If I Die

By Rachel Vincent

No one wants to be this teacher's pet

The entire school's talking about the gorgeous new math teacher, Mr Beck. That is, everyone except Kaylee Cavanaugh. After all, Kaylee's no ordinary high–school junior. She's a banshee– she screams when someone dies. But the next scream might be for Kaylee. Yeah– it's a shock to her, too. So to distract herself, Kaylee's going to save every girl in school. Because that hot new teacher is really an incubus who feeds on the desire of unsuspecting students. The only girls immune to his lure are Kaylee and Sabine– her boyfriend's needy ex–girlfriend. Now the unlikely allies have to get rid of Mr Beckbefore he discovers they aren't quite human, either. But Kaylee's borrowed lifeline is nearing its end. And those who care about her will do anything to save her life. Anything.

• Language: English
• Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers Australia
• Release date: Oct 1, 2011
• ISBN: 9781742880129

Rachel Vincent

Rachel Vincent is the New York Times bestselling author of several pulse-pounding series for teens and adults. A former English teacher and a champion of the serial comma, Rachel has written more than twenty novels and remains convinced that writing about the things that scare her is the cheapest form of therapy. Rachel shares her home in Oklahoma with two cats, two teenagers, and her husband, who’s been her number one fan from the start. You can find her online at rachelvincent.com and on Twitter @rachelkvincent.

Book preview

1

I used to think death was the worst thing that could happen to a person. I also used to think it was the last thing that could happen. But if I’ve learned anything from surrounding myself with reapers, and living nightmares, and my fellow bean sidhes, it’s this: I was wrong on both counts….

What are you doing here before the warning bell? I asked, sliding into my seat in first period algebra II with four minutes to spare. Isn’t that one of the signs of an impending apocalypse?

If so, this is how I want to go out. Emma Marshall sighed, digging the textbook from the bag on her lap. Enjoying the view.

I followed my best friend’s gaze to the front of the class, where Mr. Beck—hired in the wake of Mr. Wesner’s untimely demise—was writing math problems on the white board with green ink. His numbers were blockish and completely vertical; he had the best handwriting of any teacher at Eastlake. But Emma’s focus was several feet below his numbers, where the jeans encouraged by the new Spirit Fridays policy proved that Mr. Beck was much more dedicated to physical fitness than the average high school faculty member.

And I suppose your sudden interest in math is purely academic, right?

Her grin widened as she set the book on her desk, and it fell open to the place marked with a fat, purple-print emery board. I don’t know if ‘pure’ is totally accurate, but I haven’t figured out how to entirely avoid academia in the school setting. I think the most we can hope for is something pretty to look at, to distract us from the inherent pain of the educational process.

I laughed. Spoken like a true underachiever.

Emma could have been a straight-A student, but she was satisfied coasting by on effortless Bs, except in French and math, the only subjects that didn’t seem to come naturally for her. And the hot new math teacher had done nothing to improve her grades. Thanks to the aesthetic distraction, she was less inclined than ever to pay attention to what was written on the board and in the book.

Not that I could blame her. Mr. Beck was undeniably yummy, from his dark, tousled hair to his bright green eyes and the scuffed sneakers he always wore, even with slacks.

He’s only twenty-two, Em said, when she caught me looking. Less than a year out of college. I bet this is his first teaching job.

How do you know that? I asked, as Mr. Beck set his marker down and dug through his desk drawer for something.

Heard it from Danica Sussman. He’s been tutoring her after school, to keep her eligible for softball.

Where is Danica? I asked, on the tail end of the late bell. She’d been out sick for a couple of days, but she’d never missed on a game day before—Danica was supposed to pitch that afternoon.

Still sick, I guess, Em whispered, as Mr. Beck started taking roll. She unfolded a half-blank sheet of notebook paper. Did you do the homework?

I rolled my eyes and pulled out my own work. What happened to your new interest in math?

It doesn’t extend to homework.

Kaylee Cavanaugh? Mr. Beck called from the front of the room, and I glanced up, startled, certain we’d been caught cheating. But Beck was just standing there with his roll book in hand, waiting for my answer.

Oh. Here, I said, and he’d called three more names when the door opened and Danica Sussman stepped into the classroom. She was pale, except for dark patches beneath her eyes, which she hadn’t even tried to cover.

Danica, are you okay? Beck asked, as she crossed toward the front of the room, a blue late slip in hand.

I’m fine. She handed him the slip, but he balled it up in one fist and dropped it into the trash can next to his desk.

I haven’t called your name yet, so you’re not really late, he said, frowning, like he wasn’t convinced by her answer.

Thanks, Mr. B. But when she headed toward her desk, Danica had one hand pressed to her stomach, her face scrunched up in obvious pain.

Halfway through class, as Emma scrambled to finish her homework without ever taking her focus from Mr. Beck’s face, a familiar, sharp pain began to scratch at the back of my throat.

No! My heart beat so hard I practically shook in my chair. It couldn’t be happening again. Not at school. Not just six weeks after the loss of three teachers in a two-day span. My winter had felt like a series of deaths connected only by my advanced knowledge of them. I’d been hoping for a spring reprieve.

But a bean sidhe’s wail is never wrong. When someone near me is about to die, an overwhelming urge to scream—to cry out to his soul—consumes me. And the scream clawing its way up my throat at that very moment could only mean one thing.

I clenched my teeth so tight my jaws ached, denying the scream an exit. My hands gripped the sides of my desk, muscles so tense I accidentally pulled it back an inch, and Emma glanced up when she heard it squeal on the dingy linoleum tile.

She took one look at my face and frowned. Again? she mouthed, and when I could only nod, her frown deepened. Emma had seen me resist screaming for someone’s soul often enough to recognize the symptoms. At first it had freaked her out, and a large part of me wished it still did. I didn’t like how accustomed she was becoming to the cocoon of death that seemed to surround me.

Yet there were definite advantages to having a best friend in the know. Like the fact that she didn’t panic as she watched my gaze travel over my classmates, waiting for the dark aura to materialize around someone and show me who was about to die. But I saw no aura, and the scream remained a steady, painful pressure at the back of my throat—fairly easily stoppered, since I knew what I was doing—as if the soon-to-be-deceased and I weren’t actually in the same room. That thought made me relax enough that I raised my hand to be excused.

Mr. Beck started to nod in my direction, but before he could, Danica Sussman slid right out of her chair and onto the floor. Unconscious.

The entire class gasped, and chairs squealed against the floor as people stood for a better view. I was so surprised my mouth almost fell open, which would have released my painfully shrill shriek into the school.

Mr. Beck stared at Danica, blinking in shock and confusion.

Was it her? Was Danica about to die? If so, why wasn’t my urge to scream getting any stronger?

Mr. Beck rushed down the aisle, but before he got there, Chelsea Simms dropped onto the floor and stuck her hand in front of Danica’s face, an inch from her nose. She’s still breathing…. Chelsea sat back and glanced over our fallen classmate, obviously looking for an injury. Then she gasped again, sharper than before. Shit, she’s bleeding! Chelsea scrambled backward on her knees and bumped her shoulder on the nearest desk, as shocked whispers echoed across the room.

