A Year of Living Positively, Volume 1

By Barbara J. Waldern

I decided to do this project as a new writing challenge, and in the interest of coping with aging better. I have heard of the popular term, "positive thinking" and was already beginning to try to apply it systematically and conscientiously to my daily living when I decided to make it the them of a new project. I began posting blogs the day after my last birthday and I pledged to continue doing it until my next birthday for 365 days in a row. A process of reflection through a kind of journal writing thus began, and it has been deepening my understanding of positive thinking and proving it useful in a number of ways. By the 120th post, I had over 150 pages and thought you might like it if I began sharing this internal discussion with you, to make it part of a dialogue with readers. At the end of this quarter, I have achieved a few things. I completed 120 days of blogging, developed a deeper understanding of positive thinking, facilitated by a few relevant sources that have happened along the way, and arrived at eight steps to living positively. My personal growth has been pushed forward by this process, and I feel clearer about what I want out of life. It has helped me to make decisions and take action, thereby enhancing my sense of who I am, my self-confidence and direction in life. I hope this text helps you. Please review and give me feedback. There will be more to come in the next volumes of this year-long project.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Barbara J. Waldern
• Release date: Apr 12, 2014
• ISBN: 9781311440488

Barbara J. Waldern

Born in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada and a graduate of Burnaby Central Senior High School and Simon Fraser University, having studied English lit, French, Spanish, applied linguistics, social policy and anthropology.Has been an ESL instructor, a public service employee, and finally an education researcher before going to teach English in South Korea in 2007. There I taught English to children, university students and working adults. I am also an editor and have recently established a small business called Edwise Editor & Educ. Consultant, Edwise Editor and Education Consultant (#708-1155 West Pender Street, Vancouver, BC, V6E2P4, Tel: [phone], Fax: [phone], [e-mail], www.edwise2008.com). Just prior to this event, I took editing courses. Always been involved in community and anti-imperialist activism, I have been an advocate and network coordinator for teachers working abroad and locally and I sing in a political action choir. Likes: languages, films, music, art, nature, walking and general physical recreation. Dedicated to writing fiction and other categories of nonfiction since 2008 after many years of writing and presenting academic papers. Find copies of some stuff published since 2013 can be found in the special collections of the Simon Fraser University Library.

Book preview

A YEAR OF LIVING POSITIVELY, VOLUME 1

(Blog posts from Dec. 14, 2013 to Apr. 13, 2014)

By Barbara Waldern

Copyright © 2014 by Barbara Waldern

Table of Contents

Foreword (April 13- )

Preamble (Dec 1-2, 2013)

Day 1 (Dec. 14, 2013)

Day 10

Day 16 Depression

Day 18 New Year’s Eve

Day 19 New Year’s Day

Day 20 Article, Positive Psychology by J. Fishman

Day 30

Day 33 A poem

Day 40

Day 45 Reference to book, Life is an Attitude by D. Billington

Day 48 My goals

Day 50

Day 54 A poem to be published in online journal, Toast to a Jackass

Day 60

Day 62 My list of 32 tips for positive thinking

Day 70

Day 80 Tip number 33: enjoy and appreciate food

Day 90 Tips 34-38

Day 100

Day 103 My epiphany, and reference to lecture by Carolyn Steel, author of Hungry Cities

Day 110

Day 113 My new project, a humorous autobiography called Confessions of a Klutz

Day 114 A poem Paris Baguette has no Baguettes)

Day 120 Conclusion

Foreword

This kind of blogging, which is daily autobiographical composition of anecdotal observation and reflection, is a form of journal writing. Journal writing is used by educators, counselors and professionals, social scientists and others, in order to enhance awareness, foster growth, solve problems and make a record. It is a process of learning. That is, it is a process of discovery through reflection of observations of externalities and a naming of experience of those externalities and internal responses. Therefore, it can be considered a form of research.

It is an exploration of the relationship between a person and their social environment, which explores and affects that relationship. An autobiographical work is a narration of the writer’s voice. It is an exploration of self, and the relationships of the self with its social environment. It thereby creates knowledge of the self, the environment and the connection between them.

All journal writing is simultaneously an investigative method and a learning process. Speaking at an educational symposium for teachers just yesterday, a colleague cited this definition of the function of journals as tools of reflection. He was talking about students in foreign language classes using journals as a method of learning, but the definition applies in general, regardless.

