Private Investigating... The Funnier Side

By Gary Miles

The Private Investigator handles four separate areas of investigations: corporate, domestic, criminal and civil. All are important, all have their own stories. No two cases are alike. Although they carry a need for professionalism and expertise, they also carry the unexpected. The chapters included in this book deal with bloopers, screw-ups, and funny situations that affect this profession.

As in my previous book, “Shoplifting... the funnier side”, “Private Investigating... the funnier side”, shows the misfortunes of investigators, clients, witnesses and others that will leave the reader not just scratching your head in disbelief but also giving you a chuckle as well. This can be said of all professions and careers in our lives, where crazy and bizarre things happen just waiting to be recorded in script for others to enjoy.

I find it too bad that we all can’t just take a long look at ourselves and relate to
“the funnier side”.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Gary Miles
• Release date: Aug 1, 2015
• ISBN: 9781311218810

Gary Miles

I had two grown children and worked in the Private Investigating and Security industry for 40+ Years. He was Master teacher and owner of his own Private Investigating and Security school Eye Spi Academy in Ottawa, Ontario, Canada when he passed away in September 2021.

Book preview

Private Investigating

The Funnier Side

By

Gary Miles

First published in Paperback in 2007 by Baico Publishing

E-Published by Gary Miles at Smashwords

Copyright 2015 Gary Miles http://www.quinpool.ca

Discover more Funnier Side Books at http://www.smashwords.com

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

In other words help this author put these digital books into paperback too by purchasing it and encouraging your family and friends to purchase it rather than just lending it out and in return I'll try to keep the prices low and the books coming!

Thanks and Enjoy

GARY

Dedicated to my kids and family for their support.

I would also like to dedicate this book to my late cousin and close friend,

Brent Miles.

He was a true fighter.

Special thanks to R.T.

Also thanks to D.C., T.L., D.R., M.B., J.A., T.R. and D.G.

for their contributions to the book.

Table Of Contents

Introduction

Divorce And Cheaters

Baby Sitters And Caregivers

Disguises

Vehicles

The Weather

Kids Will Be Kids

Camera Problems

Frauds, Insurance And Compensation

Corporate Crime

Strange Moments

When Things Go Wrong

Court

Client Problems

The Things You See When You Have A Camera

Final Thoughts

Answer to the Three Bags of Gold

Introduction

For many decades now, private investigating has been the norm for those who seek to gather information for their own situations or those who seek to gather information to be used against others. Since the early times of the famous Pinkerton Investigators, the information highway has become second nature to society. Everyone wants to know something about someone else; it is part of the make-up of humans. For these reasons, private investigating has been a necessity of civilization. The problem is that, from the simplest form of investigation - gossip - to the full fact finding private investigation, the need for the truth in all cases is the main area of concern. Information collected has to be authenticated to be made useful. There is no use in the phrases I think he did it, or I just don’t trust him. One basic rule, better known as the twelfth commandment, Thou shalt not get away with it, had to be adopted by private investigators.

To perform the sometimes difficult, sometimes dangerous, task of obtaining information, it is necessary to search out the truth, be it for or against your client. Information, as we know it, comes in many forms. From the mouths of informants, telephone conversations, video tape, still pictures, actual collected physical evidence, latent fingerprints and forensics, as well as other forms; the profession of private investigation is maybe one of the toughest professions connected with Law Enforcement. The information collected by private investigators is, therefore, very important in all stages of criminal investigation. One thing that must be understood is that in many cases, the client may or may not receive the information they had hoped. Another effect is the cost of hiring a private investigator. Some P.I. s will charge as much as $ 400.00 an hour for their services. In almost all cases, the investigative company will also charge for their expenses during an investigation. Some items such as gas, mileage, phone use, and rental of equipment are all part of investigative charges. Most agencies will also request a retainer before any work is started.

To become a private investigator one is not chosen just because they are good at eavesdropping on conversations or the best town gossip who is possessed to look out of their windows at the slightest noise and make their observations clear to those who will listen. It is equally important to understand that through the years the private investigator has had to increase his or her knowledge of many areas. The private investigator of today must gain knowledge of counseling, human rights, forensics, electronics and more over, of course, the law. The profession of private investigation has changed greatly over the years and will change several times in the future. Technology has obviously advanced the profession, but at the same time, so has crime itself and the private investigator must keep up with these changes if they are to be successful. One fact of private investigating is that the probability of a P.I. getting the right shot in a surveillance is in direct proportion to four major factors: One; the video that you are going to take will be greatly affected by the amount of battery power you have left. Two; the video that you are going to take will be greatly affected by the amount of film you have left in your camera. Three; the video that you are going to take will be greatly affected by a nosey bystander, a neighbour or an uninvited visit by the police. And four; the video that you are going to take will be greatly affected by the weather. No matter how prepared an investigator thinks he is, one or more of the above factors will come into play. The days of tracking down known villains who robbed banks, in the days of the cowboys, have long been replaced by more exacting crimes against land, property, industry, regular people and their loved ones. I have been asked hundreds of times what private investigating is like, and my reply has always been the same; You won’t get the girl at the end of the case and you won’t drive the fancy cars. No, private investigating is not a career for those who want to become rich. So why are so many people fascinated with this profession? The media and movies have definitely helped many of us dream of becoming a famous private detective like Sherlock Holmes, Hercule Poirot, Sam Spade or even Scooby Doo.

