Discover millions of ebooks, audiobooks, and so much more with a free trial

Only $11.99/month after trial. Cancel anytime.

The Good Father: On Men, Masculinity, and Life in the Family
The Good Father: On Men, Masculinity, and Life in the Family
The Good Father: On Men, Masculinity, and Life in the Family
Ebook360 pages6 hours

The Good Father: On Men, Masculinity, and Life in the Family

Rating: 0 out of 5 stars

()

Read preview

About this ebook

Fathering is one of the most basic and profound human activities. Yet in addition to its many joys, fatherhood is often freighted with longing, sadness, anger, and misunderstanding. Most of us, men and women alike, are acutely aware of how difficult it is to father well, year after year, until, and even after, children are grown.

At the same time, the essential relationships between men and women and their children are under stress these days as never before, subject to the pressures of work, money, divorce, remarriage, and adoption. As a result, many fathers struggle with deep uncertainties about their parenting abilities. Meanwhile, society's definitions of masculinity appear ever more fluid, negotiable, and unreachable in today's media-saturated culture, which endlessly exposes men (and women) to a stream of images celebrating violence, war, hypermasculinity, athletic ability, corporate competition, alternative life-styles, "metrosexuality," and triumphant materialism.

Who, men might rightfully ask, are we expected to be? Do various pop-cultural definitions of masculinity really reflect what it is to be a man? What in men's true natures helps them be good fathers? Can aggression be useful? What masculine traits do fathers need to guard -- and guard against? How do men love their children, and how is being a father very different from and no less essential than being a mother? And how can women understand how men experience fatherhood?

This is the rich social reality that Dr. Mark O'Connell, a psychotherapist and father of three, addresses in his provocative, brilliant, and wise book. Drawing on both his professional case histories and personal experience, O'Connell describes the internal conflicts that many men feel about the difficulties of being a father but which they are often unable to discuss easily. Such issues include questions about authority, discipline, intimacy, physical contact, and sexuality.

In ways that are distinctly masculine, O'Connell says, fathers communicate standards, insist on respect for others, instigate necessary confrontations, and even engage in the kind of rough-and-tumble play that enlivens the developing neural structures in a child's brain. O'Connell contends that fathers play a crucial role in conveying the rules, expectations, and inevitabilities of life, and he describes how men can help their families by understanding and embracing their own masculinity. Men are different from women and must be allowed to parent differently as well.

The Good Father, however, is not just a very readable book for fathers struggling to find their best selves in relation to their spouses and children. Women will want to read The Good Father as well. All men and women have complex and important relationships with their fathers, whether or not those men were good fathers. Dr. O'Connell reveals how men and women alike bring these relationships to their parenting, and how we so often need to untangle these generational knots.

Filled with reassuring common sense, The Good Father opens a path toward happier, more satisfying relationships for the entire family while helping men become the good fathers they deeply want to be.
LanguageEnglish
PublisherScribner
Release dateMar 31, 2015
ISBN9781439104187
The Good Father: On Men, Masculinity, and Life in the Family
Author

Mark O'Connell

Dr. Mark O'Connell received his doctorate in psychology from Boston University and his post-doctoral training in psychoanalysis from the Boston Psychoanalytic Institute. He lives in Newton, Massachusetts, with his wife, Alison, and their three children: Miles, Chloe, and Dylan. He has a psychotherapy practice of adults, adolescents, and couples, and serves on the faculty of the Boston Psychoanalytic Institute and the Harvard Medical School. He writes and speaks about fatherhood, family life, and masculinity.

Read more from Mark O'connell

Related to The Good Father

Related ebooks

Self-Improvement For You

View More

Related articles

Reviews for The Good Father

Rating: 0 out of 5 stars
0 ratings

0 ratings0 reviews

What did you think?

