Parenting With Pets, the Magic of Raising Children With Pets [Revised, Second Edition]

By Margaret Hevel and Christine Hamer

Parenting with Pets offers insight into the magic of raising children with animals. It also highlights the learning opportunities that pets bring to the family. Written by Christine Hamer and Margaret Hevel, this mother and daughter team share their invaluable advice with readers on how pets enrich the relationship between parent and child, and how a pet's nonjudgmental companionship can restore balance in the whole family.

For the pet professional, Parenting with Pets offers techniques to help parents cope with raising children and pets together. This book will complement a trainer or behavior consultants family plan, reinforcing the value of incorporating the pet into the family system.

Parents will appreciate the many examples of challenging life lessons where our pets can be the most effective teachers for our children. Fascinating and informative, Parenting with Pets is an essential guide for those interested in raising compassionate, responsible and thoughtful children.

• Language: English
• Publisher: eBookIt.com
• Release date: Apr 26, 2016
• ISBN: 9781456620691

Book preview

Martindale

Dedication

To all the pets who have enriched our lives and made us better parents.

Acknowledgements

This book was created because we love animals and children. We have been enriched because of their involvement in our lives. Several stories in the book were written by children; we thank them for sharing. We also have many adults to thank for their contributions. Molly and Bonnie, your stories were great. A special thank you to Gail Hanninen for collecting so many of the childrens’ stories, Liz Wilson and Pam Bennett for reviewing the sections on parrots and cats, and the many readers who gave us valuable feedback and helped to improve the book.

We also wish to thank our family and friends for all their support and for reading versions of the book as it evolved. Last but certainly not the least; we would like to thank you, dear reader, for buying our book.

WHY THIS MATTERS

Nothing’s impossible in my world of make-believe.

Birds move in the air above. Some day I’ll join them.

I can fly to the ground from huge rocks and big logs.

And . . .once I flew from the top board fence . . .

That’s a long ways.

Wanna see?

- Margaret Hevel

Ask children about their animal friends and watch their faces light up. Animals touch an intimate part of our souls and enrich our lives. They can be a working partner or a guardian angel. Even the most jaded adolescent will soften when shown the furry faces of kittens or puppies. Animals ground us. They help us not to take ourselves too seriously. Their very nature impels us to earn their trust. Their unwavering faith in us invites us to live at our best.

This sense of well-being and of being loved should be reason enough to recommend that all families include animals in their lives. However, there are also physiological benefits to owning a pet.

These health benefits are even gaining attention from the medical community. As a key seminar speaker in 2002, Doctor Edward Creagan, a Mayo Clinic cancer specialist said, I consider getting a pet to be one of the easiest and most rewarding ways to living a longer, healthier life.

At one time, Canada was considering a bill that would subsidize the costs of pet ownership for the elderly. Supporters of this bill claimed that the money spent on pet welfare would be offset by a reduction in medical and health care expenses. Their claims were based on some substantial studies. In 1999, Petnet Australia estimated that companion animals saved the Australian government a whopping 2.27 billion dollars of health care expenditures. The study found that when compared to non-pet owners, people who own pets visit the doctor less often, use less medication, have lower cholesterol and blood pressure, recover more quickly from illness and surgery, are less lonely, and deal better with stress.

The elderly are not the only ones plagued by stress. Stresses placed on our children have skyrocketed over the past twenty years. Children as young as nine years old are experiencing panic attacks, and twelve-year-olds are suffering from ulcers. Chronic stress can elevate blood pressure, a major cause of cardiovascular disease. Some elementary schools, aware of the growing epidemic, are offering stress-reduction classes.

Adolescence is one of the most stressful times in human growth and development. Not only is society placing pressure on youth, but also the adolescent’s body is changing at a rapid rate. Teen suicide and homicide rates have tripled. Teens have so much going on in their lives that, as parents, we often walk that fine line between encouragement and intrusion. Teaching teens methods to handle stress can help reduce their anxiety. For instance, encouraging a teen to take the dog on regular walks can be very therapeutic, both physically and emotionally. During physical activity, the body stimulates the release of hormones that combat depression. Walking with a dog will take advantage of the pet’s natural calming effect in addition to the benefits of walking.

In February of 2000, researchers at State University of New York in Buffalo studied a group of stockbrokers, one of the most stressful professions. As part of the research, the stockbrokers were paired with a pet in order to study the effects of having a pet in the family. Although all of the subjects showed some kind of health issues at the start of the research, the results showed that a pet provided a positive impact on the general health and well-being of the stockbrokers. The researchers admitted they were not sure exactly how the animals effected the positive changes. They hypothesized, however, that it had to do with reliability and consistency. They believe that pets provide a calming comfort in an otherwise chaotic world. A companion pet can offer this same comfort and consistency to our children.

