Marriage by Design

By Jimmy Wilson

At the foundation of society, marriage stands alone as the cornerstone upon which we rise or fall. In recent decades, we’ve suffered the consequences of devaluing this most fundamental institution. As we have grown to see marriage as, at best, a tradition or, at worst, an old fashioned and inconvenient notion, the world around us has felt the ripples of destruction eating away at all that supports the world in which we live. When we pause long enough to consider the importance of marriage, we’re left with a seemingly perplexing dilemma. We vaguely recognize that a healthy marriage is to be desired, and perhaps even, pursued, but we quickly realize that conventional wisdom is completely lacking in any effective guidance for those whose quest is a sound marital relationship. Sadly, it seems to never enter our minds to consult the One who created the institution.
In the Book of Genesis, God’s Word describes the extreme care by which God created marriage. It was no random joining of opposites, and it was no merging of compatible individuals. Instead, the Omnipotent Creator demonstrated His infinite attention to detail as He intentionally constructed a relationship that would mirror the relationship that Jesus would have with His Church. The Heavenly Father designed a relationship that would serve as the foundation for the world He has just spoken into existence. As the key institution in His creation, He certainly would not leave marriage as a loosely defined agreement between parties. Instead, He recorded the plan for marriage clearly in His Word. It is God’s design for marriage.
When we look at marriage and begin to see what it can be and what it is intended to be, we can see that a stable husband and wife relationship is obtainable. It is within reach, and the Father beckons us to pursue this most intimate of all blessings. He promises to sustain us and guide us as we pursue His plan for our union.
In the chapters that follow, we won’t contemplate the collective wisdom of contemporary relationship experts. We won’t examine statistics, explore opinions or relive the anecdotes from other couples. Our journey together will focus on the only reliable source of guidance-God’s Word. We will seek to understand how our Father intended us to enjoy this relationship, Marriage by Design.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Jimmy Wilson
• Release date: Aug 1, 2015
• ISBN: 9781311298430

Jimmy Wilson

As a student of God’s Word, my teaching seeks to share the insights that Holy Spirit has illuminated during my study of the Bible. My hope is that you will find the teaching easy to understand and that it will provide you with practical truth that you can apply to your life so that your relationship with our God will grow deeper. More than anything, though, it is my hope that you will find that the teaching is faithful to God’s Word and that it accurately reflects His Truth. You can be sure that any error that you may find in these lessons are the product of this teacher rather than the inerrant Scripture that I hope to explain in my teaching. With that in mind, you should always take the approach that is attributed to the Bereans in Acts 17:11, where it says, “they received the word with great eagerness, examining the Scriptures daily to see whether these things were so”. If you find the content of these lessons to be inconsistent with God’s Word, I pray that the Holy Spirit will make that clear and guide you to walk in the Truth. If, however, you find that the lessons do, indeed, align with the Scripture, I pray that you will allow the Holy Spirit to guide you in applying the truth of these lessons to deepen your walk with Christ and help you to influence the world for Him.

Book preview

Table of Contents

Chapter 1 – Whose Idea was this, anyway?

Chapter 2 – What was He thinking?

Chapter 3 – Him/Her-Both His Creation

Chapter 4 – Him/Her-Different Roles, Equally Treasured

Chapter 5 – Physically Spiritual and Spiritually Physical

Chapter 6 – Mom and Dad – Dirtiest Job

Chapter 7 – Subtle Threats to your Marriage

Chapter 8 – When One Becomes Two Again

Epilogue

Marriage

Chapter 1 – Whose Idea was this, anyway?

Genesis 2:15-25

Throughout history, societies have embraced the institution of marriage. Until recent years, there has been little debate about just what the term marriage meant. Universally, marriage has been defined as the union of a man and a woman, a wife and husband. While not always practiced, for most people, the term marriage also carried with it the concept of some measure of permanence---at least in the ideal state. Only the careless few entered into the marriage relationship without some notion of making a long term commitment.

Where did we get the idea for this, now considered quaint by some, relationship called marriage? What purpose was it intended to serve? Can society redefine the term to fit a shifting sense of morality and decency? Can we modernize marriage? Who holds the patent?

To understand marriage, we must first address these questions concerning the nature and flexibility of the marriage relationship. In order to do that, we must come to grips with the origin of the relationship. After all, if we seek to fully understand anything, and perhaps even to modify it, the first logical step is to approach the creator of the concept. Unfortunately, in the 21st Century world of talk shows and expert advisors/relationship counselors, we are probably more likely to assess marriage based on statistics and studies, polls and surveys, rather than an objective standard of measure. We are programmed to digest information in sound-bites and 30 minute interviews to the point that it is rare that we dig beneath the surface to get at the heart of any matter regardless of its importance and the consequences of errant decisions associated with it. If we’re really serious about something, we might sit through an entire hour-long discussion with our favorite celebrity talk show host. We border on fanatical when we venture out to the bookstore to grab the latest attempt by a bestselling author to enlighten us with his/her wisdom gleaned through many hours of doing, essentially, the same things.