One of the most recognized uses of journals is to help facilitate reflection, a critical component of the experiential education cycle. Through journals, students can record a concrete experience, reflect on and record their observations about the experience, integrate the observation into abstract concepts or theories, and use the theories to make decisions or solve problems. (Dyment & O'Connell, 2003)

The colleague made a second citation in his presentation. Students become more engaged and more reflective of both the course material and how to best learn it. (Fritson, Forrest, Bohl, 2011) This quote brings up the point that journal writing, by aiding reflection, makes the author more engaged with himself and the environment. Engagement is another goal of journal composition. It is an outcome of recording observations, noting responses, and thinking about them. Journal writing, then, can bring about social and psychological consequences. Just by facilitating the development of psycho-socio connections, it is necessarily positive.

Journal writing with the particular and conscientious perspective of positive thinking can bring about more and deeper positive outcomes. My blog project, A Year of Living Positively, is certainly evidence of that. Through just 120 days, or four months of blogging on this theme, I was able to come up with an extensive list of pointers for living positively. I was also able to make set some important goals and make some important decisions because of this work. Furthermore, I am able to see more clearly, live more fully, feel more confident, and develop my identity and direction in life.

I began this project for two reasons. For one, I wanted to try a new writing project to develop my skills, experience and track record as an author. For another, I wanted to work toward overcoming the anxiety and sadness that I was experiencing on and off because of aging. I found it difficult to deal with the onset of my senior years. I needed to be grounded in a positive outlook and take steps to live better.

I began with merely a popular understanding of the general concept of positive thinking as looking at the bright side of life to see obstacles and problems as challenges and opportunities, focusing on the benefits of situations and experiences rather than on the drawbacks and disappointments, and so on and so on. As I started to think about the term, however, I was curious enough to search it and found that it is a formal school of psychology. That field employs positive thinking as an approach to help alleviate clients with depression, or just to help sort out preferences and goals, make decisions, solve personal problems, etc.

I started writing about my daily life, just describing highlights of what I was doing and how I was feeling. More and more, I began to think about what positive thinking meant. The blogs thus contain a discussion of positive thinking as a mode of living. Combining this focused reflection with a narration of accounts of my life, I was able to achieve some personal growth.

Read this work and see what you think. Better still, try writing a journal pointedly with a positive thinking approach, and see what happens.

Preamble (posted Dec. 1- 2, 2013)

This is the first day of the last month of the Julian/Roman secular calendar year, a time when I habitually get reflective and make plans, like many of you out there. Having been working at being a serious writer for a few years now, I've also been trying to think up more writing projects. I think one of my plans for the next year shall involve writing some observations of life.

Let me explain my concept of this new project. One day recently, I was marveling at the unexpected nice gestures that can pop up from day to day from all sorts of people in my life, and contrasting it to days when I've been preoccupied with all the negative communications and gestures seemingly aimed at me. I think that I have not been thinking enough about and appreciated the goodness that permeates my life.

I remember reflecting on the good things that have happened to me, and marveling my luck under certain circumstances, or the thoughtfulness of others, and even the timing of such events. There needs to be a more concentrated effort, though.

We working humans can let ourselves become immersed in the habit of focusing on negativity. Now, there are plenty of spiritual advisers and life counselors and philosophers that are always talking about positive thinking. Not that it would be counter-productive to contribute to such discussions, but I think my task here should be to contribute to positive social media input and output.

We should not dismiss the reality of malaise, mental ill health, attitudes of aggression and lack of empathy that are endemic and indeed very problematic in today's societies. Unkind and even cruel acts abound, unfair and non-constructive criticism is too easily let go, predators stalk and maraud, impersonators trick others, lies and black propaganda are spread. It is just that kind of atmosphere that needs to be combated. Actually, the corporate owned and controlled media is a handy tool built up, exploited and unleashed against positive human movements and efforts at healthy societal change. It is quite a big job for the little guys involved in progressive social media or alternative media to assert themselves, develop scientific yet humanitarian argument, investigate issues, create campaigns for political action, battle for day-to-day social justice, and promote a vision of new and kinder world.

