Standing on the Edge: Dealing with the Aftermath of Suicide

By Jerome Stewart

Blessed with uncommon wit and natural good looks, armed with degrees from Brown and Duke, and engaged to a wealthy investor, Maysie Campbell seemed to have everything going for her. However, her outwardly faultless appearance and professional success masked deep inner turmoil. Her death by suicide in the summer of 2013 shattered peoples’ perceptions of her, and initiated a process of investigation and reflection by those who were close to her, including the author.

Standing on the Edge is an account of Maysie’s life—how people perceived her, and how she viewed herself. This book also traces the lives of three other people, all known to the author by some degree, who likewise died by suicide. These four souls are connected only through the similarity of their tragedies, yet their families and friends are permanently connected through their grief.

The stories gathered here depict the evolution of healing—individual and nonlinear processes that often carry unexpected outcomes and insights. An interpretation of spirituality, fueled by natural imagery—centered in Deer Isle, Maine, Orcas Island, Washington, and Placitas, New Mexico—helps call forth an enhanced awareness of the wealth encircling us all.

ALL PROCEEDS FROM THE SALE OF THIS BOOK—PRINT AND EBOOK EDITIONS—WILL BE DONATED TO CHARITY.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Jerome Stewart
• Release date: Oct 8, 2015
• ISBN: 9780996487917

Book preview

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Standing on the Edge:

Dealing with the Aftermath of Suicide

Jerome Stewart

Blessed with uncommon wit and natural good looks, armed with degrees from Brown and Duke, and engaged to a wealthy investor, Maysie Campbell seemed to have everything going for her. However, her outwardly faultless appearance and professional success masked deep inner turmoil. Her death by suicide in the summer of 2013 shattered peoples’ perceptions of her, and initiated a process of investigation and reflection by those who were close to her, including the author.

Standing on the Edge is an account of Maysie’s life—how people perceived her, and how she viewed herself. This book also traces the lives of three other people, all known to the author by some degree, who likewise died by suicide. These four souls are connected only through the similarity of their tragedies, yet their families and friends are permanently connected through their grief.

The stories gathered here depict the evolution of healing—individual and nonlinear processes that often carry unexpected outcomes and insights. An interpretation of spirituality, fueled by natural imagery—centered in Deer Isle, Maine, Orcas Island, Washington, and Placitas, New Mexico—helps call forth an enhanced awareness of the wealth encircling us all.

ALL PROCEEDS FROM THE SALE OF THIS BOOK—PRINT AND EBOOK EDITIONS—WILL BE DONATED TO CHARITY.

Standing

on the

Edge

Dealing with the

Aftermath of Suicide

JEROME STEWART

Copyright © 2015 Jerome Stewart

All rights reserved.

This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

Publisher’s Note: Although this is a work of nonfiction, some names, places, and other identifying characteristics have been changed. This is my account, based on interviews, correspondence, and memories, and is not necessarily endorsed by the people featured.

ISBN (print): 0996487905

ISBN-13 (print): 978-0-9964879-0-0

ISBN (ebook): 0996487913

ISBN-13 (ebook): 978-0-9964879-1-7

Cover design: Sheila Edwards,

Shelia Edwards Design

Editing, proofreading and print formatting:

By Your Side Self-Publishing

www.byyoursideselfpub.com

Photography: Jerome Stewart

CONTENTS

PROLOGUE

MAYSIE CAMPBELL

Deer Isle

Concord and Englewood

New York to Seattle

John Duvall

Detours

Kure Beach

The Sunset Club

Boston, Philadelphia, and Harrisonburg

Barred Island Preserve

THREE FAMILIES, THREE DECADES

Healing and Ritual

Angela Bernard

Kyle Yuhas

Noah Levin

Culture of Lafayette

FIRST STEPS

Summer

Fall

Winter

Spring

WISDOM OF THE MAYFLY

EPILOGUE

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

PROLOGUE

Death twitches my ear. ‘Live,’ he says, ‘I am coming.’

