It's Illegal, but It's Okay

By Emilio Boechat

There are stories that could only happen in New York City. Where else would all those people get along: a Brazilian, an Iranian, two Mexican brothers, an old Korean lady and an American couple? In this anarchic comedy about clash of cultures, intolerance, romance and impossible dreams, nothing is what it seems and nobody is all good or all bad.
Full of twists, this politically incorrect story will surprise you all the way until its completely unexpected finale.
Fagner is a Brazilian young man who lives illegally in New York City. He works for Oman in his "Down by the Nile River” Deli. Oman is Iranian but he is often mistaken for any other person from the Middle East, which makes him very angry. Fagner hangs out with Rico, his best friend. Rico is a Mexican pothead and likes to brag about being brother of a drug dealer, Carlos. Oman and Rico don’t like each other. Oman complains that Rico distracts Fagner from his work. In turn, Rico thinks that Oman exploits Fagner.
But the real mess starts when Fagner falls in love with Rachel, an actress not very talented, who works at a shoe store and likes to smoke a joint. Rachel dates an Italian American immigrant inspector, Tony. He hates aliens, like Fagner, and in addition he has an aversion to immigrants like Oman and Rico.
What a jumble!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Emilio Boechat
• Release date: Nov 16, 2015
• ISBN: 9781311830340

Emilio Boechat

EMILIO BOECHAT é dramaturgo indicado ao Troféu Mambembe de Melhor Autor em 1999 pela peça Eu Era Tudo Pra Ela & Ela Me Deixou - peça da qual originou o personagem vencedor do Prêmio Multishow do Bom Humor, em 1998, interpretado pelo ator Marcelo Médici. É autor de comédias como Camila Baker, Lives In Concert (indicada aos prêmios APETESP e SHELL); Luluzinhas e Tudo de Mim. Camila Baker ganhou várias remontagens pelo Brasil e em Portugal. Em 2005, teve elenco estrelado, com Daniel Boaventura, Leonardo Brício, Marcos Mion, Otávio Muller e Danton Mello. Eu Era Tudo Pra Ela & Ela Me Deixou foi remontada em 2011 por Marcelo Médici. Em televisão, Emilio Boechat já passou pela Rede Globo (Angel Mix e Zorra Total, 1999), Bandeirantes/ RGB (Floribella, 2005 e Floribella 2, 2006), GNT (Mulheres Possíveis 2007/ 2008/ 2009), Multishow (Na Fama Na Lama, 2011). Desenvolveu para a FremantleMedia Marcas Da Vida (2010/2011), docudrama exibido na Rede Record (2011). Desde 2006 é contratado dessa emissora, onde já escreveu e colaborou para as novelas Luz do Sol, Amor e Intrigas, Os Mutantes, Promessas de Amor, Bela A Feia, Rebelde 1a e 2a temporadas (que assumiu como autor principal nos quatro últimos meses no ar), Pecado Mortal, de Carlos Lombardi, o especial de fim de ano Balada, Baladão (2010), e a minissérie bíblica Rei Davi (2011/ 2012). Faz parte da equipe de Os Dez Mandamentos e participa da criação da 2a Temporada. Em cinema, escreveu com Marilia Toledo o longa-metragem Lascados, O Filme, estrelado por Paloma Bernardi e Chay Suede, e o roteiro da comédia romântica O Galã, (título provisório) para a Ramalho Filmes. Foi um dos roteiristas do filme Os Dez Mandamentos, lançado em janeiro de 2016, e sua série de humor A Secretária Do Presidente, produzida pela Mixer, tem estreia também em 2016, no Canal Multishow.EMILIO BOECHAT is a best playwright nominee for Troféu Mambembe in 1999 with his play Eu Era Tudo Pra Ela & Ela Me Deixou from which originated the 1998’s Prêmio Multishow do Bom Humor character winner performed by the actor Marcelo Médici. He is the author of comedies as Camila Baker, Lives In Concert (a best play nominee for the awards APETESP and SHELL), Luluzinhas, and Tudo de Mim. Camila Baker was lengthily performed throughout Brazil and Portugal, in 2005, the play was back on stage starring well-known actors: Daniel Boaventura, Leonardo Brício, Marcos Mion, Otávio Muller, and Danton Mello. Eu Era Tudo Pra Ela & Ela Me Deixou got a new production in 2011 performed by Marcelo Médici. As a TV writer, Emilio has scripted for many TV Stations and Channels, including Rede Globo (Angel Mix and Zorra Total, 1999), Bandeirantes/ RGB (Floribella, 2005 and Floribella 2, 2006), GNT (Mulheres Possíveis 2007/ 2008/ 2009), Multishow (Na Fama Na Lama, 2011). For FremantleMedia created the docudrama Marcas Da Vida (2010/2011) aired by Rede Record (2011), where since 2006 has written and collaborated for soap operas such as Luz do Sol, Amor e Intrigas, Os Mutantes, Promessas de Amor, Bela A Feia, Rebelde seasons 1 and 2 (becoming the main author of its four last months on the air); Pecado Mortal, directed by Carlos Lombardi; the year-end special Balada, Baladão (2010), and a biblical miniseries Rei Davi (2011/ 2012). At present, Emilio is a member of Os Dez Mandamentos team writing its second season. For the big screen, he wrote with Marilia Toledo, Lascados, O Filme, performed by Paloma Bernardi and Chay Suede and the romantic comedy for Ramalho Filmes “O Galã” (working title). Besides being one of the screenwriters of Os Dez Mandamentos, released in January 2016, his comedy series A Secretária Do Presidente, produced by Mixer, is also due to be released by the cable channel Multishow this year.

