Secrets of Nothing: Secrets, #3

By Liz Borino

After several months overseas, Rhett and Kaden O’Neil fantasize about a return to their version of normalcy. However, the FBI mission shows no signs of completion and the men are forced to wait. 
Just when Rhett reaches the end of his patience, a single phone call shatters his world. His beloved grandfather’s plane disappeared.

No tracking. No landing. No crash site. 

Nothing. 
Rhett now must unravel the lies in place to protect him so he can help his family. And not even the risk to his own life will stop him.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Liz Borino
• Release date: Apr 21, 2015
• ISBN: 9781516338924

Liz Borino

Liz Borino transcribes the world inside her head onto the page, and shares it with the people who are stuck in the "real world" to makes their lives a little more interesting. Because in her world, heroes fall and stand up again with the help of their partners and friends. Liz's world is littered with formidable obstacles, which her heroes overcome with a fire of courage and passion. The beauty of love between two men is celebrated. Who wouldn't want to live there? When not with her heroes, Liz enjoys exploring cities, working toward social justice, and editing for other authors. Visit lizborino.net to learn more!

Book preview

Chapter One

Kaden relaxed back in his seat on the airplane after Rhett told the family they’d begin their descent momentarily. As he closed his eyes, he imagined the lobster they would get once they landed in the Bahamas. Sweet, juicy, and thick was the description on the travel websites he checked before they left. He licked his lips as his stomach growled in anticipation.

A thud from outside the front of the plane and a sudden drop in altitude snapped Kaden’s eyes open and sent his pulse into overdrive.

Everyone all right? Pop asked, throwing one arm around Donnie and the other around Martha.

Are we crashing? Donnie shrieked.

Crash? Rhett? Impossible! No, Kaden answered. He met Pop’s uncertain gaze, and his heart landed in his wrenched gut. The plane steadied in what could have been seconds or minutes.

Kaden, are you injured?

No, I’m fine. How about you guys?

We’re also— Pop started, but was interrupted by a hysterical Annabelle opening the cockpit door.

Mommy!

What are you doing out here? What happened? Pop demanded, unfastening his seatbelt and striding over to her.

Bird... strike... Annabelle said between sobs. I’m sorry. I— She shook her head. He wants you.

The older man swept his gaze around the cabin, made eye contact with Martha, and then lingered on Kaden’s gaze, as if passing responsibility for the safety of the women and child on to him. With a short nod, Kaden accepted. He glanced at Annabelle as the cockpit door closed behind Pop. Annabelle took her grandfather’s seat between Donnie and Martha and hugged the boy to her chest.

Put your seatbelt on, Annabelle, Kaden said.

She sniffed hard and covered Donnie’s ears with her hands in the most ineffective earmuffs ever. We almost died. Shouldn't I get a chance to hug my son?

The words – and Donnie’s scream – cut through Kaden’s resolve.

We almost died, Mommy?

We’re okay now. Uncle Rhett and Pop are going to take care of us.

Annabelle, seatbelt, and brace your arms across your shoulders, Kaden instructed, though he didn’t know why. The damage had already been done, right? Why brace for more? He was grateful she didn’t ask the question, and they all assumed the position – just in time for another hit to throw him against his seat. Annabelle’s scream matched Donnie’s. Can’t imagine why Rhett wanted Pop in the cockpit with him instead of you. He took a deep breath and released his tongue from between his teeth. Oxygen masks fell down and bonked him in the head with the reality of their situation. Oxygen masks didn’t deploy when planes functioned well. Bird strike meant an engine was out. The second hit signaled the other one had followed suit. The plane only fell for a second or two before either Rhett or Pop steadied it. Anyone hurt? Kaden asked once he caught his breath.

The women and child all said no. The plane shook. Black ravens circled the wings with razorblades and grinned while sawing off the wingtip, hastening their crash to the ocean. No! Kaden screamed for the first time since the original bird lodged itself in the engine. He pushed the cabin door open to give them an opportunity for escape.