Tap to rate

Review must be at least 10 words

    Book preview

    The Good Father - Mark O'Connell

    k/abook_preview_excerpt.html}ےƑ$J6o$m-i$Ld"gdc"3 TvIӗs<Ȫn;] Q_eJ雯ͿU_~ՇOn _o|}ӟ߾/ 7c] =B3=d~C*jC,}8`.≹9ь]ulƥV`=Wq8q9W%KisTP mf?̋=VOm/jg#߇~w81q/sZOq^49E6؜iJ9@>vIUW4kofz[0_T]56JmN=i1/o՘ζ]Oaj۫W?}SӴ_) o s!L۶9y o .6f'0%TW1|*\S[3iZdإfiaumQߪ.a]Ek86/fL zNmw.i emwc~/ qA!|5=O: خp8~}ܵ؏XLVu\Lpq Wɗm<ܩǨi<۴$Ս]eCNxc v!cLUo* `[8J6h6}sL#zNxo+\Df\0C0v79΄j`5u\8\5i]_V?6aҗfm{oLgn.Ogv}ay8[u寷6bby m1i)3%اd3b{b"kTs+éPDt-LEK۸0>iLIx?&K2T5=@;AwQCglIv1[Wn14~>n/sM!7 i]6Ѷ$-y.})tJ V\3dXGxCϡ1!>nў.\n|JĶ@L&G81mm.fM帚33mUjd$ټ>ӧ$aPJ,TD؊{o̊Mc2؄'kBǫz!q0+ ffek &m:k+C9UPǮ3)4# I+\._|5TYKt=OQ~1!eBAꦙ­dg1u4nSBą^g4YM\336yM1I>@ ] W̊ϛ=5ftFxysT]i`" x 9L%͆aq,Dc~1 L;_ kZl-b߀0c`@Ú6Զg]+(D*漁ծxDh6qYF++x,bk]=M G;iRϐ6S[Uf*>u3f}|X lVc [*eD/IC0Ex#VzZ[j !4aӍ!@6!Ы _r==3,"`(POoٵO;a'> dw R)Zl3;ρn| tIcgL*8װo̟.Zi$6nRzsT/f_J27`D9]zmҵ%`Ʈpv)qA} o{,t4ho9,{zLs,Yasޤ2N3_a F(S 1نLE_Gp3o;ܲCš|Qzx1=Ǿ}wESx\\U IW1}m7%yp5,` q7{mkjN\B^ -]w?ofA| >#' }kM}靏[`dLD]wAd3fy +/M64-1^ple 7Wi١mj]IֆS),-1(@CRpyvP9ڣ3e:,;!(DXuw S` N0J\)0P4sж@*vp{dQv͑LiнElIl &ǐQS4 gsRpe6IqQ^wތihqWBM`Ȅ_wʴq7DCP > L[=$1 \'*ʧ0(-; <λQlTjW)rV)A`hA wѐ,n40Gj"N63S?[ sU)PI\b4?#pD 꽽"uW) f~z\Hx\ᐸh8*vxsAұ]Q" ,n]nF$Fkk;E_7"`z<)=}##7$#RO34xx5iYqg&2C3ki33a[K؂w}s9)Co`| 7p䷇}gê\ /fc1]C.Ekf1ɂSЈ^aK&-I_W,ŒX[x}fӷq/+@bhdjQ/q͎o'%1"pt]j¾P~XuT iUxgO025 Qbh%H&v>ΉQ{LH]dahVmH9r ϱ<Ӳc17)9_6|/BҼi36> ?z󬡓Rt&#aƋ``lAyLmfвH :~_<:`vf}bnFԅ;qa/f45ɜ1*$9[Xc$ǿkeC]!9 аgj-{3=э|gfKGz1@~b:L|1ϟdž:n;idB7%eGyudP!n1r_ k=&hnbie߭Y]3= kwΊ# /& 6S~X&ӶϡS ``nB9;z=j98m|1SmBDҠ|& }P$zNz2]_=Uڊ"bQ7&:`V촽#ΆŎ( 9QӘ8(f oǴ]hLߚnRC)ep aH߻<R,'ǥw6|Qe$y}2YX%/ P{lqO,{CCxĽwљ 16\L~S6^`6* &a<-qۨs3glc5jc-NsPҜv0s}Wb&6&&QK1iSฆdN~'vۮڴTNñg-nC8Je@ TtxWLfQ%ǵKS21[i+! e` Y6W,x1ERAQYb (цz0 a]!%"Iܸe^0 rA0t"Ɲ`aIi=Hw'&Ff#3oVbaẉicGn#Pfx3!MK2t $< }vn=s)Skof@ƔfuBJ$]BxI*1ǁp%g^EnCh] {B޽K&`D6%qLBv?Qڜ$o{rJ\x)dD'@S+ feB2R-* y#Cõ}E%wn&lk7V;hZ2%E5޾ʩ.~,jm_S63_[߁nbuV[f<}gb9UAp2пHGh$\X&b8d.p C4[5k(1ݍ *u~unx mv)' ܣ %U"1]+{@\Hޛ\԰*a^|ȉR؊_:ٖ3UTZtmY]!w{aL#1h3+Dv͉LeqP ^;p~-t{M53x[Gî܏[DFKBN;&ܬr:ecwԘz0 ҀYxsztZ5.dY2^w-ۄGO pLK̏F,~*ah:,h˜ER'S@Ϩ,2&oal4v1G4[v6$ߵO9|Rs1o ^wRƉ/&QGz{D:'AF8X^ ^'QHc.