Another reason a companion pet’s presence can be so important for our children is its effect as an antidepressant. One study found that a few minutes of cuddling a pet relieved more stress than talking with a parent or a friend. Further, if a child is carrying out an unpleasant task such as a dreaded homework assignment, a pet’s presence was more effective in making the task palatable than having a human companion.

At Purdue University Center for the Human-Animals Bond, Dr. Alan Beck found that nearly seventy percent of children confide in their pets. The children said that they knew their pets would not betray them or their secrets. In general, children gave animals high scores for listening, reassurance, appreciation, and companionship. They also believed their pets provided them with unconditional love. One 1985 Michigan study found that seventy-five percent of children age ten to fourteen turned to their feathered or furry friend when they felt upset. Pets don’t discriminate and they don’t judge.

A pet can serve as a safe outlet for different family members to share with one another. Pets offer parents teachable moments; they can be a conduit both for our children’s and for our emotions. Communication that might be stilted and difficult can flow smoothly over the shared task of grooming a pet or cleaning a cage.

* * *

Providing an enriched environment encourages children to become active participants rather than observers.

- Marion Diamond, PH.D., Magic Trees of the Mind

* * *

A pet’s ability to open communication is especially important for teens who are more apt to bury their feelings than to express them. Adolescents are often so confused that it may be impossible for them to find the right words to convey what they are feeling. If children lose the ability to talk about their feelings, they may become depressed and therefore feel alienated and alone. Animals can help teens through this difficult time because they demand interaction. The attention needed from the teen may be as simple as tending to the animal’s basic needs or as complex as giving a training session.

Animals respond to sunrises and sunsets, to the pulse of seasons, to the gravitational pull caused by the changing phases of the moon. By spending time with animals, we relax, our pulse slows, our pace tempers. We reconnect to a natural sense of time long forgotten. Let us take you on a journey to explore the value of letting pets and nature into your home. We feel the gifts that animals and nature bring will enrich your lives. They will provide you with varied opportunities for teaching and for creating gateways to communicating with your children. Some of the activities we suggest cost as little as a pencil and piece of paper. Others can be more involved.

As you read through this book, we invite you to listen, talk, and become involved in the life of your child. There is only one key ingredient to successful parenting: time. We must touch the lives of our children daily, or one day we may realize that our children are grown and gone and our chance to influence their lives has passed. The best parenting costs nothing…love is free.

CHILDREN AND PETS

A child who is exposed to the emotional experiences inherent in playing with a pet is given many learning opportunities that are essential to wholesome personality development

- Boris Levinson, Child psychologist

"Mommy, Daddy, can I pleeeease get him? I promise I’ll take care of him all on my own." Most parents at one time or another have been subjected to the persistent pleas of a child whose heart has been captured by a creature of nature. Usually it is the cuddly furriness of a puppy or kitten.

As tempting as it is to give in, the decision to add a new life to the family should not be an impulsive one. As parents, we teach by example. Our preparation for and careful consideration of adding a new family member is the first step in parenting with a pet. This important beginning models responsibility to our child at its most basic level. When we control the buying impulse, we teach our children to stop and think before they act. It is important for parents to remember the difference between the purchases of inanimate objects, such as toys, and the commitment to another living creature. A pet should not be seen as disposable.

Why Get a Pet and What to Expect

There is evidence that the presence of animals can alter children’s attitudes toward themselves and their ability to relate to others. Live animals are catalysts for social and verbal interactions among children. According to one study, animals as varied as dogs, birds, and spiders facilitated social interactions.

Brenda Bryant, a University of California-Davis Applied Behavioral Science Professor, explains that experiences with pets increase competence in children in ways that other learned tasks cannot. In addition to increased verbal skills, children naturally become more attuned to nonverbal communication as a result of interactions with their pet. This comes from their practice at reading their pet’s body language. But this skill is not restricted to their pet. These children also demonstrated the ability to draw the correct conclusions about emotions from human faces more accurately than those from homes without a pet.

Students with a companion animal are able to express their emotions more freely than children from homes without a pet. This may be due in part to the nonjudgmental attitude of animals. These children also had an easier time in social situations and were more adept at problem solving.

As the child grows, his or her world becomes more and more complex and stressful. A pet in the family can provide a child with a constant. This security allows the child to experiment with different strategies to reduce stress. As parents, we can help coach our children with positive means for them to handle their daily pressures both at home and at school.

Sarah stomped through the front door, slammed her backpack on the floor, slumped into the kitchen chair, and heaved a huge sigh.

I can see you’ve had a hard day.

Sarah glared at her mother and rolled her eyes.

You know, Daisy has been sitting at the gate all afternoon waiting for you to get home and take her for a walk.

I don’t feel like it right now, Sarah mumbled.