Water rushed in. Kaden’s breath came out in spurts. Please be all right, Rhett, he chanted silently. Out of the corner of his eye, he caught the birds passing the razorblades to a school of guppies. No! You’ve done enough damage! But the guppies picked up where the birds left off. They jabbed the razorblades into Kaden’s leg until the water around him turned a deep crimson. Stop! What are you doing? I need that. The women and child swam past him as he gripped the seat. The pain in his leg blazed as the fish dug the razors deeper into his skin. He couldn’t move. Couldn’t stop them. I’m dying, he realized. I wish I could hold Rhett one last time...

The pain became too much. Kaden’s eyelids lowered for what he assumed would be the last time.

But Rhett’s strong arms wrapping around forced them back open and brought him to safety once more. I’m here, Rhett whispered.

You always are, Kaden said through his tears, blinking to acclimate to the light of their bedroom in the Netherlands.

Kaden’s cries of No! and Stop! had woken Rhett. Three a.m., right on schedule. The nightmares didn’t happen every night, but when they did it was always at three, give or take a few minutes. Kaden’s dreams, accompanied by acute phantom pain upon waking, had increased in frequency since the couple began their stay in the Netherlands eight weeks ago.

Rhett had to stop himself from holding Kaden as soon as he heard the initial cry of the night, but he had learned following his instinct would make things worse, not better. The first time the nightmares infiltrated Kaden’s sleep, Rhett shook him awake at the beginning of the dream, and his level-headed husband fought against him, as though clawing his way out of a net. That night was the worst. Rhett could only look on in horror as the clawing became violent and Kaden began attacking the sheets. It took Kaden more than fifteen minutes to wake up. Every one of those was filled with screams of agony and pleading for someone to save him. Stop cutting him.

Fifteen of the longest minutes of Rhett’s life. Far longer than when he ditched the plane Kaden dreamed about into the Atlantic Ocean.

After that night, Kaden described the dream to Rhett in vivid, excruciating, unrealistic detail. The fear. The birds. The fish. And the overwhelming pain. The next time the tears and moans began, Rhett had to just watch until Kaden started begging the fish not to kill him and calling for someone, anyone to save him. Then, and only then, could Rhett turn on the light and close the distance between them. I’m here, he whispered.

You always are, Kaden answered, clutching Rhett’s back and gasping for breath.

Lot of good that did you. Still lost half your leg. Rhett kept his thoughts to himself and held Kaden tighter. He didn’t need to be burdened by Rhett’s guilt. The crash and subsequent injury didn’t happen the way Kaden dreamed it, obviously. No animals with razorblades. Only humans who made the wrong decisions and misplaced their trust. He shook his head as he rubbed Kaden’s bare back. He had to stop actively blaming his sister Annabelle, even though, it was her fault for lying. But she’s getting help, and...

Stop, Kaden said from Rhett’s chest.

What? Rhett asked.

Kaden glanced up and rolled his eyes. Don’t ‘what’ me. We’ve been together eighteen years. I know you well enough to guess when you’re torturing yourself. Please stop.

I’m trying, Kay. Rhett kissed him and released a breath. He deserves better.

Kaden nodded and ran a hand through his matted hair, swiping the sweat from his brow. Sorry.

What do you possibly have to apologize for? Rhett wanted to scream, but gave him another kiss. Do you...?

Hurt? Yeah. Kaden exhaled. About seven point five.

Rhett swallowed the bile burning the back of his throat as he leaned over to write it in the pain journal Kaden’s doctor had him keep. Three months after the surgery and Kaden didn’t seem to hurt any less, at least not at night. Why don’t I get the TENS? Rhett suggested, referring to the massaging medical device recommended for phantom pain.

You should sleep. I can hang out on the couch, or something. Kaden’s tone revealed what Rhett already knew; he didn’t want to do that anymore than Rhett wanted him to.