Mr. Beck knelt beside Danica, features tense with worry. Chelsea, call the office from the phone on my desk. Just dial nine. When Chelsea stood, I saw what everyone else had already reacted to: the pool of blood spreading beneath Danica’s thighs.

That’s when the scream hit me full force. While everyone else whispered and stared, gathering around our fallen classmate until Mr. Beck ordered them back, I sat stiff in my chair, gripping the sides of my desk again, swallowing compulsively to fight back the scream that was scalding me from the inside out.

But Danica was still breathing. I could see her chest rising between the shoulders of two basketball players standing in the aisle. Her breathing wasn’t even labored. But the strength of the scream within me said that someone was going to die any minute. If it wasn’t Danica, who was it?

You okay? Emma asked, leaning close to me, eyes wide, forehead furrowed. Is it her?

I could only shrug. The only way I know how to check was.

I let a thin thread of the scream trail from my lips, an emaciated sound so soft no one else heard it over the steady, stunned buzz of the gathered spectators. But it was enough. With that sound calling out to the soul, I would be able to see it when it left Danica’s body. Assuming she was the one about to die.

But the insubstantial form hovering over Danica Sussman was like no soul I’d ever seen. Usually, a soul’s appearance—merely its representation in the physical world—mimicked its owner’s size, at least. But this soul was tiny. No bigger than my fist, and irregular in shape. And Danica’s breathing had not slowed.

And that’s when I understood. Danica wasn’t dying. She was losing her unborn child.

I don’t think I can eat today. Emma stirred a paper bowl of tomato soup with a plastic spoon. This just isn’t in good taste.

I cracked open my soda lid without glancing at her lunch, for fear I’d be sick at the sight. I’m pretty sure they plan the menu months in advance. But that was little solace after what we’d seen that morning. Somehow, even after all the death I’d both witnessed and heralded, I’d never even considered the possibility of a miscarriage triggering my instinct to wail for a yet-unborn soul. The usual helplessness, frustration and horror that accompanied any death for me were magnified almost beyond my own comprehension. This was a baby. A child who would never be. And I didn’t know how to deal with that.

It does look pretty gory, though, Sabine insisted from across the table, ignoring her own tray as the spring breeze blew long black hair into her face. She tucked the stray strands back, exposing a mismatched set of silver hoops in her upper ear. So is it true that Danica Sussman hemorrhaged all over the floor in first period?

Both true and gruesome. Em dropped her spoon and pushed her meal back as Nash settled onto the bench seat next to me with a cardboard tray of nachos. I hope she’s okay.

An ambulance had come for Danica, and though she was still unconscious, I was long past wailing for her baby by the time they wheeled her away on a stretcher. And I was the only one who knew for sure that she would live—but that a tiny, hidden part of her had already died.

I hope so, too. Nash slid one arm around my waist and squeezed me, then dug into his chips, and I couldn’t help wondering if we would have been able to save Danica’s baby, if we’d both been there when it happened. As a male bean sidhe, Nash didn’t wail for the souls of the dying. His gifts included Influence—the ability to compel people to do things just by speaking to them—and the capacity to guide a disembodied soul. Together, we could reinstate a person’s soul and save his or her life—but only in exchange for someone else’s. A life for a life. That’s how it worked.

But I had no idea if it would work at all on an unborn child, without a fully formed body in which to reinstate the soul. Or if it would last, even if it did work. I mean, miscarriages happen for a reason, right? Because there’s something wrong with the baby, or because the mother can’t handle the stress. Or something like that. So … really, a miscarriage is a blessing, right?

Or maybe I was just desperate to find a silver lining to go with the single darkest, most horrifying cloud of a death I’d ever witnessed.

People are saying it was a miscarriage, Emma said softly, and I flinched when a guy in a green-and-white senior class shirt turned around on the bench behind her, his brown eyes shiny with unshed tears, face flushed with anger. Max Kramer was Danica’s boyfriend of almost a year, and his pain and anger were so raw I felt like I was violating his privacy just by witnessing them.

Well, people are wrong, he snapped, and Emma froze, obviously embarrassed, then turned to face him slowly.

I’m sorry, Max. I didn’t mean …

Max stood without letting her finish, towering over our entire table. They’re all wrong. He didn’t raise his voice, but made no special effort to lower it either, so half the quad heard him when he continued. Danica couldn’t have been pregnant. We’ve never even done it. So find someone else to talk about. Or better yet, why don’t you all just shut the hell up.

We stared after him as he stomped off toward the cafeteria doors, and one look at Emma told me she felt just as bad for him as I did.

Poor fool, Sabine said, one of Nash’s cheese-covered chips halfway to her mouth. I think he really believes that. As a mara, Sabine could read people’s fears and feed from the nightmares she wove for them while they slept. But even beyond her mara abilities, she had an uncanny ability to read people’s expressions and body language. To my constant irritation.

Of course he believes it. Emma would have taken any excuse to argue with the mara—Sabine had dragged her into the Netherworld six weeks earlier and almost sold her to a hellion, body and soul. But this time her anger was obviously about more than that; Em felt guilty for passing along what she’d heard in front of Max. Just ‘cause people are saying something doesn’t make it true. My aunt had a miscarriage last year, and it looked nothing like that. There was hardly any blood. Mostly just some cramping.

Sabine shrugged, unfazed. I’m no doctor, but if you ask me, she was pregnant, and the baby didn’t belong to good ol’ Max. But he obviously hasn’t figured that out yet.

Well, no one asked you, Emma insisted. So mind your own business.

The mara frowned. It’s not like I was going to tell him!

Sabine. Nash half groaned.

Normally, I like it when he’s irritated with her. Sabine was my boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend, and she wasn’t too happy about the ex part.

She’s right, I said, as softly as I could speak and still be heard at my own table.

How do you …? Emma asked, and I met her gaze reluctantly.

Because I felt the baby die.

The silence at our table was almost heavy enough to feel. Then Emma breathed a soft, Ohhh, of understanding. That’s why you needed to scream. I didn’t even think about it, after Danica fell out of her chair. I guess I thought she’d die once she got to the hospital.

No, she’ll be fine, as far as I know, I said, glad to have at least that bit of good news to report. But she definitely lost a baby, right there in first period. And Max obviously wasn’t the father.

I wonder who knocked her up? Sabine bit into another of Nash’s chips, staring off into the clouds, like she could actually puzzle that one out on her own.

Nash pulled his cardboard tray away from her. That’s none of our business.

Maybe it is, Sabine insisted. I bet it was Mr. Beck’s.

You are so full of shit! Emma snapped, even angrier at having her favorite teacher’s name dragged through the mud by her least favorite person.

Sabine rolled black eyes. It’s just a theory. And it’s not even that far-fetched. I mean, if he’s hiding his species, there’s no telling what else he’s hiding.

My spoon slipped from my grip and plopped into my own untouched bowl of soup. "Beck isn’t human?" I demanded, as Emma’s brown eyes widened. Even Nash looked surprised.

