SPAGtionary Vol. 1

By JM daSilva

This is a book of short stories that teaches you spelling, punctuation and grammar at the end of each funny, erotic, romantic, horrific or gory story.

Laugh your way into an A in English.

• Language: English
• Publisher: JM daSilva
• Release date: May 9, 2013
• ISBN: 9781301940097

JM daSilva

I've always been a crazy teacher in class and as incredible as it may sound, this kept students' interest and they got great grades in English. I write movie subtitles and scripts, and I'm successful doing it, but writing books will be fun too. Check out my book. Tell me what you think.

Book preview

SPAG: Spelling, Punctuation, and Grammar

A Salacious, Gory, and Funny Dictionary of Errors a la Aesop

JM daSilva

Copyright © 2013 JM daSilva

Published by Mulata Books

Smashwords Edition

This e-book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This e-book may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reprinted or reproduced or utilized in any form or by any electronic, mechanical, or other means, now known or hereafter invented, including photocopying and recording, or in any information storage or retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publishers.

MULATA BOOKS NOTE. This is a work of fiction. Names, characters places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or used fictitiously, and any similarity to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or places is entirely coincidental.

The publisher does not have any control over and does not assume any responsibility for author or third party Websites or their content.

Introduction

A-ten-hut, Grammar Greenhorns! This is General Grammar!

Your adventure into a fun way to learn all about SPAG: Spelling, Punctuation, and Grammar – through salacious, gory, and fun stories – starts now. I am the living incarnation of Aesop, but instead of teaching morals, I will teach you all about SPAG. This stylebook collection on SPAG will cover everything so you can become a better writer.

Regardless of what kind of writing you do (literature, essays, reports, journals, and so on), you can profit from this fun book with stories that will terrify you, tickle your funny bone, and bring some romance and drama into your life. And all of them will teach you interesting tidbits about SPAG.

It is almost impossible to get your writing free of any kind of SPAG error, even this stylebook might contain it, but you should strive to make your writing style as free of it and as consistent as possible by following a few rules. Perfection might be impossible, but we should always pursue it, and by doing so, we improve every single day.

This is a stylebook on SPAG errors and SPAG prescriptions meant to provide you with a consistent writing style, which I follow in all of my stories here.

Even though SPAG is a slang term used by people who are training to be writers, I plan to popularize the term through this book.

I believe in rating books, so this is rated PG-13.

Go to Chapter 1 and enjoy the first story!

General Grammar says, Have fun!

Table of Contents

Introduction

Chapter 01 The Claws of Destiny: Spelling

Meet the trolls, witches, and tycoons that will take you into an adventure where the wrong spelling or mispronunciation can lead to dire consequences

Chapter 02 Order of Adjectives: French-American Intercourse

Budding romance between an American and a French woman

Order of cumulative and coordinate adjectives and comma usage

Chapter 03 The Comma Show: Monogamy comma

A studio has to deal with crazy situations

Chapter 04 Comma Prevents Murder and Cannibalism: Cannibal Family and Sniper Family

Two different stories about very dysfunctional families

Chapter 5 Hyphenation with Age and Size: Love and Age

Romance between people of very different ages

Chapter 6 Passive Voice: Peter Passive

A passive individual who is a victim of every kind of bully

Chapter 7 Lie/Lied; Lie/Lay/Lain, and Lay/Laid: Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep

A story of magic taken to an extreme level in the Middle Ages

Chapter 8 Hyphenated Adjectives: Camelot in Concert

A thriller involving a femme fatale and an FBI agent

Chapter 9 Fanboys: Donald Doubles vs. Patty Prey

A serial killer faces his victim with surprising consequences

Chapter 10 Hyphenated Adjectives 2: Pig-Male-Lion

A woman comes face-to-face with a modern chauvinist pig

Chapter 11 Relative Clauses, Phrases, and Paragraphs: Relative Claws

A hit-and-run accident and the reaction of the surviving relative

Chapter 12 Subordinate Clause - Subordinate Claws: Werewolf Uprising

Werewolves are bound to vampires by magic to obey them

Chapter 13 Introductory Words, Phrases, and Clauses: Last Week on Death Row

A man sentenced to death comes face-to-face with the people connected to his victims and an uninvited guest

Chapter 14 Introductory Participles and Infinitives: Bleeding Bat, Batman!

A man saves a bat and that brings consequences

Chapter 15 As, As if/Though, and Like: Shotgun Wedding

Messing with the daughter of a hillbilly family will result in this

Chapter 16 Capitalization Rules: The Bird Who Would Be Country

Family gets together to celebrate thanksgiving

Chapter 17 Posessive Case: Topsy-turvy Travel Agency

You become acquainted with a crazy travel agency where the extraordinary is ordinary

Chapter 18 Plurals and Apostrophe: Topsy-turvy Travel Agency 2

The travel agency story goes on

Chapter 19 Apostrophe with Time Phrases: Topsy-turvy Travel Agency 3

The travel agency adventure continues

Chapter 20 Subject NO COMMA Predicate: Nosy Neighbors

Neighbors investigate missing neighbors

Chapter 21 Phrasal Verbs and Compounds: The Bait

A brave reporter risks her life to cover the story of a serial killer.

Chapter 22 Hyphenation with Age: Maturity Blues

Children start a revolution

Chapter 23 Hyphenation with Numbers: Oscar and Chloe

A horror and love story

Chapter 24 Relaxed Pronunciation/Speech and the Schwa Vowel: Dorm Prank

A college student plays a prank on a roommate, but things don’t turn out as he expected

Chapter 25 Spelling, Accents, and Dialects: The Claws of Destiny: Chapter 2

The witches and tycoons in Chapter 1 continue the story of a world controlled by money and magic where witches protect humans from trolls

Spelling, accents, and dialects

Acknowledgements

About the Author

Chapter 01 Spelling: The Claws of Destiny

Let’s begin the book with a story to teach you spelling.

There are words spellcheckers never correct because they're not mistakes. Many of them are homophones, words pronounced the same but with a different spelling. Pay attention to the italicized words.

It’s its claws that I fear

It’s here. Crawling among us with its claws ready to rip our entrails. It’s an unstoppable army with a voracious appetite. And we are its most tender morsel. The worst part about it is that it’s invisible. It’s ready to destroy us. Its power of invisibility is what makes us easy prey.

The teenagers are having fun in the living room. No suspicion. The parents upstairs can’t see the creature’s claws when it passes by as its stealth capabilities are insurmountable. Its claws extends as it sneaks up to the kids in the living room. It’s ripping the kids apart, and the parents hear the screams. Too late. As the parents burst into the room, the General of the Army attacks them with its invisible claws. It jumps on the woman’s throat and starts ripping it apart. Its appetite knows no bounds.

Outside, a man is walking his dog. Relaxing. He loves the little creature. The invisible army surrounds him noiselessly. He feels there is something wrong. His gut tells him something doesn’t smell right. The leading creature extends its claws, and it’s ready for action. It crawls its way up the man’s leg tearing tendon from tendon.

A man escapes to the gelid Arctic, but there is no surcease. Not even there. He runs up the hill, but the army gives chase. The General of the Army jumps and buries its claws in the man’s back and takes out his heart.

The invisible army has started its charge. It’s time to destroy. To tear limb from limb. The screams resound in the night all over the world. Global death toll after the invasion has ensued: ten million people. They do not take prisoners. The invisible army continues its attack and humans are defenseless against it. Death toll two years later: five hundred million people all over the world.

It wasn’t the end of