—Virgil

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The summer of 2013 started for the Campbell family as all summers should—worry free and with pleasure. In early June, Maysie Campbell joined her parents, Ellie and Greg, on a vacation to England. They visited Maysie’s brother, Spencer, who was living in London with his wife, Francesca, and their daughter, Penelope.

Cute and witty, blond and petite, Maysie brought the best of herself on the trip, the charm and intellect earned from a life complete with the best schools, jobs, and support obtainable. She personified the adoring aunt—cheerful, generous, and involved. This behavior came naturally to her. She possessed a magical ability to connect with children on their terms, which was especially notable since, at age forty-one, she had no kids of her own.

By the family’s account, the visit was a great success—a classic adventure, providing a rare opportunity to spend quality time together. They felt more connected than they had in years.

On Friday, June 14, Maysie left her family in London to return home to Kure Beach, a town located fifteen miles from Wilmington, North Carolina. Back from vacation, she was able to briefly reconnect with her fiancé, John Duvall. A few days later, John and his four children were scheduled to take a European vacation of their own. John and Maysie hadn’t coordinated traveling together partially due to scheduling—his kids were still in school when Maysie left on her trip.

The day of their departure, Maysie escorted the Duvall family to the airport. John recalls, She looked good, wearing jeans and a loose-fitting white T-shirt, and she gave us all hugs and kisses.

Casual and calm, Maysie then headed out on her own.

During the next several days, she communicated regularly with John through phone calls, emails, and text messages. She attempted to portray a business-as-usual tone, focusing on routine updates related to a home project she had recently undertaken. In one of these communications, she wrote:

Hey, I made some decorating changes. It probably won’t look like much…. I took all of the encyclopedias down and other random books (left your bound Hemingway books though). I put photos in nicer frames and used Emily’s china animals (those little mice, bunnies, etc.) to add bits of color. It’s hard to explain, but hopefully you, and more importantly the girls, will like it.

At the bottom of this same message, she made a few curious statements. These were benignly placed, perhaps intentionally, to avoid calling too much attention to them.

Hope you’re not upset, she continued, but I may get out of town for a few days and come back this weekend…. It’s my usual routine, just get a bit overwhelmed when you all come back and it’s time to ramp up again. She closed the message with a promise: No shady shenanigans, just a few more days.

These last few sentences caught John’s eye. They bothered him. He loved Maysie, but was not blind to the fact that her request for more space and time alone, on top of an already extensive separation from him and his family, was odd. Having dated her for several years, he had experienced this brand of strange behavior before. He was not afraid to call her out. On Sunday, June 25, he responded:

"Let me clear the air. For the life of me I can’t understand why, after recently commenting on how long we are going to be apart, and having two weeks to yourself, you feel the need to go away just as we are coming home. All that ends up happening is you drive to some random hotel room and sit, depressed, by yourself, while I try to talk you back, every time….

Do whatever makes you happy."

On Monday, June 26, Maysie replied:

"Well, glad you’re telling me how you feel. I really do appreciate that you’re usually compassionate and understanding….

It would really suck, and after all we’ve been through, it would be incredibly sad, but I understand if you’re at the end of your rope with me and have run out of patience. I love you and the kids, I would hope you know that…. It’s just that I’m sensitive/a basket case, and when you first get back, it’s overwhelming. I don’t expect you to relate. You can handle anything. I have major separation anxiety from YOU when we are apart, but when you AND the circus get back to town, it’s intense.

Anyway, I would hope you would tell the kids that I’ve been gone (in Maine), not that I’ve been in Wilmo this whole time…. Is it so bad to say I’ll be back this weekend, three days after you get home? The only one who would care is Ethan, and if you tell him I’ll be there this weekend, I think it would be OK.

I love you. I hope you hang in there with me."