Rhett tilted Kaden’s chin up. Why? The only thing we’re doing tomorrow is waiting for the trainer to bring Daisy to meet Lassie. A beautiful German Shepherd service dog with a sweet disposition, Daisy was the exact opposite of their ornery orange tabby, Lassie. Rhett hoped they’d get along, because Daisy would be a big help to Kaden. The trainer, Ariel, had brought her over from the United States a few weeks ago, and since then Kaden and Rhett had been working with her and Daisy during their downtime.

Because you need sleep, Kaden said, but softened. We can try the TENS after I use the bathroom.

Rhett nodded, opened his mouth to offer assistance, but closed it, deciding to wait for Kaden to ask for help, which he had gotten better about doing when necessary. He watched Kaden balance on his crutches and hobble to the bathroom connected to their room.

You’re staring at my ass.

I am.

Kaden laughed, grabbed onto the handlebars, and lowered himself down. I love how you don’t even deny it.

Why should I? You wouldn’t believe me, anyway. Besides, we’re married, Rhett said over his shoulder as he tested the TENS unit against his palm.

Exchanging wedding vows gives you right to stare at my body? Kaden flushed the toilet and hoisted himself up with the help of his crutches, all the while under Rhett’s discretely watchful eye.

Nope. Rhett grinned as he made his way back to the bed and sat down. I had been admiring your body for years before it was legal to get married. He took Kaden’s crutches and leaned them against the wall.

Thanks. Kaden positioned his residual limb on top of a support pillow and slipped the shrinker off. Once the nylon and silicone sock lay at his side, he put his hand out for the TENS unit, but Rhett shook his head.

Let me. Please? Rhett sat at a better angle to evaluate the proper electrode placement on the stump. Residual limb was the PC term, but the few inches of leg below Kaden’s knee with a rounded end hardly earned the term limb. Though, to be fair, Kaden had enough left to use a prosthetic during the day. Once he received Kaden’s silent affirmation, Rhett placed the electrodes on the skin, started the electricity on the lowest setting, and set the timer.

Kaden closed his eyes and let out a sigh. In less than a minute the tension eased from his body.

You know, Rhett started, any doctor would agree that seven point five on a pain scale is sufficient reason for Percocet.

Lifting one corner of his mouth, Kaden replied, You wouldn’t.

My parents were drug addicts. Yours weren’t.

We don’t know that my father wasn’t the drug lord of the Bronx.

Rhett leaned in and captured Kaden’s lips. I have a difficult time imagining your mom hooking up with a drug lord.

Pulling him in to deepen the kiss, Kaden replied, Drug lords don’t advertise their jobs. I don’t think. He shook his head. No, it’s more than that. My surgery was twelve weeks ago. I’d rather exhaust all non-medicinal possibilities before popping a narcotic every time it hurts, especially if it’s going to hurt so often. Despite Kaden speaking the last part only incrementally above a whisper, the words squeezed Rhett’s heart.

Rhett backed up so he could look Kaden in the eye. Maybe you don’t have to use narcotics. It’s worth talking to a doctor about options.

Kaden shifted. You mean a doctor other than the surgeon who amputated, the wound specialist, physical therapist, occupational therapist, and psychologists? Never mind that I know they’ll prescribe anti-psychotics and anti-depressants.

Why? Rhett had to ask, though it wasn’t relevant to their conversation.

He laughed. Oh, they have some scientific answers to that question. Anti-depressants affect neural pathways, which is one theory on the origin of phantom limb pain. Less scientific reasons are the fat checks they get from SSRI manufactures. Some believe it’s all in amputees’ heads or at least would disappear if we weren’t depressed. Because clearly all amputees are. Rhett’s jaw dropped, but Kaden waved it off. I’m finding adaptive strategies.

Of course you are. Rhett kissed him. You’re the strongest person I know. But that doesn’t mean I’ll let you suffer when one more appointment could mean a long-term solution.

Kaden shrugged. Have you heard from Stuart about the time-frame of the mission?

