My Testimony Before & After Grace

By Cornelia Gail

It's not easy being brought up in the ghetto. In fact, it is one despairing struggle for survival Faith. Raised by a single mother and grandmother, young Faith is ruthlessly exposed to the seamy side of ghetto life. Set against this squalid background, the chances for Faith's continued existence appear bleak. She takes to selling drugs, and soon, the money was rolling in. Nevertheless, the downward spiral continues. This is a story of courage, of faith in God, and of the enduring belief that there is a guardian angel for everybody. Is there a better future for her, does Faith take it?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Cornelia Gail
• Release date: Jul 11, 2015
• ISBN: 9780967445403

Cornelia Gail

Cornelia Gail was born and raised in the MosbyCourt Projects of Richmond, Virginia. There shewould learn the life she now writes about in hernovels and screenplays; My Testimony Before &After Grace, Juvey, H8ters and now her newestbook, Facebook the New Look. Cornelia Gail’sgritty urban tales speak truth to all of thosewho read them. Gail’s style of writing is trueto life. She takes you straight from the comfortof your armchair and the warm glow of yourreading lamp, into the cold, merciless glare ofthe streets of the ghetto. Using the language ofMosby Court Projects to telling effect, shereveals the stark realities of the life of underprivileged African Americans. She is able toconvey the despair, the cynicism, and yet, thehope and faith of the people of her world. Herbooks are about the choices that young adultsare compelled to make; and the consequences ofmaking the wrong ones. Having risen above herown past of dropping out of high school, andhaving her first child at the age of 14, Gail isthe walking testimony of what God’s redeeminggrace can do. Now, as a college graduate, arecord-breaking sales executive, anentrepreneur, President and CEO of Girls In DaGame Publishing, The Ground Up ENT and founder,Executive Director of S.A.V.E. M.E. (SexualAbuse Violates Everyone: Memories Everlasting),Gail is now the poster child for overachievement, and a role model that many younggirls now want to emulate. To add to hercredits, Gail also directed, produced and filmedher own new Reality T.V. Show, that is currentlybeing shopped along with other show ideas. Sheis currently in the process of finishing up ascript for a feature film based on her latestnovel, “Facebook the New Look.” She has filmedand directed several music videos and realityt.v. show episodes. Her show has over 100,000youtube hits to date. Gail, just recentlyfinished studying Cinematography at LACC FilmSchool.

Book preview

My Testimony Before & After Grace

Cornelia Gail

Copyright © 1998 by Cornelia Gail

All rights reserved.

This book is protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America. This book may not be copied or reprinted for commercial gain or profit. The use of short quotations or occasional page copying for personal or group study is permitted. Permission will be granted upon request.

The name satan is not capitalized. I choose not to acknowledge him, even to the point of violating grammatical rules.

All names have been changed. My Testimony, Before and After Grace is based loosely on true life experiences.

Library of Congress Catalog Card Number: 99-95158

ISBN: 0-9674454-1-8

Girls In Da Game Publishing Inc.

P.O. Box 13322 Richmond, Va 23225

Dedication

To Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior for saving a wretch like me.

To my dear Pastor, Rev. Isacc Melton for allowing God to use you to preach the gospel. You have truly set the foundation for my Christian journey and without you preaching and teaching the gospel like God would have you to do; I could not have endured the pain and hardships. May God forever bless and keep you, my First Lady and your daughter. Thank you very, very much.

To my lovely mother, Joyce Gail for not aborting me. Thank you for trying so hard, even though I seemed hopeless at times, thank you for being my mother. God loves you and so do I.

To my kind, sweet, loving grandmother, Phyllis Mashore, you never would give up on me, even though I did more wrong then right, thanks for all the love and prayers that filled in the gap for me. God Bless You

To my kids Quan and Lil Larry, whom I love so dearly. Thanks for your patience while I worked so diligently to do what God would have me to do. May God enlighten your spirit with the knowledge of who he is.

To my family, what can I say? You all have played a role in my success. Always so concerned about my well being, thank you. God Bless you all.

To my brothers, Lamont, Dorez and Jamon Gail, know that even though it seems as if we have stood in the flames for a long time, God is good, all the time. The darkest hour is just before dawn. Stay strong and never loose heart, keep the faith and God will keep his promises. All of them. I love you guys.