Sabine shrugged again. I thought you knew.

Hell no, we didn’t know! Nash stared at her over the table. Are you sure?

"As sure as I am that Kaylee dreams about some very interesting things she’d never even consider when she’s awake."

Nash pushed aside his lunch and leaned over the table, lowering his voice even further. How do you know?

The mara’s focus tightened on me and her eyes darkened, like a cloud had just passed over the sun. Only the day was still bright and warm, for mid-March. I played around in her slumbering subconscious a couple of months ago, remember? And in her dreams, Miss Prim-n-Proper doesn’t have all those stifling control issues and that pesky trust deficit.

"How do you know about Beck," Nash clarified through clenched teeth, while I tried to redirect the heat in my cheeks into a death ray aimed right at Sabine.

She frowned, like the answer should have been obvious. I read his fears. He knows this is a hotbed of Netherworld activity and he’s afraid of being caught fishing in the communal pond by something bigger and badder before he has what he came for.

And what’s that? Emma asked, obviously stunned.

How the hell should I know? Sabine snatched another chip from Nash’s carton. "I’m a mara, not a psychic. Not that mind reading would help anyway. It’s not like people go around thinking, ‘I’m a monster from another world, hell-bent on wreaking havoc. Gee, I hope no one hears my thoughts.’"

You could have just said, ‘I don’t know,’ I snapped.

Sabine raised one eyebrow in silent challenge. I don’t know, she said, managing to make her own ignorance sound smug. "But as usual, I know more than you do."

I wasn’t surprised by her jab, and I shouldn’t have been surprised to find out that Beck wasn’t human. Especially considering that in the Netherworld—a hellish reflection of our own world, from which all evil springs—our school was the new hot spot for the monster A-list.

After a four-to-eight Friday-night shift at the Cineplex, where scooping popcorn and filling soda cups couldn’t drive the image of Danica bleeding on the floor from my head, I pulled into my driveway exhausted, but ready for my second wind. Nash was coming over at nine to watch a movie, and my dad had promised to stay in his room all night. But before I could relax with my boyfriend, I wanted to shower off the scents of popcorn and butter-flavored oil. Also, I should probably tell my dad that my new math teacher wasn’t human—that’s the kind of thing he usually wanted to know.

I’d just dropped my keys into the empty candy dish on the half wall between the kitchen and living room when the sudden silence made me realize my dad had been talking when I’d come in. Until I’d come in.

Hmm …

Dad? I kicked my shoes off and dropped them on the floor of the front closet, then headed down the hall toward his room. You okay?

Yeah, I’m fine, hon.

His bedroom door was ajar, so I pushed it open to see him standing in the middle of the floor, his hands in his hip pockets. I’d expected to find him on the phone—he had to be talking to someone, right?

What’s up? I frowned when he hedged. Dad.? And suddenly Tod appeared in the room, several feet away, staring right at me.

Okay … This is even weirder than the suspicious silence, I said, expecting one or the other of them to laugh and spit out one of the logical explanations my father always seemed to have ready. But there was only more silence. Okay, now you two are really starting to scare me.

Tod generally only acknowledged my father’s existence when an opportunity arose to drive him nuts. And my dad had no use for Tod at all, unless he needed information only a rookie Grim Reaper could gain access to. So this private powwow had to be about something important.

Guys? I can only stand here pretending you’re not scaring me for another second or two before I completely lose it. T minus five … four …

It’s nothing, honey, my dad started to say, but the scowl on Tod’s face exposed the lie before my father could even finish it.

If you don’t tell her, I will, the reaper threatened. Tod, I can handle this—

Tod turned his back on my father and met my gaze with a frighteningly honest weight. Kaylee, the new list came out today. By which he meant the reaper list, detailing every death scheduled in his district in the next seven days.

Oh, shit. Someone’s going to die. I took a deep breath, but couldn’t stop my hands from shaking. Please don’t be Emma. Or Nash. Or my dad. I couldn’t lose another parent.

I tried to ask—I tried to summon that much strength—but in the end, it just wasn’t there. I couldn’t stand the thought of losing someone else. Someone I loved.

So Tod answered the question I didn’t have the courage to ask.

It’s you, Kaylee. You’re on the list.

2

Where’s Styx? I turned my back on my father and the reaper and closed my eyes, trying not to let them see how shocked I really was. Fear would kick in soon, surely, once the reality had set in. But for the moment, I was numb and oddly chilled, like I’d jumped into the lake instead of letting my body adjust to the temperature a bit at a time.

Kaylee? My dad’s footsteps thumped behind me as I stepped into my room, questions whirling around in my head so fast I got dizzy, just standing still. Did you hear Tod?

Of course I heard him. Though, admittedly, that was never a guarantee. Reapers could choose who they wanted to be seen and heard by, on an individual basis, and Tod had an irritating habit of appearing to just one person in the room at a time—usually me.

I think she’s in shock, the reaper said as I scanned the floor, the rumpled covers, and the laundry piled in my desk chair, looking for a breathing lump of fur.

Styx? I called, but nothing moved. Tod materialized at the foot of the bed, studying me closely for my reaction, and I jumped, startled by his sudden appearance. I’m not in shock. Not yet, anyway. At a glance, he looked nothing like his brother, beyond their similar athletic builds. Tod had his mother’s blue eyes and blond curls, while Nash obviously took after his father, who’d died long before I met either of the Hudson boys.

For the moment, I am firmly entrenched in denial, which—honestly—feels like the healthiest stage of acceptance. And I’d really appreciate it if you’d let me wallow there for a while. I brushed past my father into the hall, headed toward the kitchen. Styx!

I let her into the backyard, my dad said at last, following me into the kitchen. She doesn’t like Tod.

That’s because Tod never brings anything but death and bad advice, I snapped, beyond caring that I was being unfair—it wasn’t the reaper’s fault that my number was up.

That’s not true. Tod tried to grin, and I had to respect his effort to lighten the mood. Sometimes I bring pizza.

Because the reaper gig—he extinguished life and reaped souls at the local hospital from midnight to noon—didn’t pay in human currency, Tod had begun delivering pizza for spending money during his free time. At my suggestion.

At first, I’d been amused by the fact that you could get both death and a large pepperoni delivered by the same person. But after Danica Sussman’s first period miscarriage and the news of my own impending demise, nothing seemed very funny at the moment.

Styx is probably starving, I mumbled, pulling open the fridge. My father’s warm hand landed firmly over mine on the handle and he pushed the door closed.

Kaylee, please sit down. We need to talk about this.

I know. But I was terrified that if I stopped moving for more than a second, that cloud of denial would clear and leave me staring at the ugly truth. And I’d already faced more than my share of ugly truths in the almost-seventeen years of my life.

Finally I nodded reluctantly. For all I knew, I didn’t have the luxury of avoiding the truth for very long.

