve asked for a little extra.

You think we’ve drained the well?

Crawelander shook his head and smiled. He that tilleth his land shall have plenty of bread.

The key to old Pious Pete is Jewel.

Of course!

And with the revival next month….

Brother Clayton, Jewel Murray is now chairwoman of our spread the word committee.

Spread the word?

Yes, Sir. And you’re her number two. Handle it. And remember your Proverbs. ‘The hands of the diligent maketh rich.’

Arnold informed Jewel Murray of her new responsibility that afternoon. Her response expressed a combination of humility, responsibility, enthusiasm and joy. She threw herself into the task of preparing the community of Dank Summit for her church’s annual summer revival. Arnold, far more than just a number two, guided her every step. He saw to it that she experienced every facet of the church’s many good deeds in the community. He was never too shy to point out how the church’s money was behind the good deeds and how the Lord’s work on Earth required a continuing source of funding. Lornetta Crawelander was assigned by her husband to assist in the process. It was a task she took on with a dedication of spirit and with joy in her heart. She took the responsibility as something of a commandment. She walked with sister Jewel every step of the way.

Another area of responsibility of the newly-created spread the word committee was to hold a series of prayer meetings in preparation for the revival. She, and Arnold, arranged modest socials in the homes of church members. The purpose was to prepare the members’ souls for the coming summer spectacular. The church members and many of the town’s non-members began to get caught up in what was becoming a frenzy of prayer and expectation. Jewel Murray was caught and swept upward in the emotional storm she and Arnold created.

Pious Pete Murray basked in Jewel’s glow, accepting humbly the ‘bless-hers’ that bounced off her good works to land in his lap. Reverend Crawelander made a number of special visitations to Murray’s Furniture and Appliance to praise her work. He often used the phrase her ‘sacrifice for the Lord’ in these conversations. He also made certain to mention ‘rewards in Heaven’ in conjunction with such sacrifices.

At last the heat