To Love An Aluminum Bitch: Stories & Lyrics of Aviation Maintenance & Adventure

By Fred Robel

Here, you will find aviation stories that were passed down to me, and others of things that happened to me. Which is which, is it tall or is it true? As with most things in life, it’s often a mix of both; though some of the tales are indeed pure fiction.

The tales will have you believing in Superman, in form of an airplane that can cut through radio towers and fly on like nothing happened, that physics can be suspended, that the cherry pie is the best choice always, and that that I only have three toes on one foot.

The poetry will expose the inner voice that speaks to us sometimes when we day dream about our airplanes. Or describe the recurring nightmares that we have when we are so eaten up by our work, and aircraft, that our REM sleep is polluted with it. How we love to hate them, and hate to love them, because she is in the end, an aluminum bitch.

Also includes the acclaimed novelette, Kisses, Blood, Kerosene, & Silk.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Fred Robel
• Release date: Jul 4, 2015
• ISBN: 9781311120601

Fred Robel

Born and raised in Michigan, and currently residing in Northern Michigan. I am an aircraft mechanic and inspector by trade, and a writer as a hobby. My wife and three kids keep me busy all the rest of the time.

Book preview

A Hardware Prayer

God bless the rivets

Which form ordered lines to the horizon

All checked for perfect pitch

Singing songs of joining metal skins

Keeping in the atmosphere

Keeping out the nightmares

That live at forty-thousand feet

Amen

Flying Circus

1

I looked out across the cargo deck in wonder

Long rows of large containers and cages the length of the cargo deck

Bits of hay and straw were littered here and there along the walkways

An occasional growl, whinny, grunt or roar would punctuate the regular airplane sounds

And it smelled like a zoo

I've flown with a plane full of horses

Fancy ones with fancy names

Braided tails and ribboned  manes

Polished hooves and soft blankets on their backs

That plane smelled like a stable

I've flown with a load of beef cattle

All in partitioned pallets

Mooing and milling about the whole flight

Poking up their soft noses into the air

It all smelled like a dairy farm that time

This time had a very distinct zoo smell

Though that wasn't exactly what we were transporting

In our (formerly) clean Boeing 747 freighter

This charter flight was for a circus

There were handlers moving up and down the cages and crates

Making sure all the animals had their food and water

Checking the bedding wasn't too soiled

Double checking that each special pallet was secure

Hanging out in the front of the plane

In the little area I liked to think of as mine

Where my tool box and travel case were stowed

Next to the box of aircraft spare parts and tools

A few ladders and fire extinguishers making the area more interesting

I made sure everything up front was tied down and locked up

Wouldn't do to have things rolling or bouncing about in flight

As I did that I stopped and stared at our cargo

I couldn't see any of the animals from where I was standing

Except one

The giraffe

His crate had an open top

With pads along the top of the walls

That way she could stick her head out to her heart's content

I know it was a girl giraffe because I'd asked

And found out that her name was Gina

Gina the giraffe

Of course a circus giraffe would have a name like that

It seemed she was watching me too

Facing me with her soft brown eyes

About eighty feet back from where I was

Gina the giraffe chewed on a mouthful of food thoughtfully it seemed

Not terribly concerned with anything

The loader hollered something in the back

And the large main cargo door on the left aft side of the plane slowly closed

Its hydraulic motor emitting its familiar whine

The multiple locking claws rotating in place when it got to its closed position

Green lights showing up on the forward panel near me when it was locked down

Almost time to get going

And the three handlers were heading up to the front of the plane

We all were going to climb the retractable ladder to the upper deck

Where there were business class seats for everyone

Everyone except me this time

The three handlers and the loader would ride in the passenger upper deck area

Sitting in those four seats

I'd be up in the cockpit riding in an observer's seat for the whole flight

Which wasn't so bad

There was usually something interesting to look at up there

I felt the unseen pushback tractor jolt the aircraft as it started pushing us out of our spot

And I climbed the aluminum ladder to the upper deck

Time to get situated for takeoff

2

I rested my eyes as I sat strapped in with the four point harness

Held securely in place on the sheepskin covered cushions

Activity went on around me

The captain at the controls

Steering the airplane around the airport's complex network of taxiways

Talking to the tower with one hand on the tiller

The other on the throttles

Feet occasionally dabbing at the top of the foot pedals for a bit of braking

The copilot had a checklist in his hands

Going down it item by item

Talking back and forth with the flight engineer at his own panel

Both of them participating in the checklist routine

Switches and circuit breakers being pressed or verified

Not much being asked of me back in my second observer's seat

Just to be quiet and stay out of the way

Which is just what I was doing

Eyes closed for the moment

As the big Boeing 747 freighter came to a stop short of the runway

I perked up and started looking around

An arriving flight roared just ahead and above us

Streaking by to touch down about one hundred yards down from us on the runway

The tower gave us the go ahead to line up on the runway for take-off

Brakes released

Throttles nudged up to get us rolling then pulled back again

We crossed the hold line and entered the runway

Hanging a sharp left just as the runway centerline was even with the captain's shoulder