I opened the fridge again and pulled out a can of Coke, then followed my dad into the living room, where Tod was already seated in my father’s recliner. For once, Dad didn’t yell at him to move. Instead, he sat on the couch with me, and I could see that he wanted to hug me, but I couldn’t let him, because that gesture of grief would make it real, and no matter how little time I had left, I wasn’t ready for that. Not yet.

So I would focus on the facts, rather than the truth. Because no matter what it sounds like, there’s actually a very big difference between the two.

Are you sure? I asked, holding the cold can with both hands, relishing the discomfort because it meant that I was still alive.

Tod nodded miserably. Normally I don’t see the names more than a day or two in advance, but because you’re already on borrowed time, your name came on the special list.

Special …

I was on borrowed time because I’d already died once. I was only three at the time, and thirteen years later, I only knew what I’d been told long after the fact: I was scheduled to die that night, on the side of an icy road in an accident. However, my parents couldn’t stand the thought of losing their only child, so my father tried to exchange his death date for mine. But the reaper was a vicious bastard, and he took my mother’s life instead.

I’d been living my mother’s life—literally—since I was three years old. And now her lifeline was coming to its end. Which meant that I would die. Again.

Aren’t you just a rookie? My father frowned skeptically.

How do you even have access to this special list? Normally, my dad wouldn’t hesitate to question the reaper, based solely on the fact that they didn’t get along. But his disbelief this time had a deeper root. One I understood.

If Tod was wrong, or even lying for some reason, then maybe I wasn’t going to die. Maybe my borrowed lifeline wasn’t really sliding through my fingers faster than I could cling to it.

That’s the weird thing, Tod said, unbothered by my dad’s skepticism. "Normally, I wouldn’t have access to it. If I’d known it was coming up, I could have looked up the specifics on the sly. Tod had his boss’s passwords because he’d set them up in the first place—he was one of only two reapers in the district young enough to have grown up with computers. But this time I didn’t have to. When I went in this afternoon to pick up my own list, Levi sent me into his office for something. And the special list was sitting right there on his desk, in plain sight."

And naturally, you read it, my father added.

I’m a reaper, not a saint. Anyway, I think he wanted me to see it. Why else would he have left it out, then sent me in alone with it lying right there?

Why would he want you to see it? I asked, curious in spite of the huge dark cloud hanging over my truncated future.

Tod shrugged. I don’t know. Maybe he likes me. Maybe he likes you. I’d only met Levi, Tod’s boss, once, but he had seemed impressed with my ingenuity. Impressed enough to give me a heads-up about my own death? Maybe, but.

Why? I asked, focused on Tod’s eyes in search of an answer. If I’d been looking at Nash, I’d have known what he was feeling just by watching the colors twist in his irises. But, like my dad, Tod was too good at hiding what he was feeling.

He rarely ever let his emotions show through the windows to his soul.

Why would he like you? Tod’s eyes held steady. Well, you do have this sort of magnetic effect on the darker elements of life. And the afterlife. As evidenced by Avari the hellion’s obsession with claiming my soul. And Levi’s definitely on the murky side of things.

I had no idea how old Levi was—though my best guess was in the mid-triple digits—but he looked like an eight-year-old, freckled, redheaded little boy. That, combined with the fact that all reapers were technically dead, made him hands down the creepiest reaper I’d ever met. And, unfortunately, in the last six months, I’d had occasion to meet several.

But that wasn’t what I’d meant.

"No, why would he want me to know? Why would you want me to know? Nash said we’re not supposed to tell people when they’re going to die, because that just makes their last moments miserable. And I gotta say, he was right." I didn’t know my exact time of death yet, but just knowing it was coming was enough to make my stomach revolt against the entire concept of food.

In general, that’s true … my father began, but Tod cut him off, sporting a characteristic dark grin.

But you seem to be the exception to so many rules, why should this one be any different?

Does that mean you want me to suffer through anticipation? I asked, hoping I’d misinterpreted that part.

No. My dad shook his head. It means that forewarned is forearmed. We couldn’t have fought this if we didn’t know it was coming.

We’re going to fight this? That possibility hadn’t occurred to me. I mean, someone had already fought that battle for me once, and won. I’d been saved, at the expense of my mother’s life. As badly as I wanted to live, it hardly seemed fair for me to cheat death again. No one else I knew had even had one second chance, much less two.

Then there was the other problem. The big one: extending my lifeline—again—would mean killing someone else instead. Again. And I couldn’t live with that.

Of course we’re going to fight it! my dad insisted. There are ways around death, at least temporarily. We know that better than anyone. We’ve done it, once.

That’s the problem, Tod said softly, his grin notably absent. One of them, anyway.

My father scowled at the reaper. What does that mean?

The rules are very clear about second extensions. He hesitated, and I heard what he was going to say next before he even formed the

Reviews for If I Die

[alcarinqa_1 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

By now I’m used to something freaky and supernatural going down in the very first chapter of a Soul Screamers novel, but I was surprised regardless! It’s great that Rachel Vincent can keep astonishing her readers five books into the series. If I Die is a roller coaster ride unlike any I have ever read before – the protagonist knows she has less than a week to live and finds out that her Math teacher is preying on his female students. This is an emotionally charged book that – unfortunate for Kaylee – hurtles towards its conclusion and leaves readers breathless at the end.The most interesting aspect of the novel, for me, is how Kaylee deals with her impending death. Many of the characters remark, with confusion, that she takes everything quite well. There’s no screaming or raging. Kaylee wants to spend her last few days with her family and friends and ensure that the incubus preying on her fellow classmates, including her best friend Emma, is stopped. A welcome, and natural, source of support is Tod, who has a much larger role in the novel than previously (which I loved because I’m Team Tod all the way). In contrast Nash, who I believe hit rock bottom in the last book and couldn’t disappoint me any further, started digging.On a more personal note, the news of her death brings to the forefront everything Kaylee will not have the opportunity to do, and one of the things she decides to experience is sex. Rachel Vincent handles the issue very well, balancing Kaylee’s helplessness and her desire to be in control of one aspect of her life with the concerns of her friends about making a decision she simply isn’t ready for. I have found that Rachel Vincent has handled the issue of Kaylee’s virginity throughout the series with candour and respect and, above all, realistically, and am glad to find this hasn’t changed.There are a few things I didn’t like in this book. Keeping Sophie out of the loop is doing no one any favours – not only is she in constant danger, but she must be extremely confused because she knows there is something going on, but has no idea what it is. Although I find her attitude towards Kaylee repulsive I understand where the impulse comes from. Similarly Kaylee’s efforts to keep her best friend Emma in the dark proves more dangerous, time and time again, than just letting her know everything up front. Finally, Kaylee’s attitude towards the relationship between Nash and Sabine is both inexplicable and wrong, in my opinion. She and Sabine make a deal for Sabine to inherit Nash as a boyfriend, and possibly Emma as a friend, after Kaylee’s death. These are people we are talking about, not possessions!This book certainly delivers! Rachel Vincent has packed a lot into this fantastic book, and its conclusions had me reaching for Before I Wake, the next book in the series, immediately. If you haven’t started this series, you are seriously missing out!You can read more of my reviews at Speculating on SpecFic.