The mental and physical strains that the private investigator faces every day are enough to have most people committed. The investigator’s mind is full of confidential matters that must be kept stored away until needed. Private investigating, like police and fire fighting careers, is not the easiest thing on a marriage. You are in a service industry and that means that when that phone rings or that pager goes off, you have to go. You never know what circumstances you may face in any case and this puts a big strain on your family and friends. It’s also tough to be married to a P.I. For the most part, private investigators are a tough breed. As I tell my students, investigators will see things and experience things that most people will never want to experience in their lifetime. You do get tough and, in some cases, you even get used to certain situations. But there are some that you will never forget and will never want to re-live, but you do them anyway. In the profession, you lose friends, you gain friends and enemies. I have personally lost colleagues in the field. A private investigator rarely gets any praise or thanks for his work. It’s expected. As in Loss Prevention, there is no competition in this career. Private investigators that are new to the profession quickly realize that networking with fellow colleagues can mean the difference between solving a case and letting one go cold.

On the serious side, I have added a few items that the general public probably doesn’t know or might want to know about Private Investigation. Under Teacher’s Tips, I hope I can clear up a few misconceptions and maybe my readers can learn a few things as well. Enjoy!

But, even though private investigating is a very serious profession, it does have its moments. Any private investigator will tell you that there is no such thing as an open and shut case. There are always obstacles and Murphy’s Law plays a significant role in almost all cases faced by the investigator. In this approach, you can also find humour in this profession, like any other; things that don’t go exactly as planned, but can have a comical result; things that are of a very serious nature, but slip up to become things that you just don’t expect. For this reason, we provide, as a public service...

Private Investigating... the funnier side

Teacher’s Tip: A Private Investigator is defined as a person who investigates and furnishes information for hire or reward. No person can call himself/herself a private investigator, unless they are licensed to do so. Section 494 of the Criminal Code of Canada gives the private investigator the right to affect an arrest. The main areas of investigation are the Corporate, Domestic, Civil and Criminal sectors.

Divorce And Cheaters

Divorce is one thing that I could never understand in this profession, until it happened to me. I, like others, felt that marriage was a permanent thing between myself and the one I wanted to spend the rest of my days with. The reasons for divorce are vast and show that adults are like children. Some relationships, however, leave you scratching your head as to how these two ever came together. I have witnessed, in court, how abusive relationships can turn around and the abused spouse wants to give her partner another chance. More often than not, you see the same two back in divorce court a few months later. I could not understand how one spouse could physically attack another or even their own children. I could not understand it until I saw it for myself in the cases I handled and even then, the concept was foreign. As an investigator, you often feel like going up to the abusive spouse and giving their head a damn good shake.

Just One More Chance

I was hired to gather information about a male spouse as the client’s relationship was going down hill. This guy would take off and go to the casinos or strip clubs and return home after three in the morning. There were two children involved in the relationship. I asked the client when she started to have different feelings towards her husband, and she replied the day after the wedding. They had been married for over 17 years, but it took this day for her to say that she had had enough.

We set up surveillance on the husband and found that he was attending casinos and strip bars. He was also spending a lot of money at these places as well as drinking too much. The video surveillance evidence was obtained and shown to the client. She was instructed to hand all the material over to her lawyer. Instead, she decided to confront her husband with the evidence that night. I was contacted the next morning by the client’s friend who told me that the husband had beaten the client up and the police had been called. I immediately went to the client’s house and saw the damage. She told me that she wanted to get back at him one more time. Well, she got her divorce, the hard way. Or so I thought. A few months ago I had the occasion to speak to a friend of hers and I asked how she was doing. The friend told me that she was back living with the same guy. You could have knocked me over with a feather.

Miss Matched

I was in court one day and observed an assault case between a husband and wife. The wife was charged with assaulting her husband with a cast iron fry pan. The wife showed up and she was about 400 pounds with arms on her like tree trunks. The husband was called forward and he was about 80 pounds soaking wet. The story went that he was working late and decided to get some fast food on the way home for dinner. This upset the wife and she took her frustration out on him with the fry pan. That only proves that fast food can be harmful to one’s health.

When the case came forward, the husband insisted that charges be dropped as he could not live without his true love.

The Sports Nut

I have handled some strange cases over the years, but one of my favorites has to be the case of a wife who hired me because she felt her husband was cheating. Every weekend, at six o’clock a.m., her husband would take off without telling her where he was going and would return several hours later and be so tired that he would sleep the afternoon away. She was most upset about Sundays when she demanded he attend church with her and he would leave to avoid an argument.

I watched the subject for two straight weekends and found out who he was seeing. The husband was going to breakfast in the morning and then went to either his nephew’s football games or his niece’s soccer games. He would then go and have lunch and go home. His wife was very embarrassed and, when I saw her recently, their marriage was better than ever as she now goes with him.

The Overseas Arrangement

As happens from time to time, investigators are called in by some families to check out their prospective sons or daughters –in- law. These are mostly arranged marriages from overseas, which can be difficult in themselves as they can be sight unseen. I recall one such case where the father of the bride-to-be, didn’t trust the husband-to-be and wanted him checked out. The client told me that he didn’t seem to care for his daughter, and when I got a look at the daughter as compared to the future son-in-law, I could see why. I have been told that beauty is skin deep – but ugly is to the bone. Well this girl obviously tried to have a face-lift with an ugly stick. This girl could step on a scale and the card would read one at a time. Very tough to look at. The hubby, on the other hand, was a good looking muscular guy who had a flair with the ladies at local night spots. Armed with this information and pictures, I showed the evidence to the client. Several months later I happened to go into the store that was owned by the client only to find the daughter hanging herself all over this same guy. The hubby didn’t seem very amused. I guess the father