Free the Shorts!

By Allison Hawn

Are you having a rough day? Have you spent the day wishing you could high five someone in the face with your laptop? Are you currently contemplating if it would actually be harmful to exceed the recommended daily dose of ibuprofen?
Then it sounds like you might need a little dose of laughter from humorist Allison Hawn! This free collection of true stories from the human magnet of all things bizarre in the universe is sure to make your day a bit less grim. With four brand new stories and two previously published tales, you are sure to giggle, smirk and guffaw. So escape from reality for a bit and snag a copy of Free the Shorts!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Allison Hawn
• Release date: Jun 17, 2015
• ISBN: 9781311288035

Allison Hawn

Allison Hawn was born in Idaho and has spent her life obtaining adventures. The daughter of a musician, she was brought up all over the United States with occasional dalliances into foreign lands. She holds a degree in psychology from Northwest Nazarene University in Nampa, Idaho, where she also had a weekly humor column with a small time newspaper "The Crusader." Allison is the author of "Life is a Circus Run by a Platypus" and "Life is a Pirate Ship Run by a Velociraptor," both of which were picked up for publication by Sweatshoppe Publications. She currently resides in Spokane, Washington, where she works with the homeless, domestic violence victims, and other disenfranchised populations, but calls a myriad of locations home.

Book preview

Free The Shorts!

By Allison Hawn

Copyright © 2015 by Allison Hawn

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form, except for brief quotations in literary reviews, without permission. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the author’s rights. Purchase only authorized editions.

Published in the United States of America

Interior Design by Allison Hawn

Cover Design by Allison Hawn

Edited by CarolBeth Hawn

To CarolBeth for helping edit this little ditty and to coffee for helping me write it.

Contents

1. Putting All Your Chips on the Table

2. Multitasking Like a Champ

3. Running Motivation

4. Bombs Away?

5. Lurking Danger

6. It’s Hard to Samba in a Kilt

1. Putting All Your Chips on the Table

I am not a person that you can take to a fancy restaurant, your grandmother’s birthday party, an upscale tea party, or anywhere else you might expect a certain level of calm and decorum.

This doesn’t mean that I am personally embarrassing or not well mannered, though my manners school instructor in third grade might disagree there (come on, no one really uses the salad fork). No, it is because I am the human magnet for all things bizarre in the universe and if I am going to attend an event there is a decent chance that a crazed badger, or a crazed person dressed as a badger, or a badger dressed as a crazed person, will find its way into our midst.

After being chased by an ostrich, run over by a drunk woman in an electric wheelchair, and handed a human ear by one of