[mrso822 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Oh my God. Ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod.

Okay, now that I got that out of my way… This book was SO good. I got a slow start due to life obligations getting in my way (stupid life obligations, lol), but once I got a chance to really read, that’s all I wanted to do. It’s a good thing I’m almost done with this series because it’s interfering with my sleep!

When this book starts, we find out that Kaylee’s new math teacher is hot but not human, and Tod informs her she’s going to die in 5 days. Kaylee knows that she can’t do anything about her impending death, so she decides to try to make things better for as many people as she can before it’s too late. At the same time, we see her struggle to accept it and those around her try to do anything to stop it.

This book was excellent in its execution. As I feverishly flipped the pages, I had so many questions going through my head: What is Mr. Beck? How can they stop him? Can they stop him? How will Kaylee die? Will she die? If she doesn’t, who will be the one to circumvent it and how? What will happen if she does die? Will she become a reaper? What’s going to happen to Emma? Will Kaylee ever love Tod as much as I do? It seems like a lot, but they all get answered, and it’s amazing!

I really love the interaction of all the characters in this book, and there were some scenes that had me ready to scream “Yes! Finally!”, but I can’t spoil it. It’s so very hard not to, though, because I want to jump and dance and scream (in a good way) about it!

There were two twists at the end that I completely didn’t see coming, and both had me in tears for different reasons.

I have said this for every one of Vincent’s books since My Soul to Keep, but this is definitely the BEST book so far! 5 very overly enthusiastic stars!

This review is also posted on Mommy's Reading Break

[a_reader_of_fictions · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

For more reviews, Cover Snark and more, visit A Reader of Fictions.Whoa. I knew this series got better at a certain point, based on ratings from trusted reviewers, but it’s still startling to go from steady 3 star books to a much higher rating. I’ve been waiting for Vincent to bring it, and she totally did. If I Die gets a bit darker and raises the stakes. Also, it’s a much more emotional read than the previous ones.Up to this point, I really never had any feels about the Soul Screamers series. I’ve enjoyed it, but my black heart felt nothing in particular. Here, the feels appeared. Surprisingly enough, they were pretty much all romance-based. I say surprisingly, because I wasn’t sure how I felt about the romance and from a logical level I’m still not entirely certain. What I can say for sure is that Vincent does a really good job setting up the switchover to Tod. I still find the love triangle with brothers frustrating and am a bit disappointed that she and Tod couldn’t continue to be good friends. At the same time, they’re very shippable. As you can tell, I am conflicted.The reason this works so well despite my complex feelings on the matter and the source of the feelings is the truth bombs Tod drops left and right. Tod has seen a lot through the course of the series, and he’s gone from a fairly passive observer to a major player in the game. His arguments for why he cares for Kaylee and for why they’re better suited than she and Nash are accurate. In fact, Kaylee suddenly becomes a lot more likable once the door closes on her and Nash. It’s shown that they’re not necessarily a good couple, though they wanted to make it work. Free of him, she’s a better person, more free to carry out those impulses she always had to argue with Nash about throughout the whole book; he never wanted her to help others or risk anything, but that’s the kind of person she is.The plot follows along the standard mystery lines of the other books in the series. The difference is that the mystery has a more personal impact, because, at the same time, Kaylee’s faced with knowledge of her own impending, irreversible death. I think the plot was also helped by the fact that the adults weren’t kept out of the loop this time. The other books felt a bit like child’s play, no matter how dangerous, because, ultimately, there was always a cavalry of trained adults they could bring in if shit hit the fan. In this case, the adults were informed and the outcome still didn’t look bright.If I Die had two main downsides. The first is that I totally called the ending in chapter one. Not every detail, but it was pretty obvious how everything was going to resolve. The second is that things do turn out rather conveniently. The ending could have been much more heartbreaking. Then again, this has been a fairly fluffy paranormal series, and its fans wouldn’t have been pleased with the sort of bleak ending I would have loved.Reading the Soul Screamers has now paid off. I only hope this quality can be sustained through the next couple of books, or even improved on.

[rozziereads · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Oh broke my heart, and then made it all better !

[liindasnow97 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Rachel Vincent is something else.I just...This book was simply so awesome and had me all the time either laughing, crying, or raging. Most of the things that happened shattered everything we've been reading since the very beginning, and I mean that in the best way possible. Vincent had me laughing in the middle of my tears.

[potterwholockian · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

SO MANY EMOTIONS !!!!!!

[justanotheryablog · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

OMG!! KAYLEE AND TOD TOGETHA
I do feel bad about Nash though
He's a good guy,and I personally believe SABINE is wrong for him
but overall...man,what a story it was!

[spazzydragon13 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Rachel Vincent has done it again.

If I Die is the fifth book in the amazing and ever popular Soul Screamers series. Never before have I heard of the killing off of the main character without ending the series...yet Rachel did it, and she did it in style.

Kaylee Cavanaugh, a bean sidhe who sings for people's souls when they die, learns that she's going to die in a week. How? She's on the reaper list.(Specifically the special list, which means she has no second chance exchanges) Which brings me to Tod, who is the local reaper. Tod is simply amazing. From book one, I thought Kaylee should have been with him instead of Nash. In book four, I was mad at Tod for being mean to Kaylee, but I was still Team Tod. Now, in book five, Tod is put into the spotlight and revealed in all his glory. I don't want to spoil it, but let's just say that Team Tod has just become much happier now!

Now, plot wise....pretty epic. I know Rachel said that it was hard for her to write the book following this, Before I Wake, because it was really hard to top If I Die. I don't blame her. This book was pretty amazing. Simply knowing the main character is going to die is a pretty big plot right there, but executing it the way she did was simply amazing. I thought I had the ending predicted from back to chapter five or so...but I was wrong. And then TOD! Oh, I nearly cried. (It's really cruel to play with the heartstrings of fans. D:) So, needless to say, the action and plot was amazing (even if just the teensiest bit predictable).

As for characters, they were just as awesome as ever. Kaylee has evolved and I like her better than I did in book four. Nash has stayed the same, which is nice that someone is consitent. He does get pretty bad at the end but it still follows the path Nash would've taken anyway. I'm glad he didn't chance, and I'm also glad he's out of the picture. Sabine is badass as always. Tod...amazing. That's all I shall say.

I thoroughly enjoyed this book and I can't wait 'till June for Before I Wake!

[eomalley_2 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

What would you do if you had only one week to live? Kaylee Cavanaugh is about to find out.

When reaper Tod informs Kaylee and her father that he has just seen Kaylee’s name on the next reaping list, everyone is suddenly faced with the fact that Kaylee has been living on borrowed time – and that time is up. While Kaylee’s father tries to get Kaylee an extension, Kaylee realizes it is time to get her affairs in order. This means making her school – and her best friend Emma – safer by eliminating the incubus she has just learned is teaching her math class. It also means deciding once and for all what her feelings really are for boyfriend Nash.