To my baby father and his mother, thanks for keeping my son while I was going through. Your help is very much appreciated.

To Shelly Mosley my dear friend, thank you for all that you've done. Words cannot express my appreciation. I love you and may God grant you all the desires of your heart.

To Ricky and Regina Pritchard, thanks for everything. Your help is very much appreciated, for New York bought about some trying times and you guys were both there to help out in every way you could. Keep your hands in God's hand. God Bless You, Heaven Smile Upon You Is My Prayer.

To my church family at St. Paul Baptist and the entire body of Christ. May God bless and keep you forever rooted and grounded in his word.

Contents

Introduction

Chapter 1 Caught Up!

Chapter 2 Me and My Sex Traps

Chapter 3 Deception

Chapter 4 Trauma

Chapter 5 Nothing but Drama

Chapter 6 The Game and The Dream

Chapter 7 Memories, Good or Bad?

Chapter 8 Racism Can Be Profitable

Chapter 9 That's What it Took!

Chapter 10 Believe it, it's True

Introduction

If My walls could talk and tell what went on behind closed doors, what would they say? If my shoes could talk and tell where I've been, what would they say? If my cars could talk and tell who rode in them, what would they say? If the motel walls could talk, what would they say? Oh, you better thank God things can't talk.

As we run this Christian race, the need of telling others the things we have endured has become more and more a necessity. For shame has covered the face of many, keeping them from telling all that God has done. As I look back on my life, I can't help but tell of the awesome God I serve. Walls can't talk but I can.

All throughout my life, I've kept secret after secret but let the truth be told.

Chapter 1

Caught Up!

On August 15, 1973 a beautiful baby girl was born, that little girl was Faith. Her life was already claimed to the project streets of poverty. Raised by a single mother and grandmother, rejected in schools and society, labeled as a project kid, she often felt like a castaway. Faith fell victim to the streets at a very young age. She fought her way through life physically and mentally from youth up. Lost in a world that seemed as if no one cared, She was forced to do what she had to do. Faith was always different, she always stood out and she always had a mind of her own. Nevertheless, she still took the wrong path which was the road that led to destruction. She was always very smart in fact, she was an A student, she just fought all the time.

At age thirteen, she became sexually active, not by choice but she was always out in the streets doing things she had no business. Always in the wrong places at the wrong times when she should have been some where doing her homework or studying. At age fourteen, Faith became pregnant. Talk about falling prey to the streets early. When she was nine months old, her father died and when her son turned nine months old, his father went to prison for murder. At this time Faith was fifteen and her son's father was sixteen. He was sentenced to twenty-two years in prison.

He watched his mother get abused so much until finally he got tired of seeing his mother with black eyes. He finally did what he thought was right, he had seen his mother get beat up for the last time. Sixteen years old, a kid himself, faced with murder charges only to have his own mother to turn on him. His own mother sent him to prison. He was an only child but that didn't stop her from sending him to prison. It wasn't hard for him to get a gun because he was already hanging in the streets with the fellows and one thing you don't do is watch a man beat your mother mercilessly not in the projects you don't.

Don knew he would have to suffer the consequences but he didn't know his own mother would hate him and send him to prison. Faith couldn't imagine what he has been going through for all these years. After Don went to prison that left Faith's son with one side of the family which was her side. Don was the only one she associated with in his family anyhow. She never had any dealings with his mother because when she first had her son, her aunt made her take him to see Don's mother and she denied Faith's son right to her face. Don came to the top of the stairs and told his mother that he had been told her he had a son on the way. She told him he was too young to have a baby but he wasn't too young to go to jail for most of his life. That was the first and the last time Faith took her son to see Don's mother. She didn't like her then and after she testified against Don, Faith really didn't like her. That's why Faith didn't take her son around his other side of the family which was wrong but she didn't care. Faith didn't know the effect that it would have on her son until later.

Faith matured fast after Don went to prison. Her way of thinking changed and her whole attitude about life changed instantly. She went through a lot to have her son. The shame she had to bear, the pain she had to face, the disgrace she bought upon her mother, the critics she had to answer that always had something to say, only to have her son's father taken away without notice. It was a drastic change, especially for Don but Faith was stuck with a baby at fifteen years old, without the father.