The anti-social presence in the media penetrates the thought of whole populations, so that negative attitudes and pessimism can be absorbed by even the most conscientious among us, stirring up ill thoughts about and ill-will towards our neighbours, colleagues and even friends. We can be infected by such poison. The remedy is the cure of kindness, mindfulness of positive social behaviour and the concern for fellow humans that I am sure is there. I want to challenge the negative attitudes and pessimism that seep out of myself and lots of people to help make us more mindful of the best of human endeavours and exchanges. I want to do it from looking at daily life, even mundane experiences.

Social media can be a place for people to spout, often quite spontaneously, which may result in some fallout. Let's face it: a lot of the newer communications technology is pretty convenient and it can be extremely tempting to inject one's two cents of commentary before we think it over. Sometimes the most innocent and innocuous posts might inflame someone, and you can be surprised when your cheerful intervention prompts a swift and biting reprimand. This kind of scenario is getting more and more tenuous the more and more widely social media is used, and messages are unintentionally shared. I hear acquaintances comment that they now wish to cut down their participation and withdraw from social media opportunities.

It is therefore best to choose topics carefully and plan as you would write an essay. The best ones are well researched and have a high level of intellectual and moral integrity. I think a blog on a chosen theme can turn into a sound essay, even a book. Indeed, has not that happened to many well reputed bloggers? The readers shall decide what they like and value, period. If the material is relevant and well written, it will get attention.

My wish is not just to get attention, but bring attention to positive daily social behavior, celebrate it, share it and encourage it. Here's how.

I want to document the best behaviour that I experience every day for 365 days starting on the day after my next birthday, which happens to fall in mid-December. I intend for these blogs on this thread to be a testament to the many ways that humans express kindness towards each other, express concern for one another, and offer aid or gifts without being asked. I want this blog to lift up readers emotionally and spiritually and encourage them to have faith in human relationships and aims.

We will have to see the outcomes before we can assess this work as an accomplishment. It will be a challenge to keep it up every day, though I am confident, before I even set out on the journey, that I will find enough material to write about every day for 365 days straight. Wish me well, and you'll be helping to ensure that the material is there!

Preamble continued on Dec. 2, 2013

These days I'm feeling more secure, which makes me fell lighter and more carefree. It's a big difference from an era in my life when anticipation of criticism and bad news always clouded my life. I guess I grew up in quite a negative atmosphere although the 60s are recognized to have been an upbeat time.

I grew up with unhappy parents in an unhappy marriage that lead them to be cold, indifferent and pessimistic about their future and their children. We learned not to believe in ourselves. We learned not to expect much. The negative messages attacked us from inside the home, and seemed to outside, though there could be moments of relief from external sources. Of course, we attacked each other. We kids learned fear of life and people. That fear and the neglect (steady psychological abuse) naturally bred distrust and anger, which fed a festering depression. Our achievements and talents mostly went unrecognized by our parents and each other, but our failures and shortcomings got well reinforced.

It got so that, I think, we liked it. At least, as of the age of 15, I often thought that our parents wanted to hold us back, keep us from growing and accomplishing things. They say misery loves company, and I believe it.

Actually, I can remember specific acts on the part of both our parents that proved it. My father, for one, had a deeply jealous streak. Life had dealt him some unfair cards, and resentment smoldered inside of him and would explode once in a while. His mother, my grandmother, had a caustic tongue and could dish out sarcasm like no-one else. I realized later in life that she must have been quite depressed most of her adult life, and she had taught it to her eldest son, my dad, well. (Relatives, maybe my mother, said that she'd had a break-down in her early 20s.) He was forced to do manual labor, though he was a self-employed contractor because of his psychological issues and problems in interacting socially, and because of lifestyle preference, I suppose. It seems he preferred a simple life, and he refused more business when his business grew and he was in demand. Yet, he had quite a jealous streak in him. He would get jealous of the opportunities we had, and what we did and could achieve. I am sure that he employed a conscious strategy of brow-beating his wife and children psychologically. (He probably did it physically somewhat in his early years of marriage--both of my eldest brothers had broken noses that my mother used to always say was from them having fallen off bicycles. They hadn't had bicycles.)