If I Die is my favorite of all the Soul Screamers books so far. Knowing that Kaylee’s borrowed life is about to reach its end, it seemed like this book would be a game-changer – and it is. Two very distinct stories are going on in this installment, with Kaylee and friends trying to save the school from Mr. Beck while Kaylee is also facing her own death. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t more drawn to Kaylee’s personal story than the one involving Beck. Both are good but, since I am so invested in the character of Kaylee, her story is the one that brings me back again and again to this book (I’ve read it multiple times).

With an incubus as a villain, you can bet this book ups the sex quotient and we get a look at two very important aspects of it – sex for the purpose of creating new life and sex as an integral part of a loving relationship. With so little time left, Kaylee is realizing she will never have a future that involves a husband and children and is beginning to question why she has been reluctant to deepen her relationship with Nash. But sex has consequences, and she sees first-hand some of the worst when she encounters a couple of Beck’s teenage victims. There are some really mature themes in If I Die, and I loved the way Vincent presented them. The awkwardness that can be present with sex was realistic, and I thought Kaylee’s panicked call to Sabine for sexual advice was both funny and touching. Of course, calling your boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend who is still in love with him for advice on sex may not be the smartest move!

The immediacy of her death may lead Kaylee to plan on having sex instead of letting it happen naturally, but it also makes her question her entire relationship with Nash. Does she still love him? Would they have stayed together if she lived? Is there someone out there she may have feelings for instead? Yes, this is the book where Kaylee decides once and for all between Nash and Tod, and I was absolutely thrilled to have this resolved – especially since she picked the one I wanted her to pick. There are consequences to her choice, however, and a couple are pretty severe and not completely resolved in If I Die.

Consequences result from Kaylee targeting Beck, as well, and I was surprised how that tied in with Kaylee’s approaching death. The final confrontation between the two was a lot darker than I anticipated, and forced some actions on Kaylee that will have repercussions in the next book. Tod will also be facing consequences for some of his actions in this book; he may have done them to protect Kaylee, but I think they will result in some serious payback.

Other than Beck there is only one other new character, the reaper who has been assigned to Kaylee’s case – Thane. It turns out he has a history with Kaylee’s family and now is his time to collect. While Beck and Thane are kind of the villains of this piece, I really didn’t get the same sense of danger from them that I’ve gotten in previous books with Avari. I’m wondering if Vincent ratcheted back the danger because death itself plays such a huge role in this story, or if she just didn’t feel the story called for a villain on the level of Avari. We do have a couple of scenes with Avari, but they actually revealed more about another character in the story than anything else.

I don’t know how she does it with such a serious subject as death, but Vincent still manages to keep things humorous and heartfelt. Emma continues to add a lightness to the proceedings, while Sabine’s straight talk adds an edge. My favorite conversations, though, were the ones between Kaylee and Tod. It was my second opportunity to get inside Tod’s head (the first being the novella Reaper which was told from his point of view) and see how deeply he loves others. Tod just may be my favorite YA romantic male lead currently.

In a series that continues to impress on every level, If I Die pulls out all the stops and gives us a story where love and death reign supreme. Author Rachel Vincent has never shied away from dealing with mature themes and presenting them in an accessible manner, and this book is no exception. Characters are flawed but real, and their actions will no doubt lead to serious consequences in the future. Kaylee’s life takes a major turn in If I Die and the fall-out is yet to come.

[filialibri-1 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Diese und weitere Rezensionen findet ihr auf meinem Blog Anima Libri - Buchseele

Und weiter geht’s mit Rachel Vincents Geschichte von Banshees und Co… Mittlerweile bei Band 5 (von insgesamt sieben wenn ich mich nicht irre) angelangt, weiß ich ehrlich gesagt nicht mehr so ganz, was ich von der ganzen Geschichte wirklich halten soll. Serien sind für mich sowieso immer so eine Sache. Mal ganz abgesehen davon, dass ich den aktuellen Trilogie-Wahn im Jugendbuchbereich einfach nur nervtötend finde, muss eine Serie schon wirklich gut und durchgehend spannend sein, damit ich nicht nach zwei Bänden aufgebe. Und die „Soul Screamers“-Serie war leider eben nicht immer gut sondern im Gegenteil eher ziemlich holprig und wenig konstant, was die Qualität der einzelnen Bände angeht. Daher war meine Vorfreude auf Band fünf auch nur mäßig.

Allerdings hat sich das Ganze dann widererwarten als doch ziemlich gut herausgestellt. Das lag vor allem an Kaylee mit der ich vorher hauptsächlich aus einem Grund ziemliche Schwierigkeiten hatte: wegen ihres doch ziemlich kindischen Verhaltens. Mit „Berühre meine Seele“ kommt die Geschichte aber zum Glück endlich an dem Punkt an, an dem Kaylee erwachsen wird – und zwar ziemlich eindrucksvoll. So gibt es in Band fünf der Serie dann auch wieder jede Menge Probleme, mit denen Kaylee zu kämpfen hat, und diesmal scheinen sie sogar noch ein Stückchen schwieriger zu sein, als alles, was sich der jungen Banshee vorher so in den Weg gestellt hat. Das perfekte Szenario also, damit Vincents Protagonistin unter Beweis stellen kann, dass sie ihre Probleme auch auf reifere und erwachsenere Art angehen kann als zuvor.

Die Handlung selbst hat mich – wie eigentlich bei fast allen vorherigen Bänden – erneut überzeugen können. Allein Rachel Vincents vielfältiges Mythenkonstrukt mit all den fantastischen Wesen, die sich rund um das Thema Tod scharren, ist schon wahnsinnig faszinierend und wirkt auch im fünften Teil der Serie noch frisch und innovativ, nicht zuletzt deswegen, weil die Autorin immer wieder neue Figuren und Wesen einführt und weitere mythologische Geschichtsschnipsel enthüllt. Für Mythenfans wie mich lohnt es sich daher schon allein deswegen bei dieser Serie am Ball zu bleiben, auch wenn die Charaktere bzw. ihr immer wiedermal nervig kindisches Verhalten den Lesespaß bislang leider etwas gedämpft haben. Ein Problem, das aber – wie bereits ja schon gesagt – in diesem Band endlich, endlich ein Ende nimmt.

Zwar gibt es nach wie vor Verbesserungspotential bei den Charakteren, gerade auf Ebene der Nebenfiguren, aber das Hauptproblem, das ich bislang mit Kaylee und Co. hatte, hat die Autorin erfolgreich angegangen, wofür die Geschichte der „Soul Screamers“ alles in allem 4,5 Sterne von mir bekommt. Denn nach diesem Band habe ich dann doch wieder richtig Lust darauf auch die weiteren Bände zu lesen.

[bookaholiccat · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

4 ½ Stars

I hate Nash... just saying...

[laneliterati · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Pretty fantastic. Important for the series arc. Recommended for an slightly older teen.

[tinkerbell4726 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Wow. What a difference of book makes. Nash and Todd, holy cow! I did NOT see that coming...