Then stopping once we were all lined up and centered

Once the aircraft that had just landed cleared the runway

The captain got clearance from the tower

Throttles pushed forward

Takeoff power set

A seconds pause as the engines and airplane quivered in anticipation

And a leap forward as the brakes were released

To start gobbling up runway faster and faster

Until we jumped upwards into the sky

Pushed back and down into our seats pleasantly

I closed my eyes again

Soaking up the feeling

All too soon we leveled out at our first flight level

The animal handlers asked if they could go check on the critters

So I got up to let the ladder down to the main deck for them

The four of us climbed down to look around

On my way down I saw the loader was already asleep

I tossed a little masking tape ball at him

He opened one eye at me

But otherwise didn't move

I continued down the steps following the handlers

Once down there I stretched my legs a little bit

Following the handlers around a bit

As they looked into every cage

Making sure that the animals weren't too miserable

A zebra had gotten tangled in a loose strap somehow

Which provided some excitement for about five minutes

But everything else seemed shipshape

With the animals all pretty bored more than anything else

They've all apparently seen it all before

The glories of showbiz and travel

Gina the giraffe shuffled around slowly in her open box

Lazily looking around

I left everyone to their business and went back upstairs

Time to check out the meal situation

I wasn't a fan of the catering food

But there were some menu items I'd learned to avoid

And upon inspection

There were a few of those 'off limits' to me items in the box

After selecting a safe meal for myself

I stowed it in a corner of the cockpit and sat back down in my seat

Idly looking out the windows at the massive cotton candy clouds all around us

After a while I dug out my latest trashy novel

Leaned back and had a read until suppertime

3

In my own little trashy novel world

Stomach just starting to tell me it was almost dinner time

I became aware of a discussion between the flight deck crew members

"See that? 

It just did it again!"

The captain had his hands on the elevator trim

Putting a few degrees of nose down on the aircraft

I just watched for a minute to try to see what was happening

After all

I might have to fix something once we landed again

Is the autopilot letting the controls creep?

The copilot was idly speculating

The flight engineer had a manual open in front of him on his little desk

It was the flight operations manual

He didn't add anything to the discussion yet

He was still double checking the way the system was supposed to be working

Just in case something had been dialed in wrong

I decided to jump in

What's it doing exactly?

I asked

The copilot half turned to face me

"About fifteen minutes ago

We had the autopilot set and trimmed up

When it started yawing to the left a little bit

We corrected and it seemed to go away"

He looked skeptical

We blamed it on a glitch or some strange turbulence

"Everything was fine for about ten minutes

Then we pitched down slightly

Then up slightly

So we checked the mach trim

And tried to see if the autopilots were fighting with each other or something

But everything seemed fine"

Now he looked irritated

"Then just now we started yawing again

This time to the right

I can't figure it"

We discussed it for a few more minutes

And I was just about to break out the microfiche machine and the manuals to read the trouble shooting trees

Just then

The handlers all headed back down to check the animals again

I went with them as before

Just in case something was amiss and I could help

I also kept my eyes open for anything out of the ordinary that might explain what was going on with the plane

The 747 Classics don't have liner all the way around the cargo compartment

About seven feet above the floor level

The gil liner walls end

Leaving the insulated aircraft structure exposed

And way up in the crown area of the fuselage

Flight control cables ran in their runs and pulleys

From where the upper deck ended

Until they disappeared through the aft pressure bulkhead on their way to the tail

As I wandered the cargo deck

Walking in and out of the cages and crates

I let my flashlight play on the cable runs

Looking for anything wrong

Everything seemed fine

The only obviously alert animal

Gina the giraffe

Watched me walk around intently

I don't have any treats for you darlin'

I said on my way by her box

She looked down at me

Fluttering her long lashes at me

What a flirt

Going back up to the upper deck

About twenty minutes had gone by

During that time nothing unusual had happened

And not finding any obvious answers

The crew had slowed down on their troubleshooting mission

Having switched the topic to the latest baseball stats it seemed

I went back and tidied up the galley a bit before sitting back down

Finding my book again

The handlers all came back up a few minutes later

And we all spent a few quiet minutes minding our own business

Which was, of course, when the plane yawed to the right again

The crew started right back where they had been with the problem

Which was when I remembered one more place I could look for trouble

At the back of the passenger upper deck area

There is a false wall

In this wall on a freighter is an access door

This is where I went

On the other side of the door the floor continued for another five feet or so

Where it ended in some structure that tied into the main fuselage

In all this were wire bundles, air ducts and flight control cables

And just beyond that

Was a big nylon guard net

Designed to keep tall pallets of cargo from ramming into the more delicate upper deck structure

Beyond that was the open main cargo deck

Which I could see through the tangled web of everything else

I looked around with my flashlight

Checking on the cable runs in here that I hadn't been able to see from down below

Nothing seemed wrong

Everything was happily going where it was supposed to

Nothing touching anything that it wasn't supposed to

I switched off my light and was just about to turn around to head back forward through the access door

When I saw Gina the giraffe

She was extending herself as far as she could and picking at the ceiling area

With nobody around she was being naughty

I watched her for a moment

Thinking I should tell the handlers

As she could get sick if she ate the insulation

When Gina the giraffe did something surprising

She grabbed ahold of something and pulled

I could see her neck flex as she pulled hard on whatever it was

Simultaneously with what I was seeing the giraffe do

I heard a complaint from the cockpit

Muffled through the access door to me

"Again!

It's doing it again!"

I realized what Gina the giraffe was doing

And I knew why the plane was pitching and yawing

Gina was pulling on the flight control cables that ran above her pen

Certainly not hard enough to break them

But just hard enough to start the plane gradually going this way and that

With a wry smile I went back forward to share my news with everyone

As something was going to have to be done about naughty Gina the giraffe

4

The captain and first officer were mouth agape at what I told them

Neither one of them believed me about Gina the giraffe

So first the captain went back to see for himself what she was doing

Then the first officer took his turn

Both of them came back shaking their heads at what they'd seen

The sight of Gina pulling on the flight control cables with her big giraffe teeth

For some reason the flight engineer hadn't needed convincing

Perhaps he'd seen it all before

You know the type

The captain took charge and gave me a mission

"Get with the handlers and see if you all can figure out how to get her to stop

I can't have her doing that

Especially when we are coming in to