Today's Edition

By Adam Wasserman

Greetings, citizen. Your interest in Today's Edition has been noted by the authorities. By electing to access illegal, detrimental and highly subversive material, you have identified yourself as a traitor. Please turn yourself in to your Homeland Security neighborhood substation. Alternately, you may choose to stay where you are, and someone will be by to detain you shortly.

Today's Edition does not exist. It has never existed. Rumors of a popular e-zine created by the Human Resources conglomerate and then spun off to the private sector for an outrageous amount of money are entirely false and should not be trusted. Likewise, no weekly publication in the Bunker was ever hijacked by traitors - repeatedly - as an instrument to achieve their own nefarious ends. Lastly, slander perpetrated against our most trusted and highly regarded citizens - those with an Alpha clearance - will not be tolerated.

How exactly you came to possess knowledge of Today's Edition and where it might once have allegedly been published is surely one of the topics your interrogator will be fond of discussing with you. Why you would wish to spend your time passing on dangerous rumors and gossip is another.

On that note, please be prepared to draw up a list of your fellow conspirators and which recent acts of sabotage, subterfuge, and calumny can be attributed to them.

Thank you for your cooperation.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Adam Wasserman
• Release date: Mar 26, 2016
• ISBN: 9781310230943

Adam Wasserman

Adam Wasserman was - like all human beings - born on Earth. In the years since, he has proved himself to be an avid breather. He also eats regularly.Since all humans look alike, it is hard to differentiate him from the rest. He is, however, easiest to spot when lying on a beach, subjecting himself to a steady stream of dangerous rays from Sol. Such behavior is illogical, a common trait among his species.Eventually, his body will wear out and he will cease to function. In the meantime, he keeps busy by publishing falsehoods in book form, which somehow he imagines others will find entertaining and instructive.Humans are, of course, a strange and unfathomable species.

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