Rhett tucked his hair behind his ears and shook his head, negating the first movement. FBI Agent Stuart Larkin ran the sex-trafficking division of the agency, and Rhett piloted many of their recent missions, which was how he and Kaden ended up in Amsterdam to begin with. He said there’s a holdup. Why? Are you anxious to get home? Rhett realized the stupidity of his question as the words left his mouth. He bit his lip. What about a doctor around here?

I’ll try. I don’t know what they can say that’s different than what I already know or what the doctors back home said.

Kaden worked as a nurse practitioner. Well, he did before the amputation. Now he was confined to teaching online. Despite the students in his first class adoring him, the loss of his career options may have been the most difficult part for him. Sure, he had spoken excitedly about teaching and shaping a new generation of health care workers. But the fact that he couldn’t be in a classroom or on a hospital floor affected him, even if he wouldn’t – or couldn’t – admit it.

For Rhett, though, the worst part was Kaden’s recurring pain. But his opinion didn’t matter when it came to the difficulty of Kaden’s limb loss. He had no idea what it was like for options to be eliminated in a single moment.

The timer’s buzz pulled Rhett from his thoughts. He shut the TENS unit off and removed the electrodes from Kaden’s skin. Better? he asked as he massaged the rounded edge of the stump.

Yeah, thanks. Kaden reached over and brushed his fingers across Rhett’s cheek. I’m the luckiest man with half a leg who ever lived, you know that, right?

Rhett kissed his fingers lightly. I’m so happy you think so. I just want to help you.

You do, more than you know. Kaden extended his arms to him, and added, I think I can sleep now, if you want to try.

After inserting the TENS unit in the packaging and setting it in the nightstand drawer, Rhett shut off the light and curled around him. He’d try, but didn’t have much faith in his ability to succeed.

Chapter Two

The next morning at nine, Rhett rubbed the fatigue from his eyes as he opened his laptop and waited for it to come out of hibernation mode. Thankfully he and Kaden got more sleep than he predicted after the nightmare. So he had a chance of coherent thoughts for the meeting with his grandfather he had forgotten about until a reminder on his calendar buzzed thirty minutes ago.

Where you going? he asked Kaden when he came out of the bedroom in sweatpants and a hoodie. Only Kaden could make sweatpants look hot. They framed his rounded ass perfectly. Though Rhett didn’t care what he wore as long as it continued to be accompanied by his beautiful face, without a trace of pain.

Farmer’s market to see what kind of fruits and vegetables they have today, he answered. Want anything?

Yes, the freshly ground coffee they have. Please. Rhett added his pleading puppy-dog eyes for effect.

Kaden laughed and kissed him. I love you.

Love you, too.

Rhett’s phone beeped with a text from his grandfather. ‘Are you awake?’

He glanced at the clock to find himself three minutes late and rolled his eyes at the phone. But instead of texting back, he logged onto Skype. Kay, he called.

Tossing a smile over his shoulder, he finished Rhett’s statement, Be careful? I will. Tell Pop I said hi.

Don’t worry, you can tell him yourself. I’m sure we’ll still be talking when you return and for hours afterward. Kaden’s musical laughter stayed with Rhett even after he shut the door and made his way down the hall of the first floor of the condo complex. With a lightness in his chest, Rhett initiated Skype and pressed the green video button next to Pop’s name.

True to form, Pop answered on the first ring. Good morning, sleepyhead, he greeted.

What makes you think I was asleep? Rhett asked, leaning back on the couch and crossing his arms over his chest.

You didn’t answer my text.

Because you sent it ninety seconds ago! By the time I typed out a response the computer would have been awake.

Pop chuckled and sipped his water. How are you, son?

Honestly? Bored. I’m not used to doing paperwork all day, every day, he replied. As a charter pilot, Rhett spent most days when not on FBI missions flying rich people to their destination of choice. Even understanding the good these missions did failed to stop his restlessness.