If we have any chance of learning the truth about this relationship, we’ll have to invest more than an afternoon in front of the television or a few evenings skimming through the latest bestseller. We will have to sacrifice some time and face some uncomfortable realities. As we embark on our study of this subject of marriage, it is only fair to warn the faint of heart that this will be no walk in the park. It will be more like climbing Mt. Everest. Most will find the journey too challenging, too threatening, too distasteful, to continue to the summit. It will be much easier to dismiss the trail as misguided and to turn back to the familiar, comfortable paths at the foot of the mountain where there are plenty of distractions to keep the mind from wondering, Am I missing out on something extraordinary? All who undertake this trek will be tempted to settle for the good marriage that we are told is available with just a little bit of effort, sensitivity and compromise. My prayer, though, is that a few will see the wonderful summit from afar and, from the depths of their souls, long to experience a mountaintop marriage.

It would be foolish to ignore the likelihood that many of the people who read these pages will have already experienced a divorce. They may hear the discussion about a permanent covenant and start to tune out expecting either a judgmental condemnation or a utopian mirage that is painted only to deny them entrance. If that is you, rest assured that neither of these will happen. We’ll talk at length later about the topic of divorce, but while we work our way there, you should commit to appropriate God’s teaching to where you are living now. From today forward, apply His Word to your life now and forever. After all, He told you that if you are in Him you are a new creation. He has given you the freedom to live. As we will see later, divorce is not a death sentence.

Now, approaching the subject of marriage requires that we contemplate its origin which is not an inherently simple thing to do in modern society. We hear lots of debates about cultures and societal conventions, but these are more appropriately viewed as man’s ever-changing perception of marriage rather than a reflection on the genesis of the institution of marriage. For a true understanding of the conception and birth of marriage, we must return to the real genesis which is God’s Word. Once we understand that the timeless truths of the Bible are the key to understanding marriage, we are quickly led back to the very first book of the Bible, Genesis.

Our investigation into the origin of marriage quickly causes us to ponder the environment in which this concept was brought to life. As God elaborates in the Creation account in the second chapter of Genesis, we get our first glimpse at the idea that spawned this institution of marriage. We peer into the early days in the Garden of Eden, and we see that the Creator’s greatest creation, the one that He made in His own image was created in an incomplete state. Mankind was created to be completed. God certainly could have made mankind without need, without the natural longing to be joined to another person of the opposite gender.

Union of Man and Woman Completes Them

He created the man first, and in Genesis 2:15-17, we see that this man, Adam, was given a job, and he was given rules to follow:

15Then the Lord God took the man and put him into the garden of Eden to cultivate it and keep it. 16The Lord God commanded the man, saying, From any tree of the garden you may eat freely; 17but from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat from it you will surely die.

So much for the idea that work and rules were consequences of the Fall into sin. As much as these two inescapable parts of life may seem like necessary evils of life, they were actually an ordained part of life even in the pre-sin state of man’s early days in the Garden. God gave Adam the responsibility of tending to the Garden. Man was always intended to be a diligent and productive worker reflecting his Maker’s characteristic attention to detail and persistence in the task at hand.

In the next verse in God’s description of the early days in the Garden, He explains the boundaries that He established for the safety, happiness and fulfillment of His most precious creation---people. The rules were really quite simple, and looking back from our vantage point, it is easy to throw stones and pretend that we, somehow, would not have violated the simple rule to refrain from eating from a certain tree-the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. God placed a simple boundary on the man even before he created his bride and clearly made the man responsible for the spiritual instruction of the family that God was about to form.

Then, God set out to complete His most special creation by providing fellowship. We see, in Genesis 2:18 -20, that God explains:

18Then the Lord God said, It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him. 19Out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the sky, and brought them to the man to see what he would call them; and whatever the man called a living creature, that was its name. 20The man gave names to all the cattle, and to the birds of the sky, and to every beast of the field, but for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him.

From the beginning, God has not intended to have man be a loner. God is passionately interested in our relationship, and given the fact that He, as we will see, established the husband/wife relationship first, we understand that He values it above all human relationships. As we dig into this study on marriage, we need to understand that it is a priority, to God, above all other human relationships.

Because God placed such a high value on this relationship, it’s no surprise that He paid great attention to the partners that He would join together in these bonds that He intended to be permanent. With that in mind, not just any person would do for Adam. This person had to be a particular person. In fact, verse 20 describes this mate as "suitable for him".

After Adam had named all of the animals, God addressed the man’s need for someone to complete him. Verse 20 tells us that there was no completion for Adam. God did not just want to give the man company. He intended to give him a mate to complete him. When God told us through the prophet Jeremiah, "For I know the plans that I have for you… (Jeremiah 29:11), He did not leave out this most important relationship. That word suitable literally means one who helps. The root word means to help or support". This is not intended to be an indication of inferiority no more than any integral part of any creation is intended to be viewed as less than important.

Instead, this is intended to convey the idea of a unique fit. We’ve all had those occasions in which we need a specific piece, or part, to complete the masterpiece that we’re creating. In the same way, when God set out to create the family, He made it clear that only a specific piece would be suitable for completing this primary unit in His creation. Many years ago, there was a commercial for chicken that described their competition’s lack of interest in quality with the catch phrase parts are parts which told the amused audience that little care was given to the product that was being served to them by the competition. Instead, the careless company was just serving whatever parts they had available. Well…we can rest assured that our Heavenly Father never approached the family in that way. No, He said that the mate for the man (Adam) that He had created had to be a specific mate who would complete him and, ultimately, allow the couple, this family unit, to reflect the glory of their creator.

We probably don’t think about it very often when we look across the dinner table at the spouse that we’ve known for years, but we can be sure that our Creator specifically crafted that person to