I know you don’t; I can tell how upset you are. However, it’s really important that Daisy get out for her walk. I’ll have a snack ready for you when you get back. Her mother put an arm around her daughter’s shoulder. If you feel like talking, I’ll listen.

Sarah heaved a sigh and grabbed Daisy’s leash.

Sarah?

She turned and scowled at her mother.

You know I love you? her mother said.

Yeah, I know.

Sarah walked into the backyard and sat down on the step. Daisy wiggled over to the teen and tucked a nose under her hand. Her soft brown eyes watched Sarah. Almost absent-mindedly, Sarah stroked Daisy’s fur. With each even stroke, Sarah relaxed. Daisy sat beside Sarah, enjoying the attention. After a while, Sarah smiled at her companion. OK, ready for your walk? Daisy danced around Sarah eager for the adventure she knew was attached to those words. Sarah laughed at the antics of her excited pup then snapped on the leash. As they started down the front walk, Sarah was sharing Daisy’s happiness and had all but forgotten the upset that had caused her to feel angry.

Most of the time a pet is eagerly accepted into the home. Occasionally however, the idea of having a pet is more attractive than the real thing. Some children, especially toddlers, may find the new family member frightening. This reaction is not unusual and resembles the response that youngsters might display when a new sibling becomes part of the family. It is important for young children to feel secure with the new relationship and for them to understand that this new addition is not a threat to their being loved. Parents can help with this transition by displaying excitement about the new family member. This will help the fearful child see that there is no cause for alarm.

When the pet first arrives home, everyone will be excited to hold and interact with the new family member, but they may find the animal’s sudden movements upsetting. As parents we can reduce this fear by creating a safe environment for both the child and the pet as they become acquainted. Since all animals need time to adjust to their new surroundings, we can explain the need to keep a quiet voice and to move slowly. This becomes a wonderful opportunity for us to explain about considering someone else’s feelings. By asking our children to consider how frightening this experience must be for their pet, we exemplify empathy and sensitivity. In addition, a relaxed animal is more likely to respond in a positive fashion to the child’s overtures.

Older children may lose interest after finally getting the longed-for pet. According to Dr. Marty Becker in his book, Healing Power of Pets, around ninety-nine percent of children say that they want a pet. That doesn’t mean that ninety-nine percent of children want the unpleasant task of picking up dog poop, changing the litter box, or cleaning a bird or

Reviews for Parenting With Pets, the Magic of Raising Children With Pets [Revised, Second Edition]

[autumnblues · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

A true learning experience even for those parents/pet owners who think they know it all. I was captivated by the warm stories tossed throughout this book of owners and their pets. Each a short adventure into another place and time. At first I was a little skeptical about this book because I thought it might be one of those pushy do it this way with your pet books. After reading I was truly pleased and surprised. I was given advice without the harshness other pet books can bring and presented with examples of real life experiences in the process. Being a parent and a pet owner is hard work but a true joy, only those of us willing to take on the responsibility can know the pleasure it brings to the family. Parenting with pets gets into the joys and sorrows a pet can bring to the family and how communication is much easier with your child when you have a pet in the family. It teaches us how pets caress the soul of even the toughest child and teaches them acceptance and love, lessons they will forever keep and pass own to the next generation. The best part of this book for me was the Grief section since it really puts into perspective how we as parents need to make sure we are there for our children for this process and how important it is.As a parent and a pet owner I have experienced this with my kids and my 20 year old daughter still has a fresh wound since she lost her beloved dog this past year.The anniversary of Niko's death a great Dame/lab mix was the week of Thanksgiving. He was so sick and she struggled with having to put him down. I made sure I was there for her and told her it was her decision. Even though I knew Niko was suffering I did not push her to make the choice until she was truly ready. Parenting with Pets is a great book not only for parents to read before acquiring a pet but also for parents who already own pets. If you are thinking about purchasing a pet for your family it has many tips on how you can avoid getting stuck with the chores after the excitement of pet ownership has died down for your children. You can also find a pet guide in the back of the book that can help to narrow down a particular kind of pet for your family type.

[chaoticbooklover · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

I found this book to be very informative for parents that already have or are thinking about getting pets. I loved how everything was in chapters and each chapter only focused on one or two things. My favorite part of the book was the chapter titled " Will Any Pet Do?" Christine lists some great questions to ask before getting a pet and also details some great pets to consider.The only thing I found lacking with the book was it doesn't take into account much {fish and hermit crabs are mentioned} the reptile pets. Ad a mother of children with pet dander allergies, if it has fur or feathers we can't have it. So we are proud frog, fish, turtle and lizard owners. The personal stories and thoughts added throughout the book are a great touch and we all loved sitting around reading!Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the author in exchange for my review.