[leannesf_1 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Another wonderful book in the series! Vincent has written a thrilling and tearjerking novel with the resolution of Kaylee's and Nash's relationship and Kaylee's dealing with the news of her own imminent death. Loved the ending! Definitely per-ordering "Before I Wake", the next book in the series.

[tristan_bruce_2 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

I know with every new book in the Soul Screamers series I always say the newest one is the best one and I'm not changing my ways now. If I die isn't titled without the usual My Soul To... , until I read the book I couldn't figure out why, now I know, this book is the game changer. Everything you've become comfortable with in the series was just pulled out from under you, but in a good way. This along with the countdown to Kaylee's end is more than enough to keep you page turning. I didn't set this book down once from the moment I started reading it, it just wasn't possible. The characters are the same we know and love, or love to hate (Sabine) with a few small additions but this story sticks pretty close to home. That is about as far as I can go on this one and still keep it spoiler-free. It's emotional, suspenseful and my new fav in the series. 5 out of 5!

[bkwormblogger · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Synopsis:The entire school's talking about the gorgeous new math teacher, Mr. Beck. Everyone except Kaylee Cavanaugh. After all, Kaylee's no ordinary high-school junior. She's a banshee—she screams when someone dies.But the next scream might be for Kaylee.Yeah—it's a shock to her, too. So to distract herself, Kaylee's going to save every girl in school. Because that hot new teacher is really an incubus who feeds on the desire of unsuspecting students. The only girls immune to his lure are Kaylee and Sabine, her boyfriend's needy ex-girlfriend. Now the unlikely allies have to get rid of Mr. Beck…before he discovers they aren't quite human, either.But Kaylee's borrowed lifeline is nearing its end. And those who care about her will do anything to save her life.Anything.Review:Wow! Wow! Wow! This one took me down me down a road I didn't think I'd travel on! From the first book I've been rooting for Nash. Even when he showed signs that he'd do anything for Kaylee to make up for the wrongs that he'd done. But I always knew that would take a miraculous event for her to finally forgive him.And when she finds out that she has six days to live there is no way on earth that a make up is possible. And finally she realises that if its not possible to fix, then leave it alone for someone else to.In this whole book, Kaylee acts selflessly trying to fix all of the problems including the new teacher preying on young girls.Ultimately the more you try to fix things the worse the problems actually become, and for Kaylee the clock keeps ticking.I've never been a Tod fan. I've always found him too annoying and interfering to be good for Kaylee. But in this story he's the only one she can turn to who isn't more screwed up than her.As her family and friends try to find a way for her NOT to die, it all comes down to her own testiment of determination and past actions to prove to the makers that her being on the planet is better for everyone...although it might not be exactly how she planned.With the title of the book being different from the other ones in this series this is definitely a curve in the whole dramatic storyline that is Soul Screamers. I can't wait for the next one to find out what happens now....

[stacyatufi · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Wow what a ride IF I DIE ended up being. Early on in the book it is revealed that Kaylee is on the reaper list. While everyone that loves her is trying to find a way to save her she is trying to solve the mystery that is Mr Beck before he ruins anyone else's life. There is a lot going on in IF I DIE. Feelings, relationships and unpredictable outcomes make up a lot of the book. If I found out I was going to die very soon I would be a wreck but Kaylee doesn't break down. She takes in the news and keeps herself busy to make sure when she is gone everyone will be ok. There is a lot of soul searching about what she wants, a lot of hard decisions and a lot of heartbreaking moments. Nash, I really grew to dislike Nash after IF I DIE. He is selfish, and self destructive. I can see the pain that he is in but what he ends up doing in this book is beyond forgivable. I have always liked Tod. He is mysterious, and acts all tough but he always ends up being there when Kaylee needs him. I really liked how present he was in this book and how much more we get to know about him. I have read all of Rachel Vincents books whether they were her adult novels or her young adult and I have never been disappointed by any of them. Her writing is addicting, her characters strong, and the situations she puts her characters in are heart pounding. IF I DIE is the best book in the Soul Screamers series yet.

[hcross9820_1 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

IF I DIE is the absolute best book in the Soul Screamers series so far! There are two things I have come to expect from Rachel Vincent’s books. First, expect the unexpected. She has an impressive ability to break genre rules and work outside the box. And second, her books have an uncanny ability of breaking my heart into teeny-tiny pieces. Couples are never promised a Happily-Ever-After and no character is untouchable by death or injury. IF I DIE didn’t let me down.Rachel Vincent starts this book out with a bang. She tackles a very serious life and death issue within the first couple chapters. It hooked me in and couldn’t put this book down. It was an emotionally tough for me to read, but was extremely well written. She handles these issues in a very delicate and real way. It has probably never been said that Rachel shies away from controversial subject matterKaylee has once again found herself sinking in quicksand. Her life is falling down around her. Her friends and family are trying everything they can to help her out of an impossible situation. She has grown emotionally from book to book, and this book is no different. She excepts her limitations, and uses her energy, time, and skills to help her friends and family.As always, Kaylee’s love life isn’t making things any easier. Kaylee and Nash are trying to get their relationship back after some bumps in the road. They are trying to move on, make new memories, and forgive past indiscretion. Then there is Nash’s mara ex-girlfriend Sabine, who is torn between stealing Nash from her and wanting to be Kaylee’s friend. Kaylee isn’t sure if she can really trust Sabine when the chips are down. Not to mention Nash’s sexy brother Tod, the reaper who is always there to help when Kaylee is in need. He has become her white knight, but instead of wearing shining armor he’s dressed in his pizza delivery uniform.Rachel Vincent has a knack of turning her fictional worlds up-side-down, and making them all the better for it. Things happen that I never see coming. She has a way of finding unique and ingenious solutions to problems. This always keeps me guessing. The last few chapter of this book shattered my heart, but gave me hope for Kaylee’s future.IF I DIE is heart-wrenching, shocking, and whispers of new beginnings to come! This book is a real game changer for this series. Bravo Rachel Vincent, you have skillfully develop characters that the readers can‘t help but be emotionally attached to! This book has cemented the Soul Screamers series on my must read list. If you enjoy reading unique and thought provoking Paranormal YA, you should picked up Rachel Vincent’s Soul Screamer’s series!