My mother had a different personality, but showed her depression clearly. She would spend whole days lying around the house, not doing anything, except reading pulp romance novels by the crate-loads. She became more and more disinterested in the house, after she had started out enjoying it. My father was too controlling, and he held back funds from her so that we barely had anything to get by on, as he was giving away batches of his earnings to local radical fundamentalist, nazi-adoring Christians. She certainly was not interested in me. She liked the boys best, with whom she could be quite clingy. She never had any confidential mother-daughter talks about life and women's affairs. She never asked me how my day was. She never praised me. Quite the contrary. In the beginning of my pre-teen and teen years, I brought friends in occasionally, and she would praise them and try to come between me and them. When my father was in town, she would come to life though act nervous around dinner time, because he would always complain and he liked just generally to make others uncomfortable and be uncooperative and difficult. Did she want anything to change? Nope, I don't think so. Both my parents escaped into their separate dream worlds. I think both my parents tried to live like children, with as little responsibility as possible, and my father was angry that he unexpectedly had two more mouths to feed in the early 60s, and just gave up. (I always believed that she had tricked him into getting pregnant two more times, after contraception was readily available, probably out of loneliness).

Hence, you can no doubt see how children raised (well, we mostly raised ourselves) in such an unhappy environment could learn unhappiness and general negativity as a lifestyle and world outlook. Of course, it was more than that for at least three of my siblings who have been clinically diagnosed with mental illness.

I worked hard at holding it together, and not getting mentally sick myself. I can say that overcoming that risky situation and not falling into some other one such as drug or alcohol abuse is my biggest achievement. I soaked up all the self-improvement, and new thinking of the 70s, and grew to believe in personal and social change. All the same, it took many years to shed the darkness and it's still a battle to do it today, when I could be labeled a senior citizen. In spite of all my efforts to be a strong and bold achiever, I can see that I have been pretty meek and conservative (though not politically so) in my daily and personal life most of the time. I can see I adopted self-defeating behaviour way back then, and have missed opportunities because of it.

It's ironic that I ended up working in the field of education, since I never liked the classroom experiences that I had as a youth. I realized as a young teen that the attitudes expressed at home were spilling into school life, somehow. I also realized that society was imbued with a lot of negativity and, well, just plain weirdness. The community seemed to be steeped in conservative values, with the requisite fear and distrust, and lack of faith in children and humanity. Many community members including well respected teachers, doctors and clergymen liked to criticize anyone who did not seem to be toeing the line and living up to magazine and TV images of modern people. I guess that's still a great problem today; it certainly continues to affect girls in many negative ways.

Anyway, what I am getting at is that I could see some social and economic causes for the mindset of the day. Not only that, I could see that society stood by some of the behaviors and ideas I felt were unworthy and harmful to humans. I knew what I saw in my parents' beliefs and ways, if you could consider them in isolation of the dysfunction, were what society had been preaching. I could see a dire need for change, and I wondered how others around me could not see it.

Hence, I eventually focused on being a catalyst for societal change, once I felt emotionally and intellectually strong enough. I try in my very small and humble capacity to be part of efforts for change towards social and national liberation, towards social justice and defense of human rights and dignity for the majority. I came to appreciate more and more how culture is one theater in the struggle. I applaud others who try to promote new healthy ways of life and bring about change in consciousness that way. Really, a lot is being achieved, though it's a long and weary road that probably never ends.

Personally, much of the burden of my past has been lifted. Especially considering the economic security that I have been enjoying for the past few years, I have much less to worry about. Sometimes I experience an anticipation of aggravation, criticism or complaints, or some kind of interference, and hesitate before I accept some good news or personal advancement or commendation. It's like I often expect something to go wrong when everything is going fine.

There used to be so little of the good present, or so it seemed. I think I stood in my own way for a long time. Nowadays, my mind and heart are much more open and I can just relax. I can let myself have success. I can let myself enjoy a few degrees of personal liberation. Of course, it is part of the rewards of ageing, but I acknowledge that my efforts to challenge myself and overcome myself, combined with my activities as a bit of an agent of progressive change in the community, are paying off. I want to share the feeling and the knowledge.

Day 1

This is the first entry of the year-long daily blog that I pledged to make a few weeks ago. My project is to write about good things and acts of kindness that I experience for 365 days starting the day after my birthday.

My birthday was actually the 12th, but I envisioned starting to write today on the 14th because the main celebration was yesterday, the 13th, and I have more free time today since it is Saturday. Anyway, I've been ill, as it so happens. I guess I'd better tell you about how my Friday the 13th went.