|y,U.ƟU'Uuf+L4hK6ZY~Z9AC+^yĦ-fFat_ŤOD=ǐ]PHͬ4{(g Czm^:r)UuR յc&zyOjއNM'/XZ@E*ۙׯˢRU=T7::,e1GK,U^% .td1T<+ d=Bt j[%y=ZVvIݨRtg|Ux2að>"뮺r?CM:],bvt$!ӑ0Q ~Sx7;3ۄ^VtJLWjb[L~p{=ebyfUGtsnC[ϠE-j)m̩:]h+C;rK/wBF5RnQ#Q^RK8U"ŏ #um7lŨwIu&0{i: ŕ_P m!юdKLsĢ l aTsPvm->ެ@oCx"@xTVZED n05C&8JVxP` <8z kƛi)zEJ^xɆJgx3Ec)V+˿/@MD ƘDͮ"VeL~`cOO@]%^X,3s~Au7EF\UHz. ItصNW@*TZ[ګbjQuA%M#)2NuPdw;nw .m82pnW/(R9)'+D䬊p[malF3,Vps5NPs *0!QyDUCD2i8/4ϱ;쩢ϭo*薵Ve5X!)">ף -$TL DVM[FEON9g[yMpo$TK]:{^m̀ӻ*}"(]sT,x爩|0)Tgƾ8'fjiqp*)K_># $ڈʮ54j%uZ}tsHpz Q˧%ֻ E"rޡE)xɝz~;%bID{u$2X53 J}8p [8Lao_9C}k1ynY ]3av3v"uyiZ0Z|ҌPg5[5KDjU^.`2?"S1^oD%*ҫW 4)cKެu+Iwzz5lbp^@#3de3v#BO-#^2As!Ryږp] ukVۏ mnوOֈ $\PKM*ETbDYS6탞}_9Re[U&ŗ}kݪŭK\jFEZ_2~\\1RPtԌleQFT?uKw)JGRE  b -g"{hl,j੐涼aFnճu+x\5" 2cܖ]˼m +qd"d>\?@>x71{/w(]@bf)w5wiYk%JC"W[3<ư5vxcK+ PW }[bL ]\xՑG,qRlŒ^I1z| 9$߳qg ZsfzC-T ^]8s ,9[IcoX>b-@}<nC8k,ɝA!إ񯃃y7OȄCm uQRn)Q*aa9\X|1Xf[j92[mk^mVmZtJ&cj8q5 ry5rY[5_zo!mvi*j`K&\&2(BuyT .|ԪuϬ Ҩ=k%ȏ'Ljʰ&sw3qj"Q 9^y;C#g:km JVXr G#fKo)~gVHؠCzSnQԺs?`_-. JCpudtwQ˖*Bّ- s'@¨)U L1}Nyq'!d=P~.Gm4z06.wac݃H63⠱qO%+gp1MuWNB$dJ|K[N$Ux"jjjd Gx]22r*5?V˚]޼ )e ~I6gc܄B ͺ[x72g?V *seGfHuAWB@Ƀ 12 laǖȓę%`f5u 8~D+SR*|:훭M>^^ ~v"y5Ua Yw\ YwdY|A[C,KA:~r?"ӏ\я0~N)_mnO V(ldWC] Q(#*]ܝTExQcm134Ws3g6AWfYNexU,m':H >QP?>{Ŧ|fZ#m`w#7t =s~ªLӅ Y.~`8|ޓq7Ix*|%;BCF|=1uf r0Uۘ8_ `0yy5LnWч;[{|T;$Fٚu|0&FSMq~ M.4!I`\cgeA3:BԜ{7f? ]:uW$hN8%tA ,Mh(-'(<0(x I~<7ě¥&ur?镔onX.>.{3M4 5=6lC ι&K٫,(5ZmzOC0> u'ℝT&}}4mx[K!-yFidکI|>mG~y[70krQᑥq'(*XaEH?z_8z"sNmnG)%p^r6,w[JIs]FG>qhʮ,4ZКg,DζkǴ &Lȧ+˸9[!xHu.^',цCulݏ\XyFcFZN0)W-#GCڒ֑UdCqugU eWޕG3 p|[sxIEAQ~Th`1 vo5tyKɇ$ТKQP)+2h@#diIS\,1yA2DŽ-'{EDzL)I̊sF4Ͻ:~Ao2@(Qk;JTQ~֊qqE7uη|2je[uJ̇)? {.~ 5tnQ ~5j}ձ~-8f0cew1mRUq3\R螆1^ˡO?G 9/{|.yn׶?~k'cqL-'=^syE%Eh6ĆQ}juit^#{P s'&x[(@4'U3+/'B#c֋':c>yuO[uF|s{#z߻ųnYDVWˏ [98~g=8{u)DLWMn޺)50^=`zu0kXWNR۫rK?9zyB #$: i fm4q3M /*:ZĪ\ZNo84TmDU]&)1ǼU>o6R[q_uL{gbQfKXEGGυ?o %&̦S˙?6hi Ŷ O`肻j5ʼd/G50.k .(%Q<_9 [q>o[#s{HM^?UG]"\uxMt[ od0Bm9$=P읓,z^q
    Enjoying the preview?
    Page 1 of 1