[supagurlbooks · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

5x5 *with loads of confetti and glitter*I'm not sure if you can tell by that if I really liked this or not... no wait I LOVED this book! Really this whole series started off with a great book then each one just keeps getting BETTER! I'm not sure how Rachel keeps doing it, but well she has it locked down *high fives*Let me just say that Kaylee and Sabine ... totally heart them I about died laughing over their convo's best like/tolerate/hate friendship ever! Kaylee is an amazing character and just keeps true to what she has always been. There are some tough decisions and choices to be made for her this time. Let me just also say at one point *no really two* I thew my book down! One in sheer joy and the other in heartache....GET THIS NOW and thank me later :)

[bookswithbite · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Will the real author please stand up? I mean really. If I could give an award for Best Author of the Year, I give to Ms. Rachel Vincent. Not because I am sucking up to her, but for real, her writing is amazing. So amazing that it will burn you with pure awesomeness! I admit that it took me so time to gather up the guts to read this book. Why? I was scared. Why? Let's just say that Ms. Vincent writing is so good, I was scared to read it. I had know idea where she take me next in her writing world, but I knew it would be one hell of a ride. And of course, like always, Ms. Vincent presented a ride I would never forget.As I began this book, my heart raced. I was excited to see what would happen to my favorite characters and where they be going next. I don't want to spoil everything so I am going to keep this review short. Should you read it. Hell-to-the-YES! Read it now! I can say that this book has many changes it. Some good and some bad. All the characters come to a point of enlightenment and change within themselves. I never thought I would feel sorry for some characters. Ms. Vincent writing gives the reader a whole new insight on certain aspects to the characters. Ms. Vincent pulls the reader immediately within her world drowning them. Could I breathe? No. My breathe was short and fast. Somehow, I managed to make it out alive after this book. LOL!As always, Ms. Vincent creates a great plot line. The plot pacing is right on target as well as the characters. My emotions swirled within this book and I may have shed a few tears.If I Die is a book that no reader can put down. Ms. Vincent writing is so smooth you won't realize that you are at the end of the book till its over. The plot, the characters, the emotions, are written beautifully. Carefully chosen exquisite words, brings the reader to a place they never thought they be.

[yabotd · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Oh. My. Tod. This book was amazing! Killer plot, new evil beings, complex relationships, and a literal life-or-death situation. I absolutely devoured it. And the ending....holy Tod, the ending. I did not expect what happened, yet it was completely fitting. I am so excited for the next installment of this series. One of the strengths of the Soul Screamers series is the cast of characters. There are a lot of them, and Rachel Vincent doesn't forget about them or make them disappear. She weaves them through each story, while also adding new ones for us to learn about. The complexity of several of these relationships was highlighted throughout If I Die. The challenges in each relationship made all the other events of the book more interesting.I really appreciated that Avari wasn't the main bad guy in this book. Don't get me wrong, the hellion is a crazy good villain, but he's been the main one in the last few books and I was eager for a change or a new angle. While not out of the picture, If I Die wasn't focused on him. And Tod. *swoons* It's no secret that I'm in love with Tod, but man, I didn't think it was possible to love him even more. If I Die totally does that. As with the previous books, his presence and page time has grown and I liked what I saw (read?). I won't give anything away, but let's just say Tod delivers all the snarky, quick-witted humor I needed, while still being the loyal, caring friend.Overall rating: Buy the whole series.

[pollywannabook · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Review courtesy of All Things Urban FantasyThere is a reason that IF I DIE is the first book in the Soul Screamers series to break from the “My Soul to…” formula. Everything we thought we knew, everything we’d been hoping for, planning for, and partially dreading, changes. This is a series that has been building momentum with each book, breaking rules, breaking hearts (both the readers and the characters), and IF I DIE breaks more than all the previous books combined.I’ve learned from the previous books in this series that the best way to start reading this book was to take all my expectations and chuck them out. The first chapter in IF I DIE is amazing and shocking. There isn’t a single thing I didn’t love about it from Vincent’s delicate but strong handling of a very sensitive issue to dropping the biggest bomb of the series only twenty pages in. I can never predict what Rachel Vincent will do to her characters except that regardless of how unbelievable or even cruel it may seem on the outset, she’ll write it in such a way that it feels inevitable by books end. IF I DIE is the best example of that to date. Rachel Vincent writes incredibly strong and fully fleshed out characters. I never feel neutral about them. I either love them with a blazing passion, or despise them with a white hot anger. Better still are the characters who trick me into liking them before I can think to defend myself (no, not Sabine. I don’t think I’ll even warm up to her). In IF I DIE, the opposite happens. One of the characters I loved from book one slips into the despise camp so slowly that I still can’t believe it happened. Overall, take my advice and ditch your expectations. IF I DIE is nothing like what you think. Some characters shift into darkness and others emerge in delightful new ways. Pain, anguish, danger, desire, and selflessness are all par for the course in the Soul Screamers series, but never in ways I can predict and that’s why I’m so addicted to these books. If I die before BEFORE I WAKE is published in 2012, Kaylee and I will both be screaming.Sexual Content:Kissing. Scenes of sensuality. References to sex.

[maryinhb · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

***spoilers might be present ***So, Kaylee is trying to fix another supernatural entity from invading her world and this one attacks right at school. Mr Beck is the math teacher and is also an incubus. He doesn't outright kills people, but some of his actions are starting to have that effect. Kaylee enlists Sabine to help her get to the bottom of this evil, like being a math teacher isn't evil enough. Tod gets some information on Kaylee that will have you spinning and well, Nash, isn't quite himself again. This one is my absolute favorite of the series. All of the snarky sarcasm, plot twists and turns and wonderful characters are here and so believable that I can die happy now. Everything happened just as I wanted it too, well, almost.Kaylee further develops the back bone that started to grow in My Soul to Steal. It is nice to see her take charge and grow. There is a bit more to Tod than meets the eye and more of his back story starts to come out including one revelation that really explains a lot about Nash and their relationship. I had always thought Nash was not quite right for Kaylee and there was something about him that really bugged me, now I know why. I really hope that the story continues since I can see a whole new direction for Kaylee. When I first heard the rumors about Kaylee and the way this one ended, I though, well, that's the end of the series, but now I think it is just the start.

[averysbooknook · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

***May contain spoilers***It is inevitable people are going to be heartbroken by this book because Kaylee has to make some really serious and life-changing decisions to make. That being said, the heartbreak that you are bound to experience while reading this book doesn't make you dislike the book one bit, if anything, it makes you love the world that Rachel has created even more than you thought possible. It becomes evident that Rachel has grown as an author tremendously as an author while writing this series- while I only felt "meh" about the first two books in the series, "My Soul to Take" and "My Soul to Save", I found "My Soul to Keep" and "My Soul to Steal" to be exceptionally better than the first two and "If I Die"? Well, all I can say is that Rachel really outdid herself and I am truly left speechless. I found that Kaylee really started to come into herself in "My Soul to Steal" (becoming a strong, independent female who wasn't afraid to stick to her guns) and she became even more so in this book, which made me like her all the more. Furthermore, while I really liked Tod in the earlier books I found myself falling even harder for him in this book. Where he was geeky and cute in the earlier books he was totally hot and swoon-worthy in this book (seriously, the whole random swirly eye thing, the over-protectiveness, and the rumbly/ lower octave voice thing going on, I don't know how a girl couldn't fall for him)! Also, I found myself really liking Sabine in this book (well, the first half more so than the second half), her life situation is pretty cruddy (being born a mara- aka a living nightmare) and therefore you cannot help but feel for her and overlook the fact that she is a conniving booger. As for Nash? Well, it should come as no surprise (based upon my reviews of the earlier books), but I have never been a fan of him and therefore (as horrible as this may sound) I wasn't at all saddened by his outcome in this book- dare I say it? I was quite happy with his outcome...