Book preview

It’s Illegal, But It’s Okay

The adventures of a Brazilian alien in New York City

A Play by

Emilio Boechat

Book Cover

Leandro Machado

Copyright 2015 Emilio Boechat

2nd Edition

WGA WEST REGISTRY

Registration Number: 1791759

License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to your favorite ebook retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Thanks to Daniela Stirbulov, Marco Aurélio Campos, Diego Montez, Guilherme Yazbek, Juliana Bógus Saad, Mariana Elisabetisky, Manoel Candeias, Pedro Passari, Kristin Skye Hoffmann, Nick Chris, Meghan VanArsdalen, Tristan Sample and Andreas Damm.

Special thanks to Aldo Camolez, Heber Rebua, Marilia Toledo, Velson D’Souza, William Rabkin, Laerte Mello and The Brazilian Endowment for the Arts NYC.

Table Of Contents

Introduction

Scene One

Scene Two

Scene Three

Scene Four

Scene Five

About It’s illegal, but it’s Okay

Characters and Set

About Emilio Boechat

Introduction

In 2014 I traveled to New York City for the first time in my life. At that time I was forty-seven years old. Why did I wait so long to visit the Big Apple? Beats me! Most of my friends in Brazil had already been there several times and all of them had told me that if I went there I would love it. Therefore, when I finally got there, I had high expectations about the city. And, for busy fifteen days, I lived the best and the worst of New York. It was an astonishing, unbelievable and unforgettable experience.

Some things blew my mind in a negative and in a positive way. First of all, how Americans could cope with so many people who didn’t speak English. Before going to New York, I thought my English wasn’t good enough. Now, I think my English is pretty good. My wife, who lived in the U.S. for one year and had been there a lot of times before, didn’t understand the Indians who worked in baggage stores. I myself didn’t get the Chinese who worked in restaurants. But fortunately, I could understand what was said by the Indians, whereas my wife was able to understand what the Chinese people said in English.

Another thing that impressed me a lot when I got there was how the people who lived in New York could be so rude sometimes even when they were trying to be polite. They were always in a hurry and many times I heard them screaming Excuse me when they were actually trying to say: Get out of my way, moron. But it took me only a few days to understand how stressful it could be live and work in a city full of tourists from many parts of the world. Such people don’t seem to speak English well or care about the city and nor do they have the same manners as the locals. They are just interested in shopping and having fun. At the end of my trip, I thought New Yorkers addressed those issues very well.

As a Brazilian guy - who lives in a country where we are used to facing loads of crimes and criminals every day - I thought I’d never be fooled in NYC. The general belief in Brazil is Americans are naïve, Brazilians are smart asses. So after my wife and I wasted two hours of our trip waiting in line and trying unsuccessfully to acquire a new released I-Phone 6 at an Apple Store, I talked her into buying one in a small store at Times Square. The price was good, there was no line and the salesclerks there looked nicer than those at the Apple Store. When we returned to Brazil, my wife noticed that she had been charged twice! It was a scheme that had already trapped more than seventy stupid Brazilians like us, even though other victims had filed a complaint against it on the internet. As a good Brazilian, I tried to take a shortcut to fool Apple, but in the end the only one fooled was me. I should have suspected the salespeople of swindling when they told me their nationalities: one Egyptian, one Haitian and one Puerto Rican. Okay, I’m being discriminatory now. But as they sing in Avenue Q: Everyone is a little bit racist sometimes.

As playwrights spending their vacation in Manhattan, my wife and I went to Times Square almost every day to buy tickets for Broadway plays.