Friday, December the 13th was a nice day for me, full of good luck, pleasant experiences and kind acts. I went to teach my 11:00 a.m. class, had lunch with colleagues, then went home to rest. At around 4:00 in the afternoon, one of my colleagues-housemates (Bee) came to my door to present me a gift, a knit pullover in my favorite color, which is turquoise. I had just been contemplating shopping for another warm and attractive pullover, especially as I had been thinking of what to wear to the party that evening, when the friend Bee arrived to give me the sweater. I had not expected to receive a gift at all.

A similar experience of synchronicity had happened to me earlier in the day. I took the bus to work at around 10:15 and there was my office mate and colleague, L, on that same bus. We got out and headed up the campus roadway, and I was thinking that I had forgotten to pack some more tissues for my runny nose when a woman handed me a packet of tissues out of the blue. She was standing on the sidewalk handing out the packets of tissues on behalf of her Church, and reaching out to the students on our campus.

Nine friends turned up at my invitation to my dinner party, all colleagues or hiking buddies. Being afflicted with Bell's palsy and sinusitis these days, I had been feeling weak and a bit dull, as well as reluctant to reveal my distorted face and bandaged eye, but their company and goodwill cheered me up. I soon was able to laugh at my uncomfortable and disfiguring predicament. I had written ridiculous predictions on pieces of paper and presented them in the role of a fortune teller, and they received them well and with good humour. C told a hilarious story about trying to ride a camel in Mongolia, and another about his miscommunication with a Francophone about my birthday party invitation over the telephone. We all ate too much. Afterwards, some of us went out into the street and I took pictures of them posing in front of the festival winter lighting.

After a good night's rest, I woke up this morning and found that my smile is returning. The muscles on the left side of my face have been paralyzed for over a week, turning a great smile into a one-sided grimace. Today, I can push back the left corner of my mouth a bit. Another thing is that I am blinking partially. Fantastic! I have not been able to blink for 8 days so far. Not blinking causes irritation and puts the cornea at risk of permanent damage. Sealing the eyelid and covering the eye for most of the day each day has therefore been mandatory. The neurologist must have made a good guess, then, that the eye would be blinking in one week’s time. Hoorah!

My medical care has been terrific, by the way. I was able to get prompt expert attention with the help of hospital volunteers and state-of-the-art technology. The medical center that I go to is full of sharp young compassionate minds, many of them promising young women. Beyond the hospital, people have been considerate and understanding as I stumble along grey-faced and half-blind.

Yes, I'm feeling much better though I should still take it easy. Other friends surprised me with an invitation to meet later today, and I look forward to a short but sweet visit.

Day 2

I'm frustrated with wearing this eye-patch today, but I know that is still necessary for a few more days. I'm trying to get by on less of the medication to treat the fading sinusitis, though I know I should stick to the 5-day regime so as to get rid of the constant congestion. In fact, my head feels a bit cold right now, so I'm wearing a wool tam inside the house.

I got some more messages of concern for my health from friends. I'm still getting birthday greetings, too.

I'm staying home because I know I should rest. I had wanted to ramble along the river with friends who had suggested a hike in my honour, as is our tradition when birthdays come up, but people were busy with other things and I really should rest.

I have had to do some work here at home, anyway. I just finished marking some exams and the results are disappointing. I'm therefore wondering whether I made the class atmosphere too friendly and caused the students to lose some seriousness. The students performed skits and their dialogues should contain content they studied. I gave them very specific instructions but, upon reviewing their scripts, I see that most of them did not apply all the lessons that were required. Reflecting on how the other class did their oral exams in this same course, I see that the results of the other class are much better. In the past, the situation has usually been the opposite, with the first class usually doing better. Well, they will all have to do the written portion of the exam this week, and we'll see how the total scores for the entire final exam pan out.

I also did some editing of translations today. This is a part-time job. I work with a team of translators who translate texts from Korean into English for Language Park, and I check and edit their translations. Things were in a slump for awhile, with hardly any work, but lately there's been more work to do.

I feel sometimes that I work hard enough to rewrite a lot of the translators' sentences that I should be getting a higher rate of pay. This thought was on my mind this past week, and I was thinking of giving it up, when I was referred to a new team. The new team is better prepared. I get whole texts in English, instead of half in Korean and half in English, which is