…

On June 28, Maysie left her beachside condo in North Carolina and headed toward Harrisonburg, Virginia. There was no logical reason for her to make this five-hour trek. In fact, no one close to her knew she was doing it. Despite the strange circumstance, if people had known she was taking the trip, they might not have thought it was too out of the ordinary. Always a free spirit, Maysie often did this type of thing. She thought nothing of leaving on a whim, with limited advance planning and just as little communication, traveling across the state, and sometimes across the country, alone. If she was visiting family or friends, she would frequently arrive unannounced. Instead of asking questions or voicing concern, people would simply express gratitude for the opportunity to see her. A short visit with Maysie Campbell always transformed a regular day into an extraordinary one.

Reflecting on her last days, it’s striking to consider some of the details leading up to her ultimate decision. Sometime before her journey, she visited a Home Depot close to where she lived. While there, she purchased just one item: a plastic tarp.

Maysie was a lot of wonderful things, but she was not known to be handy. While it would not have been too surprising to learn she was preparing for a road trip, it would have been strange to bump into her in a hardware store.

What’s even more striking is how she avoided seeing John before her departure. In their email correspondence, Maysie described her plans to get out of town for a few days… my usual routine. As disappointed and perplexed as he was, John knew she wouldn’t be at the airport to pick him up, or even at home when he returned.

He had accepted she was heading out for a few days alone—and lonely—to a hotel somewhere, destination undisclosed and insignificant. However, he assumed she’d departed Kure Beach well before he got back home from vacation.

John and his kids returned to North Carolina from Mykonos, Greece, around midnight on June 28. Later that same morning, at around 10:00 AM, he arrived at Maysie’s beachside condo, located a few miles from his family’s home. As he recalls, I thought she had taken off a day or two before. He continues, I walked into the house, and could tell the air-conditioning had just been turned off.

John now calculates she actually left her condo between 8:00 and 8:30 AM that day.

Lining up details in retrospect, it seems clear that Maysie was escaping. She didn’t want to be talked out of her decision. She couldn’t face John and his kids. She couldn’t look into the blue eyes of his youngest son, Ethan, and then head off to do what she was thinking about doing.

…

Maysie arrived at a hotel in Harrisonburg on June 28. John suspects she may have been to Harrisonburg, even to that particular hotel, before. Over the course of the next few days, she practiced the same ritual. In the morning, she checked out of the hotel….

Later that same day, she checked back in.

Attempting to piece together the mystery of her last few days, John guessed she was trying to come home. Having spent countless hours reflecting on every detail, he still questions his assumptions. Part of him suspects that it took her four days to build up the courage, or maybe she was just waiting until her parents returned from Europe.

This last idea is intriguing. Indeed, after Maysie departed England, Ellie and Greg stayed on a little longer in London, squeezing out a few extra days with their newest grandchild.

Why had Maysie waited until they returned?

Had she just been trying to protect the spirit of their vacation?

Had she timed her actions with precision, knowing her parents were traveling, so that she would not be tempted to or able to contact them?

Had she anticipated the anguish she would cause them when they landed back in New England—twelve hours’ drive from her location in Virginia?

Sometime during her fourth day in Harrisonburg, Maysie started to disconnect. She removed the SIM card from her phone and tossed it or destroyed it. She was intent on doing this alone, and with her secrets intact—no phone access, no call history, and no email trail.

As estimated by the authorities, between 10:30 AM and noon on July 2, Maysie returned to her hotel, entered her room, and placed her plastic tarp neatly on the floor, attempting to minimize the burden on the hotel staff.

She lay down on the tarp, and thought her last thoughts.

Then, she pointed a gun to her head and pulled the trigger.

Who does this?

Maysie did.

…

Maysie Campbell was one of the most talented, spirited, and enjoyable people I have ever known. She came from a wonderful family—not just highly educated, but also worldly, progressive, and grounded. She had ample resources. As an alumna of an Ivy League university, a top-flight law school, and several white-glove Manhattan law firms, she was self-sufficient and in demand. Engaged to John, a retired Wall Street executive, she most certainly would never have had to worry about financial security. She lived