Before Don got arrested, they would meet at her grandmother's house because he thought Faith's mother didn't like him and he was scared of her. He would come to see the baby all of the time and bring him money. Don and his other little friends had started selling drugs. He tried to do the best he could do the nine months he was out. He never even knew that one time he gave Faith some money to buy her son a power wheel, that she took the money and brought some marijuana to sell. The power wheels had just come out and her son was way too young to ride one. He wouldn't have been able to ride one for a couple of years. Right afterwards, Don got his sentence. He was out on bond and staying with other family members. Everyone thought that he was going to beat the charges, especially Faith. After all, he thought he was really defending his mother and the street way was all he knew. His mother fixed it so that he had to be found guilty. That's how it all started.

Faith would flip the money all of the time and keep buying marijuana to sell. Faith started having money all the time. She would take her son to the jail to see Don up until that Father's Day of 89. Don had refused her visit to wait for his girlfriend and he said that he wanted Faith to wait for her so, she never went back. Faith had just took Don the new Fila's down the jail right before. She went on with her life and he apologized but it was too late, she was doing her own thing. If Faith could turn the time back she would have done things differently. Faith should have been there for him and made sure he saw his son on a regular but she was young and she didn't know that jail was so miserable and secluded until later on in life. Faith should have known Don was probably suffering but darkness will blind you to everything. One time Don got stabbed up in the jail and they say he used to stay in the hole all the time.

Even though Faith had started making money, her past would still haunt her. From the hiding of her pregnancy, to the humiliation from the teachers and what they had to say. Faith used to always think about how she used to try to commit suicide when she was pregnant. She was all messed up, touched by the powers of satan. Her mind was all messed up on the inside, even though she looked well on the outside.

Faith took a bottle of her grandmother's pills and no one even knew. God reserved her life and her son's life. She didn't die; Faith just slept for a couple of days. So many times she just wanted to die. Faith used to wish she was dead all of the time. She thought it would have been so much easier. Faith could remember telling her friend Natina that she was going to commit suicide. She just laughed and thought that Faith was playing. Faith told her to walk her to the store so she could purchase her last meal. They came back from the store and went to Natina's mother house. They sat at her kitchen table with her two little sister's laughing and joking but Faith was in pain. She then went to her grandmother's house to die, that was suicide attempt number one.

Life went on as usual, despite the nightmares of Faith's past she continued to sell marijuana. The money was rolling in and she was looking better, dressing better, and Faith even felt better for a minute. She started to get her hair fixed all of the time, extensions down her back, Faith thought she had it going on. They couldn't call her ball headed Faith anymore. It was finally her time to shine. Faith had never had so many clothes and sneakers at one time in her life and it didn't stop there.

Faith had a friend who sold cocaine that made more money then she did and her money came faster, so Faith wanted to get down with her connect. Sharika wasn't no jealous type person so she hooked Faith up. At this time crack cocaine wasn't yet popular in Va. so people was sniffing cocaine and lacing cigarettes. It seemed all good at first, Faith was selling marijuana and cocaine. Her friend Sharika was getting paid also. With a single mother and three brothers, her mother could only do but so much materialistically. Now she could buy whatever she wanted. She had enough money for herself and whomever else she wanted to share with.

She was never tight with money and it felt good to be able to give from her heart. It felt good to be able to help out, it felt good not to have to sneak and wear her cousin Shanda's clothes and shoes and get fussed at all of the time. She no longer had to climb through her cousin's window, take her clothes and then have to sneak them back because Shanda could always tell. Faith had it rough; she couldn't afford Coca Cola shirts with the colorful Reeboks. Agnes boots were definitely out of the question, they were $120. The only time she wore Agnes boots was when she used to sneak Shanda's.

Everybody used to call them fly girls, living the glamorous life because they was getting money. It was a whole new ball-game. They used to ride around playing Let a Whoe be a Whoe by Scarface and I'll Take Your Man by Salt and Pepa. They could do that because a little money helps you to get away with a lot of things until it catches up with you and believe Faith, it will catch up with you. Money, Power, and Respect will allow you to tell people to jump and they will basically say, how high?

Faith begin to drive junkie cars and stay